Chained To You
by UndergroundValentine
Summary: Collab: Adam and Tommy hate each other. They can't be cooperative with one another for more than five minutes before something goes wrong. So why is it everyone else seems to believe they're perfect for each other? "M" for adult content and crude humor
1. Chemistry Or Lack Thereof

Hey y'all. So this is a collaboration fiction I'm doing with HieitheFallen of DeviantArt. If she has a fanfiction account I'll let you know. But we decided to write this together because we had been talking one day and we wondered, "what if Tommy and Adam hated each other?" Thus, this was born. I wrote all of the chapters in Tommy's perspective, and she wrote all the chapters in Adam's perspective. We hope you enjoy it~

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Chapter One: Chemistry (or lack thereof)**

**Tommy's POV**

I hated him.

Okay. Allow me to back-track. I didn't _hate_ him. He irritated me. Badly. He irritated me beyond the point of near insanity. Hair ripping, teeth grinding, blood boiling insanity! And it was usually over the _littlest_ things too; his arrogant smirk, the mischievous glint in his eyes, the suggestive quirks of his eyebrows, everything about him just made me edgy and annoyed! I couldn't understand why so many people adored him. I mean, yeah, okay, I give him props for having a talent and amazing voice, for being friendly and charming, and even _kind of _good looking, but… argh, I didn't know.

Though I don't really have a whole lot of ground to be complaining, though I see that changing for the very near future. For the first couple of weeks hadn't been too bad. He kept giving me those suggestive eye brow wiggles, and I'd smile or laugh, just to be friendly. C'mon, I was playing for Adam-fucking-Lambert, I wasn't about to blow that opportunity by reacting cold outwardly, though his actions left me strangely uncomfortable. I couldn't really explain it; it was just one of those discomforts that give you chills or feelings of just utter awkwardness. I guess it was because my straightness was battling his gayness. Whatever.

Rehearsals went by in breezes I hadn't even begun to imagine. Instead of playing the normal bass or guitar that I was used to, I had to tap into an instrument I hadn't played in years; a fucking keyboard. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick up on something you haven't touched in over five years? For those of you smart asses who said, "how hard?" with that stupid little smirk (and goddamnit, I hate you all), it's really fucking hard. The first few days were of me studying Lisa as she played keys, then I got the opportunity to plunk away and sound horrible while doing it. My only solace was that Adam was saying I'd be good at it in no time for the AMA's. Which was true— but I didn't realize that I would hit stardom by something other than my fucking keyboard playing.

My biggest problem with Mr. Lambert lied in the event of the AMA's. You probably know about this, don't you? No? Well, fuck, you're sheltered, aren't you? Alright, fine, I'll be nice. The AMA's— or if you wanna sound professional or be technical, the American Music Awards— were something that I wasn't really expecting and I was far from prepared for. It was meant to be a night of awards for those with ultimate musical talent and fame. And it had been so. We weren't able to really watch the performances (not that I really cared, I wasn't much of a fan of anyone who performed), for we had to stay back stage waiting most of the night, talking (well, Adam was talking) to interviewers and fans who had VIP passes. I was primarily left alone that night. Which wasn't a problem really— I wasn't up for talking with anyone.

That's not to say I'm an antisocial person, because I'm totally not. It's just, before I was with a heavy metal sort of band, playing guitar and bass. My hair was a lot fucking crazier and I was a lot tanner before. Now with Adam, I had two-toned hair, pale skin, and I was thinner. I was in a new crowd and didn't really know how to mingle. People were too… glittery and makeup obsessed and… _gay_. God, I'm normally not one to write out stereotypes, but _fucking hell_ these people were so gay at the AMA's! Men were more splarkly and flaming than Edward Cullen!

But… shit, the AMA's put Adam in a different light for me. I thought he was a pretty cool, though strange and annoying at times, guy and I figured over time I would get used to him. And then he pulls the stunt he pulled on stage. The face-to-crotch grinding, the inappropriate moves and gestures and faces and all kinds of stuff! I kept my head down for most of that night, but I still looked up and watched, at a cross between intrigued and appalled at his performance. I remember my face had gone scarlet on several occasions, but no one was paying attention to me— the little two-toned keyboardist at the top of the stage.

At least, they weren't for a while. And I wish it would have been kept that way.

I managed well enough on my own, despite nearly slipping and fucking up on many occasions, but with an occasional smile from Lisa, I managed. For the most part. Adam had screamed intense before hitting on into the chorus for the second to last time. There was a shift in the atmosphere, and I could almost feel the pulse of sex radiating off of Adam. I think I would have vomited if I hadn't been preoccupied with making sure that I was still moving and not looking like I was concentrating too hard on the music. But that lyric— that one fucking lyric— still haunts me to this day…

_Can you handle what I'm bout to do?_

Nope.

He had walked over and grabbed the back of my neck. I tensed, but I turned automatically. I think now and I ask myself '_WHY THE FUCK DID I TURN?_', but I can't explain it. My body just moved without my saying anything. Before I could even register it, Adam slammed his mouth over mine, his tongue (strangely cool and slick) pushing between my teeth and down my throat. How I managed not to _gag_ I don't know, but it was a moment of three seconds and then he moved on with the song. My head was spinning and going crazy (my heart not doing any better), but I played. I played and I sang the fucking chorus like nothing had happened. And Adam performed like he hadn't just shoved his tongue down my throat.

The song ended in a frenzy and Lisa coaxed me off the stage without looking at me. I felt ashamed, but to why I didn't know. What did I have to be ashamed for? I wasn't the one who mouth raped another man! Look to Adam-fucking-Lambert for that answer! I'd followed Lisa off stage in the dark, keeping my head down as we walked. Because I wasn't paying any attention, I ran into Adam (and I knew it was him because my face slammed into the glittery fabric of his left shoulder). He turned to me, and smiled. Still wanting to be nice, I began to laugh. Yeah— I know… I laughed. Why the FUCK did I laugh?

"You cool with that?" He'd asked. I shrugged.

"Yeah. You can like, grab me and stuff, I don't care." I'd said without thinking. I paused mentally, before kicking myself in the ass. Great.

Adam grinned, a mischievous glint in his eye—

"TOMMY!"

The memory faded from my mind as my head snapped up and I stared at Monte for a brief moment, before blinking once. I'd spaced out again while listening to music, and I couldn't be sure for how long. But based upon the look on Monte's face, I had to assume safely that I'd been spacing out for a while. I pulled my headphones from my ears, unplugging myself from the comfort of Manson, and I (though grudgingly) gave my _utmost_ full attention to the guitarist in front of me.

"Yeah?"

"Finally— Adam needs your help with something." I rolled my eyes, turning off my iPod.

"Can't you help him?" I asked, setting the piece of technology aside and stretching my arms above my head. My shoulders popped gently, and I brushed my hair out of my face. I was still trying to get used to having my bangs longer and hanging over half of my face, whereas before I'd joined Adam's band my hair was short and constantly spiked up. For the group I'd been with before, it was pretty fucking chill and totally epic. But Monte had been gracious to inform me that I was getting a new makeover and it would start with my hair.

I guess it was at that point that my distaste for Adam began to grow.

"No, Tommy. Adam specifically called me to get you. Now get your ass off this couch and go help him." I dropped my arms, shoving the sleeves of my sweatshirt up to my elbows. Great, I had to go help the fucking sparkle fairy. And it was probably something ridiculous too, like helping him decide which fucking shade of nail polish to wear this time.

"Alright, fine, whatever." I said angrily, standing from the couch and brushing passed the guitarist. I shuffled down the small, narrow walk way of the tour bus. It had been all of three days since the AMA's, and ABC had canceled Adam's interview on Good Morning America. We were on our way to some other shenanigans bit where Adam would talk and we would play. And I prayed to God that some sense had gotten knocked into him and that he wouldn't try to grab my dick or anything on stage. I shivered involuntarily at the thought. '_Calm yourself, Tommy Joe. He may be gay, but he's not that forceful… right?_'

I knocked on one of the bedroom doors (there were three total; Monte and Longineu shared on, Lisa had one to herself, and Adam had one. I slept on the couch, of which I had no problem doing), waiting for Adam to either open the door or ask me to come in. I waited, and waited, and waited, before I knocked again. I heard Adam curse on the other side of the door, and I took that as a notion to go inside. Sighing, I turned the knob of the door, and pushed it open slowly. Adam was on his hands and knees, his head buried under his bed. I frowned, my left eyebrow raising slowly as he shifted, his hands reaching under the bed.

If I were anyone else and not myself, I would have found this scene to be highly entertaining, and I would probably have pulled out a camera to tape it and put it on YouTube. But I wasn't anyone else. I was me, and since I didn't have much of a fondness for the gay, glam rock star, I was highly annoyed with the fact that he needed my help to, most likely, find his missing left boot. Again.

I crossed my arms and leaned against the door, silent as Adam tried pulling his head from under the bed, hitting it against the bottom of the frame (I couldn't suppress a smirk). He cursed again, ducking his head lower and pressing his palm to the back of his head, before rocking back to he was kneeling, his calves and his ass squished together. He glanced to his left, seeing me out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head, his hair a messy, glittery array around his face, his makeup barely done. My eyebrow, still raised as it was, rose higher, and I tapped my foot against the carpeted floor of his room. His nostrils flared slightly as he exhaled heavily, taking an equally full breath inward.

"Monte said you needed me." I said, my tone depicting that I was rather bored and irritated as I dropped my gaze to my shoes, rubbing the toe of my right foot against the carpet. Adam let out an exhausted sigh, clearly regretting his decision to ask me. He wasn't too fond of me either, that I knew well enough.

"Yeah— I do. I need your help finding my—"

"Left shoe?" I asked, raising my eyes to him. His eyes narrowed in irritation. He hated it when people finished his sentences for him. But he hated it even more when _I_ was the one finishing them.

"Yeah." He said flatly.

"It's under the couch in the living room, remember?" I replied coldly, starting to turn away so I could leave the room.

"You couldn't have told me that _before_ I tore my room apart and hit my head on the underside of the bed?" He growled. I paused, glancing over my shoulder to give him an annoyed look. I hated it when he tried to guilt trip me, because it was a waste of time for me to listen to him.

"Nope. Besides, I figured that by hitting your head, you would have remembered. But I guess not." I turned away and curled around the corner before he could say another word to make me stay. I walked down the small walk way, plopping down on the couch, across the bus from Monte. He gave me a quizzical look, and I reached down, pulling Adam's left boot out from where I had said I was. I inhaled slowly, counting mentally. _One, two, three…_ Adam emerged from his room and was walking towards me, though he was looking over more at Monte. I tossed the boot in his direction, the small heel smacking into his gut.

"Oof— fucking hell, Tommy!" He hissed, picking up the boot from the floor. I shrugged, reclining back and placing my hands behind my head.

"You're the one who left it under the couch, I was merely returning it to you."

"You couldn't have just _handed_ it to me?" I paused.

"Mm, nope." I said, closing my eyes. Adam scoffed and shuffled down the hall, slamming his door shut. Monte sighed heavily, and I could almost picture him rubbing the back of his head in annoyance. He didn't appreciate the fact that Adam and I bickered on a daily basis. We'd done it before the AMA's, and since then it just escalated. Before, our arguments would last for all of two or three minutes and were usually on the topic of what the band should eat for dinner. Now it would last all day and be about what he should wear and how I was such a slob. What-the-fuck-ever.

"Can't you two get along?" Monte asked. I opened my eyes again, glancing at him.

"I'm not the one who shoved my tongue down his throat." Monte rolled his eyes.

"You're _still_ griping about that? Fuck, Tommy, that was three days ago. Get over it. Adam's just being friendly." I snorted. Yeah, maybe Adam was friendly to the rest of the band, but he sure as hell wasn't friendly to me.

"Whatever. I'll start getting along with Adam when Hell freezes over." I said blankly.

"Keep up that attitude of yours, and Adam will kick you out. It won't be hard to replace you Tommy, and I know how much you need the money right now." I stiffened, my jaw clenching. That was true, I was hurting back for money, and working with Adam was a great source of income, but fuck it was a hard job. I sighed.

"Alright, fine, whatever. I'll be nicer." I said.

"All the time?" Monte asked.

"We'll see."


	2. Poison Rationality

**Chapter Two: Poison Rationality**

******(Adam's POV)**

I don't understand. I truly do not understand this man at all. Shouldn't he be _happy_ to be playing in my band? To be working for me? Honestly, how many people who play fucking bass get this kind of opportunity? For God's sake, a lot of people would say that bass players don't matter! Well, Tommy's position is important but why does his attitude have to suck round the clock? Why the fuck did he have to throw my fucking boot at my gut? He knew I would miss it! I bet he did it on purpose… Just one of the many things I cannot stand about the short, two-tone haired bassist.

I absolutely cannot stand how he glares at me, how he throws me that disgusted look all of the time. When I hired him as my bassist I told him I was gay, so why is that such a big problem now? I thought he was fine with it! It's not like I raped him or anything. Well… I tongue-raped him… But that really was just me caught up in my performance…

I suppose I should explain. Three days ago, I performed at the American Music Awards. I was showered with praise from all of my fans, men women, children, and even older people. It was quite shocking how many people had come to see me after just a few short weeks of being a "big shot". I was nervous, overwhelmed by how many people were sitting out in the live audience, and even more overwhelmed at the thought of how many people were tuning in at home to watch me… That is too much to handle for anyone, even for someone as open and spontaneous as me!

Anyway, I'm a little off topic. I want to explain why I kissed Tommy during the AMAs. I will not doubt that he is beautiful, although on the scrawny side, but I'm not in love with him. In fact, we hardly get along for five minutes. There would be absolutely no way we could last long enough to actually enjoy a date. On top of all that, I know Tommy's straight… So why on Earth did I kiss him? Well, the answer is really quite simple. It's because I wanted a big finale. The kiss wasn't planned- in fact, I never even though about doing it until the phrase slipped out of my mouth.

_"Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?"_

Tommy certainly couldn't handle it, and I'm starting to wish the kiss never happened because I couldn't handle it either… I couldn't handle it the minute my tongue slid between his teeth and I can't handle the consequences it brought after wards. I'm trying to make it seem like no big deal. I don't want my fans to be disappointed in me. I don't want my band to be disappointed in me. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I would feel terrible if I made the situation any worse for Tommy by making a big deal about my mistake. We may not get along but I wouldn't want to just hurt him for no reason. I never _meant_ to hurt him in the first place!

Although… I do wish he would just let it go. The kiss wasn't really that big of a deal! People did that sort of shit all the time on TV! It's times like this that make me yearn for a journal to write in, like I use to do when I was younger, but if any one of my band mates were to find it, aside from Lisa, I'd be a laughing stock…

A sigh escapes my lips as I pull the boot Tommy and chucked at me on. The band was starting to get cranky, and I knew it was because they were hungry. We needed to get some nourishment, although I didn't feel like eating much. I've sort of been depressed since the AMAs, especially since my interview was cancelled. If it had been two women making out on stage nobody would have said boo about it, and that upsets me deeply. Why am I different from anyone else just because I'm gay and like glitter?

"Damn it Adam, shut up!" I scold myself, looking in the mirror of my bedroom. "You've got to stop getting so side tracked about shit like that." I brush my hair quickly, add a touch of hairspray to keep it from falling flat (I absolutely hate that), and a quick line of black liner under the eyes. Smudge here or there and then I was ready to go out. Well, I was decent enough. At least I didn't look like Tommy when he was in that hideous metal band. Ha ha- that one picture… I gagged when I saw it. Good thing Tommy wasn't around when I found it on Twitter, because if he was, he probably would have broken my nose or kicked me in the glambuldge (as the girls and gays who love me call it).

"Guys? Are you ready to go to dinner?" I asked, mostly to Monte when I came out of my room. I was tempted to leave Tommy there to eat a microwave burrito. God those things were so fucking nasty. I once watched Tommy eat one in two or three bits. Nastiest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life…

I didn't look at Tommy. Monte nodded, clearly starving. When wasn't Monte starving? "Yeah dude, I feel like I'ma pass out from lack of food," he complained and I could only roll my eyes.

"Monte, it's only been five hours since you last ate, I'm sure you'll be fine," I said and glanced over at Tommy, who seemed to be ignoring me. He was rather good at ignoring people… He's just antisocial I suppose. I dunno why but he definitely is. I don't care what he, or anyone else for that matter, has to say about.

Lisa came out of her room, all set to go and she exited the bus with Monte. I glanced back at Tommy, seriously ready to leave his scrawny ass there, but of course I'm too nice for that. "Are you ganna come eat with us, Tommy?" I asked him, not unkindly but he came me that glare that I hated so much!

"Sure… I guess dinner could be… nice," he said quietly and stood up, messing with the bangs I knew he hated. But he looked so much better now than he did when he was in that metal band…

"It's not like I'm asking you out on a date or anything. Relax. It's just food with the band," I said blandly, my voice almost sounding distressed.

"I know… Sorry, I wasn't trying to sound like an ass or anything," Tommy retorted in a much more calm fashion than I have grown use to expecting from the shortie. Was he trying to control his bad temper and be nice? And if so, then why in Hell would he do that? I thought he hated me? What a little freak. I don't understand him and I think if I had the ability to understand him, there would be something extremely fucked up with my brain.

Suddenly I feel tired, and I want some alcohol, although I know better. Alcohol is a depressant, so it will only make depression worse. I can't eat junk or chocolate either because that will send me right back to Capital Obesity… Another sigh leaves my lips before I could stop it and I notice Tommy giving me a wearily look, but I ignore it and exit the bus, joining the rest of the band.

Hopefully there will be no drama tonight… and hopefully it won't be too long because I'm tired…

"Everything cool?" Monte asked Tommy and I, but he kept his eyes on Tommy, as if silently communicating with the blond. Oh joy, they're keeping secrets now? That's just perfect… Being famous is not as easy as people make it look. Band drama, secret keeping, scandals, and paparazzi in every aspect of your life. You can't even blow your nose without the used tissue sold on ebay for one-hundred thousand dollars, then framed for another two-hundred and hung on some desperate chick's bedroom wall… I always question why I wanted this? Because I thought I could make a change for the better.

"Yup, everything's chill," Tommy said without an ounce of anything that resembled emotion… Maybe Tommy was just a robot? That would explain why he could eat like a pig twenty-four/seven and never gain any weight. It probably all sat in his stomach until he could get a minute alone and then he could just open it up and take out the trash bag or whatever the food fell into. Maybe, if he is a robot, that's why he always frowns (unless he's drunk. Alcohol must affect a machine's ability to work properly), and that's why it seems like he is not only no gay, but just doesn't have a sex drive at all… That makes perfect sense!

Not on drugs, not drunk, so that must make sense to someone other than me, right? Of course! There isn't anything abnormal or wrong with me, so that's completely fine. Tommy's a robot, that's all there is to it.

Satisfied with my completely retarded solution to the Tommy-problem, I was in a slightly better mood by the time we got to the restaurant. I hadn't even been paying attention to the conversation the others were having so when Monte asked me "so, Adam… what's the best you've ever had?" my mind when straight to the gutter, of course. People may not guess this, but I am actually very perverted. _Who are you kidding? After the AMAs and the outfits you wear, how could people think you had an innocent mind?_

"Are you asking me about my sex life?" I exclaimed, and the others just burst out laughing. Great, I had just made a complete fool of myself it seems… My face went scarlet and my gaze started digging a hole into the pavement of the parking lot.

"Where the hell have you been, Adam?" Monte asked, trying to politely hide his giggled, unlike Tommy, who was just an asshole and decided to laugh uncontrollably. "No, we were talking about Chinese food! What is the best Chinese food you ever had?"

"Oh well… Sorry I just kind of zoned out…" I muttered, my face still burning a bright red. I was sure I looked like a clown.

Lisa elbowed Tommy in the ribs when his laughing just got out of hand. Thank you Lisa! I love you! "It's cool, Dude. You seem a little out of it. You know all of our minds would have gone to the gutters if we had heard that and nothing else," Monte said and clasped me on the shoulder. I knew he found amusement in my momentary laugh, but at least he was trying to make me comfortable. He was more than a guitarist, more than a band member, he was a great friend, so I gave him a week smile.

"Now boys, let's have a nice dinner and not bicker at each other, alright?" Lisa said, eyeing Tommy and then myself. They all expected the two of use to start fighting over something stupid. We always did… Gawd! I got along with everyone and I WILL get along with Tommy if it kills me! I swear I will, eventually, whether he wants to get along with me or not!

We were seated, and somehow I ended up right next to Tommy on the end of the booth. I would have thought Lisa and Monte would want to keep us apart, but obviously they didn't think too logically… Another sigh leaves my lips. Is it true that when you lie, you lose happiness? Because if that is true then I've lost all my happiness the last three days… I've sighed more times in the last few days than I have in a life time. I never really had a reason to sigh so much, other than the occasional gay-bashings… "Adam, what's up, huh?" Lisa asked, worried. She was the caring one in the group, almost like the mother-figure. I love her but sometimes she is rather annoying…

"I… I'm just a little bummed, since the AMAs, you know," I said quite lamely, but what was the point of trying to hide it anymore? Everyone knew, even if they were trying to pretend like they didn't notice.

"Well… that's kind of what happens when you mouth-rape someone," I heard Tommy muttered under his breath.

That was enough to push me over the edge…

"You know, I apologized for that several times. I told the damn reporters you were straight! It was just a stage stunt, that's IT! So get the hell over it already!" I shouted, not realizing how loud I was being. I stood up from the booth, picked up my glass of ice-water and poured the contents out on the two-toned hair, watching it turn glossy from the cool water trailing through it. I watched with satisfaction as he jumped and stood up. Liquid had dripped down the front of his skinny jean, so it looked like he wet himself, if you don't mind me putting it bluntly. I saw the anger flare in his eyes but surprisingly he didn't lash out, he just gave me that look of disgust. I hate the look even more than I hate that glare he always gives me!

"Adam… Tommy…" We both glared at Monte before he could say anything else. I wasn't hungry to begin with but now I was sure to throw up anything I ate… I spun on my heels and practically ran away. People were starring at us and their eyes followed me leaving, but I didn't care. I was use to the stares and the whispering… I just couldn't be at the table anymore. I had to get away! "ADAM! Adam! Come back!" Monte was shouting after me, but I turned out of the restaurant before he could get up to follow me, to my relief.

The cool night air felt so soothing against my burning flesh… Cold air rushed into my lungs, inflating them so I could exhale deeply. It was rather relaxing… The darkness was nice; people who would look in my direction couldn't really tell who I was unless they were standing right next to me. The air smelled of tobacco and marijuana… In other words, it smelled like Tommy. Well, it's that great? He was everywhere! He was like a cockroach! No matter how many times you squish him, he just comes crawling back up to you for another squishing.

What was I saying about getting along with Tommy no matter what? Yeah, scratch all that out. Pretend like you never read it, because I'm fairly sure that is _never going to happen!_ The fucking little bastard. How could someone so tiny and fragile-looking be so irritating and flat out uncaring? I truly don't understand, and why the hell is my cheek went? My eyes are stinging! I'm crying and I didn't even notice until now. Why am I crying? Was all the pressure getting to me finally or did Tommy really just make me that mad…? He can't have this much of an influence on me; I mean… he's just a band mate, nothing more, nothing less. He's an ass, so what? I've dealt with plenty, only this time I can actually fire the son of a bitch if I really have to, which I'm starting to think I might…

But, like I said before, I'm too damn nice to do something like that to the kid…


	3. So Painful, So Pissed Off

**Chapter Three: So painful, so pissed off**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I had held high hopes that dinner would go smoothly, and that if I took Monte's advice and I was respectful and cool with Adam, things would be chill and we could get the fuck on with this whole thing. That by some miracle chance the arguing would pause for two and a half hours before starting up fresh for tomorrow. And, okay, fine, my laughing got a little out of hand when Adam's mind went to the murky gutters of Sex Land, but c'mon it _was_ kinda funny. Oh God, Adam's funny now? Fucking hell.

But the last thing that I had wanted and-or needed was him to lash out. Though it was my fault for not keeping a lid on the lack of filtering system that my mouth has. True, I should have kept that mouth-raping comment to myself, but sometimes I can't help it. And to be honest, I got excited when Adam started yelling. Not in a sexual way (you fucking perverts), but… I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream and shout at him and just start a motherfucking riot with that son of a bitch! My blood had been boiling lightly since the incident on the bus and I just wanted a brawl. So when my mouth slipped, and Adam began yelling, I had to admit I was fucking ecstatic.

Though— having ice cold water being dumped onto my shitty hair and dripping down my front wasn't quite what I had in mind, it left me feeling stupid and pissed. Stupid that I had gotten all riled up, and pissed that now I was freezing and wet. I had glared at Adam, but I didn't react other than that. I could feel my blood boiling and heating my skin; I didn't feel cold. He stormed off and out of the restaurant. People were staring and I dropped my gaze to the table, which had a few damp spots from where the water had rolled off and splashed. There was something that burned deeper than my hatred for Adam and the fact that I had fucked up again. There was shame.

I looked up through the veil of wet hair and I stared back at Monte and Lisa's disapproving gazes. I felt my throat close up and I muttered a soft "excuse me", before shuffling out of the booth and headed to the men's bathroom at the back of the restaurant. I kept my eyes low, not wanting to look at anyone as I passed them by. I shoved the door open and let it slip shut again; there was no one in the bathroom, of which I was rather glad. I snatched up some paper towels and tried to dry my hair and clothes as best as I could, biting down on my bottom lip as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I was a wet, angry mess and I wanted to punch that fucking mirror. I sighed, tossing the wasted towels into the trash. I heard the door swing open, but I didn't look to see who it was. I didn't have to.

"Tommy—" Monte's voice was calm as he spoke, "look, you and Adam need to work something out. I get that you two don't really cope with one another, but I think that—" I sighed.

"Monte, I appreciate that you're trying to deal with this for us, but just… don't even bother." I said coldly, grabbing more paper towels and aimlessly drying my bangs further. If I could, I would have just hacked them off. They pissed me off and they were always in the way. I sighed, pausing in my pointless hair-drying feat, and I tossed the towels, used and fresh, into the trash. I was sick of all of this! I was sick of all of the fucking drama, and as much as I wanted to scream and shout and punch Adam in that goddamn face of his, I knew I couldn't. It would result in my getting fired. And I couldn't risk that.

"Tommy, I'm not trying to deal with anything, I'm trying to help the two of you figure each other out. It's not gonna work if you guys keep fighting. If you two need to take a break from each other, fine. We don't have a hardcore show until around New Year's. It's all interviews and talk shows. Do you think you can get this shit sorted out by then?" Monte asked, staring at me through the mirror. I sighed, scratching the back of my neck gently. I wasn't in the mindset to sort anything out. Though being far away from Adam sounded like a really nice idea. A vacation? Fuck yeah, I dig.

"I don't know, Monte. Me and Adam just… we don't match." I said. Monte rolled his eyes and stomped over to me.

"I don't care if you two don't 'match', Tommy. I don't care if you never become the best of fucking friends. Just get. A. Long." Monte said bitterly, staring at me coldly through the mirror. He stood beside me, his arms crossed over his chest. I sighed, dropping my head slightly.

"Maybe I don't want to get along with him." I said flatly, walking around him and storming out of the bathroom before he could call me back. It didn't stop him from following me, but he didn't talk. Our table was empty, and I could only assume that Lisa had gone out to talk to Adam. I sighed, my appetite long destroyed by the drama and ridiculousness of the entire evening. I wouldn't deny that part of it was my fault, but Adam didn't need to pour water on my fucking head. Ice, cold water at that. I was still shivering and I knew by going outside it would be even worse. And we had to walk, fuuuuuuuccckkkkkk!

I passed our empty table, brushing passed a few waiters, waitresses, and the hostess who seated us. She gave us a sad look but she kept on with her business and we left. Adam and Lisa's backs were to us. Adam had his hands shoved in his pockets, Lisa had a hand on his shoulder. They turned their heads and I could see redness in Adam's eyes. I looked away, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Fucking drama queen. I let a breath pass between my lips and I dipped my head, shoving my hands into the back pockets of my pants, my boots scuffing on the pavement.

"Let's get out of here, we'll eat whatever's on the bus." Monte said to no one in particular. I didn't want to look at anyone, especially Adam. I shuffled silently behind them, Monte and Adam walking side by side, Lisa slightly behind them. I was a few paces away, but nothing too dramatic; at least I didn't look like a stalker or anything. It was evident I was with them. Yay? Meh.

I kicked at a rock, watching it skid straight out in front, tapping against the back of Adam's heel. His motion hesitated for the slightest of moments, and I knew that he'd felt the rock. I dropped my head even further, suppressing a smirk. But all the same I knew I would be regretting that later. That he'd probably snap at me again as soon as we got back to the bus. For now, I would enjoy the mental images of Adam screaming like a five year old at me. Hehe..

I shoved my hands deeper, taking a longer stride to catch up so that I was walking side by side with Lisa, keeping my head down. My heart was pounding in my chest. I couldn't wait to fight, I couldn't wait to yell. He fucking deserved it too, for dumping ice cold water on my head. The wind was blowing hard now and I was damned near shaking violently. Fucking gaywad glam-star-drama-queen asshole. He was gonna get it, and he was gonna get it good. My thoughts paused and I wanted to scream.

Fuck, now I was turning threatening strings of words into sex jokes. Fuck my life.

We approached the bus and I had to fight to laugh with such glee. Adam stepped into the bus first, followed by Monte. Lisa pressed her palm between my shoulder blades and gave me a stern look that spoke louder than any words she could have said to my face. '_Don't be stupid_.' Aww, why the fuck not, Lisa? She climbed the steps and inside, and I took a long, deep breath. Fuck I needed a cigarette. But I would wait until after whatever was to come. I climbed the bus stairs, one step at a time. The driver shut the door behind me as I turned and stood face to face with Adam.

"Was that really necessary?" He barked, his eyes burning with rage. I kept my face in poker-form, and gave a half shrug. The bus started and rolled forward. On the road again, yay. Ugh.

"I just kicked a rock, it's not like I was aiming for you or anything." I said in reply, trying to ease passed him and to my couch. I almost succeeded, but his hand slammed down on my shoulder and he spun me around so fast the world continued to spin even though I didn't. Whoa.

"I'm not just talking about the rock, Tommy. I'm talking about the whole fucking day!" His breath was hissing on my face like angry steam. He smelled like mint. When the fuck did he eat a mint?

"I'm not the only one at fault here, Adam. You've been a key factor in this shit day too!" My voice was rising, but it wasn't nearly as loud as his. Monte and Lisa stood side by side with each other, just staring at us. They didn't know what to do anymore. I wasn't sure if they even wanted to try to intervene at this point. I felt my hands curling into fists as my sides. What I would've given to punch him in the fucking face.

"I only played a 'key factor' because of all of your stupid remarks. Will you just give it a rest about the fucking kiss already?" I took a step back from him, ripping my shoulder out of his grasp.

"I try to give it a rest." I said blankly.

"No, you fucking don't! You bitch about it at every opportunity! You're such a fucking child!" Adam roared, pinching the bridge of his nose. Now I really wanted a fucking cigarette. I scoffed, pressing my tongue to the inside of my bottom lip, before biting on it. I was the child? _I_ was the child? What-the-fuck-ever! 

"Oh, please, Adam! If I'm the child, you're the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer!" Okay. I admit, that pushed the limit. That pushed a lot of limits that could have been avoided. In fact, looking back on it, I wish I hadn't ever said it. Because the reaction I received was a lot worse than I had imagined. I had finished my sentence with a sneer, before finding myself face down on the bus floor, my cheek numb and the surrounding facial area aching. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, but I felt hands on my shoulders, pulling me up. What had happened?

I looked up into Adam's face, his eyes brimming with tears, his lips drawn into a scowl. His hands were curled into fists, the knuckles on his right hand stained with blood. I tasted the metallic, bitter fluid on my tongue. Oh. He punched me. What? _That fucker punched me!_ I swallowed the blood, and the pain in my cheek and my jaw began to blast against the nerves, making my mind scream. Ow, ow, ow, _ow!_

"Get out. Get out now." Adam hissed, one tear spilling over and trailing down his cheek like it was a work of fucking art. I blinked once, feeling the air rush from my lungs. I could deal with a lot of things. True, I didn't deal with them in the best of fashions, but I still dealt with them. But I'd been with Adam for all of a month, a fucking month, and we did one show.

And it was all over.

"Adam—" Monte began.

"No. I want him gone." Adam wasn't even looking at me anymore. He was looking past me. I didn't blame him. I'd insulted him worse than I could ever imagine. Worse than anyone could have ever imagined. I deserved this. I deserved all of this. I was barely aware of Lisa and Monte pulling Adam into his room, shutting the door a little too loudly. I stood from the floor, swaying a little as the bus hit a pothole. I stumbled, leaning against the wall beside the door for support. I eased myself towards the small bathroom. I needed to clean up and gather myself together. God, I was kicked out?

I shoved the door open and slammed it shut, locking it. I didn't want to deal with anyone. I could faintly hear the three of them talking through the walls, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. But I heard Adam's voice. Pained, weeping. I wanted to make myself roll my eyes and scowl, call him a pussy in my head. But I couldn't. I felt horrible. I leaned against the sink, looking up and staring at the mirror. My left jaw and part of my cheek were already purple, blood drying against my lip. I hissed and reared back, punching the mirror has hard as I fucking could. The glass shattered, digging into the skin on my knuckles. I didn't feel it. But I stared at the glass sticking out of my hand and at the bloodied, cracked mess in front of me. I flopped down to the floor and I put my head in my hands, tears rolling down my face.

Great, I'd messed everything up.


	4. Miserable At Best

**Chapter 4: Miserable at Best**

**(Adam's POV)**

_If I'm a child, you're the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer!_

Tommy's blood is dry and cracking against my knuckles. I never bothered to wipe it off after being dragged into my room by Monte and Lisa. The deep crimson turning brown is only a small reminder of punching Tommy and what he said that drove me to do such an act. My eyes are still burning with tears that I don't want to let fall.

_If I'm a child, you're the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer!_

How could that little fucker say something like that to me? I've given him everything! A place to live, a steady income, a shot at fame, and this is how that short bastard repays me? By bitching constantly about a stupid kiss that meant _nothing_ and then insulting me? I've never been one for violence, but homosexual jokes, especially ones directed at me, send jolts of anger pulsing through my blood.

"Adam? Adam are you listening? We can't just kick Tommy out! One, he has nowhere to go, and two… we need a good bassist and he can play. You know that," Monte was saying, Lisa was agreeing partially with him and partially with me.

Lisa was saying things like, "Well, I understand where you're coming from Monte, but if Tommy really cared about this job he wouldn't be picking fights and upsetting Adam" and "But Tommy's not trying, Monte!" I wasn't really listening at all. In one ear and out the other. That's how things were with the other members of my band a lot of the time. Generally, stupid topics were discussed in between arguments or retarded games of truth or dare, never have I ever, and other games that get you to spill your guts out all over the bloody floor. Why were they even arguing about Tommy anyway? Whether they like it or not, this is MY band and ultimately it's MY decision who stays and who leaves!

_If I'm a child, you're the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer!_

Tommy's words keep filtering through my brain, like my iTouch is stuck on one line of my least favorite song, repeating it over and over through my earphones. I drop my face into my hands and I'm not surprised to find my cheeks are wet. Damn it! Maybe I am a fucking Drama Queen. Crying is becoming a regular occurrence lately. Being famous brings all sorts of stress you never knew existed out until you simply cannot take it anymore and everything pours out in either tears or violence. Or, like the current situation, both. Blood followed by tears. Tommy's blood, my tears. But that bitch deserved it and so much more! I'm not sorry, so why is my crying intensifying?

"Adam?" Gentle hands are on my shoulders, which are shaking with sobs. I never even realized that I was shaking until Lisa put up an effort to stop the spasms. "Adam? You aren't really letting what Tommy said get to you, are you? You know he didn't mean it… He was just angry and he went for a low blow…" she said, trying to keep her tone level and even. What she's saying does make sense but I don't give a damn. Right now, Tommy is the lowest scum of the world and I fucking hate the midget! What ever possessed me to kiss him? He's not that attractive, he sort of reminds me of an umpa lumpa. He's arrogant, a condescending asshole, and the biggest complainer I've ever met. Someone throws him a bone, he wants a five course meal. You give him a shot at fame, and he wants to destroy you. Why? Who the fuck knows. Maybe he's jealous? Maybe he's just a snot-nosed brat who throws a fit every time life doesn't go his way. Well, maybe life can't always go your way!

"Yes, I am letting it get to me and yes, he did mean it!" I exclaim, my voice shaking. Have you ever tried talking while sobbing? It's no easy feat. "I'm done, Lisa. I'm done with him. The little bastard is never happy and I'm tired of his bitching! I'm tired of his constant insults and his constant sour mood! He's never going to be satisfied here and he's going to keep pushing my buttons until I seriously cannot take it anymore. Might as well spare the unneeded drama and kick him out now!" With every word my voice was climbing until I was actually shouting. I was shouting at Lisa and Monte and it wasn't either of their faults!

Lisa backed up slightly and I don't blame her. I'd be doing the same in her position. "Adam… I get that you're upset right now. If Tommy had said something like that to me I probably would have broken his baby-maker, but if you kick him out you won't be able to live with yourself. That's just the kind of person you are." Monte's voice was gentle and soothing. "Despite what you're feeling right now, you do care about him and what happens to him. If you didn't care about him, you wouldn't have kissed him at all, let alone how passionately you _did_ kiss him." That was too much for me.

I stood up from my place on my bed, throwing my arms out to the sides in anger. "I'm not in love with him, Monte! I can't even fucking stand him! I do NOT care what happens to him, and honestly, he's got whatever he gets coming. He's a punk! A bastard and I am sick of his shit. I'm sick of you and Lisa and even Longineu trying to make us mesh! It isn't going to work because we don't fit together. He got in because he was a good bassist, NOT because I'm in love with him!" I'm not in love with him… I'm not… I could never love someone like him! That's just ridiculous!

Then… why did I care so much about him and what happens to him?

_If I'm a child, you're the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer!_

NO! I don't care about him, not at all! I hate him, I hate him so much! "No one said you were in love with him, Adam…" Monte says. He knows I'm getting defensive now, but why am I getting defensive? I wasn't entirely sure. Maybe because I'm so upset and hurting. Tommy's bullshit was only the latest on a long list of things that have been boiling my blood to a light simmer. Now it was just too much to handle. "You don't have to be in love with him to care about him."

"Well, I don't care about him either, alright? I don't!" More tears are running down my cheeks. I can't handle this anymore. I literally cannot deal with this drama anymore. Why did I ever want to be famous? Why did I ever kiss Tommy? I've done a lot of stupid things, but that has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life. "Why should I care about a snot-nosed little brat? I mean, it's not like he cares about anything but himself." I don't wait for their responses before stomping over to the door. It's my room, and according to logic, they should be the ones leaving but I've never really been a completely logical person.

The door slams shut behind me. I want to go out for some air, but I obviously can't since we're going 60 miles an hour down the highway. I'll have to settle for a window. Turning the corner out to the 'living room' I walked right into Tommy (he's kind of hard to see since he's so tiny) and we both fell back onto our asses. "Dammit! Why can you not just stay put for five minutes?" I snap but then I notice blood staining his hand and hoodie sleeve. Despite how angry I am, and how much I'd just like to punch the blond again, my reddened eyes flood with concern.

Tommy jumped on the defensive right off the back, although his tone was nowhere near as harsh as it had been a half hour ago. "You ran into me, you know…" he muttered, pushing himself up off the floor, but he was obviously being mindful of his wounded hand.

"What did you do? Punch a wall or something?" I asked, also pushing myself up to my feet. Concern was blotching my anger, and it truly pissed me off. I calm to not care about the twerp and here I am, caring about him!

He looks a little uncertain. "A mirror actually…" he said and with closer observation, I can see little shards of reflective glass sticking out of the boy's knuckles. Way to go Thomas… Now, if by some change of heart, I decide not to fire him, he won't be able to play bass anyway!

"Why did you punch a mirror? That was brilliant," I say in a semi-sarcastic tone and Tommy, trying to be his bad ass self rolls his eyes and turns away.

"Like you fucking care. As soon as we get to where we're going I'll be out of here anyway…" he said to me. Was I imagining it or did he sound depressed?

"Well, you crossed a line. A huge line… and you know that… so, why did you say it? I was forward with your from day one. I was gay and if you had a problem with that then you should have turned the job down. I didn't tie you down and force you to join," I say, the pain in my heart was more obvious than I wanted it to be… "Do you even thing before you run your mouth?" Tommy's in pain, physically for sure, but mentally too? I'm not entirely sure. I take his injured hand into my own and start pulling the mirror shards out carefully. Not entirely sure as to the reason I'm helping him. I hate seeing people in pain even if I can't stand the person who is in pain I suppose. I'm such a fucking sucker.

"I…" Tommy won't admit he was wrong. I know that much. "I know… I didn't mean to… to cross that line I was just… I was so angry…" Tommy muttered quietly while clenching and unclenching his uninjured hand. Probably out of pain and because he was admitting he was wrong… And was I seriously about to forgive the little fucker? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck no I was not! I've shed too many tears over this asshole!

_You wouldn't get so worked up over him if you didn't care, Adam._ Why must there be a voice in the back of my mind, talking to me? How can I really care so much about this man after what he said to me? After he made me cry? Sob! No, I don't care! I don't! "Ow… Adam! You're hurting me!" Tommy hissed under his breath. I didn't realize I had just sliced open his knuckle when I pulled a rather large shard of glass out of his hand.

"Sorry…" I said, examining his hand for and more shards. I didn't see any. "Go rush you hand under some warm water. When you're sure there aren't any more shards, clean the cuts out." I'm not a doctor, but I can at least tell him how to handle a few small cuts. He stared at me with a look of utter disbelief written all over his face. "Don't just stare, even though I know I'm worth staring at. Go wash your hand," I insist and shoo him away. Surprisingly, he listens to my demands and goes into the small bathroom at the opposite end of the bus.

A sigh escapes my lips. I have absolutely no idea what to do now. I want to kick him to the curb. I want to punch him in the goddamn face again. I want to… I don't even know what I want to do anymore! And what's even worse… I'm terrified to elaborate on what I do and what I don't want to do… "So, you don't care about him huh?" It's Monte. I don't need to look up to see him.

"No… I don't, Monte," I said firmly.

Lisa and Monte were both looking at me with an 'are you fucking serious now, Adam?' look on their faces. "Really? 'Cause I don't think people who don't care take their time to help someone who is hurt. Obviously you care about him, Adam. Just admit it!" Monte is persistent. Is everyone in this band a bastard, honestly?

"I don't care, Monte," I insist. "And I still want him gone. He was just going to get blood everywhere." REALLY ADAM? REALLY? THAT IS THE FUCKING BEST THING YOU CAN COME UP WITH? WHAT A PATHETIC EXCUSE! But… I really don't care! And I'm kicking him out as soon as we stop. I am and I will!

"Just sleep on it Adam, I'm sure you'll change your mind," Lisa said. No, I won't, but I decided to go to bed before Tommy came back out though. As soon as my head his the pillow, tears swelled in my eyes again. I'm still upset, totally humiliated in more than one way, my emotions are battling each other and so are my thoughts… Crying is the only way to let it all out without physical harm.


	5. Everybody's Sin

**Chapter Five: Everybody's Sin**

**(Tommy's POV)**

_Get out now._

_Get. Out. Now._

Worst fucking lines I could have ever heard. Not that what I'd said was any better— it was probably worse. But what really just did it in for me was that this entire thing was my fault. If I hadn't said those things to Adam, if I hadn't overreacted at dinner, if I hadn't throw his boot at him, if I hadn't… I sighed, slipping into the bathroom again, not caring to look up at the shattered mirror. I twisted the faucet handle, running my hand under warm water. It stung like a bitch, but the last few, smaller shards were washed out with crimson. Eventually the sting turned numb and it was tolerable.

_Get out._

I bit down on my bottom lip, shutting off the water and grabbing a towel, patting my hand dry before reaching up and snatching the bottle of peroxide from the medicine cabinet about the toilet. The way the bathroom was set up was there was the doorway, straight across was the sink and mirror. To the right of the sink was the toilet and the cabinet, with a first aid kit, peroxide, hand towels and regular towels on top. Beside the door was a curtained area that had the shower. It was small, but doable.

Hand over the sink I poured the peroxide slowly over the cuts. It was nothing serious, really. Some scratches and gashes, but none were deep, and they ran over my knuckles. I sighed again, gnawing on my lip as the peroxide burned my skin, but it was over soon enough and I capped the bottle, setting it back in its place. Reaching up, I found the gauze, unrolling a good amount before tearing it off with my teeth, and placing it back. Wrapping my hand, I tucked part of the gauze under itself, keeping it secure. The gauze would let it breathe, which was what it needed.

Turning, I walked out of the bathroom, shutting off the light. The living area was quiet. Monte and Longineu were sitting at table beside the couch playing cards, Lisa was in the passenger seat next to our driver, discussing with him when we'd be… wherever the hell we were going. Adam wasn't anywhere to be seen, and I assumed that he was in his room. Scratching the back of my head, I ventured out, catching Monte's eye. This was going to be really awkward for the next day or so.

"Hey guys… I'm turning in for the night…" I said softly, kicking off my shoes and grabbing my iPod from the couch. The guys nodded, murmuring promises to stay quiet. Not that it mattered. I slept with my headphones in at a decent level, so I wouldn't be able to hear anything anyway. Plopping down on the couch, I turned my iPod on, placing the buds in my ears before laying down, my head resting against a small pillow that Monte had pulled from his and Longineu's closet. Pulling the blanket over me, I snuggled down, closing my eyes to Manson's voice. But despite his harsh vocals and erotic beats, I couldn't escape three words dancing in my head before I dozed off.

_Get out now_.

God, what had I done?

I woke up some three or four hours later. It was still dark outside, and the bus was still rolling along down an empty road. I dawned dramatically (just because I could), before peeling the warm and stick-sweaty blanket off of me. I knew I should have changed into cooler clothes _before_ sleeping, but whatever. I shut off my iPod, stretching my arms above my head and standing from the couch. Stumbling slightly, I crossed to the fridge, opening it slowly and pulling out a can of soda. I needed something to wake me up a little more, because I wasn't too keen on going back to sleep right then. Flipping the tab, the soft hiss made me smile and I pressed the rim of the can to my lips, taking a small, cool drink.

Ahh, tasty.

Turning, my face slammed into someone's chest. Ow. Grumbling, I looked up to see Adam's weary, sleepy face. I paused, swallowing my tongue for a moment, before muttering an apology. I really didn't need him getting on my case about anything more. As it was, I was out of the band now; I didn't want to make him anymore upset. I'd done enough damage, you know?

"'Scuse me." I said softly, starting to slip passed Adam when his fingers curled around my wrist, making me stop. I turned to him again, confusion in my eyes as his other hand swooped up, cupping my face gently.

"Adam, what are you—" but I couldn't get anything else out. He pulled me close and kissed me so softly; nothing like the AMA's. I involuntarily found myself moaning as his tongue split the seam of my lips, sliding inside and tasting so sweet. My body went slack and the can of soda slipped from my fingers, hitting the ground and pouring its brown contents all over the carpet. My hands first gripped Adam's shoulders (he'd let go of my wrist), before crawling up and digging deep into his hair. I was surprised as the softness of his hair. With all the gel that I'd seen him use in the past month, I thought it would've been stiff as a board, but I was wrong. It was feathery and smooth. Like chinchilla fur, only not. Whatever.

He guided me slowly, back towards the couch. Our arguments and the spilling soda were forgotten as he sat me down, hovering over me briefly before straddling my hips. His mouth left mine for a moment, before clamping down on a sweet spot against the side of my neck, his teeth digging into my skin and his fingers creeping up into my hair, pulling on it. My eyes rolled back into my head and I moaned loudly.

"Aaah-daam…" I drew out his name, pushing against the back of his head and pressing him closer to me. There was a want burning deep inside of me that was forcing the blood to rush to my head and the nether regions of my body. Want, raging in me like some psychotic beast. But, it was strange… I didn't like Adam, in fact I was pretty sure I _hated_ Adam. So why was I letting him do this…?

He sucked hard on my neck, pulling on my hair as if it was a life line. Shivers rolled down my spine and set fire to my nerves. My face flushed and my heart was pounding in my chest like an exploding drum. His lips left my neck and returned to my mouth, his teeth scraping my bottom lip and making me shiver again. My trembling fingers curled themselves into his hair, twirling the midnight black locks. His tongue tasted sweet on mine and I moaned into his mouth.

"Tommy…" Someone was calling my name. But it couldn't have been Adam; we were kind of in the middle of kissing for fuck's sake. Which brought me to a question: why the fuck was I still kissing him? Why was I letting him touch me? I hated him, I hated him!

But…

"Tommy…!" Louder still, it sounded female, but I couldn't be sure. Adam sucked on my lower lip, bruising it lightly before leaving butterfly kisses along my jaw and throat. Each touch, each kiss was a burn, and I was loving it.

"Tommy!" Who the fuck was shouting at me?

"Tommy!" My eyes fluttered open and I ripped my earbuds out, looking around wildly to see who was calling my name. My gaze rested on Lisa, her hair in a slight frizz from sleep, her eyes shocked and yet amused. Amused? What the fuck for? I sat up, running my fingers through my hair and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I glance out the window beside the couch. Still dark outside.

"What?" I asked in mid breath, scratching the back of my head, wincing. My scalp hurt, as if someone had been pulling on my hair. And not lightly, either.

"You were talking in your sleep." My face felt hot, my lips abused. But I had been sleeping, had I not? I blinked, and behind my briefly closed eyes I saw Adam's face. I rubbed the back of my neck, my fingers trailing over where he had bitten me. There was no mark, but I shivered. I had been dreaming, had I not? My heart was pounding in my chest and there was a stiffness from my pants. Oh God…

"What was I saying?" I asked her, looking up into her bright, amused eyes. She let a breath pass between her cream colored lips as she sat down beside me. I moved my legs out of the way, peeling away the blanket for what felt like the second time. I had to have been dreaming. But why was I dreaming about…

"Nothing really. Just a lot of mumbling and… sighing. But you were saying a name." She said softly, a smirk playing upon her mouth. I swallowed hard, my mouth dry. There was a lingering taste, and I tried not to think about it.

"What name?" I asked, my voice just above a faint whisper. My heart pounded still, though it wasn't quite from what I had been dreaming of. Lisa looked over at me, knowing in her eyes and she wanted me to say it myself. But I couldn't. "What name, Lisa?"

"I think you know who I'm talking about, Tommy. And that in and of itself probably frightens you." I scoffed, running my fingers through my hair. Still sensitive. Fucking phantom nerves.

"It doesn't frighten me so much as it repulses me." For some reason, though, when that sentence rolled off my tongue, it didn't feel right. It felt off, different, untrue. A lie? No… kissing Adam was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. But why did it feel like I was lying…? Lisa smiled and patted my shoulder, standing from the couch.

"Tommy, just admit it. You were dreaming about Adam and you liked it." She said with confidence, placing her hands on her hips and standing like a proud motherfucker. I growled, looking away from her. No. I wouldn't admit it, because I didn't like it. I hated it, I would never like it! Never, never, just ew, no, nada, nein…

"Don't tell anyone, Lisa." I whispered. Wait. What? Don't tell? What? Don't tell? What had I— why did I— what? I couldn't have said that. I couldn't have. There was no way in hell I could have just asked Lisa to not tell anyone that I dreamed about Adam and liked it. I hated that fucker! He made my life hell and then kicked me out of his band! My hands curled at my sides and I stared up at her with pleading eyes, but my head was in a shitstorm of confusion. Don't tell? Don't tell? What had I been thinking?

Oh, wait, I wasn't.

"I won't say anything," she said, "but I think you're going to have to talk to Adam." She finished, her voice low. I sighed, glancing at my iPod. The time read 3:38 AM.

"I… I can't, Lisa. He doesn't want me around anymore, I highly doubt that he's gonna wanna look at me, let alone talk to me. And what would I say? 'Oh, sorry I insulted your entire being, I hope you can forgive me'. It's not gonna happen, Lisa." I said in a hushed tone, my blood boiling. Lisa smiled slightly and shook her head.

"You just don't want to slip up and tell him you had a dream about him and liked it." I rolled my eyes.

"I didn't like it, Lisa!"

"Ah, so you loved it?" I wanted to rip my hair out.

"No!" Lisa just continued to smile. There was shuffling and, just my luck, Adam came fumbling out of his room, rubbing sleep from his eyes. His hair was in a slightly tangled mess, standing on end in a few places, his eyes a little red. I frowned briefly, before masking my face. Had he been crying?

"What are you two bitching about?" He asked softly, reaching into the fridge and pulling out a bottle of tea. Lisa looked over to me with a gleam in her eye, and I shook my head quickly. She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't.

"Nothing, really." She said, sitting down in a chair across the room from me. The bus hit a small bump and I bounced in my seat. Adam took a drink of his tea, not really looking at me.

"Huh, didn't seem like it, but whatev." He said, retreating back to his room. I sighed heavily, running my fingers through my hair.

"You have to talk to him, Tommy." I groaned in response, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I had to.


	6. Excuse Me, You're Sorry

**Chapter 6: Excuse Me, You're Sorry****  
****Adam's POV****  
**

Tears have soaked through my pillow. I've been crying since I came back to my room. At first I knew it was because of what Tommy had said to me, but now I'm not completely sure why I'm still crying. Tear won't stop falling from my eyes! My eyes hurt and my throat hurts and honestly, I do feel like a drama queen right now. Maybe… maybe Tommy was right about that part. As much as I hate to admit that…

Is it possible to dehydrate from crying too much? If it is, then I definitely need water or tea, something to moisten my mouth and throat as well as the rest of my boy. My face is still wet from old tears and from my damp pillow but there are no more fresh tears. Finally. I want to sleep but I can't. I want something to drink, but I don't want to get up. The bus rolls into a pot hole, which gives me enough bounce to get up with little effort. Alright, fine! I'm going to get some tea!

My eyeliner is running slightly and my hair is a mess, parts sticking up randomly and others lay flat, but I don't care. No one in this band ever looks good when they roll out of bed, and since I've been crying, I think I have a little bit more of an excuse than they do. My hand closes around the door knob and starts to turn it, but I freeze at the sound of muffled voiced. I press my ear to find it's Lisa talking to Tommy. What the fuck are they doing up so late? God damn it, go to fucking bed!

Every single inch of my being is ready to rip the door open and tell them to go to bed, but one sentence stops me from even cracking the door open. _"Tommy, just admit it. You were dreaming about Adam and you liked it."_ It was Lisa's voice and WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? Hold the fucking phone! Tommy? Thomas Joe Ratliff, the world's shortest and most annoying little fucker, was dreaming about _me_? And he _liked_ it? Is this why he's always such a bitch about that kiss? Because it brought to light feelings he never wanted to experience? Is he confused about what he's feeling? And is _that_ why he always picks fights and says rude things? To distance himself from me, and ultimately these feelings he does not want to face?

Oh my God, I feel sick. I feel like I'm going to throw up but I haven't eaten anything today, so there is nothing to throw up. Dry heaving does not sound pleasant, so I force the urge down. I think my body temperature is rising. God damn, now I really need something to drink! But I really don't want to walk out there.

Wait. Tommy doesn't have to know that I know this… I won't tell him. I'll just pretend like I'm only getting something to drink, which I am so it shouldn't be too hard. And Tomorrow he'll be gone and I won't have to worry about him again. My stomach twists in a wave of massive guilt. What the fuck? Oh no… I'm actually feeling bad about kicking Tommy out of the band? No! I can't feel bad for the fucker! He doesn't deserve my sympathy. Look at how much he's made me cry! But… I do feel bad, horrible even, and I don't want to throw him out on his ass anymore. Not like I wanted to a couple of hours ago.

Great.

_Grow some balls and go out there already, Adam!_ And with the willing of my shoulder devil, I finally open my bedroom door and walk out into the "living room" of the bus. "What are you two bitching about?" I asked, just as Tommy says "No!" to a question that was something like _"Ah, so you loved it?"_ A shudder runs up my spine and lingers in the base of my neck. Oh my fucking God, this is not happening.

I don't really listen to their explanations as I go fetch a glass bottle of tea out of the small refrigerator we have on the bus. "Huh, didn't seem like it, but whatev," I said after flooding my sore throat with cold tea. Did I seriously just say "whatev"? No wonder Tommy feels the need to make fun of me. I take another long swig of tea, my throat thankful for every drop, before I turn to go back to bed. But I stop and turn back to Tommy and Lisa, actually looking at Tommy now. "Tommy, come with me, I need to talk to you." My voice is soft. I don't want to strain my throat anymore than the waterworks already did.

"O-okay," Tommy says, fidgeting some in his seat before he stands up and follows me down to my room. "What's up?" I can tell he's nervous and I even think he feels a little bad about what happened earlier. Whether it's because he really feels bad or because I dished out a harsh consequence was beyond me. Although… after what I heard him and Lisa talking about…

"I want to talk to you about your future here with us," I said, tiredly. I am tired but I know sleep will not grace me with his sweet presence tonight.

Tommy stares at me in disbelief. "I thought I was kicked out," he says, the tiniest hit of hope thee. And to my surprise, I actually find the tone of his voice playing at my heart strings. Damn it.

"I've… reconsidered, although, if you're going to stay, things have got to change. Fine, we're two very different people, but do we really have to fight all the time? You're a good bass player and I don't want to just… throw away talent like yours, but if you piss me off like that again, your skinny-stick ass is out of here," I say calmly. I did a good job of covering up my real reasons for "reconsidering" I think.

"Are… are you serious?" he asked. I'm actually shocked that he ignored the skinny/stick joke.

"Do I look un-serious, Tommy?" I asked. God, sometimes this kid was so stupid.

"Not at all… I just… I know what I said was completely out of line and I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to forgive me and I was expecting the boot as soon as we get, wherever the fuck we're going," he said. Whoa, back up, did he just _apologize_ to me? What the fuck is happening here? My brain cannot process all of this in five minutes. My receptors are gunking up from all this shit!

"I suppose I forgive you this time, but, like I said, one more time-" Tommy cuts me off before I can even finish my sentence.

"There won't be a one more time, I promise." Tommy actually looks and sounds sincere. I didn't even know he could be sincere.

There's a mumbling sound on the other side of the door. The nosy fuckers. "You can come in, since you obviously can't mind your own business," I call to them and the three guilty band members tumble into my room. "Why can privacy not exist on this bus? Honestly?"

"Sorry Adam… But we were curious, and we weren't one-hundred percent sure that Tommy was safe if you two were alone," Monte explained. Lisa, Tommy, and I all rolled our eyes while Longineu gabbed Monte in the ribs with his elbow.

"He means, we were curious to know if Tommy was staying," Longineu mended.

"He's staying, now will you all get out of my room? This room is not big enough for all of us," I say.  
Lisa looked around at all the sloppy band members. "Why don't we play a nice game of charades or something? Since we're all up anyway. I don't think any of us will be going back to sleep now!" I could tell she was excited that I changed my mind about Tommy. They all were. There was like a soft glow around the band that was not there a few hours ago.

"Charades? Seriously Lisa?" Monte asked but I stand up with a small smile on my lips.

"Actually charades sounds like a lot of fun," I say. "But you all need to get out of my bedroom, seriously." We all file out of my room and I close the door behind us. "So, I nominate Tommy to go first. Any rules?"

"Naw, no rules. Just act out whatever you want and we'll guess. Now, I do think Tommy should go first!" Monte says with a laugh.

"Seriously guys, I suck at charades. I don't want to do this," Tommy protests but one cock of my eyebrow changes his mind. "Alright, alright," he said and stands in front of us. His face contorts into concentration for a few minutes and then seems to decide on something and hopefully that something has nothing to do with me or my gayness.

Thankfully he doesn't, at least. I don't think he is. I really have no idea what he's supposed to be doing. Wow… he really does suck at this game! He's on the floor, on all fours, walking around in a circle (well, attempting to anyway). "Oh! You're Adam performing on stage!" Monte shouts out.

"How the hell does that have anything to do with my performing skills, Monte?" I demand.

"Huh…? Oh… nothing," he says but smirks afterward. What the fuck? Is this Pick On Adam Day or something? Did I just not get the fricking memo?

"No, no, no! You're Ghost Busters!" Longineu shouts out.

"How is that Ghost Busters?" Lisa asks.

Longineu shrugs. "That's just what everyone calls out when people suck at charades," he says. Tommy looks rather embarrassed but he continued to act like an idiot anyway.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Well, I think he's a cat. Are you a cat, Tommy?" she asks. Why the hell would Tommy pretend to be a cat? That just does not fit his character at all. Then again, neither is dreaming about me. Tommy shakes his head and stands up. He starts spinning around in a circle with his arms extended and it's even making me dizzy just watching him. "Oh, you're a washing machine?"

We all laugh at that one. "He's on dry cycle!" Monte announces and Tommy's shaking his head again. A few more ridiculous suggestions are put forth. Such as, mechanical bull riding, Saw VI (that made no sense to me), a fan, and a blender.

"He's a hurricane, guys," I finally say and Tommy finally stops, looking rather relieved.

"Yes! Finally!" Tommy said, relieved that his embarrassment had finally ended.

"You really do suck at this game," Monte said to Tommy. He went next and he was pretending to fly fish. Lisa followed and she was doing a crazy person who imagined people that weren't there. Longineu was an annoyed Latino cab driver, and then it was my turn. I hated to admit it, but I sucked at this game as much as Tommy did and I was not excited to take my turn. God, I so did not want to do this. Thankfully, the bus started to slow down and then it came to a complete stop. The engine stalled and was shut off and then the driver stood up and came back to join us.

"We've reached the hotel, guys," he said, probably relieved that he didn't have to listen to our nonsense anymore. I could have kissed him, because he saved me from making a bigger full out of myself than Tommy did. God, I love you!

"Thank God," I say and stand up. "Then let's go get check in. I'd love a real bathroom and a bigger bedroom." The others look slightly disappointed in the fact that my turn was cut short, but I didn't feel bad enough to actually take my turn like a man. I'm going to be a pussy on this one, and wimp out.

Monte frowned at me. "Hey, that's not even cool man. You could at least take your turn," he said, clearly disapproving of me wimping out.

"All's fair in love and war, Monte, my dear friend." Before things can go any further, I'm off the bus and walking towards the entrance of the hotel. The others followed and waited for me to retrieve the room keys. "I have a reservation for Lambert, Adam," I said to the clerk. I had the rooms listed out by name.

"Ah yes, let's see here," the man said and started typing on his dinosaur of a computer. "I have three rooms listed for you. One- one bed suite and two- two bed suites."

That's not right… "No… No, I reserved one- two bed suite and three- one bed suites," I said. They had to fix this! If they didn't I would be stuck rooming with Tommy and that was just not going to happen. I know that if I asked Monte or Longineu to switch with me they would say no to teach me and Tommy some sort of "lesson" or whatever they want to call it! Fuck my life!

"I'm sorry but we're all filled up. These are the only rooms set aside for you, Mr. Lambert," the clerk says, not really sounding sorry. God damn it all! I really _do_ have to room with Tommy! No, ew, god of all that is good, ew.

"Alright… thanks…" I say. I take the keys and walk back over to the others. "Here Lisa. This is your room. Monte, you and me got the room next to hers and Tommy-" Monte cuts me off. So not only is it Pick On Adam Day, it's also Don't Let Adam Finish a Fucking Sentence Day.

"Hang on a second Adam, me and Longineu have the room next to Lisa's. We're _always_ roommates and that ain't changing now," Monte protests. Love you too, best friend. Fuck my life twice.

"Alright, well then me and Tommy have the room on the end of the hall…" I say. Tommy's eyes widen at that. Clearly our new-found truce was not going last much longer if we were forced to room together. And what really, REALLY sucks is that we're going to be here for a little while. It's not just a one night thing. I hate my life. I couldn't just grow up to be a normal guy with a normal job, no. I had to become famous. Great idea, Lambert!

"Welp, night buddy!" Monte exclaimed, clapping me on the shoulder before he took off with Longineu to their room. Lisa lingered for a while but without a word, she eventually left to go to her bedroom as well, leaving Tommy and I standing in the lobby by ourselves.

"You think we'll be able to get along well enough not to kill each other?" I asked.

"Dunno… but I suppose we're going to have to try…" he said. He wasn't really much happier about this whole situation. "Let's get out of the lobby. We look like a couple of loons." I had to laugh at that. What? It was funny! Okay, well not _that_ funny but funny! It wasn't like a flirtatious laugh or anything. Why on earth would I flirt with Tommy? Ew… no, oh God, no. Never. Sorry fan girls, but not going to happen!

We walked up to room 1408 in silence. Monte and Longineu had room 1406, which was between mine and Lisa's. I swiped the card and the light turned green. I pushed the door open and for a brief moment, I considered closing the door and locking Tommy in the hall way. But that was immature and I wouldn't really be trying to get along if I just slammed _our_ hotel room door in his face. Why did I always have to be the nice one? It's a curse, I swear to God it is. _Adam, you punched him in the face. You really aren't all that nice half the time._ I tell the shoulder angel to shut up. Yes, I do completely believe that people have miniature versions of themselves on their shoulders telling them what's right and wrong.

"I want the bed closest to the window," we both say at the same time. Fuck, we're already about to get into a fight. Just over something as stupid as which bed we want to have! This is going to be the longest hotel stay of my life!


	7. You Just Laughed It Off, It Was All Okay

**Chapter Seven: You Just Laughed It Off, It Was All Okay**

**(Tommy's POV)**

It was never my intention for Lisa to overhear me muttering in my sleep. Hell, I never expected to be dreaming about Adam-fucking-Lambert either (not that I really wanted to think about that, considering it was _Adam-fucking-Lambert_). But I did, and I couldn't just erase that part of time. And how great it was that in the midst of begging Lisa not to tell anyone (especially Adam) about the dream, he walked out? There were a lot of things running through my head at that point and all the same a lot of nothingness. I didn't want to over think anything and fuck up again, but at the same time, I didn't want to be a mindless droid around him and fuck up anyway.

Fuck my life, it's too confusing.

But of all the unexpected things I had faced or heard, Adam's first sentence directed at me (once we were out of ear shot from everyone else) threw me off balance more than anything: "I want to talk to you about your future here with us."

Hold the phone and step back from the table for one fucking moment; what? He was reconsidering his decision about kicking me out? When he had been so adamant about kicking me out to the street as soon as we stopped? Not that I blamed him really, what I had said had been really fucking cruel. Beyond cruel, actually, but he reconsidered? I was awestruck for a moment, breathless even (okay, that's a little over the top, but you get my drift). He reconsidered? He was giving me another chance? Ho shit!

And then he set everything on a stone table for me. He complemented me and insulted me all the same, but I didn't care. He wanted to try and work something out, and in that act I felt like a total bitch. I hadn't been man enough to try to talk him out of it or to reason with him. Great. Now I was a fucking failure at life. Beautiful.

"…I know what I said was completely out of line and I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to forgive me and I was expecting the boot as soon as we get wherever the fuck we're going." I told him, and he looked surprised that I was apologizing. Not that I blamed him. I wasn't one to give apologies for my actions if I felt they were necessary. But my recent actions were unnecessary, and an apology was deserved. More than deserved; required.

"I suppose I forgive you this time. But, like I said, one more time—" he began to say.

"There won't be a one more time, I promise." I said quickly, completely sincere, which made me clamp down on the back of my tongue. Adam looked a little confused; I was myself. I had never been this nice to someone I had been adamantly hating for so long, it was strange. I wasn't quite sure if I liked it to be honest. But I had to make nice. If he knew that I had dreamed about him…

'_Don't even think about that right now, Tommy. You've got other things on your mind that need your attention._' I told myself, before turning my head towards the door of Adam's bedroom. There were muffled whispers, and Adam looked a little more than annoyed. Turned out the band had been listening; they were concerned for the fact Adam and I were alone together (not like that, you fucking pervs. That's gross). I rolled my eyes. Adam and I were being civil, couldn't they appreciate that?

But they did; they had a kind of energy buzzing around that hadn't exactly been present, and it made me smile slightly. At least, until Lisa suggested we play charades…

And Adam nominated me to be first.

Now, have I ever mentioned how much I suck at charades? I get the game (of which you just lost, haha), I really do. But I myself cannot play. I can guess, and I'm pretty damn good at that half. But performing an action for others? Fuck it. I'm a fish out of water, flopping frantically for dear life and trying to grab onto some shred of hope. And it just figured that, in my turn (which lasted for eternity), no one could guess it right away. How hard was it, really?

"He's a hurricane, guys." Adam said, and for one split second I could have jumped over, thrown my arms around his neck and— never mind. No. No, ew, God, no, no, _no!_

"Yes! Finally!" I shouted in victory, rushing over and pulling Monte out of his seat and throwing him towards the front of the group. I sat down in his seat, between Lisa and Longineu. Adam smirked from the chair across the bus, but his eyes went to Monte. The others took their turns respectively, and when Adam's turn came up, the bus began to slow. Oh, hell no. So not cool! Adam talked briefly with Monte before jumping off the bus. All of our hotel stuff was packed on the underside, and the driver already had everything opened up and waiting for us. Grabbing our bags, we hurried into the hotel. We needed proper sleep, and it was like five in the morning.

Adam stopped up at the front desk while I hung back with Lisa. "Are you going to tell him about the dream?" She asked me with a sly smile. My face turned red.

"Hell no." I replied quickly, keeping my voice down. Not that mattered; the lobby had music playing and Monte and Longineu were acting like five year olds. Lisa shook her head, and I noticed Adam was arguing with man behind the desk. Oh, this wasn't good. This really, really wasn't good. '_Relax, Tommy. What's the worst thing that could happen? You probably just got the wrong room sizes_.' When Adam walked back over, he held the keys in his hands, his face exhausted.

"Here Lisa, this is your room. Monte, you and me got the room next to hers, and Tommy—" he started to say. But Monte's expression and sudden outburst cut him off.

"Hang on a second, Adam. Me and Longineu have the room next to Lisa's. We're _always_ roommates, and that ain't chaging now." Adam looked annoyed. Like, really annoyed. But he sighed heavily.

"Alright, well, then me and Tommy have the room on the end of the hall." He finished. My eyes widened and I had to swallow my protest. We couldn't argue now. We had just gotten a truce, and now this shit storm was going to jeopardize that. Fucking hell. Fuck hell twice over and then my life. Monte and Longineu ran off, Lisa lingering before she, too, left. Great. I was stuck with Adam in a hotel room, and we were going to be here a while. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"You think we'll be able to get along well enough to _not_ kill each other?" He asked me.

"Dunno… but I supposed we're going to have to try." I really wasn't any happier about it, but we really did have to try. "Let's get out of the lobby. We look like a couple of loons." I muttered, walking towards the elevator. Adam started laughing, and continued laughing. I gave him a weird look at first, but eventually I was smirking and suppressing my own chuckles. Damn Lambert. God, getting along with him was harder than I thought, since I could think of a hundred different things to say. But I had more of a drive to stay in the band than to bitch Adam out about anything. I sighed as the elevator stopped on our floor, and we walked in silence to our room. 1408. Awesome.

Adam unlocked the room and we stepped inside. Decent size, two beds, one night stand between them with a lamp. There was a clock hanging on the wall, contemporary and modern. The floor was plush carpet of coffee cream, a plasma TV hanging, complete with a DVD player and four complementary movies. Different genres for each; I could see easily that one of the movies was Saw, and I smiled. Yay, horror for me.

The door slipped shut and Adam and I both stared at the beds. "I want the bed closes to the window." We said together. We glanced at each other, and I could feel my blood boiling. No, no, I couldn't fight with him now. I couldn't. Not if we were trying to make this a little bit easier. Shit, shit, shit.

"Umm— you take it." I said softly, dropping my bags on the floor by the dresser.

"No, you." Adam responded. I bit down on my bottom lip. Great. We were going to argue over who should have the bed over who. I exhaled softly, and Adam shifted from one foot to the other. Oh, this was going to be awkward.

"Tell you what; they change the sheets every day, so we can trade off. You can have it one night, I'll have it the next? That way we both get it." I reasoned, trying to ignore the pang of disgust I felt at the idea of sleeping in the same bed that Adam did. At least I wouldn't be sleeping in the bed _with_ him— ugh. No, bad images. Not happening. Ever.

"Sure… Do you want it tonight?" I swallowed hard.

"Nah. I'm so fucking tired right now, I could crash on the bathroom floor." I muttered under my breath, but loud enough that Adam could hear. I crouched down and opened up my bag, pulling out a clean t-shirt and a pair of sweats. Standing up again, I cross to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I flicked the light switch and set my clothes on the counter. I reached down and turn on the faucet, cupping my hands underneath and splashing cold water on my face. I sighed softly, shutting the water off and grabbing the hand towel, drying my face. Tossing the towel aside, I strip out of my clothes and tug on the new ones. Wishing I had the energy to take a shower, I gathered my dirty clothes and carried them back out into the room with me, dropping them onto my bag.

Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed by the window, messing with his phone. He'd stripped out of his jacket and his boots were tucked beside the opposite side of the dresser. His phone clicked a few times before he set it down on the desk beside the window. I stretched my arms over my head, my spine cracking in a few places before I sighed, dropping my arms. The light was starting to fade in through the window. Adam grabs the curtains and pulls them shut. Good idea. I didn't want to be blinded while trying to sleep.

"I'm going to bed." I said softly, running my fingers through my hair. It was a greasy mess, but I was too tired to care. I could shower when I woke up again, which wouldn't be for several hours. Crossing over to the bed, I pulled the blankets back and slid under the covers, pulling them up to my chin. "Night." I muttered. There was a long silence for a moment, before Adam passed by my bed, heading to the bathroom.

"Night." I closed my eyes and began to drift when he called from the bathroom.

"By the way, we've gotta be up at two, heading out by three for sound check." I frowned, not bothering to open my eyes.

"What's the plan for today anyway?"

"Some kind of late night show. It's tomorrow, but they wanted us to make sure we were all prepped for everything. You, me and Monte are gonna be guests, then we'll perform." I sighed softly. Awesome.

"Alright. I'll get you up at quarter to two." I suggested, feeling my body slip. He was silent for a long while more, and before I passed out I heard him speak.

"Thanks, Tommy… I appreciate that."


	8. Champagne's For Celebrating

**Chapter 8: Champagne's For Celebrating****  
****Adam's POV**

Tommy + Hotel Room With Adam x Second Chance With the Band = Nice Tommy?

Shit, if I knew he could be this nice just by kicking him out, I would have done it a long time ago. Although, I'm actually shocked that he's being kind. He's reasoning with me instead of fighting with me. He offered to wake me up in time to leave?

My head is pounding. I can't take so much confusion in one day. It's like my entire fucking life is bipolar. Here you are, Mr. Lambert, a life of fame, fortune, and adoring fans. Oh, but Mr. Lambert, along with that you get this! Your very own pain in the ass who sometimes is nice to you, sometimes has perverted sex dreams about you, sometimes kicks rocks at you, and sometimes calls you the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer. Will there be any dessert with your life, Mr. Lambert?

NO! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE!

I can't even handle what's happening right now. Maybe a blistering hot shower will distract me enough not to think about this anymore. And I really need a shower. I look like a mess. I turn the knob in the shower but only the hot one. I've grown really use to taking intensely hot shower, I actually forget to turn the cold water on. I strip out of my dirty clothes and pull the shower curtain shut. A clear shower curtain. What the fuck were designers for this hotel thinking? I just had a terrible feeling that this would end badly.

Oh well, if Tommy walked in, he could enjoy the view. He does have dreams about my after all.

A light smirk plays at the corner of my mouth. Was I actually _liking _the idea of Tommy thinking about me like that? Oh ew, gross. Oh how revolting and so completely- OW! God damn. A bar of soap had fallen from its self and onto the shower's floor. I stepped on it and suddenly my feet were over my head. Ow… ow ow ow! I'm going to have a huge bruise on my hip when I wake up, which will probably look like someone held onto me too tightly while fucking me. Fucking awesome.

A door somewhere off in the distance opened. Well, it sounded like it was a little distance away but that was because of the shower. It was really the bathroom door, and oh perfect, Tommy's standing in the frame. I would have gone red if the hot water hadn't turned my skin a light red color already. Tommy's hands went up to his face to sort of cover his eyes. "Oh geez… I heard something fall and I was worried you were hurt…" he said. "I- I didn't know you were taking a shower!" Apparently me slipping and falling was louder than the patter of shower water.

This is so fucking embarrassing! And the only things I have to cover myself with are my hands. There is a God and she hates me. Maybe he really does hate homosexuals… Well, that settles it. I'm not going back to temple ever again. "I'm fine! Please shut the door!" And to my relief, Tommy slams the door shut. A shower was maybe not the best idea, but now that I'm here I'm going to finish it.  
The boiling water leaves my skin hot and tingly but it never managed to distract me enough to keep my mind from wander to places I wish it wouldn't: Tommy. On top of everything that happened, now he's seen me naked? Seriously? Anybody else could have walked in on me showering with a clear shower curtain and everything would be completely fine but it had to be Tommy.

I don't blame Tommy though. More like Monte, since he wouldn't just room with me. My supposed best friend wouldn't room with me? He was going to get an earful tomorrow! As I linger on things I can say or maybe shout at Monte tomorrow, I dry off with a towel, which leaves my hair frizzed. I'll fix it in the morning. I pull on a white tank and a pair of gray sweats which are rolled up to my knees.  
Please let Tommy be sleeping. Please! I open the bathroom door and shut the light off. Sneaking over to my bed is easy considering Tommy's sawing logs. Oh god, does he always snore like that? Looks like I'll have to break out the ear plugs for more than just performing. Ugh, tomorrow is going to be hell because I still won't have any rest and I haven't eaten in almost two days now. Hope nobody important finds out about that little detail, especially Monte… Fuck my life over for a third time.

At least the bed is soft enough to curl up in. Despite how comfortable I am and how tired I am, I don't fall asleep. Tommy's snoring made sure of that, and when a quarter to two rolls around, I'm still awake. Tommy shakes me gently, and my hip rotates onto the bed and it hurts. I groan in protest. I'm exhausted and I don't want to get up and make the world believe that I'm alright. "Time to get up, Adam," Tommy says in a dreary tone. He's still tired but at least he got some sleep.

"Alright, alright," I mutter just to get him to stop shaking me. My hip is shouting at me. Slowly, I get out of bed and stretch. My muscles are sore and they don't want to carry my weight. Oh well, they'll have to deal with it.

"Wow, Adam, are you alright? You kind of look like hell," Tommy says. I don't even care about the insult. I know I look like hell.

"I'm fine…" _Your snoring is just fucking louder than a chain saw!_ "Just not enough sleep," _and you walked in on my taking a shower!_ Does my life just repeatedly suck or is it just me?

Today's attire consists of skinny jeans, only they're not jeans, they're leather. Zebra print with shimmers. Sexy. A black shirt, form fitting, with a black jacket over that. I'll need to do something about my hair too. I just hope that it isn't permanently stuck up in a frenzy like it is now. When I turn to go into the bathroom, I see Tommy starring at me. His eyes are burning into my entire being, my soul, everything. "Um… thanks for waking me up…" Even though I was never asleep because of your snoring. "I'm going to get dressed and fix my hair. Probably be a while so you can get ready out here," I say and hardly see Tommy nod before I rush into the bathroom and slam the door behind me, locking it just to be on the safe side.

On go my tiger pants, followed by the shirt. I hang the jacket up until I'm done. Minty fresh breath first, followed by lotion, and then tackling my bird's nest of what I call hair. It takes me almost twenty minutes to get it normal looking, but it eventually gets close enough to where I want it; A slight spike, neatly kept. I look myself over once and decide, for only having two hours of sleep over the last twenty-four hours, that I look pretty damn good. Hot even.

Oh joy. Hopefully no girls try to French me today. That would just make the shit list of my bipolar life even longer. "Can I come out, Tommy?" I ask, wanting to make sure I don't walk into the room while he's naked. Oh, gross! Images!

"I've been ready for twenty minutes!" he calls back. Of course he has cause I take "longer than a girl" to get ready according to Monte. But I suppose I can't deny that. Beauty takes time, so I don't mind. I look good in public, most of the time, anyway.

"Sorry… My hair doesn't seem to like me much, so I take forever…" I say quietly and pull my jacket on as I walk out of the bathroom. We made it through one night without a fight, so maybe things would just keep getting better? Fat chance Lambert, bipolar remember? Yeah yeah, I remember all right. I pull my boots on and pull the leather pants down over them. "We should get going. Don't want to be late."

Tommy smiles slightly. "We'll blame Monte if we are," he says. Seems he has an agenda against Monte too. Maybe we can bond over something. HA! That's a good one Adam! Fucking hilarious!

A sinister smile spreads across my lips too. "Now that sounds like brilliant idea!"

"Isn't he supposed to be your best friend?" Tommy asks, laughing at the same time. Only… his laugh kind of sounds like a giggle. What the fuck? Tommy giggles? And he claims he's straight? Straight men don't giggle. Straight men are also usually taller than the girls they hook up with.

"Well yeah, but not today. He's kind of going a little over board with the whole 'you two need to get along' thing," I say with a shrug and walk over to the door. "Let's get going." Tommy giggles again and follows after me. The rest of the band is waiting down in the lobby for us. Monte looks annoyed. Lisa and Longineu were pretty much pretending not to know him. I wish I could do that.

Monte approached Tommy and me. "What the hell, Adam? We've got like ten minutes to make it to sound check!" he spat.

I only smiled. "Well, then I suppose you should get in the car so we can leave, Monte," I say and walk out to the limo that's waiting for all of us. One by one, we climb into the back and I'm sandwiched between Tommy and Longineu. Heat rises between Tommy and myself. A light blush rushes across my face, remembering last night when he walked into the bathroom. This was a little too close for comfort…

"Don't get too cozy," Lisa says to mostly me and Tommy. Shut the fuck up Lisa! God! I know she's the only other one that knows about Tommy's dream, but really, is it absolutely necessary to say something about it?

Tommy and Longineu raise their eyebrows and both look over at us. "What?" they ask in unison.

Tommy and I glance at each other. "Oh, don't tell us. You two got drunk, hooked up, and realized your underlying love for each other, right? And now you're the world's happiest couple?" Monte asks, almost seeming sincere. "And there won't be any more fights or arguing or anything like that? It'll just be cuddling an kissing in awkward situations? Then we can all laugh at you for kissing during an interview or something ridiculous like that?"

"No, Monte, we're not in love and we didn't have sex last night," I say, frowning. Tommy and me having sex? His pale, smooth skin exposed. His small frame shaking with ecstasy while his calloused fingers run over the sensitive regions of my body… A bed squeaking and groaning, unable to take our intense-

"ADAM?" Monte shouts.

"What?" I respond, opening my eyes. Whoa I was daydreaming… I haven't done that in years. I shift on the leather seat, only to feel tightness from my pants. Oh god… No, not here, not now, not for _him. _I pull my jacket off and set it down in my lap quickly. "Is it just me or is it hot in here?"

"It's just you and we're here already," Monte says and climbs out of the car. Everyone else is already walking to the studio, so hopefully nobody noticed my little problem? Geez, I hope not…

I stand up, still holding my jacket in front of me. "Alright, well I really need to go to the bathroom, so I'll meet you in there," I say and run off in search of a bathroom. Monte is shouting after me. Something like "why didn't you go at the hotel?" but I wasn't listening. There was a huge problem forming in my pants and I needed to fix it!

Luckily I found a bathroom rather quickly and I slipped inside, locking the door. One buckle, button, and zipper later, my aching shaft is breathing. I hate doing this… It makes me feel dirty. I don't understand why people like masturbating. Really, it's just sad, but sometimes you can't avoid it. Like right now, it's necessary, unless I want to go to sound check with a massive erection. That would end perfectly.

My lower lip hurts from me chewing on it. I don't want to moan as I adjust myself, so I bit my lip. I climax, leaving my hand covered in, well… you know. Ugh. I wash my hands and then fix my pants. The band is probably peeved that I just ran off but what else could I do? Go up there and perform with massive throbbing in my pants? That would give a whole new definition to the term my fans created; the Glambulge.

The band has just finished setting up when I meet them for sound check. "Sorry about that…" I mumbled. They're all giving me strange looks and I wonder if they know. My bottom lip is red from me chewing on it, and I look a little more exhausted then I did ten minutes ago. Ignoring their stares, I move over to the microphone and take it off its place on the stand.

"Let's do this."


	9. Stand Up And Admit

**Chapter Nine: Stand up and admit**

I wasn't sure how I was able to sleep. After walking in on Adam in the shower (who the fuck invented transparent shower curtains, anyway?), I was certain that I wouldn't be able to. But, it's like… I was just concerned. I'd heard him fall, for fuck's sake! I wanted to make sure he wasn't dead or anything because that would have been just a little gross. Being in a hotel room with a dead person? Not exactly high on my priority list for life.

But I couldn't get it out of my head. It was the most revolting thing I could have ever walked in on. With the steam and the heat of the room and then Adam being all— God. I was shaking when I got back to my bed. It's like it was burned into my mind and every time I closed my eyes, it was the only thing I would see, just like a being blinded by the sun. It was a spot, but it refused to fade away and let me sleep. It was there, haunting me and making me want to vomit.

I don't know how long I laid in my hotel bed, staring at the wall wondering how the fuck I was going to go to sleep when every time I closed my eyes all I would see was… was… _it_. Curved under the steaming hot water and throbbing red and… I was going to puke. I was going to puke because I was still thinking about it and I wasn't even closing my eyes. I yawned, blinking— oh, wait. I was closing my eyes… Fuck! God damn it. God motherfucking damn it.

However, I slept decently. I didn't know how exactly, though, but I managed it. And in that sleep, I dreamed. I dreamed things that I didn't want to dream and I dreamed things that left me blushing when I woke up. Blushing and wanting to utterly kill myself. My face was flushed and I was breathing, completely disgusted and wanting to grab the singer from his bed and throw him out a window. But I told myself that I wouldn't. I couldn't. The band (and the millions of sex-crazed fans with insane imaginations) needed Adam. I couldn't throw him out a window. I wasn't strong enough.

Instead, I thought of dead puppies and saggy boobs as I shook Adam awake. I couldn't let him see me in the state that I was in. He'd never let me hear the end of it. But I realized that after shaking him awake, I didn't need to think of dead puppies or saggy, old boobs. I only had to look at Adam to lose the morning wood that I really, really didn't want. He looked horrible. Sickly almost. Maybe he hadn't slept well. Maybe he hadn't slept at all. Well… I did have a snoring problem… Fuck…

Adam grabbed his clothes and muttered a few things to me. I only nodded as he rushed off to the bathroom (though I noticed his was limping. What the hell happened to him in the shower?), before crossing to my bag to get my own clothes. I wasn't really sure what I was going to wear though. I wasn't like Adam, I didn't plan out my clothes for the next century. I didn't know exactly how to style my hair or what shade of kohl black went with gay skinny jeans. I wasn't like Adam. I would never be like Adam.

So why was it that made me a little depressed?

Shaking my head, I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans, a dark grey t-shirt and, my personal favorite, my black and grey striped sweatshirt. Casual. Comfortable. And still somewhat stylish. Fuck. I pulled a pair of socks on, covering them with my creepers. Ahh, yeah. My babies. Got I loved these boots. They gave me an extra four to five inches of height to my already lame shortness. I sat on the edge of my bed, glancing to my right and out the window. It was a nice afternoon. And I was stuck in a hotel room with Adam-fucking-Lambert.

Funny. Yesterday, I would have wanted to kill myself at the idea. And yet, here I was, twenty four hours after calling him a cock-sucking queer and I had the greatest enjoyment of seeing him naked. Yes, that was sarcasm.

Fuck. My. Life.

"Can I come out, Tommy?" I had to restrain myself from saying that he already was out, and a bit too much for my liking. I bit down on my tongue for a moment, before exhaling slowly.

"I've been ready for twenty minutes." I called back to him, standing from the edge of the bed. That could have been an exaggeration, but I wasn't really counting either. It was a rough estimation. Whatever. Adam came out from the bathroom, slipping on his jacket as he did. Adam said something about his hair being a pain and that we should go, so as to not be any later than we already were. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"We'll blame Monte if we are." I told him, and I saw a light burning in his eyes. A light of mischief. So, Adam and I had something in common. We both wanted vengeance on Monte. Oh God, we had something in common…

"Now, that sounds like a _brilliant_ idea!" Adam said with a wide smile, and I couldn't help but to start laughing.

"Isn't he supposed to be your friend?" The problem with my laugh was that it came off more as a giggle, but I couldn't stop myself. I felt like a fool, and incredibly gay. Ugh!

"Well yeah, but not today. He's kind of going a little over board with the whole 'you two need to get along' thing." He said, opening the door of our hotel room. I passed him, nodding in thanks (to be nice) as we walked down the long hallway towards the elevator. It was otherwise silent between us, not that I was complaining, really. I didn't have an interest in much conversation. As it was, I was still trying to shake last night from my mind, but I just couldn't manage it the way I wanted to. It wouldn't leave me alone.

We arrived in the lobby, and Monte was the epitome of pissed. I kept my head down as he yelled at Adam. We were shepherded into the limo waiting out front, and somehow Adam and I managed to be squeezed next to each other. After last night's occurrence, this was the last thing that I wants to happen, but I had to deal with it as we rolled forward. There was a heat that was rising across my face and I turned my head towards the window to keep from making anything awkward. Not that I had to worry about it, for Lisa's voice filled the limo with a comment directed at myself and Adam.

"Don't get too cozy." She said. I raised an eyebrow, but internally I was rolling my eyes. What the fuck ever Lisa. Monte and Longineu look over at us, their faces confused as ever. I glanced over at Adam, dismayed that he was looking over at me at the exact same time. Monte streamed off on a rant that I wasn't paying any attention to, which left me thrown off guard at Adam's response.

"No, Monte, we're not in love and we didn't have sex last night." What the fuck? Me and Adam having sex? Fuck no! Ew, fuck, fuck, fuck! God, no! What would possess Monte to suggest that Adam and I had _done it_ together? I blinked, frowning and looking away. No. I could never have sex with Adam, that was the most repulsive thing that could ever happen—! So why was it when I glanced across the limo, there was a strange shape in the corner of my eye. I blinked, tilting my head down and rubbing the back of my neck nonchalantly. My eyes drifted to the shape, and I wanted to vomit.

Adam was sitting _right next _to me. And he was turned on.

Ew.

I looked away, back out the window and trying to shake the images that were creeping upon me like wildfire. Last night's shower and then this? I couldn't take this. There was too much gay going on for me to handle and I had half a mind to leap across the limo and curl up beside Lisa. That was perhaps the one thing I envied about women. You can't tell when they're turned on.

The city flashed by and we eventually made it to the studio. I practically kicked the door open, throwing myself out onto the sidewalk. Anything to get away from Adam. Oh, God. He was turned on next to me! Next to _me_. '_You know, this really isn't helping your situation. You dreamed about him the other night, and now he's getting turned on while sitting next to you. Wonder what he was thinking about—_'

Don't know. Don't care. End of story. Let's move.

Adam pulled himself from the limo and muttered something about needing to go to the bathroom. Monte, of course, wasn't happy about that, but I had to suppress my smirk. I knew exactly why he was needing to run off for privacy. '_Funny, he's this flamboyantly gay rock star, and he's got a problem performing with a hard on. What a loser._' I had to remind myself that I would have done it too.

We entered the studio, checking out our various instruments and making sure that everything was working good. We still had to wait for Adam and have him check to make sure that it sounded good, but we messed around anyway. Monte and Longineu were cracking jokes by the drum set and Lisa was idly messing with her keyboard. I plucked a few strings now and then, tuning my bass to perfection before randomly playing. This was what I did when I was bored. I would play and think.

And unfortunately, I was thinking about Adam. Great. But I was just curious; what had he been thinking about that made him so incredibly horny in the back of a limo? '_Think about it Tommy… Monte had made a comment about the two of you sleeping together and being in love. As disgusting as that is, maybe that's what he was thinking about_.' Well, it made sense. And if that was the case, then I wasn't the only awkward person. Yeah, I had a dream about kissing Adam, but he daydreamed about sleeping with me.

God.

"Hey, you okay?" Lisa came over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I smiled slightly and I nodded once, plucking a few strings more.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked me. I glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow. She should've known, despite the fact that I really would've rather not have been thinking about _him_. "Ah. Adam?" I nodded once. She patted my shoulder a few times before crossing over to where Monte and Longineu were talking. Not long after, Adam came rushing out to the studio, looking a little more exhausted than he had before. I frowned, pretending not to be interested. His bottom lip was red. I snorted softly. So, I was right after all. Haha.

"Let's do this." Adam said, taking the mic off the stand.

Sound check slash rehearsal went by with a breeze. We had about an hour before we had to go out, do our interview and performance, so I decided to head backstage and get something to drink. I was thirsty as fuck and really, really wanting to get away from everyone else. Especially Adam. I could feel his eyes burning into my back through most of check, and I just wanted some time alone.

Grabbing a cup of water, I pressed the rim to my lips, taking a long, slow drink. Ah, sweet bliss of cool refreshments. I gulped the water down, tossing the cup into the trashcan that rested below the table. I reached for another one when Adam came up beside me, grabbing a cup for himself. He muttered a soft 'excuse me' as he reached slightly in front of me, and I took a step back for him to gain better access. He sipped on his water slowly, and I peered at him from above my cup, pulling it away from my lips for a moment.

"So… Had a bit of an issue, huh?" I said, hiding my smirk. Adam's face went a little red, but he pretended not to know what I was talking about

"What?" He asked. His face was a mask, but his eyes betrayed everything. They were embarrassed that I knew. I smirked, taking another drink before tossing the second cup.

"You know what I mean. The limo. The need to run to the bathroom." I said softly, crossing my arms over my chest. He sighed, finishing his water and tossing the cup.

"Don't tell anyone. Please?" He asked, his speech sounding an awful lot like mine, when I had begged Lisa not to tell about my dream. I wondered if she kept her promise. I glanced over at Adam, studying his face for a moment before looking away again, walking off.

"I won't." I told him over my shoulder.


	10. Sweet Pandemonium

**Chapter 10: Sweet Pandemonium****  
****Adam's POV**

The interviews took too long and I got too many strange stares from the interviewers and the audiences, probably from my sickly appearance no doubt… But eventually the interviews were over and we were back at the hotel. At this point, I didn't even care about Tommy or Monte or anything else but sleeping. I was so tired; I didn't even think I would make it to the hotel room. If you need a reference on how tired am I: I don't even care that Tommy knows I had to go jerk off earlier at the studio.

I swiped the card through Tommy and my door and pushed the door open. Now, imagine my reaction when I saw there was only _one_ bed in the room. I knew this was the right room. _My key worked for God's sake_, so why was there only _one_ bed? "Fuck no," I said rather loudly. I'm tired of bullshit from hotels. I'm tired of people messing up stupid shit that should just be left alone. I'm tired of wanting to pull my own hair out (because I'm rather fond of my hair!)

Tommy muttered some sort of profanity but I wasn't listening. I had already spun on my heels and was on my way back down to the front desk. Tommy followed after me, but I didn't care if he was there or not. I was about to bitch out a night manager and I could have cared less if someone filmed it and posted on Twitter or facebook.

"Where is my second bed?" I barked at the night manager sitting behind the front desk. "I paid you for a two bed room and there were two beds there last night! Now there's only one! "Where the fuck did it go?"

"I'm sorry Mister… um… Lambiff?" Oh cute. A mixture of my name and Tommy's name. Does _everyone_ think we're in love or something? Or is this man really just a fucking moron? "We had to take one of the beds because a one bedroom bed broke apart."

A growl erupted from my throat. "You couldn't have taken a bed from some other room? Or, I don't know, make the couple who broke it with their obnoxious sex to sleep on the floor or find a new hotel?" Was it obvious that I was pissed? Good, because I would hope people didn't think I was this mean all of the time. "I want it put back."

"I'm sorry Mr. Lambiff, but-"

"My name is _Lambert_! Adam LAMBERT!" I growled, cutting him off.

Now the man looked somewhat afraid, which he should be. I'm exhausted and I've had a terrible couple of days and I'm ready to take my anger out on the first person availed, which just so happens to be this night manager. "I can't put it back, I'm sorry… We'll cut the cost of your room but that's the best I can do Mr. Lambert…" he said quietly, looking away from me. He was scared. I don't blame him much because I really wanted to hit him!

"I'm not paying you a cent then, since I'm not satisfied. Trust me, there are so many worse things I could do to you and your hotel," I said evenly. Okay, I sounded like a diva, but hey, everyone thought I was a diva, so why not get the perks of it? I turned and walked back up to the bedroom, not caring what the night manager was babbling about.

"What are we going to do now?" Tommy muttered, following behind me.

"We share the bed and stay as far apart as possible. It's big enough for Monte and Longineu to fit in between us. We shouldn't have a problem," I said quietly and walked back into the room. I went into the bathroom, washed my face off, and changed into soft pajama pants and a tank. Nothing else but sleep mattered. Not even Tommy. I brought my earplugs, so I won't have to hear Tommy's army of crickets.

Tommy had changed into something similar to what I was wearing when I came out. "We're really going to share a bed?" he asked, sounding somewhat revolted. I had to bite my tongue, resisting the urge to say something like "what do you care? You're the one who was dreaming about me". But I also had to remind myself that I had a daydream about _us doing it_. Ew. What the fuck is wrong with me? God, gross. Having sex with Tommy? First things first, I don't think he's big enough for any form of sexual intercourse and second, it's still just disgusting!

"Look, you aren't going to catch "gay" by sleeping four feet away from me, okay? If you don't like it, you can sleep on the floor. Comfy and have a nice night," I said and lay down on one side of the bed, facing the window. I put the earplugs in and a minute later the bed moved slightly as Tommy laid down on the other side. I guess he was tired, like me, but not as desperate for the sleep.

To my surprise, I was asleep in a few minutes. After no sleep for over forty-eight hours, I suppose that'll happen to you. Sleep is a cruel yet necessary mistress that you always have to keep despite the fact that you're married to life.

It was a great joy and relief that I was sleeping, but with sleep, dreams came. Dreams that did not make my arrangement any better. First I had a dream about punching Monte in the face, which was actually nice, but then… Other dreams…

_Tommy was pressed up against the side of the hot, steaming shower. His bangs clung to the side of his face from the water and sweat. His face was contorted into a look of pure ecstasy. Why? Because I was pushed up against him, in between his thighs. His slim legs were wrapped around my waist and his nails were scarping along my back. My teeth raked across his neck and shoulder and my hips repeatedly pounded in to his._

Oh my God, not again. I don't want to think about sleeping with Tommy. I don't even _like_ Tommy, so why are my hormones completely out of wack about this? All I did know was that I could not take much more of this. Maybe it's just retaliation towards Drake… I'm still not quite over that asshole.

I roll over in my sleep and wrap my arms around a blanket. Thankfully that makes the dream shift to something a little more tolerable. Back to punching Monte in the face and getting drunk with the band. Surprisingly, this dream lasted for most of the night but it shifted to something more like a nightmare. It was like I was one of the Kids from the movie My Bloody Valentine and my arms tightened around the blanket, only now the blanket was… holding me too? It must have gotten tangled around me in my sleep.

"Guys? Are you up?" Lisa called from behind the door, knocking on it lightly. "You need to get up!" One of the earplugs must have fallen out when I rolled over because I could hear her, and Tommy groaning too. I didn't open my eyes but the blanket in my arms started turning. Okay, what the fuck? Blankets do NOT move!

My eyes fluttered open and what did I find there? Tommy, lying in my arms with his arms wrapped around me. He opened his eyes, still looking sleepy and he stared at me for a minute. We stared at each other for a minute. I snorted and we jumped apart, both of us falling off of the bed in a classic movie scene. Did any of you have any idea that things in movies actually happened so well in real life? "Ew, ew, what the hell, Adam?" Tommy exclaimed, standing up from the floor on the other side of the bed. "What happened to sleeping on opposite sides of the bed?"

"Hey! This is _not_ my fault, Tommy! You were cuddling me too you know!" I snapped. Nothing could be worse than this…

"I…" He couldn't form a sentence. I don't think he realized that he_was_ holding me until just now. What a loser. "I thought you were a pillow…"

"Oh right, because every pillow is this big! Honestly Tommy, how could you think something like that?" I exclaimed, although I wasn't much better… I thought he was a blanket after all. But blankets could be big and Tommy was… not big…

Another knock rang through the room. "Are you guys alright?" Lisa called through the door, annoyed that nobody was answering her.

"We're fine!" I called.

"We most certainly are not fine!" Tommy retaliated.

"Tommy, for once in your life will you shut the fuck up, please?" I asked. So much for getting along…

Lisa jiggled the door handle, trying to open it. "What's going on in there?" she called, now worried about us. Awesome. "Will one of you please let me in or something? Don't leave me out here looking like an idiot!" I moved over to the door and opened it for her. She stumbled in and looked around at us. "What is going on?"

Tommy and I looked at each other for a while in silence. Should we tell her? What was the point in lying? She probably knew something was up anyhow. "Tommy and I woke up cuddling…" I muttered. Wow, that sounds so humiliating. If a reporter ever heard that… We'd be labeled as a couple for sure. Not that the fans weren't already writing fan fiction about us falling in love after the AMAs and having hot, passionate sex every night. To public eyes: we were a couple and we were extremely sexy and happy… UGH.

Lisa raised an eyebrow, part of her expression showing her amusement. She looked at me, probably laughing on the inside at my blushing face. Finally, _finally_ she looked over at Tommy, who wore a pretty similar expression to mine. "Perhaps it's time you spilled, Tommy," she said. Spilled what? The dream thing? Oh. Fuck. No. I already know, but I don't think I can deal with him actually telling me that he was dreaming about me.

Tommy must have known what she was talking about because his chocolate eyes grew huge. Chocolate eyes? Oh god, now I'm even calling his eyes a flattering "chocolate" instead of disgusting "brown". "Lisa, no," he said, his voice shaking lightly. I had no idea he was this affected by what was going on. Great, more sympathy for Thomas…

"Tommy… Hiding things isn't helping your situation much. Maybe things would get better if you just… admitted what's going on. I know you don't want to but…" Lisa said but I stopped her.

"He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, Lisa. And if he doesn't want to admit… whatever it is you're talking about, he doesn't have to," I said. I actually didn't want to see Tommy like this. Behind his uncaring, I'm such a hard ass attitude, he was somewhat confused and frightened, which was a form of pain. I knew pain. I hated that people around me had to be in pain, but what was the worst thing? Tommy's pain was mostly my fault. And here we go with the water works again. I feel the need to cry but I don't want to. Not anymore.

They both stared at me, Lisa with a more knowing look. She felt she knew what was best. I didn't blame her, she just wanted to help. Tommy looked more shocked than anything else and I couldn't help but frown. "You don't have to," I repeated and walked past Lisa through the still-open door. I wasn't sure where I was going but I just had to get away from that room. I had to get away from all these uncontrollable feelings and emotions. The air was so thick with confusion; I thought it was possible to suffocate in that room.

Maybe something to eat would help? Yeah right, Lambert, like you could keep food down. You haven't eaten in two and a half days and that's probably not going to change anytime soon.


	11. There's Always Been A Tiny Part Of Me

**Chapter Eleven: There's always been a tiny part of me I'm trying to hide**

**(Tommy's POV)**

Something told me, during the limo ride back to the hotel, that there was going to be a complication. That something was going to go wrong the second we set foot back into our room. I tried to ignore the feeling. I tried to push it aside and blankly stare out the window, but it just kept nagging me. Like an itch that won't go away. It hung in the pit of my stomach, just turning over and over and over until it eventually made me sick.

Even still, walking down the hallway, just behind Adam, the feeling wouldn't leave me alone. If anything, it got worse. And when Adam unlocked our door and swung it open, my stomach just about fell through the floor, crashing miles and miles down until it reached the pits of hell, where I'm sure Satan and his lackeys were nomming on it with some sense of glee.

First off, I was impressed with the cleaning. Very nice job. The air smelled like mint (why was it always mint?), and the curtains were pulled open, letting in the light as if it was a beacon (very descriptive, way to go, me). But there was a teeny, tiny subtle difference. One that left both myself and Adam staring at the room in silence for about… oh, three seconds before Mr. Lambert decided to go all black woman diva, swearing quite loudly and storming back down the hall.

That teeny, tiny subtle difference? There was only one bed in the room.

Oh hell no.

"They can't be fucking serious…" I muttered after catching up with him, but Adam wasn't paying attention to me. True, I was pissed, as I had every right to be, but looking at his face, I had to suppress my laughter into soft coughs hidden behind the back of my hand. He was funnier than a Snicker's commercial.

…Fuck.

We were in the lobby faster that I could have thought. Perhaps the elevator system sensed the angry aura of gay diva and decided to work in hyper drive mode or something. I wasn't really aware of much of anything though. My head was warping around various other things. Like my dream about Adam I had on the bus. And then the fact we had to share a room. And that I walked in on him taking a shower. His little daydreaming and arousal in the limo. And now this. We were down to one bed in our hotel room, and the guy behind the counter made it very clear at five o'clock this morning that there were no other rooms available.

Despite the bed issues, it was late, I was tired, and Adam's yelling wasn't making my growing headache go away. I wasn't too keen on listening until I heard the manager completely fuck up Adam's last name— _Lambiff_? I thought about it for a moment, before fuming with disgust and anger. Lambiff… It was a combination of mine and Adam's last names. _Ugh!_ So not cool, Mr. Night Manager, sir.

The arguing commenced, and my headache was now a full blown migraine. Fuck, how long did it take to sort out a missing bed case, sheesh! I was about ready to haul my skinny ass over the counter and beat the shit out of this guy. True, my size gave the assumption that I couldn't do shit, but I was actually pretty strong. Not to mention I was a fast motherfucker.

There was a lot more shouting and arguing before Adam stormed off again (he was quite good at that), and I followed in pursuit like a puppy. Ugh. I was beginning to wish that I had stayed up in the hotel room, just because this entire thing was ridiculous. They couldn't have taken anyone else's bed? No, they had to take ours. It just… fucking figured. '_God must really hate me today… No, not just today. This entire fucking month._' I thought to myself as we returned to the room without saying much of anything to each other.

"What are we gonna do now?" I asked him, pulling my creepers off and sighing heavily. I loved those boots, but fuck they killed me sometimes.

"We share the bed and stay as far apart as possible. It's big enough for Monte and Longineu to fit in between us. We shouldn't have a problem." Adam said, before grabbing clothes and walking into the bathroom. I stripped quickly, not wanting him to come out and see me half naked or completely naked. Tossing the day's attire aside, I slipped into a pair of flannel pajama pants. I had half a mind to sleep without a shirt, since that was usually the norm for me. But then I reminded myself that I'd be sharing the bed with Adam, and I grabbed one quickly, pulling it on over my head as Adam came walking out of the bathroom, cleaned up and wearing similar attire to mine.

"We're really going to share a bed?" I asked, really to no one in particular. It was one of those rhetorical questions. I wasn't expecting an answer, but part of me said that Adam was going to anyway. And that part of me was, of course, right. Awesome.

"Look, you aren't going to catch 'gay' by sleeping four feet away from me, okay? If you don't like it, you can sleep on the floor." He said tiredly, lying on the side of the bed that faced the window. That was my preferred spot, but I didn't want to argue with him, especially right now. It was late, we were both tired, and we had to find some way to keep this night, this whole month from getting any more awkward and tense than it already was. I sighed, slipping my headphones into my ears and turning up the volume to a modest level. Sure, Adam had earplugs in (not that I blamed him), but my headphones were strong motherfuckers.

Lights out and Manson blaring in my ears, I was asleep within minutes. A relief for some, but this was more like a nightmare in disguise. As with the last time that I had fallen asleep, my subconscious thoughts were graced with images of Adam in his birthday suit. Not what I wanted. And I could have easily opened my eyes and gotten rid of those images. But I was tired. I was _really, really_ fucking tired. So I didn't bother. I suffered through it until I fell asleep. And unfortunately, the dream wasn't much better, but at least I wasn't seeing Adam's dick behind my eyelids anymore…

_It was as if it was picking up straight from the dream I'd had on the bus, only now we were in the hotel, on the one and only bed. Adam was leaving butterfly kisses on my skin, but this time there was no female voice intruding. His hands shifted, gripping tightly onto my hips, pulling me closer to him as he bit down on my collar bone, sucking hard. Stars danced into my vision and my head lolled back, my eyes rolling into the back of my skull from pleasure. A groan escaped my lips and I shivered against him. Fuck…_

_One hand slid up into my hair, fingers threading through and pulling. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I _love_ my hair being pulled. It's the sexiest and most arousing thing anyone can do to me next to playing with my nipple rings. Yes, I have nipple rings, shut up._

"_Adam…" I moaned softly, want clawing at my stomach as my hips rocked up into his, trying to create some kind of friction, some kind of connection. Anything to get something. He chuckled against my skin, sucking sweetly on the side of my neck before kissing me again, his tongue trailing along my lower lip, practically begging to slip inside. My mouth opened just enough for him, and I shivered against his body, my nails digging into his back as I pulled him closer still…_

I heard Lisa shouting, and I could only assume that my headphones had fallen out of my ears. I groaned, shifting and squeezing the pillow in my arms tighter, before frowning. The pillow was soft, but oddly large. Whatever. She pounded on the door, telling us to get up. Ugh, fine, Lisa! But when the fuck did she become my mother? Ugh. The pillow shifted, and my heart pounded in my chest. Pillows don't move. At least, they shouldn't, unless they've got dust mites in them. Which in that case is fucking disgusting. Like, seriously. I didn't want someone else's dirty hair and skin follicle mites traveling with me for the next God knows how many days.

I shifted again, opening my eyes, wearily blinking a few times. In front of me were a pair of wide, shocked blue eyes. What the fuck? I stared back, sleepy at first before things began to piece together in my head. Adam and I had to share a bed, and we made an agreement to stay as far apart from one another. I thought I'd been holding onto a pillow, despite it being on the rather large scale. My heart slammed to a stop in my chest as realization hit me like a motherfucking truck.

Adam and I were holding each other.

It was a classic, knee-slapping Hollywood crack of a joke, the way Adam and I flung apart and off the bed, hitting the floor at the same time. No, seriously. We flew off the bed and _hit the fucking floor_ just to get away from each other. I stood, screaming at him about the whole 'staying on opposite sides of the bed'. He retaliated, saying that he wasn't at complete fault either, and that I was holding him too. I didn't want to think about it, because I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't… I would never… I didn't want to really touch Adam while I was awake, let alone cuddle him in my sleep. But there was no denying it. I had.

Lisa knocked at the door again, asking if we were okay. I glanced at the door, wishing that she would just go away so that I could get cleaned up and leave this fucking hotel room without having to deal with Adam much more. I didn't think that I could handle it. Between being stuck in a room with him, to seeing him in the shower, to sharing a bed with him and then waking up in his arms?

'_You liked it._'

Hold. The. Phone.

Fuck no.

'_Quit denying it._' But I didn't! I didn't like it! I didn't like Adam. But what I realized was that, even though I woke up in his arms and threw myself off the bed as if I was a fucking cartoon character from the nineteen-fifties, I didn't want to scrub my skin with steel wool. I had no desire to drop myself in a vat of waste to disintegrate my epidermis (see, I am smart!).

'_Exactly. Now stop denying it_.' I huffed softly. I wasn't denying anything.

"We're fine!" Adam called to Lisa from the floor on his side of the bed. I shot him a look, my eyes gleaming with annoyance.

"We most certainly are _not_ fine!" I shouted back, but more to Adam than Lisa. Why was he trying to lie?

'_Why are you trying to deny that you liked dreaming about Adam and waking up in his arms? Come on, Tommy, you were fucking squeezing and clinging onto him like his was the last person on Earth._' That wasn't true! I didn't like it! I didn't! I hated it. I hated that my emotions were out of whack about the one person that I couldn't stand! I hated that I was thinking about him all the time.

"Tommy, for once in your life, will you shut the fuck up, please?" Adam hissed at me, clearly just as annoyed with me as I was with him. But his comment left me biting on my tongue and my face flushing red.

After a few moments, Lisa came into the room, being informed by Mr. Diva, himself, what had happened that morning. For a moment, I wanted to leap over the bed and return the bruise that still lingered on my face to Adam. And then I wanted to wipe the growing smirk on Lisa's face. She was amused with the situation, that was evident. I didn't find it very funny, and I was irritated with the fact that she made such a big deal about it.

She turned to me, seeing my scarlet face. Her eyes held a kind of light with knowledge that made my throat close up. And I wanted to fall to my knees and beg her not to say anything. But of course, she's Lisa. She will say whatever she wants when she feels like it's necessary.

"Perhaps it's time you spilled, Tommy." No. No, I couldn't. I couldn't tell Adam, it only fucking happened _yesterday_!

'_A lot of things can happen in one day Tommy. Perhaps you should._' I couldn't! _I couldn't tell him_. Fuck, this was sounding like a really shitty soap opera. I was keeping something from Adam that could have potentially changed our situation. But I didn't want to because it was _fucking embarrassing!_

'_Tommy, he daydreamed about _fucking you_. That's better than dreaming about kissing._' Yeah, but two nights in a row?

"Lisa, no…" My voice shook, my eyes were wide. She sighed.

"Tommy… Hiding things isn't helping your situation much. Maybe things would get better if you just… admitted what's going on. I know you don't want to but…" Oh, God. She was going to tell him if I didn't. She… fuck…

"He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, Lisa." I stopped really listening at that point. My head snapped in Adam's direction, and I watched him continuing to talk, but I wasn't hearing anything. In plain retrospect, I was shocked. Adam— stood up for me? Against Lisa, of all people! Lisa was practically the Mother Hen of this entire band and Adam, whom I had insulted, _stood up for me_?

Holy shit.

Adam eventually walked out of the room, probably to go get some fresh air, a bite to eat. Ooohhh, breakfast. Food. Need. Want. I pulled myself to my feet, sighing heavily and rubbing the back of my neck. We were gonna be here for at least another two days. Two long, tiring, single bed filled days. Ugh. I wasn't looking forward to it. But I knew I would have to deal.

I looked up, seeing Lisa staring at me and shaking her head in a disapproving matter, her pajamas hugging her frame like a loose second skin. I bit down on my bottom lip, my face flushing again. I couldn't tell her that I dreamed about him again. That would give her more incentive to tell Adam if I didn't. And at the time, I really didn't want to.

"Tommy— you're going to tell him." She said with that motherly voice that knows all. I sighed heavily, dropping my gaze to the floor.

"Lisa, I can't." I told her, my voice cracking slightly. Fuck.

"You're going to have to at some point. You can't keep hiding things, especially from Adam." I glared at her, brushing past her.

"I don't have to tell him anything." I said, heading towards the door. I needed food, desperately. And if I remembered correctly, the hotel had complimentary breakfasts. Yum.

"If you won't then I will." I stopped, my hand resting on the door knob. My heart pounded in my ears as I stared at the door. I knew that she would if I didn't. That's just how Lisa was sometimes. She believed everyone had a right to know if there was a secret about them being kept. She believed that they had the right to make the decision to know or not. But this was about Adam.

Fuck, why was it always about the diva?

I clenched the door knob tighter. Normally, if this was about anything or anyone else, I wouldn't have cared if Lisa told. But I had dreamed about kissing Adam two nights in a row. I wanted to put my face into my hands and curl into a ball, but I couldn't act so weak. I turned the knob, pulling the door open and walking out. My bare feet padded on the carpet as I walked down the hall, towards the elevator. My head was swimming with what I should do and what I shouldn't do. One thing was certain, I was going to apologize about the cuddling. I don't know what might've happened, but I was going to promise that it wouldn't happen again.

'_Until you fall asleep, and then who knows what might happen._' Shut up.

I stepped into the elevator, thankful that it was empty. Pressing the lobby button, I leaned against the back wall, keeping my head down and my arms crossed in front of my chest. I couldn't tell him. But Lisa was right. I couldn't keep hiding it either. Fuck!

'_Just tell him. Stop denying that you're actually beginning to care._' Shut. Up.

The elevator doors slid open, and I stepped out into the lobby, passing through the few people checking in and out, and heading towards the dining area. I could smell hotel food, and my stomach growled. Ugh, when was the last time I had a decent meal? I mean seriously. I saw Longineu and Monte sitting at a table, horking down eggs, bacon, waffles, and coffee like no one else's business. But I didn't see Adam. Weird.

Shaking my head slightly, I grabbed a plate from the counter, crossing to the line of food, dumping eggs and sausage onto the plate, snatching a banana while I was at it too. Setting the plate down, I grabbed a mug and began to slowly fill it with coffee. I set it down next to my plate and I had just put the pot back into its holder when I felt fingers brush against the back of my shoulder. I jumped and turned, seeing Adam standing behind me.

"Can we talk?" He asked, and I blinked once, before nodding. Taking my plate and my coffee, I placed them on a table before following Adam away from the dining room, and down a hall. He stopped, standing in the middle of the hallway as I stood maybe a foot from him, my arms crossed in front of my chest. I was hoping that my hair (which I still wasn't too fond of) was hiding the blush that was beginning to cross my face. But I doubted it.

"Look, about the cuddling, I'm—"

"I'm—"

"—sorry." Unison. Oh, lovely. He looked over at me, and I looked away, biting down on my lower lip again.

"I acted out of line about it, and I… I feel really bad about that. I didn't mean to snap, I was just startled…" He said. I glanced back up at him, letting a breath escape my lips.

How did all of this happen? Just yesterday (maybe two days ago, I couldn't quite tell anymore) we were hating each other's guts. We would've done anything to just kill each other (okay, maybe that was me, but whatever). And here we were, apologizing to each other about cuddling. I've dreamt twice about kissing Adam, and he… Well… yeah. Two days ago we would have rather died than to share a hotel room, and yet we just shared a bed (not that we had any choice, really).

Fucking hell.

"Same here. I shouldn't have yelled at you, and I'm sorry that I did." Fuck, I was never one to apologize before this! What the hell had Adam done to me in two days?

He held his hand out to me. "Are we cool?" He asked. I looked up at him, a tug of a smile playing at the corner of my mouth, and I reached out, taking his hand. It was warm.

"We're cool." I said, and he smiled. He began to turn away, walking back towards the dining area. My heart pounded furiously in my chest. I could just tell him now and get it over with. I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Then Lisa wouldn't have to tell him either. I inhaled slowly, taking a step forward, following him. "Adam?"

He turned back to me. "Yeah?"

"_About what Lisa said… I…" He walked closer, tilting his head to the side. My face flushed scarlet, and I looked down._

"_Yes, Tommy?" He was standing in front of me, looking down at me with such a curious and innocent expression on his face. His breath fanned over my skin, and I inhaled slowly. Minty. Again._

"_I've been… dreaming… about you." I looked up at him, my heart ringing in my ears. Oh, God. I told him. And he was grinning like a motherfucker._

"_Is that so?" He said, his fingers trailing over my cheek, pulling me closer to him, our lips brushing…_

"Tommy?" Adam said, and I blinked. Oh… I'd been spacing. Awesome. I looked up, stumbling. I couldn't tell him.

"Would you like to have breakfast with me?" I said, part of me suddenly wishing that I hadn't. Adam blinked once, before chuckling.

"Sure."


	12. Journal Entry of the Unbelievable

**Chapter 12: Journal Entry of the Unbelievable****  
****Adam POV**

"Sorry," we apologized for the cuddling at the same time. Oh how cute. Now we're even synchronizing in speech. Could things between Tommy and I be any more awkward. I know what he's keeping from me but how would telling me make anything between us any less awkward. I blush, he blushes. I dream about him, he dreams about me. To top it all off, we're wake up in each other's arms. Maybe it would be nicer just to kiss him and see how things go from there. Maybe we really would fall in love and be happy

_Ha ha! That is so funny, Adam. Funniest thing you've thought in a long time. We could never actually… be in love…_

"So we're cool?" I asked and held my hand out to Tommy like a real friend would. Maybe a friendship could form eventually. As long as he didn't make fun of my sexuality anymore, which he hasn't. I'm not sure how long that will last but, here's hoping!

He shook my hand and I could even see him smiling, which in turn made me smile. I'm sure he thought I was smiling at his argument and friendliness but, the truth was, I was smiling at his smile. Tommy_never_ smiled, which was sad considering how pretty it actually was! Awesome. Start thinking about other features Tommy has why don't you, Adam?

I turned to leave. I wasn't hungry and I didn't want to force myself to eat. That may result in me puking it all over the floor and then the media would hear about. I could already see tomorrow's headlines. ADAM LAMBERT GAY AND ANERXIC? How many things could possibly be wrong with me? I'm a fag, I don't get along with many people apparently, and now I'm not eating. Super special awesome. "Adam?" Tommy calling to me snapped me back to reality, thank god.

"Yeah?" I asked and turned around to face him again. He seemed to be somewhere else though. His body was in the hallway with me, but I had no idea where his mind was. I walked over to him, almost concerned. Almost.

_Hey, maybe he's thinking about you!_ Oh boy…

"Tommy?" I asked, sort of waving my hand in front of his face. He snapped out of his hypnotic-type state. He seemed to be rethinking whatever he stopped me for and he ended up asking me to eat breakfast with him. I couldn't help but laugh. That almost sounded like Tommy was asking me out on a date. "Sure," I said once my chuckling calmed down. He smiled some again. Damn, I was actually starting to really like his smile. Like REALLY like it. Damn it, Lambert.

We walked back to the dining area without a single word and he sat down at the table he left his food and started eating. I'd have to eat something now, so nobody commented on me not eating. So I walked over to the buffet table and dumped some eggs and bacon onto a plate, not too fond of either, but food is food, especially when you don't really want to eat to begin with. I grabbed a fork and some tea. Tea was the only thing that actually helped my throat, and as a singer, that's rather important.

"So… what's on the agenda for today?" Tommy asked once I sat across from him. Real deep Thomas, real deep. At least he was attempting some form of casual conversation, like friends would.

I took a few tiny nibbles of the eggs on my plate to make it look like I was actually eating the food. "Well, I think we have another sound check but that's all. Not too bad I suppose," I said, shrugging. Hopefully the sound check would not end up like yesterday. "Should only take an hour or two, and we're getting free food." I stabbed at some egg just because I didn't want to eat it. I was like a little kid pushing around his broccoli around to avoid eating it.

"What time?" he asked with a mouth full of food. Alright… Tommy is a total guy when it comes to eating. Despite how gay he seems in other aspects of his life, he does the macho man proud when talking with his face stuffed full of egg.

"Like two." These might be the most non-hostile words we've said to each other in the entire time we've known each other. "We'll have to be there early though, since we were so totally late yesterday… Most because of me…" I muttered the last part, not really meaning to say it out loud, but I did and that spiked Tommy's interest enough for him to swallow the food in his mouth before talking again.

A small smirk flashed across Tommy's lips. "Well, I don't know why you didn't just do the sound check with a hard on. Wouldn't that just get you more fans?"

"Tommy!" My face was lighting up like a firework now. It was embarrassing enough that Tommy knew I had a hard on and had to jerk off in the bathroom, but him voicing it was just too much. And what if someone like Monte or Lisa heard him? My life just gets better and better. "Maybe more sex-crazed people would like that, but it'd probably also get more interviews and appearance on television canceled…" One kiss with a guy on stage and suddenly I'm branded for life but two girls can make out wherever they want and nobody says boo about it. Fuck lesbians.

I wanted to wipe that smirk off the blonde's face. "I don't think you'd get kicked off for something like that. It's only a natural bodily function," he said, smiling with satisfaction.

"And being gay is natural for me. Doesn't mean other people agree with me showing that on stage either, obviously," I said, putting an elbow down on the table and resting my cheek in palm. I was expecting some sort of comment about the AMA kiss but Tommy didn't say anything about it. That totally caught me off guard.

"Well, does that really matter? Who cares what other people think?" he said. Whoa, I almost fell out of my chair at that. "Are you alright?" he asked, looking from my astonished face to my uneaten food.

"Fine, why?" I asked. Lisa walked by at that moment, giving Tommy a strange look, like a snake charmer willing the cobra to do what she wanted. Lisa had that effect on people, unfortunately… I really loved Lisa but sometimes her power over us was really annoying.  
Tommy's eyes shifted uneasily from me to Lisa and then back to me. "You just seem… I dunno… you aren't eating," he seemed to decide on saying. I don't, for one minute, believe that was what he was thinking, but I had to give him credit, he was very observant. More so than I ever thought he would be. Just my luck, he decides to pay attention to things _now_! Why does my luck suck so much ass? I mean really, if God hates homosexuals so much, why did he make homosexuals? It's not my fault I was born with these feelings, so why does God have to be so mean to me?

"I'm… just not fond of eating in the morning…" I said quietly, praying that he didn't notice my lack of eating over the last couple of days. Wouldn't that just be peachy. "Besides, why should you care so much? Starting to care for me after all, huh?" I teased, trying to turn things away from my lack of eating. Lisa sat with Monte and Longineu but they had grown quiet, which worried me.

Tommy looked a little baffled at that. "What? No! Of course not!" he retaliated, blushing something fierce.

I smiled at him. "Uh-huh, sure," I said. Lisa was looking over at us and the three at the table were still quiet. Were they listening to us talking? Wow, I really hope not… That would just not end well. "I think you do care."

"Well don't bet a lot of money, cause you'd lose," he said, finishing his food off after that. "I was just curious, that's all."

"Nobody gets curious about things they don't care about," I said, still smiling some. Tommy's blush deepened and Lisa cleared her throat. Tommy's eyes flickered in her direction again. What the hell did Lisa tell him once I left the room earlier? Whatever it was certainly seemed to make Tommy a bit anxious. "Might as well admit it now," I said and stood up, walking over to the trash. I threw away the entire plate of food and the empty cup my tea was in.

"I'm not admitting it because I don't care, simple as that," Tommy said, mimicking me in throwing his trash away. I gave him a look that said 'sure, whatever you say' and smiled at him. He sucked a deep breath in through his teeth. "I don't!"

I continued to smile. "You're doing an awful lot of denying for someone who doesn't care," I said and started towards the elevator. "We should get ready. It's getting kind of late." I pushed the up button on the elevator and we went up to our floor together, walking down to the room. Tommy claimed the bathroom this time, so I got dressed in the actual bedroom. A simple pair of black skinny jeans, a shirt with a glittery A on it, and a jacket were today's attire, with my boots, obviously. I didn't really bother with a fancy hair due today. I just puffed it up slightly and made sure it looked decent. You know what just putting the icing on the cake though? I was ready before Tommy! Go me!

"Can I come out now?" he asked about five minutes after I was done getting ready.

Oh revenge is oh so sweet. "I've been ready for like twenty minutes," I said with a mock tone of Tommy's voice. He emerged, looking kind of… hot. Oh, Adam! Knock it off! You don't think he's hot. You don't like him! Jesus, stop thinking about it!

"Very funny," he said, crossing his arms. I smiled at him and left the room without another word. Just the fact that he had to know he took longer than the diva to get ready was enough to satisfy me.

We made it to the studio a half hour early and everyone seemed shocked. Monte even opened his mouth to say something that would probably piss me off. I glared daggers at him and he instantly shut his mouth. I still wasn't too happy with him. "Let's just rehearse, okay?" I said and walked up onto the stage, taking the mic into my hand. Tommy picked up his bass and strummed a few cords. They sounded fantastic and even when the others joined in, I was only listening to his bass…

_Shake it off, Lambert._ There was a slight stiffness in my already tight pants. I had to force myself not to think about Tommy, or his bass, or the tightness under my zipper, which worked for every song we rehearsed until we got to our last song: Fever. _"There he goes my baby walks so slow. Sexual tic-tac-toe,"_ I sang. I was sure there were eyes boring into my back as I sang, and if I was right, it was Tommy staring at me… As I'm sure everyone figured, that didn't help the whole 'don't think about Tommy' thing. _"Yeah I know that we both know it isn't time."_ Wasn't that the truth. _"But could you be m-mine?"_ No, you couldn't be.

Every single word that left my lips connected itself to Tommy. What really stuck with me was the line _"There it goes, your still my soul and so, cause, Sweetheart, no-no-nobody a-kno-kno-knows me or can find me."_ Tommy's face formed in my mind. Not many people understood me at all. Sure, my fans loved me but they didn't _know_me, and no matter how much I hated to admit it, Tommy had seen parts of me I didn't show to anyone else.

_He knows me a lot more than most…_

I couldn't help but feel that was kind of ridiculous. Tommy knew nothing about me! Absolutely nothing! Now I was lying to myself… The song seemed to last ten minutes and I was so happy when it was over. I never imagined that song could ever be about Tommy. When I was working on the original idea, I was thinking about Drake, not Tommy.

_Drake…_ A sad sigh rolled off my lips, and Tommy must have heard it because he cast me a somewhat concerned look from over the snack table. He must have decided not to say anything, because he looked away, trying to look uninterested. Yeah, not working Tommy. I know you're interested.

"Adam?"

"Huh? Wha?" I asked, instantly pulled away from my own thoughts. I looked over at Lisa, who had called my name, with wide eyes. "What?" I asked.

She closed the distance between us, like we were about to have "the talk". This happened when I lived with my parents too. I was getting a soda out of the fridge and my mother swooped like a hawk at the chance for a private time to talk. Then we had "the talk" and I suffered through my mom telling me how important it was to be "safe while having sex" and to make sure that "I never got a girl pregnant before I was ready." Well, needless to say, a few days after that talk, I was motivated to tell my mother I was a homosexual. Just hearing my mother talk about girls and their "bodies" was just awful. It literally made me sick…

"We need to talk," she said once we were a little less than six inches apart. Tommy's head snapped in our direction, staring at us as if we were about to strip each other and have sex right there on the floor. God, why do I compare so many things to sex? I really have to stop doing that!

"Alright… about what?" I asked, a little uncertain. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know.

She glanced around, locking eyes with Tommy for a second before looking at me. "Well actually it's about earlier. What happened in your hotel room. I wanted to tell you that-"

"Lisa! Stop," Tommy said and came over to us. He looked a little desperate. "I… I'll… I- I'll tell him…" Tommy muttered. Lisa beamed at that and she walked away without another argument. Oh no. This was it, wasn't it? Tommy was about to tell me something I wasn't entirely ready to deal with. Once Lisa was out of earshot, off with Monte and Longineu somewhere, he looked back at me with slightly wide eyes. He was scared and worried about whatever he was about to tell me.

And here it comes…

"Adam… I… I've been… dreaming about you…" he muttered. It was hard to hear him, but I did and my mouth fell open in shock. I knew he dreamt about me once, but he's been 'dreaming' about me? As in more than once? Oh god… I felt a slight twitch under my zipper and images from my shower dream and the daydream in the limo flooded into my brain. Tommy's face was red and he kept his eyes locked on the floor, his bangs over his face.

"You… what?" I said, unable to say anything more. "I…" Another twitch from my zipper. "You're…" _not the only one._ I couldn't bring myself to say that out loud but my brain was shouting at me to say it. I couldn't…

_You can._ But I couldn't… _Yes, you can!_

"…aren't the only one," I choked out, turning away from him slightly with a hand over the side of my face.


	13. Feelings I'd Rather Not Say

**Chapter Thirteen: Feelings I'd rather not say**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I wanted to shoot Lisa. I was going to tell him, I just didn't know when or how! Sure, I'd been so close to doing it at breakfast, but I'd choked up and changed the subject. That didn't mean that I was going to bail out on the plan entirely. And yeah, I'd gotten many other opportunities to tell him before arriving to sound check, but I was trying to think of how to phrase it. And it was never turning out right in my head.

Before leaving, though, I'd seen a look on his face as I came out of the bathroom that made me flush somewhat. I was only dressed in a pair of dark blue skinnies that faded to light grey from the knee down, a pair of black Converse on my feet. A black tank top with a dark blue unbutton shirt clung to my torso with the sleeves pushed up to my elbows. Yeah, so I had taken the time to look nice. But the expression on Adam's face made my heart pound.

Fuck. My. Emotions.

Back to wanting to shoot Lisa and practically spilling my guts to the diva, I knew that I would be able to handle Adam's answer (at least, to a degree). Whether he was shocked, intrigued, appalled, flattered, whatever… I prepared myself somewhat for an answer that fell into one of those categories (perhaps several of those, I wasn't quite sure at the time). But the one answer I wasn't prepared for (nor was I even considering it, really) was the one answer that he gave me.

'_You aren't the only one._'

I tried to comprehend a different meaning with that statement, but I know already there is no other meaning than what is clear. I'm not the only one. So he'd been dreaming about me too. That I knew for certain on at least one occasion, but the way he'd said it made me think that perhaps he'd been having them consistently, as I had. Oh, fuck, this was just getting better and better, wasn't it? Fuck my life.

But even still, I looked up at him, my face in the epitome of shocked as Adam turned away from me quickly, his hands covering his face. I wasn't the only one? He'd been… oh God. I glanced over at the rest of the band. They all turned around and pretended to be having their own conversation, as if not eavesdropping in the slightest. I inhaled slowly, glancing back at the band before grabbing Adam's hand (yeah, yeah, shut up) and pulling him farther backstage. I needed to talk to him alone. Without the band listening in.

'_You aren't the only one._' This was insane. We were dreaming about each other when we were supposed to be hating each other. We'd shared a bed when just two days ago we slept as far apart on a bus as we could while still being comfortable. Part of me hated how quickly things had turned upside down and how suddenly the one man I'd called a drama queen from the galaxy cock-sucking-whatever was actually… Attractive. Fuck!

I turned down a hallway, certain that we were just about as safe and secluded from everyone as possible, but it wasn't enough. I shoved open a slightly closed door, finding it to be a spare dressing room. Excellent. I shut the door and turned, facing Adam. He looked so embarrassed and lost. My heart was pounding in my chest and I still couldn't get over the fact that I'd actually told him I'd been dreaming about him, and that he had been dreaming about me. It was just too weird and too coincidental.

"What did you mean by 'dreaming'?" Adam asked after a moment of composing himself. His hands were on his hips and his face was filled with the need to know. I swallowed the dry lump in my throat, leaning against the door.

"What did you mean when you said I wasn't the only one?" I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest and staring up at him. I hated the fact that I was shorter than him. Wasn't I older? Yeah— I turned twenty-eight in October. He doesn't until January. Now I really hated the fact that I was shorter…. Wait, why was I arguing (with myself, no less) about the fact that I was older and yet shorter than Adam? Fuck my _life_, god_damn_.

"I asked first." Adam replied, sounding very much like a stubborn ten year old. And I was just waiting for him to stick his tongue out at me.

'_And what would stop you from pulling him in and tasting that tongue? You dream about it often enough_.' Fucking hell, shut up!

I sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of my nose. I didn't want this to get any more awkward than it already was, and I didn't want to fight with him right now. I didn't want to fight period, because things were finally getting better even if in a strange way. I inhaled slowly, dropping my hand and re-crossing my arms in front of me, keeping my head down, my eyes on the floor as I spoke.

"Just that. I've dreamt about you more than once." I said softly, wishing that I wasn't here, telling him this. It was so fucking embarrassing. Adam's silent for a long moment, probably comprehending what I said and planning what to ask next. I want to get out of this room. But at the same time, I have no problem staying. God!

"What do you dream about?" My heart stopped for a moment, and I had to tell myself to breathe. Fuck. There was no doubt in my mind that Adam was smirking like a motherfucker, but I wasn't going to chance looking up and seeing that expression. It would mean the complete and utter end of me.

"I…" I stopped for a moment, inhaling slowly. My hands were shaking slightly under my arms, and I kept my head low. '_You can do it. You can tell him. He already knows most of what's gone on. It's not going to be the end of the world as you know it if you describe your dreams, right?_' I hoped so.

"I dream about… kissing you." I said. Strangely, a heavy weight lifted off of my chest as the 'you' rolled out of my mouth. I glanced up through the thin veil of my bangs to see Adam staring at me. I couldn't really understand his expression, because it looked between a cross of shock, awe, and… Amusement. Amusement? Why would he— oh. Kissing. The AMA's. Fuck him.

"Is that so?" '_Is that so?_' Didn't I… I did. Fuck!

"Yes. Now, answer me. What did you mean?" I questioned him, half-glaring at him through my hair, shifting onto my left foot (my right had been falling asleep from standing on it so long). Adam's face went from that amused awe to embarrassed again. He looked as if he was contemplating whether or not he really wanted to tell me. But he was going to, whether he wanted to or not. I'd told him my side. And I was blocking the door. Ha! Take that, Mr. Diva.

"W-what I meant was… Umm…" Oh, goody, Adam was flustered. Awesome. Point one for Tommy, zip for Adam. "You're not the only one because I've… dreamt about you too…" Yeah, I kind of already figured that out, Adam.

"Well— what do _you_ dream about then?" His face went beet red in seconds, and he looked away, dropping his hands from his hips and wrapping his arms slightly around his waist. Embarrassed. Shy. Something I didn't really see in Adam all that often (and I'd seen a lot of things from Adam).

"You don't want to know." He muttered under his breath, slowly turning away from me. I sighed, resting my head against the door as I stared up at the ceiling. I hated the fact that I was prying it out of him, but part of me wanted to know if there was anything else…

"I told you my side. Tell me yours, or you're not leaving this room." I said darkly, tilting my head back down and staring at the back of his head. His shoulders tensed slightly, but he didn't turn back around. Not yet, anyway. "C'mon, Adam, it can't be that bad." I said softly.

"Do you really want to know?" His voice was above a whisper, but still he didn't turn around. Son of a bitch, man!

"Yes, just _tell me_." He whipped around, his bright blue eyes brilliant in the lighting of the dressing room. He looked a little angry.

"I've dreamt that we sleep together. That we just _fuck_ for _hours_. Are you happy now, Tommy? Is that what you wanted to hear?" His voice rose, and I pressed my back into the door, a little more firmly than before. It was more than clear that he didn't like being pressured into things, and I had done just that to him. I pushed him into telling me what he had been dreaming about, and now he was yelling at me. Oh, balls.

But… Despite the fact that I had already kinda figured it out, it still left me speechless to hear him _say_ that he'd dreamt about the two of us having sex. I felt my face beginning to flush and I looked up at him as he sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair frantically. He was flustered by all of this. And we still had to go back out soon for the performance. And, coincidentally, we were doing _Fever_. Fucking. Awesome.

"Tommy, you have to promise me that what we've said won't go past this room, okay?" I frowned slightly.

"But, what if Lisa or someone—" suddenly his hands slam into the door by my shoulders, and he's inches from my face. His eyes are serious and his voice is low, calm, predator like but there's a layer of weakness, pleading underneath it all that makes me shiver slightly.

"Tommy, we _can't_. At least not right now. Lisa already knows that you've dreamt about kissing me, but don't you think it's going to sound a little more than awkward and perhaps a little creepy if everyone finds out that I've had sexual dreams about you?" I swallowed the lump in my throat, licking my lips a little. What? They felt really, really dry.

"Okay… Okay." I promised him, and his head hung for a moment as he sighed heavily. His body relaxed and his hands fell onto my shoulders for a moment, before one slipped away as he looked back up at me with a slight smile.

"Thank you." He said. He squeezed my right shoulder gently, before letting go of me. I stepped out of the way as he reached for the door knob, turning it. He began to pull the door open, but I reached out and I stopped him, pressing my hand into the part of the door just above the knob. He turned his head and looked over at me. My heart was pounding furiously in my chest as an urge took over my body. It was like I was watching from the backseat of a car as I looked up at him.

My hand slithered up and curled around the back of his neck, and I pulled him down as I stood on my tip toes, my lips pressing into his left cheek ever so softly. He gasped softly, freezing in his place even as I pulled away and slipped past him, out of the dressing room and back down the hall. After walking, I slipped back into my own state, my hands shaking. God… I… What possessed me? What the fuck possessed me to kiss him, even if only on the cheek? And why was my face heating up with every step?

Why was I smiling as I reached the doors to the backstage area?


	14. Love is a Confusing and Cruel Mistress

**Chapter 14: Love is a Confusing and Cruel Mistress****  
****Adam's POV****  
**  
I stood in the spare, unused dressing room, staring after Tommy. Had he really just kissed me? Sure, it was on the cheek, but for a little bitch who complained about the AMA kiss all the time, even a kiss on the cheek was too much 'gay' for him. Yet he had stopped me from leaving the room after I told him I dreamt about fucking him for hours. He put his hand behind my neck, pulled me down, and pressed his lips into my cheek.

What the fuck is happening? Two days ago, maybe it was just one, I punched Tommy in the face for calling me the Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer. I was more than ready to kick his sorry ass out of the band as soon as the bus stopped. Then I grew a heart and decided not to fire the little fucker. Then we were forced to share a hotel room, Tommy had another dream about me, I had a few about him, he saw me naked in the shower (completely and totally fucking awesome), we cuddled each other when we were forced to share a bed, and now he's kissing my cheek? How the hell does such a drastic change happen over night? Literally!

I don't like change. I don't know how to deal with it. In fact, I absolutely hate it, and when I'm thrown into instant change my brain kind of short-circuits. And I have to perform in ten minutes. Fuck. My. Life. Dammit, Tommy! You really had to do this right before our performance? Seriously? What are we even doing anyway? Oh yeah… Fever. UGH!

An announcement came over a loud speaker after a couple minutes (I was still staring down the hall where Tommy had left). The announcer said that Adam Lambert would be performing in five minutes. Fuck. I took off down the hall. I was never good at running in gym class. I kind of looked like a wounded deer when running but I needed to get out on stage, and I did with two minutes to spare. I ignored Monte's annoyed look. When did Monte turn into my father? And Lisa? Don't even get me started on her.

I took the mic off its stand. I really need to separate Tommy from this song, because I cannot afford getting a hard on while performing. I know, I'll just think about punching Drake in the goddamn face!

_Adam, calm down. You need to rock, and rock hard._ Um, I'd prefer not to go rock hard right now.

Fuck, now I can't even hear my own thoughts correctly. I am the biggest pervert on the face of the planet. Maybe this is why God is always so mean to me? Yes, that's it.

"May we present Adam Lambert!" A loud voice boomed. Here we go again. The band started playing and soon after the same lyrics came up. Despite my original plan, I couldn't imagine Drake anymore because I didn't love him anymore and this was a song, more or less, of love… and other things. Sure, I wasn't quite over Drake but I certainly didn't love him. Instead, images of Tommy flashed up as I sang and by the time I sang _"you're still my soul and so,"_ I had no control over what I was doing. My boots carried me across the stage to where Tommy was and while I didn't kiss him like I did on the AMAs, I did stand behind him, pressing my hips into his from behind. My right hand snaked around his bass, hovering over where his crotch hid underneath. Tommy sort of did this cat type thing, rubbing against me for a brief moment. Almost like he liked me touching him.

_Because he does like you touching him._

I heard _a lot_ of squealing through the rest of the song, even when I wasn't anywhere near Tommy on stage. At least I managed to not get a hard on while singing. Even after the show, I was flaccid but my mind was wandering into the realms of sex and desire. I wish it wouldn't go there, but I can't stop it! Curse you brain/sex drive! Why can't these things come with an off switch?

Well, I just found my off switch. The band and I were outside the building we just preformed in, signing autographs and answering questions when a women on the extremely small side came up to me. Her tank was a little too low and she was a little too drunk. She seemed to be alone, but when she got up to me, she smiled and threw her arms around my neck. She smelled like booze. Suddenly I tasted that booze as her tongue pushed its way into my mouth. Oh God, gross! This drunk girl really just came up to me and tongues me? What. The. Fuck. I couldn't just push her away, but what if someone took a picture or something?

She was pulled away from me, thank Jesus, and I felt the need to gag. I liked girls. They were pretty and fun to be around, but I was not every _attracted_ to them, as everyone knows. I'd kiss one every once in a while if I liked her enough but that didn't mean I loved her. Now, when some drunk, nasty-looking girl comes up to me and forces her tongue into my mouth, that makes me want to puke. Actually, I did through up a little in my mouth. "Uh… We should go," I muttered to the closest band mate, which happened to be Tommy.

He wore a bit of a shocked and somewhat pissed off look on his face, or maybe I was just imagining that. There was enough alcohol in that 'kiss' to get me drunk. Tommy grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the limo. He must have waved at the others because a few minutes after Tommy and I were set in the limo, Monte, Longineu, and Lisa climbed in. "Adam? Are you alright, dude? You don't look so good," Longineu said, looking across the limo at me. I could only imagine I was paling.

"Some drunk ho decided to shove her tongue down his throat," Tommy said since I was a little to disoriented to speak at the moment. If this was how Tommy felt after the AMAs I don't blame him for being mad about it. Although, he still didn't have to bitch about it all the time…

Monte looked slightly amused. "Oh, isn't that awesome. Don't you love when girls do that to you, Adam?" he asked. He's having way too much fun with this.

"Shut up, Monte." I growled, glaring at him. "Why do you always have to make bad situations worse? Seriously, not everyone's discomfort is a big joke, you know." Another gag formed. Thankfully there was still nothing to throw up. Tommy handed me a bottle of water. "Ugh, thanks," I muttered, unscrewing the cap. It wasn't necessarily the girl part but the gross factor of her alcohol breath and… she was just kind of nasty in general and she shoved _all_ of that nasty down my throat. The water was a blessing, which in some sort of fucked up way; meant Tommy was a blessing for giving it to me. The water washed away the disgusting taste, well most of it, and thinking about those dreams wiped away the nasty from everything else…

The rest of the ride was silent, since I more or less yelled at Monte, things were pretty awkward. That means a gay baby was just born, right? Awesome, I'm not alone anymore! "Adam?" Tommy called to me.

"Huh?" Oh, why was I the only one sitting in the limo? Wow, how long was I spacing for? "Sorry… didn't realize we were here already. And before you ask, no I was not just thinking about you," I muttered, crawling out of the limo.

"Sure you weren't. After that little stunt on stage? I kind of find it hard to believe that you don't think about me all the time," Tommy said with a smirk. It was hard to tell if he was being playful or not.

My face was burning, I could feel it, but I tried to play it off. "Well, you didn't really seem to mind it much, now did you?" I asked with a smirk playing into my features. It was his turn to go completely scarlet. Time to even the score. "You know you liked it, Thomas," I said and walked by him to swipe the key card.

"Don't call me Thomas," he snapped.

"Rawr, down kitty," I said, still smirking. I walked into the hotel room and took my jacket off. "Now, I'm going to take a shower. Don't walk in on me this time, alright?"

Tommy rolled his eyes and huffed. "I was just concerned, okay?" he said forcefully. Wow, he really does care! How adorable. Oh joy, now Tommy's adorable? Awesome.

"So, you do care?" I asked, smiling at him with my perfect, white, glamorous teeth. I half walked, half danced into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I stripped out of my sticky performance clothes. Those would definitely need to be washed. Hardcore washed since not only were they sticky and sweating from the show, but they had that girl's nasty everything on them. Gag me with a spoon and not a tongue please?

I took a hot shower without using any cold water. That was my way of scrubbing the filth off of myself. Everything I didn't reach was destroyed by the powerful heat. I could feel the bacteria dying and falling off, running down the drain with the shampoo and the soap. I washed and conditioned my hair and washed my body over twice. I just felt so _disgusting_ and surprisingly not from Tommy. Not from touching Tommy, not from thinking about Tommy, not from Tommy kissing me, and not from telling Tommy that I was having sex dreams about him. That actually made me smile to myself, not that I was actually going to admit that to anybody.

Eventually the shower water ran cold despite the fact that I was only using hot water. I climbed out of the shower, turned the water off, and pulled a towel off the towel warming rack. Yeah, I can afford that fancy of a hotel room. Yet, I still only have one fucking bed in the room. Fuck hotel management.

The towel was warm on my skin and it was soft, plushy, and almost orgasmic just to touch it. I dried myself off slowly, savoring the feel of the plush on my flesh. It was like being wrapped in your baby blanket, only that blanket was actually big enough to completely wrap around you even as an adult. Eventually the towel cooled and it wasn't as cozy as before and I got dressed, pulling a loose pair of pajama pants up my thighs and a slightly tight tank over my torso. I was just happy that I didn't have some sort of perverted sex dream about Tommy in the shower. It was just me time. Only me. No memories or sick fantasies or naked boys haunted me now.

That was until I walked out into the bedroom again. I opened the door and stopped when I saw Tommy. He was pulling his shirt up over his head. He dropped it onto the floor and then undid his belt, letting his skinny jeans fall to the floor. He wasn't wearing underwear. Commando, awesome right thar.

Then realization hit me, like I'd just flown off a motorcycle and hit my head on a rock (sorry, I'm watching New Moon and that just happened XD). I was staring at Tommy naked. He was standing in front of me, with no clothes on. Not even steam and a foggy, transparent shower curtain to filter what I was looking at. Tommy was pale, skinny, yet he had muscles, and his… ahem was extremely large. Way too big for a boy his size. I expected him to have a penis that was maybe the size of a small TV remote. Instead, he had a full pack… oh my god, Tommy was _huge_!

"Tommy…" I muttered, still staring at him. I wanted to look away. I wanted to turn away and let him make himself decent, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. Even though I had so many whacked emotions for the man, I couldn't deny that he was beautiful, and totally the type of guy I love to be with in bed… "Tommy…" God, why did I say his name again?


	15. But Nothing Compares

**Chapter Fifteen: But nothing compares to the touch of your skin**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I was still feeling the burn of his arm around me when he'd put his hand on my bass during the show. I was feeling the chills running up and down my spines even when I grabbed Adam by the wrist and pulled him to the limo. But those chills suddenly burned with angry intensity. I couldn't explain it, but seeing that… that white trash whore shoving her drunk, slimy tongue down his throat made me see red. Plus I could see him visibly getting sick, so I played it off as being concerned.

I was concerned a lot lately. Fuck.

I kept a close tab on him without making it noticeably awkward, and when Adam looked like he was about to puke I handed him a bottle of water from the mini bar that was tucked away into the side of the limo. I didn't want him hurling his breakfast all over me or in the limo. We still had a ways to drive, and in all honesty, the sight, smell and idea of vomit just made me queasy… Ugh. Gotta stop thinking about it.

I glanced over at Adam, seeing that he was spacing out. I wished I could space, but I was afraid to. I didn't want to drift and think about the performance or what had happened between us in the dressing room. I shivered, fidgeting with my hands in my lap. The silence of the limo was unsettling and I was wondering if I was breathing too hard or if anyone could hear my heart beating too loudly. I sighed, leaning my head against the head rest of my seat. I just wanted this day to be over already.

The limo rolled to a stop beside our hotel, and I waited for everyone else to get out before I started to move. I stepped out, holding the door when I noticed that Adam was still sitting in his seat. I frowned, dipping my head back inside.

"Adam?" He blinked, looking over at me.

"Huh? Sorry… didn't realize we were here already. And before you ask, no I was not just thinking about you." He said, and I was suddenly very, very glad the band was already half way into the lobby, a good fifty feet from us. How embarrassing would it have been to have them overhear Adam's comment. That would've fucking sucked.

I smirked at him, firing back a witty comment as we wandered through the lobby and up the elevator. It was a tug-o-war of who could silence who first. Unfortunately Adam managed to shut me up, leaving me blushing in the middle of our hotel room. Fucker. First off, I hated it when people called me Thomas. Secondly, I was still trying to shake myself of the chills I got when he called me "kitty". I wasn't a cat. True, I snapped at him, and he probably took that as being feisty, but… Fucking _hell!_

"Now, I'm going to take a shower. Don't walk in on me this time, alright?" Adam said with a smile, and I rolled my eyes.

"I was just concerned, okay?" I said in a huff, having to resist the urge to thrust my hip off to the side and place my hand on it all diva like. Oh, fuck, I was following Adam too much. Not allow, Tommy, not. Allowed.

"So, you do care?" Adam asked with a smile, before slipping into the bathroom. I stared at the door for a few moments, before sighing heavily, and shaking my head.

Of all the people I'd ever met, Adam was the one person I didn't really understand. But at the same time I did. He confused, annoyed, pissed, and intrigued the hell out of me. And all the while, within the past two days, I found myself wanting to crack open the shell of him and figure out _why_ he did all these things to me. I wanted to figure out why in two days I went from hating his guts to actually tolerating him. Maybe even liking him. God. No, I didn't… I sighed. I did like Adam. He was nice, funny, charming… Good looking, even.

Fuck my life.

I sat on the edge of the only bed in the hotel, staring out the open window. Housekeeping had been nice enough to clean up the room for us, considering when we had left the sheets were on one side of the bed and the blankets on the other (from Adam and I throwing ourselves off the bed). God, that had only been this morning? It felt like it had been forever ago that that had happened. And yet… Fuck.

I zoned for a few minutes, before standing up and stretching, relishing in the feel of my spine popping. Aaahh, yes. I sighed softly, undoing my shoes and kicking them off my feet, along with my socks. I pulled my over shirt off, tossing it towards my bag before grabbing the hem of the tank top I wore, pulling it over my head and throwing it across the room. The air conditioned atmosphere chilled my skin, but it felt nice. I fumbled with my belt, pulling it from my pants and dropping it by my bag.

Then, the pants. Peeling these suckers off was a bit of a bitch, but I felt loads better when I did. I sighed, thankful that I hadn't bothered with underwear today. Not only had it been hot out, but also my skinnies were unnaturally tight, and I wouldn't have been able to get them on with any sort of boxers or briefs. Not that it mattered. I rarely wore underwear anyway, heh.

But anything in relation to my clothes or the day had been blown out of the water. I don't know how I could've missed it. I should have heard the water shut off. I should have heard the door. I should have noticed all of this _before_ I started stripping to get into my pajamas. Yet I was deaf to the world around me. And I didn't realize just the position I was in until I heard him speak.

"Tommy…" I froze, just about to bend over to get my pajama pants. I stared, wide eyed at the floor, my heart pounding in my chest. Oh, God. He… He wasn't really there. He wasn't in the room with me while I was butt naked. Oh, fuck, fuck. No. He wasn't. It was my imagination.

He said my name again, and I looked over at him, seeing him staring at me, his eyes raking up and down my body. Fuck! I grabbed my pajama pants and shoved my feet into them, covering myself as quickly as I could. But it didn't matter. I didn't know how long he's been there, staring at me. I didn't really want to know. I didn't want to know if he'd come out when I was already naked or if he'd stood there and watched me strip.

'_Just don't think about it._' I told myself, my face scarlet as I stared at the floor, before looking back up at him. His hair clung to the side of his face, still wet from his shower. His skin was red from heat and his eyes were wide. I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking away again. '_Just… Don't think about the fact he just saw you naked. And fuck, you weren't lucky enough to have steam or a shower curtain to block you either…_' Fuck. What happened to _not_ thinking about it?

"I— I'm sorry, I didn't realize that…" Adam stumbled over his words, blinking and shaking his head.

"I-It's fine. I… I…" I inhaled slowly. "It's fine." I said softly. He looked over at me, his bangs falling over his ocean eyes (aww, fuck!). He looked so apologetic and yet he was full of shock and awe. I guess… My size threw him off… I didn't blame him. Just like him, I was blessed with a gift from God. That is, if God was a raging sex beast.

"I'm, uh… I'm gonna go.. brush my teeth." I said. I needed an excuse to get out of the room. I brushed past him, nonchalantly rushing to the bathroom as fast as I could. My heart was thrashing in my throat and I was finding it hard to breathe. God, Adam had seen me naked. Bare-skinned, butt naked. Fucking hell! But as I closed the door and turned on the water, I realized that… I didn't really mind it. I shook my head, slapping myself in the face. No. I wasn't like that. I… No. I wasn't. I just wasn't.

I grabbed my tooth brush, squeezing toothpaste onto it and scrubbing my teeth furiously, making sure that I got everything necessary. I had to spit on occasion, which was natural (damn toothpaste foam). Eventually, I rinsed out the brush and my mouth, swallowing a glass of water before setting everything down on the sink. I opened the door again, shutting out the light and walking back into the main room.

Adam was already in bed, facing the window. I stared at his back for a moment, before sighing softly, reaching down and grabbing a shirt from my bag. I pulled it over my head, padding over to the bed. I almost reached for my iPod, but I didn't. I left it on the side table, next to my cell phone, where I had left them that morning. I turned off the light, slipping into my side of the bed and pulling the blankets up to my hips. I was warm.

The room was silent for the longest while, and I could not get to sleep. I stared at the wall on the other side of the room, breathing evenly and trying to calm the craziness going on inside my head. But nothing was working. I was left staring at the wall, unable to sleep and wondering what might've been going through Adam's head. I sighed softly, shifting and lying on my stomach, my head resting on my arms and facing towards where Adam was. Nope. Still not comfortable.

"Hey, Adam?" I whispered his named after another moment. Adam shifted beside me, and I figured he was turning to face me.

"Yeah?" He replied, his voice just as soft. He sounded as if he really couldn't sleep either. I gnawed on my bottom lip for a moment, inhaling slowly.

"You… You won't tell anyone… about what happened, will you?" This was bad. We were making each other promise to keep secrets from the rest of the band. Which was something that we had all agreed upon before the AMA's. That we wouldn't keep secrets, and if there was an issue we'd all talk about it. Like a family. And yet here I was, asking Adam not to tell anyone what he had seen. And just a few hours ago he'd asked me not to mention our conversation in the dressing room. Fuck.

"Of course not." He said sincerely. I breathed a sigh of relief, blinking slowly. A smile tugged at my lips.

"Thank you." I breathed gently, closing my eyes. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to sleep, but it was better to try than to not try at all.

Ten minutes of silence passed still. I assumed Adam was asleep because he didn't say anything and his breathing was deep. I rolled onto my back, uncomfortable on my stomach, and I stared up at the ceiling, before closing my eyes. I just wanted to relax, and maybe get some kind of rest tonight. Today had been a really, really long day and sleep was just at the fringes of my consciousness. I just… wanted to relax…

Adam shifted beside me again, but I didn't mind him. He was probably just getting comfortable, like me. God, for once the softness of the bed wasn't drawing me in like it had before. If anything, I was almost certain that I could have fallen asleep faster by grabbing a pillow, a blanket, and crashed on the fucking hotel room floor. I sighed, my mouth open slightly as I inhaled again. There was another shift. I licked my lips, swallowing gently and frowning a little. Maybe if Adam would stop fucking moving, I'd be able to—

Warmth pressed to my lips, skin touching like feathers to my face. My mouth worked with the warm, opening slowly to allow a breath pass into my lips. Skin became fingers became a palm cupping my cheek, and a tongue slid along my bottom lip. I moaned, opening my mouth wider to let it slip inside. It tasted minty, and my hands reached up, sliding up broad shoulders and winding deep into soft locks of hair. His tongue clashed against mine and I moaned again, squeezing my eyes shut as my left leg lifted, curling around his thigh.

I pulled on his hair, shivering as he whined. His lips pulled away from mine for a moment, pressing to my cheek, my jaw, and finally resting at my neck. I shivered as his breath trailed across my skin, before his teeth nipped at me. White spots flared against my eyelids, his fingers winding into my hair as my hands dropped to his arms. I pulled him closer to me as his lips pressed into my neck again, and when he started sucking I couldn't restrain the moan that ripped itself from my throat. His fingers curled deeper into my hair, tugging on it, and I choked back a cry, shivers rolling down my spine.

He sucked harder on my neck, his hips rocking against mine. Fire shot through my veins and I tilted my head back, breathing hard. Fuck… He kissed me again, his teeth closing around my bottom lip. I moaned, my nails digging into his arms and he groaned into my mouth. I was trembling head to toe and my heart was going crazy in my chest. His free hand slithered down, resting against my hip, his fingers tugging at the waistband of my pajama pants. I gasped, my hands pressing into his chest. No…

"Adam… S-stop…" I panted, and he pulled up. In the darkness I saw him blink a few times.

"What is it?" He asked softly, his thumb trailing over my cheek. I took a deep breath in, shaking and finding it hard to speed.

"I… We can't… I don't… I don't even know what…" I exhaled, covering my face with my hands after he shifted again. I unwound my leg from his thigh, lying flat and trying to calm myself down. Oh God… What had I done? What had we been doing?

'_That's easy enough to answer. Stop playing dumb, Tommy._'

"I— I'm sorry. I thought you were asleep at first, and then you were… God, I'm sorry." He moved from off of me, rolling back into his place on the bed. I breathed slowly, looking over at him. I couldn't tell if he was facing me or not. I only saw a shadow. I frowned, turning to my right and facing the wall. The only thing I heard was the pounding in my ears and the rushing of my blood. I… I kissed him back? That was an understatement… We were on the verge of…

_God_. I wrapped my arms around my waist, squeezing my eyes shut. I wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. I wasn't supposed to be kissing him back. Fuck, I wasn't supposed to be sharing a goddamn bed with him. And here I was, guilty of all of the above. '_What is wrong with me?_' I thought to myself, blinking back tears. I let out a shaky breath, gnawing on my bottom lip, wincing. It was still sore from his kisses.

His arms wound around me again, his breath on the back of my neck. "I'm so sorry…" He whispered.


	16. Truth or Hell?

**Chapter 16: Truth or Hell?****  
****Adam's POV**

"I'm so sorry…" I mumbled into the back of Tommy's neck. My arms were wound around him and I didn't want to let go. In a way I felt that Tommy was _mine_ and I wasn't willing to let go of him, even if, technically, he wasn't mine. We'd just kissed. No, more than kissed. We mouth fucked each other. If Tommy hadn't stopped me, we would probably be having sex right now! Kissing was such an understatement.

What happened to the midget fucker I couldn't stand?

Now I was holding him in my arms, not willing to let him go, apologizing for almost fucking his brains out. _I almost had sex with Tommy…_ My stomach did a few flips but I didn't move. I put my head down behind Tommy's on the pillows, still holding him to my chest. Surprisingly, this is what I needed to sleep. I wasn't comfortable on the edge of the bed, seeing Tommy's penis every time I closed my eyes. I was comfortable here, holding this smaller, yet older boy in my arms. Yeah, he was only three or so months older than me, but he was almost a foot shorter. Usually I dated younger… _It's easy to pretend he's younger._

Comfort put me to sleep easily and with the passion of our little make-out session still lingering on my lips, my dreams picked up right where the kiss had stopped.

_My fingers pulled at the waist of his pajama pants. He gasped into my mouth but he didn't stop me as my hand slipped into his pants, my fingers wrapping tightly around his growing erection. His hips lifted into my hand, practically begging me to continue.___

_And God did I.___

_I kissed him hard and rough, fucking his mouth until we both needed to breathe. My lips left his, kissing my way down his neck and to his nipples. Nipple rings? I never thought Tommy would be the type to have nipple rings, but that just made my job easier. My lips closed around one of the little brown buds, sucking hard on it. Tommy's back arched and he let out one of the sweetest moans I'd ever heard. His nails dug into my back and I took the ring into my teeth, giving it a rough tug. It wasn't enough to actually hurt him, but enough to make him whimper in pleasure.___

_At the same time, my right hand (the one in his pants) stroked him until he was completely hard and throbbing under my touch. Fucking him would be so easy now that he wanted it as much as I did. I was already hard and in pain, but I was good at not showing any discomfort during sex. Well, foreplay I guess.___

_"Adam…" Tommy muttered, tangling one of his hands into my hair and pulling, which forced a choked cry of pleasure out of my mouth. I loved when people pulled my hair, and Tommy was yanking it. I was being to feel like a horse being directed.___

_My hand left his pants and both of them fell to his hips. I quickly pulled his pajama bottoms down his slim, pale legs. Tommy was pale but not a sickly pale. He looked more like a porcelain doll than anything else. My mouth left his nipple to repeat the process on its twin, which left Tommy panting, his eyes large and needy. The color reminded me of Willy Wonka's chocolate waterfall. The most beautiful brown color in the world.___

_I pushed his knees up into the air and started pushing them apart but he sat bolt right up. "Adam stop," he said forcefully. I stared at him, confused. We were both desperate for sex. I needed to fuck him. My erection hurt so badly, and his didn't look to be in any less painful.___

_"What?" I choked out, my blue eyes growing large and needy, just like his eyes were.___

_Tommy put his hands on my shoulders. "Do you really think I'm just going to let you have your way with me?" he asked his voice hauntingly seductive and teasing. He pushed me down into the mattress roughly and straddled my hips. "If we're going to have sex, I'm certainly not going to let you fuck me."___

_Realization hit me then. He was going to have sex with me but he wasn't going to let me be the one on top, forcing myself inside of him. He was going to be pushing himself into me. A gasp left my lips. I'd been fucked before, sure, but it had been a long time since that actually happened. Several years. Like five years if I'm counting right. Drake was always on the bottom. And I'm not going to lay out my sexual history for you all, but I'm usually attracted to smaller, cuter boys, so they generally stay in the uke position.___

_Not Tommy. He was smirking at me. "You didn't really think I'd let you fuck me, did you?" he asked, forcing my thighs open. Tommy was so large… I wasn't even sure I could take all of his bulk. Thankfully he wasn't that evil. He pulled a bottom of lotion out of the night stand's drawer and he coated the fingers of his right hand in the white-soft purplish cream. He rubbed his calloused fingers over my throbbing erection and in between my legs, pushing in three fingers at once. I gasped in a mixture of pain and pleasure. His calluses were rough against the inside of my skin, but they felt amazing. He fingered me, scissoring me until he found the stop that made me scream in delight. I almost came right then, but I somehow managed not to. It'd been too long since I felt that feeling…___

_"To.- Tommy!" I whined, my head tilted back with my eyes closed. Tommy's fingers disappeared and before I knew what was happening, he slammed into me, completely sheathing himself inside of me. He gave me no warning, and I thought I might die from the pain and pure ecstasy.___

_His hips pounded into mine without mercy, every thrust harder and deeper. I couldn't take so much and I was going to come… I had to come! I was going to before Tommy did… I never came first…ever!_

"Adam?" Why was he talking to me? Just shut up and finish fucking me Tommy! I thought I was shouting, but I wasn't, and when I opened my eyes, I show Tommy's chocolate eyes staring back at me. He was still in my arms and the stiffness in my pants was pressed into his stomach. At some point he turned around in his sleep to face me. I thought I noticed stiffness against my leg, but I didn't ponder it. I was too embarrassed. I was sure my face was scarlet and I quickly turned away from him, pulling my arms away as I turned. "Are you alright?" Tommy muttered.

"Sure…" I muttered and stood up, grabbing my bag and practically tripping into the bathroom. I had a problem to fix and I need to get dressed and just away from Tommy period. I took my time after fixing my 'problem'. I got dressed. Skinny jeans and a tank would be good enough for the bus. We were leaving today and we'd be on the bus for a about a day before we arrived at… wherever the fuck we were going. I don't remember where the next place was at the moment. My mind was on other things.

I walked out of the bathroom, made sure all of my shit was together in my suitcase and I picked it up. "Let's go…" I muttered, walking out of the hotel room. Tommy followed, needless to say, silently. I'd woken up with a massive erection pressed into his stomach, and if I wasn't mistake, he had a little problem of his own pressed into my leg. Seems things would be awkward for a while.

The manager didn't say anything when I laid the key cards to our room down on the counter. I didn't say anything to him, and I didn't pay either. He knew why. Tommy and walked out to the tour bus and we were actually the first ones on. That's a first. I was always the last one. Monte, Longineu, and Lisa joined us about ten minutes later. All of them looked shocked to see Tommy and I sitting on the couch. Now, if they were shocked that we were there first or that we were sitting so close to one another, I had no idea.

The bus rolled and for a few hours things were pretty quiet. Lisa was reading. Tommy was listening to his iPod. Monte and Longineu were playing cards, some game I'd never even heard of before. As for me? Well, I wasn't doing anything but thinking about Tommy. I wanted to sort out my feelings for him and organize everything that had happened over the last few days. None of that really worked out too well. So I focused on one thing: How did I feel about Tommy? Did I like him? Was I just sexually attracted to him? Did I still hate him and my loneliness was just showing me some sort of illusion? Or was I… no. I was _not_ falling in love with Tommy.

_Don't be stupid, Adam. You know you don't hate him. Far from it. You know how you feel._ Shut. Up.

Damn that annoying voice in the back of my head.

Three or four hours had gone by and I hadn't even noticed. Tommy looked bored. Lisa finished her book. Monte and Longineu were, for sure, bored. "Let's play truth or dare," Monte suggested with a wide grin. He was such a high school student most of the time. That's why I never understood when he got so pissed off at me for having a little bit of fun or being late. Hell, I was more responsible than he was. Sure, I wasn't great with time management, so sue me.

"Seriously, dude? Truth or dare?" Longineu asked in a bit of disbelief.

Monte smiled. "Yeah I'm serious! Let's have a bit of fun while we're stuck on this bus," he said. Unfortunately Longineu and Lisa agreed. They looked at me and Tommy. Tommy agreed, which means I didn't really have a choice but to say yes. "Awesome, so… Longineu, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Longineu said.

Monte smirked. "Well then, I dare you to lick the bottom of Tommy's boot." Ew. That's fucking disgusting, Monte. To my complete and utter horror, Longineu did it. I suddenly felt extremely sorry for the girls that kiss him.

"Lisa, truth or dare?" Longineu asked.

"Truth."

"What's the nastiest thing you've ever done with a guy?"

Lisa blushed lightly. "Well… we played Seven Minutes in Heaven and we spent a lot more than seven minutes in that closet… We… role-played…" she muttered, but she was so embarrassed to have just said that. It would have been cruel to make her say anything more, and honestly, why did we need to know anymore? That was plenty. "So… Adam, truth or dare?" she asked me. Great. Every time I play this game I get screwed over no matter which I choose. Dare? Oh, I was dared to make out with a chick once by my best friend who knew that I was gay! Truth? Had to tell a room full of people that I was gay… And a lot worse than that too.

"Oh, um, truth?" I said. What could she possibly ask that the band didn't already know?

Lisa smiled; obviously she had a good question for me. Fuck. "How do you really feel about Tommy? Obviously you don't hate him. You love him don't you?" she asked me. FUCK YOU LISA!

"Never mind, I choose dare," I muttered. No way in hell was I about to answer that question in front of everyone. This was exactly the thing I didn't want them to know, and why Tommy and I had made so many promises of silence over the last couple of days.

Monte raised his eyebrows at me. "Dude, you can't just change. Answer the question," he said. I think he wanted to know my answer as much as Lisa did. Awesome.

"I…" I looked over at Tommy, who was trying his hardest to look uninterested. News flash, Tommy, it's not working and you're totally interested. "I'm not sure how I feel about Tommy and I certainly wouldn't say that I love him," I decided to go with.

_But you do love him… You want him. You dreamed about him fucking you. You've never had sex without actually loving that person and you almost had sex with him last night._ Shut up!

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I was starting to sound like a whiny twelve year old in my head. I couldn't think about loving Tommy. I _did not_ love him.

_But you do love him, Adam. Last night… Those dreams, the kisses. You love him._


	17. I'm Going Out of My Mind

**Chapter Seventeen: Sometimes feel like I'm going out of my mind**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I slept dreamlessly. Well, perhaps dreamless isn't the word. I know I dreamed. Everyone dreams. The matter was that when I woke up, I couldn't remember what I might have dreamed. Thus a dreamless sleep. Whatever. Part of what had occupied my attention (other than trying to remember what I might have dreamed) was the fact that I was facing Adam, his arms still wrapped tight around me. I had no complaint. I was starting to come to terms with the fact that things were different (in a very strange way) between us now, and no amount of gay bashing or yelling was going to make anything better.

What had completely occupied my attention was the fact that there was a pressure nudging into my stomach. I didn't need to think or look to understand it, I knew automatically what it was. And just by the feel, the knowledge that it was _there_, pressing against me, I grew hard. I gnawed on my bottom lip, wincing again. It still hurt. And I was reminded of last night. With his touches, his kisses… My face flushed and I shifted, my pillow rubbing against one of the bites. Crap, I had to cover those up. Lovely.

I studied his face, half tempted to reach out and touch his hair. I was still trying to wrap my head around last night. Part of me wished that I could blame it on some kind of alcohol, but I knew that I couldn't. I hadn't drunk anything at all last night. I wrapped my arms around his waist, sighing softly. I didn't understand myself, or this situation. It was confusing and a little weird, but…

'_Tommy, you've changed within the course of two, almost three, days. It's okay to be a little confused._' I blinked once, leaning over and kissing Adam's cheek. His lip twitched slightly, and I smirked. I wondered what he was dreaming about, but by the fact that when he exhaled, it was a little too loud, I didn't have to think hard to know. I licked my lips, relaxing my face.

"Adam?" I said, nudging him awake. He frowned, moaning again before opening his eyes, staring me in the face, his cheeks going scarlet after a moment. "Are you alright?" I muttered.

"Sure." He said, unwrapping his arms from around me and sitting up. I followed in pursuit, biting on the inside of my cheek and trying to make it seem like I wasn't saddened by the fact that he let go of me. '_Stop it, Tommy. You're… You're not like that. You're just… You're not. Dad always said you were easily influenced. You're not like that._' Funny how my thoughts were so contradicting. Like having two other voices of "reason" in my head. The one that was supportive, understanding, considerate and open; like a little angel. Then there was the one that bashed, taunted, teased, ridiculed and belittled me, made me think that this wasn't really… I don't know. But that voice was a devil. And I wanted to kick it in the fucking groin.

Adam slid off the bed, grabbed his back and rushed to the bathroom. Probably to take care of himself. I sighed softly, ignoring the slight hard-on that I had and I stripped out of my clothes quickly, pulling on a pair of dark purple skinnies and a black t-shirt, strapping my creepers onto my legs. I smiled slightly, glancing to the window at the daylight that was pouring through the cracks of the curtains. I pulled them open, blinking a few times before getting used to the adjustment. I looked to the mirror that hung above a small desk, and I tousled my hair a little, running it through my fingers a few times and making it semi-nice. Even with the shirt, the marks were still noticeable. I grimaced, crossing to my bag. I was sure that I— I did. I pulled a black and grey scarf out, covered in skulls. I wrapped it around my neck, letting it hang somewhat loose so that it wasn't evident that I was hiding something. I checked the mirror again. Excellent.

I packed my bag, sliding my cell into my pocket and clenching my iPod in my hand. Adam emerged from the bathroom, but he didn't really say anything to me. He barely looked at me. I bit down on my tongue, keeping my head down. Today was going to be really, really fucking awkward between us. Not that it really surprised me. We'd made out last night. Almost fucked each other, too. That gives perfect reason to have awkward silences.

When he was packed, we left the room, venturing down the hallway and to the elevators. Still, nothing really between us. I didn't really want to ask him about it, because I was unsure of where the conversation would go. Whether it'd be awkward still or if we would fight or… I didn't know. Things were so confusing that I wasn't sure about much of anything anymore.

'_What's not to be sure about? There's no denying you at the very least _like _Adam._' I sighed softly, following Adam further as he dropped the keys onto the counter. The manager muttered a soft 'thanks for staying' to us before we left the lobby. He knew why we weren't paying, and I could see in his face that he was quite remorseful about the poor service we received. I would have been pretty fucking sad too.

Adam and I were the first ones on the bus, which was strange, considering that Adam was usually the last, and I wasn't much better. I dropped my bag beside the couch, kicking it between the small table and the end of the couch. I shoved my headphones into my ears, turning on my music as I sat down. Adam sat next to me, staring at the floor with his hands in his lap. I glanced over at him, almost about to reach out and take his hand when I saw Monte, Longineu, and Lisa at the stairs of the bus. Shit.

The band gave us weird looks as they hopped on, but they didn't really say anything about it. When everyone was nestled in, the bus rolled forward. Lisa picked up a book and Monte and Longineu were at the table playing cards. Adam sat silently beside me, lost in his own world. I gnawed on my bottom lip, fighting the wince. Fuck, what did he do to me last night?

Three hours passed, and there was very little interaction. Monte and Longineu were still playing their damned card game, Lisa was still reading. Adam? Stone silent. I was a little worried about him. He'd been staring at the floor for _three_ hours, and he hadn't said a word. Normally, Adam and Lisa would chat up a storm about anything; ranging from music, to upcoming shows, relationships and clothing. Now? Silent as the grave. Holy balls.

"Let's play truth or dare." Monte said, and I looked up at him, giving him the complete and utter 'what the fuck?' look. He had the grin that reminded me of a senior in high school with the perfect plan for a prank. Adam's expression practically matched mine, and Lisa set her finished book down on the arm rest of the chair she sat in as Longineu spoke.

"Seriously, dude? Truth or dare?" It would have been my question if I had opened up first. Hell, I was certain that any of us would have said it, but Longineu was on it like a cat. Cat…

"_Rawr, down kitty."_ Heat rose to my face and curled my legs under me, pulling my headphones out of my ears. I kept my attention towards the rest of the group, trying really, really hard not to look over at Adam at any point.

Somehow, we all agreed to the game (aww, fuck I just lost). The strangest things had happened too, like Longineu licking my boot and Lisa telling us that she role-played with a guy after a round of Seven Minutes in Heaven. I felt kind of bad that she had to answer something to that degree, but it was when she turned to face Adam and ask him the fateful question, "truth or dare?", that my heart pounded a little harder in my chest. He answered truth, and I bit down on my tongue, trying to look as uninterested as I possibly could.

"How do you _really_ feel about Tommy?" My heart stopped. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck! He… He wouldn't say anything about last night, would he? He couldn't. He… We never promised not to say anything about last night, but he should have the common sense to keep it to himself, no? God, please…

"Never mind, I choose dare." I had to fight to keep the sigh of utter relief locked in my throat, and I pretended to check a message on my phone. There was nothing new or important, unfortunately, nothing that would enable me to _actually _be distracted and uninterested. But it didn't matter. Monte jumped down Adam's throat about changing the answer, and Adam looked over at me. I bit down on my tongue again. Stay calm. Stay calm.

"I… I'm not sure how I feel about Tommy, and I certainly wouldn't say I love him." He said simply, looking back to Lisa. She nodded once, but she wasn't convinced or satisfied with the answer. Longineu and Monte glanced at one another, and I wasn't sure if they bought it either. I kept my head down, staring at the floor. I wasn't sure if he was lying or not… But how did I feel about him? Honestly?

"Alright, Adam, your turn to ask someone." Monte said with a sly smile. Monte and I were the only ones who had yet to do anything, and I was almost certain that Adam was going to ask me—

"Tommy," fucking figured, "truth or dare?" Adam asked, a smile tugging at his lips. I glanced over at him, faking a scowl (which wasn't that hard, I really, really didn't want him asking me). I wrinkled my nose a little, pondering. If I said truth, he'd probably ask me how I felt about him. If I said dare, he'd probably dare me to kiss him again. No, I'm supposed to be hating him. Maybe he'd remember that little detail. But either way, I was fucked…

"…dare." I muttered, suddenly regretting it as Adam raised an eyebrow, thinking. Lisa, Monte, and Longineu leaned forward slightly in their seats. They wanted to know what Adam would make me do. Not that I blamed them. My heart pounded in my chest and I turned in my seat slightly to face Adam a little better. He glanced over at me, smirking devilishly at me. I had a really, really bad feeling…

"Kiss me." _Fuck. You. Adam._

"No." I said quickly, putting on my best appalled face. He grinned again. Damn bastard. Damn fucking bastard. He… I knew this was going to happen, I just knew it! And I chose dare. Fuck my life!

"You have to, Tommy. It's a dare." Monte said, and I flipped him the bird. There was no way in hell I was going to kiss Adam in front of them. Maybe behind closed doors when it was just the two of us in a dark room, but here, in broad daylight, with the rest of the band? Forget it.

"No. I don't want to and I won't." I said firmly, turning my head away and pretending to stare out the window. I kept my face turned but I winked at Adam, and he understood completely. Façade. Gotta love it sometimes.

"You picked dare, Tommy." Lisa said softly, grinning ear to ear. I sighed, rolling my eyes and shifting in my seat again.

"So? I'm not gonna do it." Adam smirked at me from the opposite end of the couch.

"Well, someone's a cranky kitty." He said softly, chuckling. My heart smashed into my ribs and blood rushed to my face.

"Ugh! Fine!" I huffed angrily, reaching over and grabbing Adam by the back of his neck. The bus went silent as I pulled him in, our lips crashing. I moaned low on reaction, hoping that I sounded like Adam and not myself. How embarrassing would that be? We didn't venture with tongue, because we wouldn't have pulled away if we had. I pulled away, sitting back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest after wiping off my mouth with the back of my hand and flashing a disgusted face. They were staring at us, wide eyed and open mouthed. I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Monte and Longineu looked at each other, before shifting and clearing their throats. But Lisa kept her focus on me and Adam. She knew something was up. Woman instinct, you know? She had a look in her eye that shot right through me and sent chills down my spine. She knew.

Fuck.


	18. Wanna Be Startin' Somethin?

The title of this chapter is in honor of Michael Jackson, who has been dead for over a year now (June 25). Rest in Peace, Pop King. 3

**

* * *

Chapter 18: Wanna Be Startin' Something?****  
****(Adam's POV)**

I looked back at the band. "Well, I think this game is over. Tommy, can I talk to you? Alone?" I asked, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up and dragging him down the hall before he could actually answer my question.

"Sure, seeing as I have no choice," he said, fumbling behind me. The rest of the band watched us disappear into my bedroom, but that was all they saw before I shut the door. "What's up?" he asked me and I turned to look at him.

My eyes examined him for a while. Half of me could only see him naked. His large… ADAM! Stop it! "We need to figure out what we are," I said. Tommy looked at me like I was retarded but I answered his question before he could ask. "I mean, obviously we kind of like each other. Maybe we like each other more than we're willing to admit. We… need to decide what we are and how far we're willing to go. Obviously we don't have the same hatful relationship we did a few days ago."

Tommy started gnawing on his lip and he gave a little whimper. I'm surprised I didn't bruise his lip last night… It was obvious that his lip was tender though. _My poor baby…_ Oh no… I'm already thinking of him as my baby. Fuck. "What exactly do you mean 'we need to decide what we are'?" he asked, biting his lip regardless of the pain.

"Tommy, we've been dreaming about each other. We've woken up in each other's arms. We've… we've _kissed_ and you know as well as I do that it wasn't anything like the AMA kiss. Although, I'm starting to doubt that you hated that as much as you claimed," I said, looking him right in the eye, which made him a little nervous. I could see the anxiety in his eyes and I knew that I forcing him to sort out feelings he wasn't quite ready to deal with. But… he needed to deal with them. If we liked each other enough to start dating, we needed to figure that out now so we could avoid these awkward situations in the future.

He was quite for a long time. I wasn't entirely sure if he was thinking or if he was scared or some combination of the two. "Adam… I… obviously don't hate you anymore but I never thought I'd fall for a guy and I… I'm not entirely sure I'm willing to date a man… I mean, I've always been straight and now-"

"You're not interested in a girl," I finished for him. "That's obvious. You've kissed me. Tommy, you've been dreaming about me! I know something like this isn't easy but we can't just keep pretending that we hate each other when we don't… I don't hate you Tommy…"

"Then how do you feel about me?" he asked. Fuck you Tommy. Fuck you in the ass.

I stared at him for a long time, studying him. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, so I decided to go for the truth. "Well… To be perfectly honest, I think I'm falling for you. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop myself from dreaming about you almost every night. I liked when we kissed. Even when I'm singing songs that were written for other people, I think about you when I'm singing them," I said honestly. I was trying to sound calm, and I think I did because I wasn't lying. I was done pretending to hate Tommy. I was done trying to convince myself that I was only trying to fill the gap Drake had left in my heart. Truth was, my heart wasn't hurting nearly as badly as it had since Drake left me and that was mostly due to Tommy… As much as I wish I didn't have to admit that. "And I think you feel similarly… You dream about me. You care about me and try so hard to make it seem like you don't when in reality, you run into the bathroom when you hear me fall despite what you might see. You joke with me and tease me all the time. You've kissed me, Tommy, and you liked it. You've even cuddled with me. How can you tell me that you don't feel this too?"

Tommy started chewing on his bottom lip, ignoring the pain that it obviously caused him. I felt horrible for forcing him to make such a delicate topic but he couldn't just avoid it. We needed to do this. "Adam… Adam I…" He couldn't even form a sentence. He was scared and confused and I knew that. I was forcing him into the roughest decision of his lip and I knew that. How do you all think I felt when I thought it was possible that I could be gay when I knew it was supposed to be wrong?

I closed the distance between us and cupped his chin in my hand, lifting his face so I could look him in the eye. My blue eyes drilled right through his chocolate ones. I could almost see his soul. "Tommy, I know this is hard, but how can we pretend these feelings aren't real?" I asked. He stared at me, his eyes growing wide with need and confusion. He knew I was right.

He was vulnerable and he looked adorable like this. I couldn't resist him… I bent over, pressing my lips to his. The kiss wasn't lustful. It wasn't like the AMAs and it wasn't like the kiss last night. This was gentle but full of unexpressed emotions: Love mostly. Tommy went stiff and for a moment I thought I had made a mistake, but then he kissed me back. He was hesitant but eventually he returned my love and my feelings for him. We kissed for a while and his fingers laced into my hair. I left one hand on his cheek and my other arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer, but the kiss was still expressing that emotion that we were too afraid to voice. There was nothing sexual here.

Eventually Tommy pulled gently on my hair and our lips broke apart, but were still less than an inch apart. "Adam… what do you want me to say?" he asked me.

"I want you to take a chance on me, Tommy… I know admitting you have feelings for someone of the same sex isn't easy but I find it hard for you to deny it," I said quietly, looking into his eyes again.

He looked at me with large, puppy-like eyes. In fact, growing up, I think I did have a puppy with eyes that looked like Tommy's. "You really want me to be your-"

"Yes, Tommy. I want you to be my lover… I want you to give me a chance, alright? I can't stand this constant war of if we love each other or we hate each other. I wanted to believe that I was just trying to fill a void Drake had left, but when I'm holding you like this, it feels like Drake never existed." There was absolutely no point in keeping any of this from Tommy now. He deserved to know the truth. I realized that now.

His fingers tightened their grip on my hair. "How am I supposed to say no after you said something like that?" he asked me in a hushed whisper and I smiled, pressing my lips to his again in another tender kiss.

"You don't say no," I said against his lips. "And you thought I was lying when I sang 'once I'm in I own your heart'."

Even he chuckled at that. "You worm your way into everything, don't you?" he asked.

I kissed him again. "Only the cute things," I said and kissed him again and again and again. He tasted fantastic, and now that we had this talk, I felt about one-hundred pounds lighter, like so much weight had just lifted off of my shoulders.

Now that this was happening, what would the band say? Speaking of the band, what were they talking about now? I could only imagine the rumors they were starting. Oh no… Tommy put his hands on my shoulders. "Okay, Adam, alright. So we're really going to do this," he said, keeping me from kissing him again so he could talk. "What are we supposed to tell the band?"

"I don't think we should tell them right away… We have to figure out an easy way to tell them…" he said quietly. "A way they won't be able to make fun of us for. We'll have to make it delicate, considering we hated each other three days ago." Tommy nodded and I twisted my fingers into his hair, lifting his head back up so I could kiss him again. "Now, will you stop interrupting my kisses?" I teased, letting my lips grace his again.

This time he didn't try to push me away or pull away from the kiss. His arms wrapped my neck and he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. A moan erupted from my throat and I traced my tongue across his bottom lip. Before I could force my tongue down his throat, he pushed his tongue down mine. For someone of Tommy's size, he was feisty and he liked dominance. Maybe my dream from last night wasn't so off. If we ever did get to the point of having sex, he'd probably insist on topping me. That might be nice for a change.

I pushed Tommy into the wall and forced my tongue into his mouth, our tongues battling for dominance over one another. We waged war and it was easily a draw. I was glad we were going to wait to tell the band. That would give us time to grow close and understand each other better. We could have a strong relationship that the band wouldn't have to worry about by the time we actually told them.

With this wet war going on, I didn't have much time to think about the band. I pushed Tommy into the wall of the bedroom and held him tightly, deepening the kiss. He wanted to push me into the wall but I was a lot bigger than him, so he couldn't exactly push me away and shove me into a wall. I could tell he hated being out dominated. Ha, sucker. We were always going to have this war waging, and you know what? I liked the idea of it. That made the sexual part of our relationship a bit more exciting…

Yeah, I know! I'm a pervert, alright?

I pulled away from Tommy's lips and sank my teeth into his neck. Not enough to break skin, but enough to leave a hickey that would have to be covered by a shirt. Then again, I'd already left bite marks on his skin from the night before. Yup, I was part vampire. Twilight baby. Vampires DO sparkle, because I do!

"Adam…" I heard a soft voice from behind us. My head jerked up and I whipped around to look at Lisa, standing in the doorway. Her eyes were wide but I was slightly relieved that she was the only one standing there. If Longineu and Monte had been there watching… Thing could have gotten extremely raw and heavy. Fuck my life again, alright?

Tommy moved to stand next to me and he looked at Lisa. "You two really are in love…" Lisa muttered, but she didn't sound shocked. She knew the whole time… Ever since she found out Tommy was dreaming about me, she knew something like this was going to happen. "How does it feel to finally have this off your chest?" she asked us both.

I looked at Tommy and he looked back at me. "Well… it's a relief, but Lisa, we're not ready to tell the others… please don't tell them. I know we all made the promise to not keep secrets and everything but now is too delicate of a time to tell the others…" I whispered, pushing the door closed just as a comfort to myself. The last thing we needed was Monte and Longineu to find out what was going on.

Lisa looked at the both of us. "I won't tell," she promised. Tommy and I both let out a sigh of relief. We were already having the same fears.

_We really are a real couple!_


	19. You're the Only Song I Want to Hear

**Chapter Nineteen: 'Cause you're the only song I want to hear**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I was having a difficult time processing mine and Adam's conversation, and to be honest I was shaking all over. Adam… Adam said he was falling in love with me. _Adam Lambert_ was _falling in love _with _me_. He kissed me like I was a treasure. He held me like I was delicate yet able. He made me feel like he was the one person in the world I could never hate. He told me things I never knew, things I couldn't imagine…

"_When I'm holding you like this, it feels like Drake never existed."_

That was strong, even coming from Adam. Before the AMA's, he and Drake had been huge through Idol (as I learned from Lisa), and the fucker had broken his heart. No; broken was perhaps the biggest understatement in the world. He shattered Adam's heart. But here he was now, healed and opening himself up in ways I couldn't comprehend. Like Drake never existed? Wow… I was speechless. Completely and utterly.

But the question on my mind was this: did I love Adam? The simple and unexplained answer was no. However, 'no' wasn't the full truth. I didn't love him. I cared. I admired. I liked him. I really, really liked him (which was verging upon hysterical considering three days ago I was certain I hated his fucking guts). But I wasn't sure. I'd never been with a guy. Never considered being with a guy. Yeah, I was an open individual, and I was rather in touch with my more feminine side, but I'd only ever been with girls. Yeah, men were attractive. Adam was _very_ attractive.

How could I have ever hated him?

'_You didn't understand him. You hadn't spent two nights in a hotel room with him where you were put into situations that sort of forced you to before._' Maybe that was the case. Maybe I was just hating the fact that for once in my life, I wasn't sure about myself anymore. Not that it really mattered. The one thing I was sure of was that when Adam said he wanted me to be his, I had to fight to keep from screaming 'yes'.

And then Lisa walked in. Fucking fabulous, no?

But it went better than I could have imagined. She promised not to say anything, and, of course, I'd been right when I assumed that she already knew. Woman's intuition, you know (I wouldn't, cause I'm not a woman. But remember, I said I was in touch with my feminine side… and I'm shutting up now because I'm sounding gayer by the moment)? We watched her go, and I turned my attention back up to Adam. His eyes were glistening with happiness, and I smiled slightly, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it once.

"Should we head back out before they think one of us is dead?" Adam gave me a puzzled look, and I laughed a little, pulling on his hand. He chuckled darkly, tugging me back into his arms again. They snaked around my waist and he kissed me again, just as soft and passionately as he had done the first time when he brought me in here. I moaned, my fingers threading into his hair, pulling a little. I wondered briefly if he would have to fix his hair before going back out to where everyone else was. But such thoughts slipped as his tongue slid over my bottom lip, and I shivered against him, opening my mouth a little.

He tasted cool, minty as ever as his tongue graced mine in a battle of dominance (which he one; damn diva). We pulled away, lips making a wet pop and I smiled up at him, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him. He chuckled, stroking my back and kissing the top of my head.

"C'mon." He said softly, letting go of me and opening the door. I ran my fingers through my hair, readjusting the scarf around my neck, hopefully hiding the new mark he'd given me. Adam tousled his own hair back to semi-normalcy before following me out. Monte and Longineu were in a heated debate about something and Lisa was sitting in the passenger seat of the bus, talking to the driver. I sat at one end of the couch, Adam the other. I would have preferred to sit _with_ him, but that wouldn't be for a while, I imagined. Sadness.

Things were pretty chill for another few hours. Lisa cracked open a new book (I swear, she had her own library on the bus), Monte and Longineu eventually watched Family Guy season one (Monte brought the DVD) on the mini TV's we had on the bus. On occasion I'd watch, other than that I kept to myself, listening to music. My thoughts were whirling at high speed around the conversation, the kisses, the almost-sex… The past three days in general. It was all so crazy. Was it possible for feelings to be completely turned around in such short time? Part of me said yes. Another said no. I wasn't sure though, and I didn't want to dwell on it. It was exhausting me to the point where I actually passed out, curled into a ball on my end of the couch. And I dreamed such beautiful things…

_Adam was running his fingers through my hair, smiling down at me. This was post-sex euphoria. My heart was beating in my chest and we were both covered in sweat and… other things. I inhaled slowly, pulling him down and kissing him gently. He tasted as sweet and cool as ever, his teeth hooking around my bottom lip and sucking again. I moaned into his mouth, squeezing my eyes shut. It still hurt from the night at the hotel, but strangely, the rolls of pleasure shooting down my spine made me forget that it hurt. _

_His hands roamed up my chest, his fingers nudging my nipple rings. I arched into his touch, moaning a little louder. I couldn't tell where we were, only that we were on a bed, wrapped in silky sheets. Every touch and kiss felt amazing, as if my nerves were on haywire and making everything a thousand times better. Adam chuckled, biting down on the side of my neck, sucking sweetly as he tugged slightly on a ring. Shivers and moans, and my eyes were rolling into the back of my head. I was getting turned on even though I already came once. He was determined to make this go all night and make sure we couldn't get up the next morning._

"_Mmm, Adam…" I moaned his name, low and under my breath. He chuckled against my skin, his breath warm and soothing…_

"Tommy." Someone shook my arm, and I blinked a few times, shifting as my spin cracked. Oh, I stayed curled up? Awesome. Not.

"What?" I rubbed my eyes, wiping the sleep from them before blinking again, looking up. Adam was hovering above me, a soft smile on his lips. I smiled back at him, running my fingers through my hair before sitting up.

"Everyone's asleep. Do you wanna come into my room?" He asked me, and I yawned softly, nodding once. He helped me to my feet, guiding me to the door at the end of the bus. I loved the fact that the rooms were separate for the most part, and that there were three of them. Adam shut the door behind me, turning on the light switch. The bed took up most of the space, but Adam's suitcase sat by the window, opened. I unstrapped my creepers, kicking them aside and flopping on the bed.

"You don't wanna change first?" He asked, laughing. I groaned, rolling onto my side.

"Clothes are by the couch…" I muttered, half awake. Adam shuffled by, digging through his case before tossing something. Soft fabric landed on my chest and I opened my eyes, looking at it. Pajama pants. Good enough. I sighed, shifting and arching my back to pull my shirt off without having to sit up. Adam chuckled again, and I felt one of his fingers flick a nipple ring. I gasped.

"Like that?" I smiled, flipping him the bird. I was so fucking tired…

"You gonna strip me and put me into my 'jammies too?" I mumbled, grinning like a fool. Adam laughed, and I tossed my arm over my face to block the light from my closed eyes. I heard clothing being shifted and dropped, and I assumed that he was changing too. I was smart to cover my face, otherwise I would have been tempted to look again, and only God knew what would happen then. My mind flashed his naked appearance, and my face flushed, blood rushing to my crotch. Not now.

"I could, but I can't promise that you'd stay in said pajamas." He said. At least he was honest.

"Mm, fine." I said, sitting up slowly and undoing my belt. Adam brushed past me, flopping onto his end of the bed and turning away from me so I could undress and redress. My face felt hot. Sure, he was turned away, but it was the fact that he was in the same room with me that made me flustered. I pulled my jeans off, kicking them aside as I had done my shoes, before tugging the pajama pants on. They were on the big side, but the draw string was enough to keep them hugging my hips. I crossed to the door, hitting the switch. The room was engulfed in darkness and I crawled onto the bed, still half asleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow, Adam's arms went around my waist, his breath on the back of my neck.

"Cozy…" I mumbled, a smile playing at my lips. Adam chuckled softly, leaving a gentle kiss against my bare shoulder.

"You were talking in your sleep earlier." He told me, and my eyes fluttered open again. I turned my head, staring at him in the darkness.

"What was I saying?" My face was flushed and he smiled, kissing my cheek.

"You were saying my name a lot. You're lucky Monte and Longineu were distracted by their show otherwise they would have heard you." I buried my face into Adam's neck, groaning. Great. Just, fantastic.

"Remind me never to fall asleep in front of the band ever again." I moaned, and he laughed softly.

"But it was cute." He said. I rolled over so that I was facing him. I wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling his neck a little. He sighed in content, rubbing my back gently. His hands were warm and soft, and I moaned quietly.

"Cute could have gotten us caught." I said after a moment, and he sighed.

"I know. But, for now, let's not worry about it." He kissed the top of my head. "Go back to sleep, Glitterbaby." I smiled, looking up at him.

"Glitterbaby?" It was cute, but I was curious as to where he might've gotten that kind of nickname for me. He smiled, bending his head down and catching my lips with his. I moaned, my eyes sliding shut as he kissed me over and over.

"Yes. Now, I mean it, Tommy. Go to sleep. You're exhausted, and we've got a long day on the road tomorrow."

"Where are we heading?" I asked, leaning up and kissing him again. I couldn't figure out why I needed to keep kissing him. It just felt right. Like being in his arms felt right. Fuck, this was so confusing. But I didn't move nor did I stop because I was enjoying it far too much to try to understand any of it.

"I don't know, really. Lisa knows more, but she's already asleep, and I don't wanna get up right now." He muttered. He sounded tired. I didn't blame him. We were both tired. It had been a long day of absolutely nothing (well, for the most part, anyway). And we were going to have another long day tomorrow. Swell.

"Mkay." I said. Adam squeezed me a little, kissing me once more.

"Goodnight, Glitterbaby." I smiled.

"'Night, Babyboy." He laughed, and I fell asleep.


	20. So Clumsy 'Cause I'm Falling in Love

**Chapter 20: So Clumsy Cause I'm Falling in Love****  
****Adam's POV**

Sleep brought more dreams of Tommy, but now it wasn't awkward. We were a couple and it was normal to dream about the person you're dating. It'd be more awkward if I started dreaming about Drake now that I was officially dating Tommy. I woke up with him still in my arms but thankfully I didn't have a hard on. Sure, I'd had some beautiful dreams involving the two of us, but at least I didn't grow hard in my sleep to the point where my erection was shoved into his stomach.

Tommy was still sleeping and I had to say that he really did look like a cat. _He's my little kitty cat._ The thought made my face flush. "Tommy?" I asked so I didn't have time to linger on the fact that he was super adorable and totally easy to take advantage of. "Tommy, wake up." I shook him a little and he moaned in his sleep. A smirk crossed my lips. And what was Tommy dreaming about? He had said my name an awful lot before I woke him up last night. "Tommy, wake up." I shook him again and this time he opened his eyes with a bit of a pout on his lip. He must have been having one hell of a dream…

"Morning," he said tiredly but he managed a smile.

"Morning, Glitterbaby," I said and sat up with him still in my arms. "We should probably get up and out there before everyone else wakes up. They'll probably be wondering why you aren't on the couch and they'll assume that I murdered you and stuffed your body under my bed." Yeah, I could totally be a writer because I was just so god damn creative!

Tommy laughed at that. "Would you touch a dead body?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"What are you trying to say? I'm not man enough to touch something that's dead?" I asked, pouting at him. Unlike straight men, I could pout fantastically and my pout usually got me what I wanted.

"Um, yup. That's what I'm trying to say," he said, smirking at me but once he saw my pout, his smirk fell. Ha. Tommy zero, Adam one. He opened his mouth to apologize or tease me further, but I caught his lips with my own before he could utter a word. I kept my eyes open long enough to watch his lids slip shut and he moaned into the kiss. My lips curved up into his and he took that chance to shove his tongue through my lips, pinning my tongue down in the process. I tried to fight for control, but Tommy managed to keep it by some grace of God. Payback for last night, I suppose. I didn't give him any chance to win control last night. That probably damaged his self esteem some considering he was older than me. Not by much, but every minute counts. At least, I'm sure they do for Tommy.

He straddled my hips and twisted his fingers into my already-messy hair. Yes, I have terrible bed head. Sad, considering my hair _always_looks so damn good (after an hour or so of styling it :D). No, I'm not a diva at all. Tommy pulled on my hair and I couldn't help but moan. My hands ran up his chest (remember, he'd slept shirtless) and experimentally flicked my index fingers over his nipple rings. He arched into my touch and gasped into my mouth. Wow, if just a touch caused so much pleasure, maybe it would be worth it to get my nipples pierced.

For now, I'd settle with using Tommy's piercings to drive him insane with sexual torture. He yanked on my hair and I moaned again, but it didn't distract me enough. I pulled on Tommy's left nipple ring and he actually had to break the kiss this time. He gasped and almost cried out in pleasure, but he silenced himself by biting his bottom lip. "Adam…" he muttered once the waves of pleasure had subsided.

I smiled some and kissed him gently on the lips. "We need to get dressed and get out there," I said, although I had already stored some things in my mind that would help me with Tommy later. He pouted a little without realizing he was. How did Tommy ever believe he was straight considering he could pout so well? I'd have to bring that to his attention… Later.

"Fine," he muttered, crossing his arms and sounding a lot like a five year old who didn't get his way.

I had to laugh at that. "Sorry Glitterbaby, but if you keep ripping off moans like that, you're going to get us caught," I said with a smirk. He didn't find my joke as funny, but at least he didn't get mad at me for saying it. Suddenly the bus came to a stop. What the hell? I knew we were going to be on the road for most of the day. Maybe we were stopping for gas or something?

A gentle knock came from the door. "You and Tommy need to get ready. We're at a truck stop and we're going to eat here. You need to get up and be ready before Monte and Longineu or they're ganna find out," Lisa said though the door. She did sort of sound like a mother sometimes but we'd all be lost without her!

"We're getting ready!" I said back and climbed off of my bed. I pulled a pair of white skinny jeans, a gray top, and a vest out of my suitcase. "I'm going to the bathroom. You can use my room to get dressed," I said, turning to look at him. "And you should probably go get your own clothes. Mine won't work too well for keeping you covered." I smirked and he rolled his eyes, shooing me out of my own room.

I rushed to the bathroom, which was available thank the lord. I closed and locked the door before stripping off my pajamas. I pulled my jeans on, which hung tightly to my calves and thighs. It was unusual to find me in pants that didn't hug me tightly, but I had a few new outfits for performing that shocking didn't require tight jeans or leather. Loose pants almost felt unnatural now and they made me a bit anxious. I always thought my pants were falling down or they weren't even there to begin with. I pulled my shirt on. It said "Free Hugs" across the chest and I'd hand out free hugs if people asked me too. Except, maybe not for people like the girl who thought it would be nice to tongue me without even knowing me. My vest went on, and then I brushed my teeth. I always left my hair for last because it was always ridiculously hard to manage. Today, not so much. The knotted mess I called hair brushed out easily today. There wasn't even need for hair products, it just looked naturally good. I was pleased with it.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the "living room" of the bus. Tommy and Lisa were set to go but Monte and Longineu were still getting ready. "Awesome, I'm getting faster!" I said triumphantly. I felt like an idiot, but who was really going to care? We had to live with each other so we knew everyone's secrets and idiotic ways of life.

Monte came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, and you got up about a half hour before us too," he said, mocking me. I rolled my eyes.

"It was like five minutes, Monte. Way to over exaggerate." I said, following him out of the bus. It was a cool, crisp morning with gray skies. I rather liked days like today and people thought I was emo for enjoying it. Sorry I can be mellow, okay? I'm _not_ emo, just to make sure you all know that. We argued all the way to the truck stop's building, which had a place to eat inside. In case you didn't know, most truck stops do have restaurants in them.

"Will you two shut up? You sound like you're in kindergarten," Longineu said.

"Well, Monte still is in kindergarten," I said. "You would know, since you two are nap time buddies." Wow, so much for being the sensitive gay guy. "Sorry. I didn't realize I still had some sarcasm trapped in me. Have to get that out, you know." I smiled at the two and they rolled their eyes, walking into the air conditioned building. Brr, its fucking cold in here! I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to get warm. It didn't work.

We were seated at a table for six. Monte was across from me and next to Longineu. Tommy sat next to me and Lisa sat on the edge closest to me. I glanced over at Tommy, wanting to take his hand in mine but I knew that I couldn't do that. This would be too early to show the rest of the band what Tommy and I have… become in the last few days. Plus, if they knew we went from hating to dating (HA I rhymed) in three days, they'd never let us live it down. At least if we took our time, they wouldn't have as much to say about us 'slowly' falling in love.

"This place is kind of disgusting," Lisa commented, looking around at the ground. I snapped from my thoughts and looked down at the floor too. Straw wrappers, crumbs of food, and something large, black and moving littered the floor. My eyes fixated on the thing that was moving.

To my horror, I found it to be a rather large, hairy spider. Why did it have to be a spider? Any other type of crawly thing (can't use the word bug or insect cause spiders aren't insects) I could deal with but not spiders. I absolutely hate spiders. They are just too creepy and unnatural. I mean, what sort of creature, that didn't crawl out from the deepest pits of hell, really needed eight legs and eight eyes? Only one logical explanation for it: They needed the legs to crawl from Hell and they needed the eyes to catch the souls that managed to escape the fates of flames. Oh yeah, I'm an extremely deep and talented person.

"Holy fucking shit!" I near shouted and jumped out of my chair, knocking it over with a loud clanging sound. The spider started crawling towards me and the little fucker was pretty fast. What the fuck? NO! Get away! Everyone was looking at me like I was some sort of freak. Okay, I was a freak, but they were use to my normal freak-ness. This was a completely different type of freak-ness.

"Adam? What the Hell?" Monte muttered, starring at me backing away from the spider.

My eyes darted to him for a sec but then they were back on the spider. They couldn't be trusted to stay in one spot for very long and that little bastard was _not_ going to catch me by surprise. "There's a fucking huge spider on the floor!" Yeah, I know I was blowing things out of proportion but I literally have Arachnophobia. I'm not just being a drama queen; it's a serious psychological fear of mine.

Tommy looked at me for a minute, and I'm sure he thought I was being a pussy (god, I hate that term so much) but he didn't say something rude, like I knew Monte would. "Seriously, Adam? It's just a fucking spider. It's not going to eat you." Wow, he was actually on cue that time. Fuck you, Monte. Tommy half glared at Monte for a fraction of a second. Monte didn't even notice, but Lisa did, and she smiled a little to herself. She liked this relationship more that Tommy and I were, I think. How wrong is that?

Tommy, as if trying to be my knight in shining armor, stood up and squished the spider with his shoe. "Better?" he asked me and I nodded some, smiling at him a little. I pulled my chair back up and sat down in it. None of us ordered off the menu. Mostly because we were all pigs (well not me, since I hadn't been eating at all). We all decided on the breakfast buffet the place had and I only got eggs and bacon, much like yesterday. Once I was seated again, I poured syrup all over the eggs and bacon.

"Adam, you're a freak," Monte said and I rolled my eyes, stabbing at some eggs with my fork.

"Gee thanks, bestest buddy…" I muttered. I still wasn't all too happy with him and the spider thing kind of just made it worse… At least Tommy and I weren't constantly fighting now, so I only had to worry about fighting with Monte…


	21. All We Need is Patience

**Chapter Twenty-One: All we need is patience (in which I've never really known)**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I swear to God, Adam was driving me insane. First, he woke me up from a pretty freaking rad dream (not that I could remember it. It was one of those instances where I knew it was a freaking rad dream, but I couldn't remember it as soon as my eyes opened), and then he decided to get me all hot and bothered. Part of me wanted to kick myself because I slept shirtless, and thus just opened up a world of possibilities to Adam. I'd completely made myself vulnerable, and he took advantage of my half nakedness; he played with my nipple rings.

Have I mentioned how much that drives me crazy in a sexy, turned on way?

Well, it does. And Adam was pushing me to a limit that could have potentially been very awesome and amazing for us but really, _really_ awkward for everyone else on the bus. Damn little fucker. You know, there's a reason I gave him the name "Babyboy". Not that it mattered right now. I'd kicked him out of the room so I could get dressed. Nothing fancy or snazzy. I just redressed into yesterday's clothing. But instead of wearing my creepers, I'd gone out into the living room area of the bus and I pulled my Cons out of my bag, shoving my feet in and lacing them up. Cozy.

Now, the truck stop for which we had stopped at was decent for a bite to eat. However, the overall appearance was a little disgusting. Windows were a bit grimy, there were straw wrappers and crumbs of food all over the floor. The air reeked of grease and burnt food (and, if I wasn't mistaken, other foul odors that I didn't want to really think about). I had managed to ignore all of this before Adam started screaming, falling out of his chair. I swear, for a moment I was wondering if he was going to leap into my lap and throw his arms around my neck like the freaked cat he suddenly appeared to be. But he didn't. He just bolted from his seat, swearing and staring wildly at the floor.

I looked down, seeing a large, black spider, just a little smaller than the ring of a coffee cup. He was an ugly motherfucker, I wasn't going to lie. But I didn't have an irrational fear of them like Adam. And as much as I hated it, I couldn't help but laugh. His reaction was fucking hilarious, and a little more than cute. '_Fucking hell, Tommy._' I bit down on my bottom lip, wincing a little. At least it was getting better.

I looked at Adam, half-tempted to shake my head in disapproval at him. But I felt bad. He was really, really freaked out. "Seriously, Adam? It's just a fucking spider, it's not going to eat you." Monte said. Blood pounded in my ears and I shot Monte a glare. He didn't see it, but Lisa did, and she smirked. Shut it, Lisa.

I stood from my chair, brushing past Adam, and in one easy motion, the spider was squished beneath my shoe. I felt it pop and squish, and my stomach rolled. Okay, I didn't have arachnophobia, but feeling a spider fucking _pop_ beneath my foot was a little disgusting. I wiped my foot on a spider-free part of the floor, swallowing the bile covered lump in my throat before I turned to face the raven-haired singer. "Better?"

He smiled at me a little, and nodded once. The corner of my mouth curled upward in response, and I was glad that I was turned away enough from the rest of the band that only Adam saw it. We all stood up and headed to the sort of buffet section of the stop. We didn't want to order of the menu and wait, so we took our chances with the safety of the food under hot lamps, piling whatever we desired onto plates. Adam took eggs and bacon. Monte and Longineu grabbed stacks of pancakes and sausage links, cups of coffee in their hands. Lisa settled on biscuits and gravy with tea. Me? Eggs, pancakes, and sausage. Fucking delicious.

I sat down in my seat beside Adam again, watching out of the corner of my eye as he poured syrup over his food. My eyebrow raised in curiosity. Who the fuck eats eggs and bacon covered in syrup? Sausage and syrup I could understand, because that shit's good. But this? This was weird, and apparently Monte though the exact same thing. I laughed, though. It was all in good fun, and Adam took it lightly. At least… It didn't seem like it, but I could tell under the demeanor that he wasn't happy with Monte.

Not that I blamed him.

Grabbing my fork with my right hand, my left dropped under the table, nudging Adam's thigh. He turned his head towards my direction, his eyes staring out as if he was thinking. He snatched his napkin and pulled it down to his lap, resting it on his right thigh and keeping it there, but his fingers reached out and touched mine. Nonchalantly, our fingers laced under the table, and I had to fight the smile pulling at my lips. His hand was warm in mine. It was nice.

Forks clinked on plates and coffee was drunk. The table was silent for a while and I only managed to get half-way through my plate before I could feel my stomach stretching to its limits. I would have thought that after barely eating for the past few days, I would have been starving like a motherfucker, but apparently not. I sighed heavily, swallowing the bite in my mouth before setting my fork down on my plate, giving Adam's hand a squeeze before lifting mine back up and resting it on the table.

"Shit, I'm full." I said, grabbing my glass of water and taking a long drink. Monte and Longineu had piled on seconds and were already half way done. They looked up at me, giving me the look like I was a buffet-eating-wimp. I had a large appetite once upon a time, but apparently not anymore.

"Weak." Monte smirked. My eyes narrowed, and I plucked a small piece of egg from my plate, and chucked it at him. I used to believe I had the shittiest aim in the world, but the egg pegged him in his left eye, and he squirmed, laughing a little. Longineu joined in, followed by myself and Lisa. Adam was practically choking on his food he was laughing so hard. I looked over at him, and laughed even harder. His face was beet red and his smirk was so cute.

"Damn, Adam, breathe." Lisa said with a smile, her eyes flicking over to me. She caught me staring at him, and my face flushed a little. Damnit. Adam eventually calmed down and decided he was done, not much farther into the plate-cleaning process than I was. I sighed, finishing my water before standing from the table. Monte and Longineu (who'd somehow cleared two plates and their coffee) followed in pursuit, heading for the front doors of the stop. No doubt to head back to the bus already. I watched them go, and I felt Adam press his lips to my cheek. My face heated up and I smiled shyly.

"Been waiting to do that for the past hour." He said, and Lisa just shook her head and smiled at us.

"You boys go on ahead, I'll take care of this." She said, heading up to the register. We nodded, before heading to the doors. Adam's hand rested on my lower back and I walked close beside him. But once we were past the doors, his hand was gone and we were at least three feet apart. It was a little annoying having to pretend like this, but at least we didn't have to pretend to eat each other's souls as well.

Piled into the bus and rolling onward again, I turned in my seat on the couch to face Lisa, who was sitting in her normal chair, reading her book. "Hey, Lisa, where are we going now?" She looked up at me, holding her place with her thumb.

"Well, I spoke to our manager this morning on the phone. She said that we don't have anything scheduled before Gridlock, which is a New Year's Even show we're doing in New York. So… we're pretty much just going home for right now." She said simply. I nodded once. Home would be nice. To get off the road for a couple of weeks. I glanced over at Adam, who was sitting on the other end of the couch from me. He looked up from his phone, a smirk touching his lip before he looked away again. A shiver rolled down my spine. There was something about that smirk that made me feel boneless. Like Adam had something in mind and he wasn't planning on telling me any time soon.

Fuck.

Snatching my headphones, I turned on my iPod, shoving the buds into my ears and scrolling through my music. Depeche Mode. Manson. ACDC… Nothing sounded good. I scrolled back to the top, seeing the cover art for _For Your Entertainment_. Yes, I had the album. Yeah, yeah, shut up. I smirked to myself. What the hell, why not? I selected it, selecting track number two. Sue me.

Turning up the volume, I reclined a little, my head resting on the arm of the couch, my knees pulled up so that I only took up about half the couch, leaving Adam plenty of room. The familiar beats drilled into my ears and I closed my eyes, letting my iPod rest on the couch next to my hip, my hands lying on my stomach. My fingers tapped to the beat of the song, and I smiled to myself as Adam's voice filled my ears. I never listened to the recording before, and I found it oddly addicting.

_So hot, out the box, can we pick up the pace?_

Well, we certainly had.

_Turn it up, heat it up, I need to be entertained._

I think you've had enough of that.

_Push the limit, are you with it? Baby don't be afraid— I'ma hurt ya real good, baby._

Oh my.

Someone tapped my foot, and I opened my eyes, seeing Adam staring at me with an eyebrow raised. I grabbed my iPod, turning it down and pulling a bud out of my ear. "What?" I asked, faking annoyance. He smirked, his eyes gleaming.

"I thought you hated that song." Monte and Longineu were looking over at us. Fuck, it was louder than I thought. I shrugged.

"I like the beat." I said. Well… There was more than just the beat that I liked. Adam chuckled, shaking his head before going back to messing with his phone. I rolled my eyes, putting the bud back into my ear and turning the music up again. It wasn't as obnoxiously loud as it was before, but loud enough that I could tune everyone else out. Which was a nice thing, since Monte and Lisa were having some kind of a discussion, but I couldn't hear them. Longineu was on the phone, smiling. Probably talking to his fiancée.

I was just about to close my eyes again when I felt a buzz in my pocket. I frowned, pulling my phone out to see that I had a text from… Adam. I was curious for a moment as to how the hell he had my number when I remembered that we all exchanged them in moments of emergency or whatever. I opened the message, having a fight the blush as I read it.

"_R u sure its just the beat? XD_" I coughed, hitting reply.

"_Wudnt u like 2 no_ _XP_" Okay, so I wasn't a grammar or spelling Nazi like some people, sue me. Send…

Buzz.

"_Dont make me bite that tongue Ratliff._" I chuckled a little, ignoring the strange looks from the rest of the band before typing out a reply.

"_U no u want 2 XD_" Send. I glanced up in time to see Adam's face go a little red, and he licked his lips, grinning as he typed out another message, continuing to mess with his phone as if doing something other than texting me. I opened the message, and my heart pounded faster in my chest.

"_Ur gonna get it 2nite_." I inhaled slowly, hitting reply.

"_Orly?_" Send. Adam smirked, chuckling darkly, his eyes gleaming. Oh, God.

"_Yarly._" I laughed a little.

"_Wut r u plannin?_" Send. Pause. Adam typed. Send. Buzz.

"_Guess ur gonna have 2 wait n c_."

Oh, shit.


	22. Is My Love Your Drug?

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Is My Love Your Drug?****  
****Adam's POV**

Our texting (borderline sexting) conversation left me a little more than excited. I wanted to be home and alone with Tommy _now_. Nothing was helped by the fact that I was impatient. Uggggggggggggggggh fuck my life! Okay… sorry about that. Diva moment there.

"So what do you all want to do?" Longineu asked. Things were always like this on the bus. It was boring and chill. We were all used to it by now. At least, I think we're all use to it. Maybe not so much. "We gotta do something."

"I know. We can find a giant spider, put it on Monte's face, and watch him squirm," I suggested, glaring over at the man. He frowned a little and opened his mouth to form some sort of retaliation, but Longineu covered his mouth with one hand. Thank God, because I didn't feel like putting up with Monte right now. I just wanted to be home…

Lisa glared at Monte and then at me. "Will you two knock it off?" she hissed at the two of us. "Let's just do something to pass the time and not fight, alright?"

"What should we do?" I asked.

"Some sort of game?" Tommy finally piped in. Oh joy, cause games have always gotten us so far… We're all terrible losers.

I looked over at him and before I even asked my question, a million perverted answers flooded into my mind. "What sort of game, Tommy?"

His eyes locked on mine and a small smirk flashed across his face. He must have been thinking the same dirty thoughts I was. _Naught boy…_Shut up perverted voice in my head! Seriously! Now is not the time! "How about Seven Minutes in Heaven?" My jaw almost dropped. Hell, we needed a lot more than seven minutes. Maybe seven hours would do the trick. "Well?" Damn bastard, sounds like he's taunting me! Fucker!

"Sounds like a plan to me," I said, smirking. If he was going to fuck with me, I was going to fuck with him too. "Let's do it." Everyone stared at me and Tommy's eyes went a little wide. Obviously he took the second meaning to the phrase "do it".

We all put our names in a hat and took our turns. First I was stuck with Monte and I was close to hitting him by the time we were finally let out. Then Lisa and Tommy, who probably said something about how Tommy and I were dating now… Awkward. Next was Lisa and Longineu then me and Lisa and she did try to talk about Tommy. I did talk to her for a the seven minutes but I didn't go into too much detail about anything. We went through so many rounds, I couldn't believe we were still playing. We even had to take a break for lunch (which I mostly skipped out on since I actually ate breakfast). I had no idea what time it was when fate finally placed Tommy and I in that tiny room alone. It grew dark outside, so it must have been late. Lord, I hope we get home soon!

"So, all that game finally paid off," he said quietly and pushed my shoulders into the wall. He straddled my hips (because we were on the ground) and he started kissing me, hard and wet. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and a moan erupted from my throat. Tommy was an excellent kisser… His fingers laced themselves through my hair and gave it a harsh pull. Another moan escaped my lips and into Tommy's. God, I really was in Heaven. My hands snaked up under Tommy's shirt and nudged one of his nipple rings, which caused him to gasp into my mouth. I smirked, taking the chance to force my tongue into his mouth and take control of the situation. Nice try, Ratliff. I bit his tongue, just like I told him I would in those texts, and he gave a little whine. Hopefully the band wouldn't be able to hear us.

Suddenly the bus stopped. Tommy pulled away from me and I pouted fiercely because I was hot and turned on. "Later Adam!" Monte called through the door Tommy and I sat behind. "We're home and we're out of here!"

"Alright," I called back and looked at Tommy with large, needy eyes. He chuckled and smirked at me. Obviously he knew I wanted him, probably more than he wanted me. We sat in silence until we were sure everyone was off of the bus.

"So, what now?" Tommy asked, smiling at me. I smirked at him and stood up, pulling him with me. I was glad everyone had left before we left this closet thing because things would turn out terrible. My hair was a mess and we both looked hot and nervous…

I chuckled darkly and grabbed his wrist, pulling him out of the closet and towards the door of the bus. If I was right, we were right by my condo. We didn't need to bother with out stuff. The bus would be there in the morning. "What now? What now? Really?" I asked him with a tease in my tone. "I'm taking you to my condo and we're going to pick up where we left off in that closet," I whispered into his ear. I could feel him shiver and I nipped his earlobe, earning another sweet moan from the boy.

Turns out, I was right. The bus had parked right down the street from my condo, and since Tommy didn't protest any, I pulled him straight to my home. I was determined to get him in my house and more importantly into my bed. "Let's go, Glitterbaby," I said after unlocking the door of the condo. I pulled him through and closed the door behind me.

"Adam…"

"I told you that you were ganna get it tonight. Didn't believe me, did you?" I asked, my eyes glistening in a mixture of love and desire. He looked at me with those chocolate eyes, and I could have melted. He smiled and took my hand tightly in his, giving it a squeeze.

"Then where's your bedroom?" he asked me and I tugged him down the main hall and down to my bedroom. It was a large room carpeted in plush green. The walls were chocolate brown with green accent woods. There was a large canopy bed set in a bay window. Green silk drapes graces the sides of the bed and they could be closed so you could close yourself off from the rest of the room. In one corner there were a few bowl chairs and a large bookcase covered with books. Yes, I do read. On the other side was a plasma screen hanging above a slick dresser (which was on the big side). I have a lot of clothes, shhsh!

Tommy looked around the room. "You really are gay…" he said and I smirked, pushing him onto the bed.

"Last I checked, you were making out with me in a closet, so you aren't much better, huh?" I asked. He blushed slightly and fell onto the overly cushioned bed.

"I've been with girls!" he protested.

I smirked. "So have I. Doesn't make me any less gay," I said and climbed on top of him. His hands instantly slammed into my shoulders and he pushed me off of him, onto my back.

"Hold the phone, Lambert. Who said you're the cake topper?" he asked.

"Cake topper? Well… I suppose you'd have to be a cake topper, since you're so small and adorable," I said. His blush deepened some.

His hands instantly went to my vest. He pushed it off of my shoulders and pulled my shirt up. "You wanted to start where we left off right?" he asked as his fingers flickered over my exposed nipples. I gasped, arching into his touch, unable to help myself. It drove me crazy when people played with my nipples and I didn't even have nipple rings. "Like that, don't you?" He smirked and bent down, sucking hard on one of them. His right hand continued to play with the other nipple and his left hand trailed down my side and over my thigh.

I almost believed this was a dream and that I was going to wake up to someone's annoying voice yelling at me to get up. I would have to punch whoever woke me up from this dream. "Tommy… To-ah!" He smirked around my nipple, I could feel it in my skin. He grabbed my growing erection through my pants and squeezed it tightly. Another breathy moan erupted from my throat.

My right nipple was left alone, hard and demanding attention. His right hand joined his left by my crotch and he undid by belt painfully slow. I tilted my hips into his hands, trying to get any sort of friction but it wasn't working too well. Obviously Tommy knew how to drive someone crazy with desire and it didn't matter that I wasn't a girl. He was still talented. He undid my jeans slowly and pulled them down, exposing my now-throbbing erection. Tommy's lips disappeared from my left nipple and he looked from my chest to my erection and then my face, which was flushed. "My my, someone's excited," he said, smirking even more.

"That's not your leg pressed into my thigh, Tommy," I muttered. He was just as hard as I was and I knew it. "So let's not pretend like I'm the only horny one here." I sat up, pushing him back onto the bed. I almost ripped his shirt off, but I have enough self control to not rip it. My hands instantly started fooling around with Tommy's belt and my teeth tugged at Tommy's nipple ring, which forced a strangled cry from the bassist. Wow, this was the easiest way to get him to sleep with me, I realized. He was instantly turned on if his nipple rings were played with. "Seems like you like it a little more than I did," I teased around the ring and he bucked into my hands, which were now pulling his jeans off of his legs. I was suddenly glad neither of us decided to wear underwear.

Minutes passed and we were both naked, hot, and covered in a light coating of sweat. There wasn't any way we could turn back now. We both needed to not only have sex but… make love (yes, there is a huge difference). "Tommy…" I muttered. Somehow I had ended up beneath him again, and while I wanted to fuck him senseless, I was also wanting him to fuck me senseless. Ever since that dream I had of him showing his power over me, the idea of him being inside of me made me shiver. He smiled and caught my lips in another hot, passionate kiss. Our tongues fought for dominance, just like our bodies were.

We turned over several time. Neither of us were sure who would end up in the dominating role. Maybe we were both split down the middle… Part of Tommy was curious to know what it would be like for someone to be inside of him and yet, he wasn't sure he'd be able to bring himself to it. I know how he felt. The first time I had sex, I felt the same way he did, but having someone make love to me turned out to be one of the best things I've ever experienced. One day Tommy would know that feeling too. Whether that was tonight or some other night, I still wasn't sure.

"Tommy," I said, finally stopping our struggle. "Tommy, I want you. I don't care what role I take tonight. I just want you," I said with love in my tone. I meant every word and Tommy knew it. He put his hands on my shoulders. "Just… tell me where you want me Tommy, and that's where I'll go. I just want to be here, with you."


	23. You're Screaming My Name

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Give it to ya 'till you're screaming my name**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I lost count of the kisses, the teases, the sly comments we made to one another and the urgency I could feel in his actions as he tore my clothes off of me. The bed was large and fluffy, practically perfect for this kind of thing (I tried not to think of how many other people he might've fucked in this same bed). The green was a bit much, but that was just as easily forgotten as everything else. All I could think about was this. The aching, burning need. The want.

The logical part of me was saying to not do this. That I needed to stop this before it got out of hand. Sure, I'd seen a lot of Adam that most others didn't (figuratively _and_ literally), but… This was a giant leap for the both of us. Here we were, turned on and naked, sweat on both of our bodies and we were rolling around, indecisive of who would top who. I was shaking a little; partly from the ecstasy that I was feeling and partly because of the fact that I was about to fucking sleep with _Adam Lambert_… My boyfriend.

How the hell did this happen?

My heart pounded in my chest, and I somehow ended up holding Adam down. His voice was soft, lovely, and it made me tremble with emotion. "I just want to be here, with you." He said. My hands gripped his shoulders, and I nodded once. I wanted him too. I knew that as I inhaled slowly, but I was still shaking like a fucking leaf caught in the wind. I was embarrassed to say it, but Adam knew exactly why I was hesitant. He smiled at me in the dim lighting of the room.

"There's a bottle of lube and condoms in the side table. Slick your fingers with it." I nodded once, climbing off of Adam and reaching for the drawer. I pulled it open, my fingers curling first around the bottle and then finding the condom. I dropped the condom by Adam's shoulder, uncapping the lube. My hands were trembling and I didn't realize that I was breathing hard too until Adam chuckled, his hands resting on my thighs.

"Relax, Glitterbaby. I'll walk you through it the whole way." I nodded once, squeezing some of the lube onto the tips of my fingers. I rubbed it thoroughly, my fingers slick and slippery.

"Okay…" I said softly, trying to calm myself down. Adam inhaled slowly, as if preparing himself.

"Push one finger in, real slow. Take your time with it." He said, and I nodded once again. I repositioned myself so that I was sitting more on his knees than straddling his waist. I nudged his legs apart, and I timed my breathing with his. Nice and slow; in and out, deep breaths. Okay. My fingertip circled around his entrance, which was surprisingly warm, and I shivered as a low moan erupted from his throat. Hot damn.

I pushed the digit in slowly, moaning at the sounds Adam was making when I got past the first joint. I bit down on my bottom lip at the second, and once it was all the way in, intuition took me and I curled my finger, nudging something deep inside of him. And I knew instantly it was a good something because his back arched and he moaned loudly, his hands curling into fits, gripping the sheets tightly. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and his eyes were screwed shut. I let out a soft moan, feeling him tighten around my finger. It was beautiful.

"G-God…" Adam shivered, trembling under me. I chuckled, pulling it out just to push it back in again. This motion steadily grew faster, enough to the point that I was able to slip a second finger in easily. I grew confident enough that I was able to keep my fingers working even as I bent down, taking one of Adam's nipples between my teeth again, sucking. His fingers wound deep into my hair, his breathing short. My breath trailed across his skin and I leaned up, kissing him as my fingers scissored him, stretching him.

I worked him slowly, like I would with girls. Though women weren't nearly _this_ tight around me, I still opened them up before I did anything. They loved it though, and I knew just by his moans and the way he pulled on my hair that Adam was loving it too. It was still really fucking strange to be preparing a _fucking man_, but something in me didn't care. Suddenly, it didn't matter to me that I wasn't about to senselessly fuck a girl. It just _didn't matter._

Three fingers working fluidly, and I pulled them out, reaching up and grabbing the condom that hadn't moved from its spot beside Adam's shoulder. He was breathing hard, his face flushed, his hands on my shoulders. I tore the wrapper off with my teeth, rolling the rubber easily down my throbbing erection. I moaned at the touch. The remaining traces of lube that were on my palm I slicked along the rubber, shivering wildly. There.

"G-go slow. Work your way… into it." Adam told me. I leaned down, kissing him again. His moaned into my lips, and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue between his teeth. He tasted as sweet as ever, and I guided myself to his entrance. One hand gripped his hip, and the other held my member, pressing into him little by little. He tensed underneath me at first, before relaxing, his lips working with mine and I managed to sheath myself deep inside of him. I reached up, gripping both hips as he pulled away, moaning and panting softly. I swear, I could hear his heart beating in his chest. Or maybe that was mine. I couldn't be sure though.

Even though I'd worked him good, Adam was tight around me. I knew this would take some getting used to. But, holy fuck it was amazing. Slowly, so, so slowly, I began rocking in and out of him, each motion easier than the last. His nails dug deep into my shoulders, and I bent down, my teeth sinking into the side of his neck as his legs wrapped around my waist. Every push in, he was moaning, digging his nails deeper into me before dragging them down my back. I groaned into his skin, thrusting harder. Oh, God… This was happening. This was actually happening, and it was so _fucking amazing_…

"Aah, fuck… _Tommy_…" Adam's voice was low, pleasured and trembling; on the verge of cracking. I let go of one of his hips, my fingers curling around his cock, and I pumped hard.

The sound that Adam made was between a startled cry and a choked out moan, and it was perhaps the most erotic sounds I'd ever heard a person make. Now, the sex I may have needed Adam's help with, but a hand job I could handle on my own. Up and down, my hand was moving in a rhythm that matched my thrusts, my fingers occasionally sliding along the slit. Adam arched into me again, a cry escaping his lips. God, he was beautiful.

Three days ago I wouldn't have thought this. Three days ago, I would have vomited if I knew that this is where I would be. Three days ago, I was convinced that I hated Adam.

Fuck time.

"F-fuck… Nngh, harder… God, _harder_…" I was still moving a little slow, but I pushed in deeper, pumping on Adam's erection with every motion that I made, and shivers were rolling down my spine at the sound of his voice. He wasn't just good at singing, as I learned really, really quickly.

My movements were becoming less fluid, my hand moving faster along Adam's cock. He was panting hard, and I wasn't much better. There was the urgency of being so close and wanting to drag it out for as long as possible. It was too fucking good, too amazing and hot… I was certain that Adam had torn my back to shreds with his nails (which weren't that long but, fuck, they felt sharper than hell), but that didn't really concern me. We were close. So, so close.

"T-Tommy… Tommy, I— I—" I nodded once, moaning and breathing hard. I looked up, seeing Adam's face a flushed mess of ecstasy. I gasped, biting down on my bottom lip. Oh, fuck…

"Come on… Come for me, baby…" I said, unaware of ever opening my mouth and using my voice for something other than moaning. Adam clenched his jaw, groaning through his teeth as his hand curled around the back of my neck, and he pulled me down into a rough, dirty kiss. His teeth gripped my bottom lip, and he sucked hard on it as I pumped down again and again. He couldn't keep his lips on mine, and eventually I buried my face into the side of his neck as he screamed.

"_Tommy!_" Never have I ever heard anything more beautiful.

He came, spraying both of our stomachs and chest, and I was certain I even felt some hit my face too. But I didn't care. I kept my head down, thrusting hard into him, moaning his name as I, too, came. Shivers rolled down my spine and I collapsed on top of him, breathing hard and shaking from head to toe. Adam panted, trying to regain his breath. He was shaking as well, his fingers running through my hair.

There was no speaking. Just breathing. Eventually I pulled out of him, peeling the condom off and tossing it into a trash can that was tucked beside the side table. I rolled back over into Adam's arms, and I moaned as he kissed me gently. No tongue, just a simple, sweet kiss. I felt everything in that kiss. I felt his heart, his soul. I felt his needs, his desires, even some of his fears as his fingers stroked my face slowly. He grabbed the edge of the sheet, using it to clean off our stomachs, and I smiled at him, chuckling. I was trembling still. I… I just fucked him. I just fucking fucked Adam Lambert.

'_No… You made love to him_.'

Was that… really?

Adam wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I curled up beside him, my face pressed into his neck. Our breathing eventually became stable, and I suddenly realized just how tired I actually was. Adam's hands trailed over my skin, up the curves of my shoulders and down my spine, over my hips and up my stomach. I smiled at him in the darkness, enjoying the sensation of the feathery touches. Goose bumps lifted into my skin and I inhaled shakily as his finger circled around one of my nipples.

He didn't tease me, he didn't torment me, he pulled me in and kissed me again. My fingers threaded into his hair as his arms wrapped around my waist. Wet clicks were made from our lips and his tongue would slip into my mouth and dash back out again, making me whine in protest on more than one occasion. He chuckled low from his chest before pulling away, pecking me a few times.

"You were amazing, Glitterbaby." Adam whispered in my ear. My face flushed, and I smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes. But I think I should start calling you 'Glitterbeast' instead." I laughed quietly, nuzzling his neck a little, kissing his collar bone.

"You're a bit of a beast yourself, you know." I said, smirking. Adam smiled, rubbing my back gently. I winced, hissing slightly. Why was I in pain?

"Sorry, baby. I think I scratched your back a bit too much…" He said, and I laughed. Figured.

"It's alright. We'll take care of it in the morning." I mumble softly, slipping slowly into Dreamland as Adam chuckles again, his arms tightening around me further.

There was a lingering euphoria, draped over myself and Adam that I had never experienced before. A sense of happiness and well being, complete content and bliss. No woman had ever made me feel so satisfied before tonight, and there was not a single shred of disgust or shame in me that I felt complete because of a man. Perhaps it would have once, but not now. Not when I understood the way I did. Maybe that's why, before I fell asleep in his warm arms, I said words I never thought I would.

"I love you… Adam."


	24. You Haven't Lived Without Love

**Chapter 24: Life is Love and You Haven't Lived Without Love****  
****Adam's POV**

I hadn't been prepared for how great Tommy was. He made me feel loved again and he was probably the best I'd ever had, sexually and lovingly. How did things between us change so quickly? Three days ago I had punched him and kicked him out of the band and now I was lying in bed with him, naked and covered in sweat and leftovers from our love making… How was the only question that rang through my head.

"I love you…Adam," Tommy said, his voice ringing in my ears. What did he just say? Did he say he loved me? No, that wasn't possible.

"What?" I asked, having to force it out. My eyes locked onto his and instead of looking away like I thought he would, he stared right back.

He smiled slightly although he seemed embarrassed to tell me whatever it was that he had said before. "I said I love you…" he repeated. I didn't hear him wrong? Oh my…

"You… Really?" I asked, sitting up at that. My abdomen was sore from the intense passion we had just shared. I forgot how sore you could be after being fucked. Remember, it had been a long ass time since I'd been beneath anyone.

Tommy seemed slightly shocked at my repsonse. I guess he expected me to just accept it and say 'I love you too, Glitterbaby' but Tommy had such an intense loathing for me three days ago… I couldn't believe that he was telling me he loved me now. "Yes really," he said calmly and sat up, putting his arms around me. "I do love you Babyboy. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner…" he added, pulling me against his body. Well, how could I argue with something like that?

A smile pulled the corners of my mouth up. "I love you too, Tommy…" I said and meant it, although it still felt a little strange rolling off my tongue, considering our previous relationship.

_You did just let him make love to you, you know…_ Yeah, yeah, shut it.

A few weeks had gone by quietly. Tommy had gone to his apartment to get most of his shit and he practically moved in with me, not that I'm complaining at all. We'd mostly spent time together watching movies, trying to cook for each other (which turned out as epic fails for both of us but it was cute anyway), and having more hot sex… Love making, I should say. Hot, passionate love making, yummy.

"Adam, should we watch Saw six or Friday the 13th?" Tommy called to me from the living room. Ugh, horror movies… I hated horror movies with a passion but I wanted to make my baby happy, so I'd suffer through it… Hopefully I didn't have nightmares or something.

"Whatever you wanna watch. Lemme get the take-out," I said, going to the front door. A tall and somewhat attractive Asian stood on the other side with my Chinese food order. We'd been eating a lot of take out considering neither of us could cook. "Thanks, keep the change," I said, giving him thirty dollars, ten of which was a tip (because I'm famous now and can do that). Taking the food into the living room, I saw Tommy popping a DVD out of it's case. Friday the 13th, from what I could see. Please let me get my food down before some really disgusting, gory scene flashed on the screen…

I sat down on the black leather couch and set the food down on the glass coffee table. "How gory is this movie?" I asked.

"Does gore bother you?" Tommy asked, looking back at me with concerned eyes.

"Erm… no, not normally but I don't want to be eating while someone get's their balls chopped off or something. I might have to puke," I said, trying to play it off as just having a weak stomach. He chuckled a little and kissed my cheek. Well, at least he fell for it.

"Don't worry. The first person doesn't die for like forty minutes. You've got time," he said and picked up the DVD remote, pushing playing. Here we go… I picked up a carton of Shrimp fried rice and started eating it with the chopsticks the delivery guy brought. Yes, I can eat with chopsticks. It's a gift. Tommy tried to eat with another set but he couldn't do it, so he started using a fork. I couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Shut it, Lambert," he hissed over at me.

A smirk touched my lips. "Rawr, down kitty," I said and he flushed. He always flushed when I referred to him as a cat. I kissed his red cheek and then licked him gently, sort of like a cat might do to a person she (or he) really liked. He shivered and I smirked again. I had to put my rice down so I could pull the boy into my arms and attack him with kisses. We were so distracted, neither of us were watching the movie and when I heard the first sickening crunch that was a human being killed in some gruesome way, I jumped away from Tommy, staring at the screen. All I really made out was a lot of blood from whoever had just been killed. Oh gross. What a fucking turn off!

"Jumpy?" Tommy asked. It was his turn to smirk.

I stared at him. For some reason, I didn't think he'd have any problem making out with me while people were getting killed on my giant plasma screen. "Forgive me for not wanting to eat your face off while someone gets their head split in two…" I muttered, looking away from the television. I did not want my mind filled with those disgusting and disturbing images. For some reason, movies like this stayed with me for a while and I usually ended up having nightmares because of them. Yes, I know, I'm a pansy… I'm a gay glam star. Did you really expect me to love horror movies?

"Babyboy, if you didn't like horror movies, why didn't you tell me?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist. He looked into my eyes and I didn't have much choice but to look back at him. It was either look at him, or watch some retarded teenager get ripped apart on my tv screen or something along those lines. "Well?"

I sighed in surrender. "Because I want to make you happy and I didn't want you to think I was a baby," I said, my cheeks burning slightly. He smiled and hit the mute button on the remote so we couldn't hear the bone crunching and gut slashing sounds.

Before I knew what was happening, his lips crashed into mine and he pushed me onto my back. Yes, every time Tommy and I have had sex, he's always been on top and we've always used a condom, except for last night… We'd had a few too many drinks and we forgot the condom part. It didn't matter though. Not using a condom always made sex better. The condom was just a precaution but I trusted Tommy enough. I wasn't worried about HIV or herpes.

"You don't have to worry about upsetting me. They're just movies," he said against my lips and I smiled slightly. "But you are a baby, my baby."

"Oh Tommy, how corny," I said, smirking at him. He rolled his eyes and pulled my shirt up, his mouth covering one of my nipples. I was sure he was just trying to shut me up by making me moan. Well, he wasn't going to get that wish. "Oh… oh Tommy!" I gasped, arching into his kiss/suck/biting. Did I mention I was seriously considering getting my nipples pierced? Tommy seemed to love it and I wanted to know what that felt like. Though, I'm sure my nipples would probably hurt or be tender for a while after getting them pierced…

"Like that, do you?" he asked, mocking me. Little fucker knew I liked it, why was there any need to ask? I tugged at his hair and he moaned into my skin. His skin was warm against my saliva-covered nipple. Goose bumped raised over my skin and Tommy smiled in satisfaction. He sat up and picked his food up to continue eating.

What the hell, Tommy? No! Bastard. "Fuck no you little bitch," I hissed and he smirked over at me as he started to eat again. "You really wanna pull this? Huh?" I asked, sitting up and pulling the food carton away from him.

"What?" he asked, trying to pout but he couldn't stop smirking.

I pushed him over onto the couch. "You know, I've been real nice to you since you're new to the whole 'gay' thing but you know how easy it would be for me to fuck you right now?" I asked, smiling at him. He gave a false whimper of fear and looked at me with wide eyes.

"You wouldn't…"

"You wanna try me?" I asked. I was hot and bothered and this little fucker was not just going to pull away and start eating again. There were a hundred better things he could be eating that were actually attached to my body. "I'll take you for a joy ride," I whispered into his ear and nipped at the lobe. He moaned and wrapped his arms tightly around my neck, as if offering himself to me. Hell, I'll take that! Could he be wrapped up with a little bow on his erection?

My teeth raked into Tommy's neck and I pushed his shirt up, playing with the left ring. He cried in pleasure, his head lolling to one side so I could get to more of his neck. Damn, Tommy. I fucking love you. "You taste fantastic," I muttered into his neck, feeling like a bit of vampire._Don't think about Edward Cullen, or you'll get seriously turned off._True that.

"Adam…Adam!" Tommy gasped, almost shouting my name. He was taking the line of For Your Entertainment 'give it to ya till you're screaming my name' a little too seriously, but I liked that a lot. I was already feeling myself go hard.

He had a little problem of his own going on. "What?" I asked, shoving my hand down the front of his pants. He bucked into my hand as expect.

"You're really ganna fuck me out here?" he asked.

"Why not? It's not like we're sitting outside on the street while people are walking by us," I said, although I was sure he was more worried about the me fucking him thing. "But you can always remount and take your rightful place. Just don't pick up that rice again." Hopefully that fixed things some and he wouldn't be so nervous.

He smiled at me. "Will you watch this movie with me if I let you fuck me?" he asked. What the fuck kind of question was that? He'd be willing to let me shove my dick into him just so I would watch some stupid horror movie? Um, alright Tommy, what are you on and where can I get some?

"Um… sure? I guess?" I said/asked and he pushed me up by the shoulders.

"Alright then," he said and turned mute off. He skipped back to where we'd stopped watching and let it begin playing again. The first and second killings weren't so bad. There was an obnoxious amount of blood (like more than is actually in the human body) but other than that, they weren't obsessively gross or anything. That was, until the third death. I'm not going to go into detail about the deaths I was witnessing because you all might puke. I felt like I might and after the tenth kid was killed, I whimpered, putting my face into my hands. Tommy's arms instantly snaked around me.

Oh, I see now. He wanted me to watch this movie so he could 'comfort' be later… What a little bastard. "It's okay, Babyboy, it's just a movie," he whispered to me and kissed my temple. What a dirty trick. I can't believe I actually fell for it… Regardless of how I got here, I was happy to be in his arms and I snuggled up to him as the movie continued. Hot damn, how many more kids needed to die for us to get the point? Honestly? But the longer it went on, the more time Tommy got comforting me. Knowing him, he probably picked the longest horror movie ever created to make me vulnerable to his… seduction or whatever this was.


	25. As the World Falls Down

**Chapter Twenty-Five: As the world falls down**

**(Tommy's POV)**

To anyone who'd known me before, they would tell you that I can be a pretty chill person. Yeah, I had a bit of a temper and I didn't always get along with people. But a few weeks ago, for anyone who'd known me, they wouldn't have skipped a beat with their response if they were asked about my disposition with Adam Lambert. They would have told you I hated his guts and I would have had no problem if he'd gone flying under a bus. He'll, they might've even been funny about it and they would have told you that I'd be bringing daisies to his funeral. Others might have said that I wasn't going. That I'd be staying at home, getting smashed and laid.

But here we were, about a week before the New Year's show in New York, the memory of the AMA's still lingering like an unbelievable dream, and I was living with Adam. Unsurprisingly to some, I was happier than ever. I'd told him I loved him after the first night that we… well, after the first night we made love. I thought I heard my heart explode when he told me he loved me back.

Weird. That was three days after he punched me in the face.

I scrambled around the kitchen, throwing the last bits of sliced fruits and sandwiches into the cooler. Adam and I were going on a picnic today. Why not? We were going to be celebrating our one month anniversary a little early, since the actual day would be spent with Gridlock rehearsals and dinners out with the band. Yeah, they still don't know about us. Well, Lisa does, but she's been kind enough to keep it a bit of a secret from Monte and Longineu. Hell will freeze over the day they find out.

I heard shuffling in the hallway, and I looked up from the cooler. Adam came out from the opposite end of the condo, his hair wet and stringy, hanging over his face and just in his ocean eyes. I smiled up at him, and he smirked, running his fingers through his hair as he walked over to me. Hanging off his hips were a pair of snug fitting, dark blue jeans, a light grey t-shirt clinging loosely to his chest. His fingers brushed through the fringe of my hair, and he tilted my head up, making me stand straight again.

"Hey," I said, smiling as his lips pressed my mine briefly. He was warm to the touch. Very nice.

"Hey, Glitterbaby." He said, stepping around me and heading for the fridge. I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

"Baby, everything's packed. I just need to get dressed and we can go." I told him, and he turned his head to look at me, a light in his eye that made me shiver. I often told him I hated it when he gave me that suggestive little look, but in reality, I love it. I love the way it sends chills down my spine.

"Well, go get dressed then. I'll take care of whatever's left." He said, and I rolled my eyes. I turned, heading back towards our bedroom when his arm snaked around me. I yelped softly, and he kissed my cheek, giving me a squeeze before letting me go. My face flushed and I laughed, shaking my head and walking down the hallway towards our room. My feet were silent on the wood floors, and I turned left, flicking the light switch.

The bed was in a disarray… from last night. I smiled slightly, shaking my head again and crossing to Adam's— our dresser. It was still a little strange, even though I'd been living here for almost a month. I pulled open the bottom drawer, ripping out a pair of black skinny jeans. Second drawer, I pulled out a dark red tank top, shutting the drawer again. I stripped out of my pajama pants and my t-shirt, tossing them on the unmade bed.

Pulling on the skinnies was a bit of a bitch, but I managed it. I pulled the tank top over my head, crossing to the closet. Hanging up were some of my clothes, but mostly Adam's (I swear, he had more clothes than most supermodels). I plucked a dark black button up over shirt, pulling it over the tank top. I left it unbuttoned though, rolling the sleeves up to my elbows. I grabbed a pair of socks from a small basket tucked just inside the closet, and my creepers. They gave me lift, but I was still shorter than Adam in them,

Shitty, I know.

I slipped my feet into my socks, strapping on my creepers. Ahh, that was better. I turned, walking back out of the bedroom, shutting off the light as I went. I crossed to the bathroom, stepping in and turning the light on. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. Eh, there wasn't much I could do. But I knew of some helpful tricks that Adam had taught me about a week or two ago. Quite helpful, and I looked damn good when I did them.

I grabbed the small tub of hair-gel, unscrewing the lid and dip my fingertips in, smearing the blue goop over my fingers a little, before running my fingers through the back of my hair, making it stand on end a little. I smiled, washing off my hands before putting the gel back. I grabbed the pencil liner that was sitting behind the faucet knobs, and I uncapped it, leaning into the mirror and making thin lines, using my fingertip to smudge it a little. Perfect. I put the liner back, wiping the smudge onto my jeans before shutting the light off again, and heading down the hallway.

"I swear, babe, you take longer than I do—" Adam had just finished the sentence when I came out, standing in the living room. He stopped, staring me over for a moment, his face going a little red. His eyes were wide and he smiled, blinking once. "You look amazing…" I felt my cheeks heat up, and he walked to me, leaning down slightly and kissing me again. I couldn't suppress the moans that fluttered into his lips, and he smiled against me. When he pulled away, I was breathless. It was still a little funny that I was convinced, once upon a time, that I hated him. And here I was now… Haha.

"C'mon baby, let's get going." Adam said to me, pecking my lips with his again before grabbing the cooler. I smiled at him, nodding once, snatching the quilt that would serve as our coverage from the back of the couch. I followed him out the door of the condo, closing and locking it after I shut the door. I was just turning around as he was already putting the cooler into the car. I opened the back passenger door, tossing the quilt onto the seat, before shutting the car door, and slipping into the front passenger seat. Adam slipped into the driver's seat, starting the engine. He put the car into reverse, easily pulling out of the spot and to the street, heading towards the park.

The sun was shining through the windows, and the car itself was pretty warm. I rolled down the windows, letting my arm drape out of the car as the world rushed by. The stereo was playing some kind of a poppy tune that I wasn't quite familiar with, but it didn't really matter. I wasn't thinking about the music. I felt Adam's fingers brush against my left arm, and I looked down, seeing his palm waiting for mine. The corners of my mouth tugged themselves upward, and I took his hand in mine, leaning my head into my right hand, my elbow resting just out of the window.

Ten minutes passed and we pulled up to the curb beside a small, grassy park. People were playing fetch with pets or supervising children. I got out of the car with Adam, grabbing the quilt as he pulled the cooler out of the trunk. With the car locked up tight, Adam and I held hands as we strolled down the path that cut through the middle of the fields. People would turn and see us, smiling at us. Some would point and whisper, no doubt freaking to themselves and their friends that Adam Lambert was walking through a small park in Los Angeles with the keyboardist he kissed.

We ignored them, though. This was our day to be together before the long, agonizing Hell Week of rehearsals. But I was actually pretty excited for it. I missed the band, I missed playing. Sure, I'd play and Adam would sing on occasion, but it just wasn't the same as playing on a stage. The thrill and the adrenaline lacked when it was just me and Adam (or sometimes just me… Wow that sounded really, really fucking sexual. Whoops).

Adam and I stopped at a quiet little area in a circle of trees. Sunlight streamed in through the leaves, making strange patterns in the ground. I unfolded the quilt, spreading it out evenly before removing my creepers and sitting down, sighing in content. Adam kicked off his boots and sat down across from me, the cooler resting by us. He opened it slowly, pulling out the sandwiches and the bowls of fruit. There were strawberries, cantaloupe and mangos, along with a tub of whipped cream (I'd gone all out at the store, simply because I could). Adam had a sweet, innocent smile on his face as he pulled out a bottle of wine that I had no memory packing. He must've done it. Sneaky little fucker.

I don't know how he managed to pack wine glasses without having them shatter, but somehow he did, for he pulled those out last. I chuckled, shaking my head back and forth as he poured us each a glass, filling them only about half way. He handed me my glass, and we made a silent toast, both of us taking a small sip. I wasn't much for wine on a normal basis, simply because I'm more into beer (hey, hey, I'm a dude, can you blame me?). But this wine was sweet, almost tangy, and very, very delicious. It left me a little giddy.

Maybe that was because Adam was such a romantic dork, verging upon utterly adorable and completely cheesy. I didn't know.

Adam took another sip, before setting his glass down in the grass (the field was very flat, which was nice). His fingers trailed over the lid of the bowl that held the strawberries, lifting the lid and repeating the process for the tub of whipped cream. He plucked a plump strawberry out, dipping it into the cream before holding it out to me. My face flushed and I leaned forward, biting into the strawberry. I could stop the delighted moan. It tasted fantastic.

"You're so cute." He whispered to me, his mouth curving into a delicate smirk. My face heated up further, and I took another sip of my wine, before setting it in the grass next to his. I leaned forward, kissing his cheek once.

"Only because you're a hopeless romantic." I told him, kissing him softly. He chuckled into my lips, his arms snaking around my waist and pulling me into his lap. My tongue slid along his bottom lip, and he started to open his mouth to let me in when he surprised me, easing his own tongue into my mouth. I moaned, my fingers sliding up into his hair, pulling on it gently. I shifted a little, my legs wrapped around his waist. One of his hands gripped my hip, the other rested on my thigh. The heat from his palm made me moan again. He pulled away, leaving light kisses on my jaw and my throat. His palm let go of my hip and he reached for something. But I didn't know what, nor did I care as he bit down gently on my neck.

I moaned, perhaps a little too loudly, before I felt him tap my nose. I opened my eyes, seeing white sitting on top of my nose. I blinked once, before laughing, my face going scarlet. He'd put a dot of cream on me. How adorable. "If you're attempting to me Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, you're doing it wrong." Adam said, smirking. His eyes were on fire with playfulness, and I reached behind me, dipping my finger into the whipped cream. I attempted to smear it on his lips, but he moved at the last second, and it went from the corner of his mouth down his chin.

"Ooops, looks like I missed." I said, and his eyes went wide before he started laughing his glittery ass off. I joined him, grabbing more whipped cream and smearing it on his face, pinning him down onto his back and poking at his ribs. His face (where visible) went scarlet, and he bucked underneath me. Turned out my Babyboy was quite ticklish.

"T-Tommy, ahaha, Tommy stop! Stop!" He couldn't stop thrashing and I couldn't stop laughing. Eventually, I did stop tickling him, and I ran my fingers through his hair (accidentally running cream into it), kissing him softly. He moaned against me, his arms winding around me before he rolled over, pinning me down on the ground and deepening the kiss. Adam was all about dominance, and he liked to prove that he could get me in a kiss. Sure, I wanted to take control, but I still topped him in bed, so I couldn't complain too much when he won the kissing wars.

We pulled away, giggling. Adam's face looked like a beautiful mess, and I reached up, wiping the whipped cream off his face before licking my fingers clean. He smiled at me, kissing me again. I wanted to stay like this forever. And I could have to, had someone not interrupted us.

"Adam?" I didn't know the voice, but Adam did. He tensed above me, and we pulled away again. When I got a good look at the person, my heart fell through my chest down into the dirt. I'd never met him, but I'd seen pictures of him. I'd never met him, but I hated him anyway. He broke my baby's heart…

Drake LaBry…


	26. Nightmares Reopened and Revisited

**Chapter 26: Nightmares Reopened and Revisited****  
****Adam's POV**

This was possibly the worst thing to happen on mine and Tommy's month-o-versary… Drake LaBry, my ex-boyfriend, the man I was desperately in love with and he shattered my heart all over the ground and then rolled over the pieces with a steam roller, was standing across the grass. I thought I was over him. Tommy made me_so_ happy and I never thought about Drake anymore, but when I saw him standing there, watching Tommy and I kiss and act like morons, my heart dropped through my stomach and out onto the blanket we were sitting on.

"Adam, what are you doing here?" Drake asked. What the hell does it look like I'm doing you asshole? I'm making out with my new boyfriend! You know, the one that hasn't shattered my heart recently!

Tommy looked pissed off, like he actually might jump off the blanket and punch Drake in the face. Great. At least he's protective of me… "I'm… on a date," I decided on saying and my arms snaked around Tommy for emphasis. Drake's face fell some. He almost looked… sad, if I wasn't mixing emotions again (which I did a lot for some reason or another).

"I didn't know you were actually dating the guy you made out with on stage…" Drake said quietly, finally looking at Tommy, who (for the record) still looked pissed off.

"Well, I am," I said, hoping that would be enough to get him to leave. Then Tommy and I could continue with our date peacefully, as if nothing had happened.

Of course, my luck sucked so that didn't actually happen.

Drake took a few steps forward, closing in on Tommy and I. "Adam, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, sounding close to a lost child, asking for help from a stranger. Tommy instantly looked from Drake to me, his eyes willing me to stay, but I knew if I didn't humor Drake, he wouldn't leave and we wouldn't be able to spend anymore time at the park. I frowned a little at Tommy and slowly let go of him, but his hand caught mine and he gave me a look at told me he really didn't want me to go.

"It's alright, Tommy… I'll be right back, Baby," I said softly and kissed his lips briefly before standing up. Drake was trying his best to keep a neutral expression, but there was something in his eyes, something that betrayed his uninterested approach. Hell, if he was uninterested, he wouldn't have interrupted in the first place. "What do you want Drake?" I asked once Tommy couldn't see or hear us.

"Do you love him?" he asked me, turning with wide eyes.

"I don't see why you would care?" I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "We broke up, remember. You _dumped_ me, remember? You remember."

Drake frowned at that, almost looking apologetic. "Adam…" He slowly closed the distance between us. "I… shouldn't have left," he whispered, tossing his arms lightly around my neck.

"Well, you did and now it's too late, because I'm dating Tommy," I said, trying to step out of Drake's arms but they tightened around me.

"Adam… Adam please, he's not good for you… I… I'm better. I made a mistake but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? We were so happy, Adam! Remember?" he said, staggering some with his words.

I bit my lip. "I remember, and I also remember you ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it to the sharks," I hissed, resentful.

"Adam… I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry," he mumbled, twisting his fingers into my hair. I opened my mouth to tell him it was too late to apologize. To tell him that I didn't love him anymore. To tell him that I was in love with Tommy and that I'd never consider leaving him. Not after all the changes we've gone through together. That made our relationship even stronger… But before I could tell him any of this, his lips were on mine and his tongue slipped between my teeth.

I gasped into his mouth and for half a moment, the kiss made me feel like Drake use to make me feel: Loved and loving. Images of Tommy flashed through my mind and the love we shared, physically and emotionally. Sure, Drake and I had sex but we never made love. Things never felt as right with Drake as they did with Tommy, and I couldn't betray Tommy's love… I wouldn't betray his love.

My hands pressed flat into Drake's chest and I shoved him back, breaking the kiss in the process. "Drake, no. I… I don't love you anymore. I love Tommy!" I said forcefully.

His eyes widened at that and a mixture of pain and anger. Anger at me for not taking him back, for staying with Tommy, and resentment for Tommy for taking me away from him. For destroying his second chance with me. Rage flared in his eyes and for a moment I would have sworn they were red. "Adam! Please!"

"No, Drake… No… I'm sorry," I said, starting to turn away from him but he grabbed my wrist and before I knew what was happening, his fist collided with my left cheek. The force of the blow knocked me into the grass and I could already feel a bruise forming. Damn, I had no idea Drake could hit so hard and I never expected him to actually _punch me in the face._ A cry of pain ripped off my lips and I cradled the side of my face in my hands.

"ADAM!" It was Tommy shouting my name. He'd seen Drake hit me and I feared what would happen next. He rushed over to us (I was only laying a few feet from where Drake was standing). "Adam, are you alright?" Tommy asked, kneeling down next to me. "Let me see, Babyboy." He moved my hands away from my face and gasped. I could only assume there was the makings of a bruise there.

Drake made a sort of gagging noise. Probably from Tommy calling me 'Babyboy'. "He's fine. I didn't hit him that hard," Drake huffed.

"Didn't hit him that hard? He's already bruising you bastard! You already broke his heart one, now you have to break him physically too? FYI That's not how you win someone back!" Tommy practically shouted at my ex-boyfriend. He pushed himself up to his full height. He was about the same size as Drake, actually. Not that that was really shocking… I was attracted to smaller, cuter, "elf-like" guys. {and by the way, Adam really did say that in an interview}

I sat up enough to watch as Tommy grabbed Drake by the collar and punched him right in the nose. Drake staggered backwards, holding his face in both of his hands. I could see the blood dripping out of his nose and I was almost sure Tommy had broken it. "Why don't you just get lost and stop hurting him?" Tommy was shouting now, wild with anger. I pushed myself up to my feet and ran over to Tommy, grabbing his fist before he could punch Drake again.

"Tommy… Glitterbaby, calm down, it's alright. It doesn't matter anymore. He's not worth it," I said quietly into his ear, kissing his temple gently.

Drake's eyes were locked on us and he still had one hand cupping his nose. "Doesn't matter?" he repeated, his eyes wide and fiery. "If I didn't matter, then why didn't you pull away immediately when I kissed you?" he asked, obviously feeling more confident with himself. "You know I'm still important and you know that you still love me. Maybe you're masking it with this… this sex toy, but you love me. I know you do." His words were harsh, but his voice was calm, almost loving. Drake was the only person I knew who could make such a calming tone venomous.

Tommy moved to jump at Drake again, but I wound my arms around his waist. I didn't want a fight breaking out. I didn't want Tommy to get hurt or to get into trouble for hurting Drake. "Tommy, don't listen to him. Just calm down, please?" I whispered to him, but Drake was smirking. He'd just caused so much damage in a few short sentences. Now Tommy might start to doubt my feelings for him. Tommy might start to dwell on the idea that I still loved Drake and I was only using him to extinguish those feelings. Maybe that could have been true if I wasn't sure I loved Tommy, and if it was true, why would I choose to stay with Tommy? Would I not just go back to Drake? Tommy wouldn't think this. A hurting heart never thought things through rationally…

Drake knew the damage he'd just created. "Call me, Adam," he said and turned, walking away.

"Don't count on it!" Tommy hissed after him. He was angry and he wanted to lash out and hurt Drake. He wanted Drake to feel every shred of pain I'd gone through when he left. I could see that desire in Tommy's eyes.

"Baby… Calm down, please calm down. I love you. You know I do. Remember what I told you, in my room on the bus the day we started dating," I whispered into his hair. His tense muscles started to relax in my arms.

"Like Drake never existed…" he said quietly, turning in my arms. "Do you still feel like that now?" he asked.

Honestly? No, not anymore. Drake was real and the pain he'd left was real. The love we once shared was real, but not anymore. I didn't love Drake anymore and I never would again. Even if Tommy were to leave me, I don't think I could love Drake again. Not after what he did to me a few months ago and a few moments ago. You don't hit the people you love. That's just not something you do, and I didn't believe that Drake loved me anymore. Maybe he never did. I'd never be sure of his feelings, but I was sure of Tommy's. "You picked up every piece of my heart and you're putting them back together, Baby. I love you… I've never felt like this for anyone else, Tommy. I know it's only been a month, but I love you," I said, putting my heart and soul into those words. My blue eyes swam with love for the boy in my arms and nobody could change that.

"I love you too, Adam," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around my neck and kissing me. There was no tongue. There was no sexual desire. There was only love and passion in this kiss. It was powerful yet simple and I gladly returned it. "I really love you."

"And I love you," I said again. I'd say it a million times if that's what it took for Tommy to understand how much I needed him. I was so in love it was actually hard to believe. "I'm just sorry Drake had to ruin our picnic…"

Tommy looked back at where we'd set the blanket and cooler. He frowned a little. "Let's… forget about Drake and enjoy the rest of the afternoon," he said quietly, taking my hand in his. Our fingers laced together and we walked back towards our picnic. "But let's get some ice on your cheek for a little while. Hopefully that will calm the bruising some."

"Does it look that ugly already?" I asked, frowning a little. I put a hand on my cheek and winced from the pain it cause. Damn it Drake…

"No, but we'll try to keep it from getting ugly," he said and we sat back down on the blanket. He took his button-up shirt off and put some ice from the cooler in it, then pressed the wet fabric to my cheek. I sighed and looked at him lovingly. He smiled back at me.

"You really are my Knight in Shining Armor, aren't you?" I asked and he chuckled again at my cheesy romanticism. According to him, I was a hopeless romantic, but I couldn't help it. Tommy would just have to get use to that little detail.


	27. Obsess About It

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: ****Obsess about it, heavy for the next two days**

**(Tommy's POV)**

For the past three days I had been trying my best to prove to Adam that what Drake had said (and done) hadn't gotten to me. I was trying to prove that Adam's love was more than enough to overpower the hateful words from Drake. But it was nabbing at me like an annoying five year old devil-child. Constantly poking my sides and giving me a headache. Except, it wasn't just the five year old, either. There was a shadow of myself that hung by my ear, whispering doubt, repeating Drake's words. That's what was bothering me the most. The doubt.

It was just… I couldn't doubt Adam. I knew he loved me. I knew he cared about me. I… I knew that. I believed with all my heart, because I loved him too, as strange as it was considering the circumstances not long ago. We were supposed to be hating each other. And here we were loving each other instead. And the one chance we get to have our one month anniversary, it gets a little fucked up. And since then, I wasn't able to really pull out of that. Why? Adam told me that he loved me. I could see it in his eyes.

_Masking it with this sex toy._

No, I was more than that to Adam. I was his Glitterbaby. I was his lover. He told me he wanted me to take a chance on him. He wanted me to be his lover. And I said yes. I said yes because I wanted to. Because I _wanted to_. I knew it was right for us. I… I wanted to, because I couldn't keep pretending. Adam told me that we couldn't keep faking hate if that wasn't how we felt.

_Why didn't you pull away immediately when I kissed you?_

Adam was caught off-guard. I remember him telling me that after Drake left, after he assured me he loved me. God, why was this all so hard? Drake was a lying, cheating, backstabbing motherfucker, I shouldn't let him get to me! I couldn't! For Adam's sake and my own, as well as our relationship. I couldn't. And I knew that if I just… If I just pushed the thoughts aside, then it wouldn't get to me. I'd be fine. I'd be fine, because Adam loved me…

_Like Drake never existed_.

Those were my words. Those were the words that Adam had told me when we started dating. And I believed them so strongly up until our date. But now I wasn't sure. I would lay awake at night, doubting and finding it hard to sleep. There was a swelling around my throat that made it hard to talk sometimes, especially when I was alone with Adam. It'd been three days since the date, and the New York show was looming upon us like a heavy reminder that we had freedom but we had to play nice. No sexual stuff on stage. But there could be touching.

It wasn't as exciting as it used to be.

"Tommy?" I looked up from my bass, frowning slightly as Adam stared at me, concerned. In fact, all of them were staring at me. My face flushed a little and I returned my attention to Adam.

"What?" I asked. Adam's eyes were a little more than concerned, when I really looked at them.

"Nothing, just making sure you're alive in there." He said, his lip curling up into a slight smile. I smiled back, but it was forced. He looked to everyone else, motioning with his hand for a 'from the top'. We were practicing _For Your Entertainment_, the song we were gonna be playing at Gridlock. Funny, considering what had happened a month ago, but it was New York around midnight. People didn't really care as long as we didn't kiss again.

That would be saved for after the show.

The intro of the song started as per usual; I plucked my bass strings, playing the chords that I was meant to while Lisa started her keyboard magic (what? She's really good!). An easy, good start. Lively. Adam's voice was soothing and delicious, ringing in my ears like a wave of ecstasy. _So hot, out the box, can we pick up the pace? Turn it up, heat it up, I need to be entertained_…

Entertainment. I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to focus on the song more and less of my own thoughts. I couldn't… think like that right now. Not when I needed to be focusing on rehearsals. It was just a song. And Drake's words were just that; words. There was nothing important about them right now. _Push the limit, are you with it? Baby, don't be afraid. I'ma hurt you real good, baby._ Hurt me how, exactly? With pleasurable tendencies or by breaking my heart?

_Let's go, it's my show, baby, do what I say. Don't trip off the glitz that I'm gonna display. I told you I'ma hold you down until you're amazed. Give it to you till you're screaming my name_. I kept my head down, trying to focus on my playing. But under the veil of my bangs, I was gnawing on my lip something fierce. My head was spinning with memories of our love making and then of the argument with Drake. What if none of it mattered to Adam? Shit, I couldn't cry right now. Of course it mattered to him! I knew it did.

_No escaping when I start, once I'm in, I own your heart_… Wasn't that the fucking truth… _There's no way to ring the alarm, so hold on until it's over— _

Over…

My fingers hit the wrong chord, and I swore loudly, causing everyone to stop with a bit of a clang. Adam looked over at me again, frowning, his ocean eyes swimming with concern and worry. He knew something was wrong, but I shook my head, telling him to just keep going. He looked away for a moment. Start from the bridge. There was soft murmuring, but the music started up again, and Adam continued singing, right back at "no escaping". I kept my head down, ignoring his words as much as I could and focusing simply on playing.

_Oh! Do you know what you got into? _A big fucking mess, apparently. _Can you handle what I'm bout to do?_ That depends on what you're going to do. '_Cause it's about to get rough for you. I'm here for your entertainment!_ Are you here for mine or am I yours? _Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet. _I bit down on my bottom lip again, closing my eyes and focusing hard on the chords. Think only the chords, Tommy. You can do it. It's only a three and a half minute song…

_You thought an angel swept you off your feet._ But you did. You did sweep me off my feet. And you are an angel… _Well, I'm about to turn up the heat. I'm here for your entertainment. It's all right, you'll be fine, baby, I'm in control. Take the pain, take the pleasure, I'm the master of both_. I shivered, licking my lips and staring at the neck of my bass. Chords, chords, chords…

_Masking it with this _sex toy…

Shit.

_Close your eyes, not your mind, let me into your soul. I'ma work you till you're totally blown! No escaping when I start, once I'm in I own your heart—_

I messed up again.

"God damnit!" I shouted, dropping my hands off my bass. Adam turned to me again. I kept my head down, biting on my lip before lifting the strap of my bass off, and setting it down. "I'll be right back." I said softly, storming off to the back stage area. I needed a moment. Just to pull myself together, to tell myself that I needed to stop worrying about Drake's words and the damned song lyrics. Adam _loved me_.

I brushed passed the table that held waters and snacks, rushing to the back halls of the theatre. I needed to get _away_. Away from the stage. Away from the music. Away from… Adam. My eyes stung with tears and I could feel them spilling over. I shook my head, my fringe sweeping into my face. If anyone were to see me, I didn't want them to see my tears right away. This was pathetic, why was I crying? I sat down on the floor, my arms on my knees, and I buried my face into the fabric of my sweatshirt, my thoughts going haywire.

_Sex toy._

_Don't listen to him._

_I kissed you._

_Calm down._

_Why didn't you pull away—_

_He's not worth it._

_I'm still important—_

_I love you._

_Call me._

_Remember what I told you._

_You love me, I know you do._

"Tommy?" I didn't lift my head, I didn't move. I sat on the floor, trying to contain my sobs. I felt his hand thread through my hair; he was kneeling in front of me. I bit down on my bottom lip again, wincing. I abused it so much sometimes. "Baby, look at me." I lifted my head, staring up at Adam through my black fringe and tears. He exhaled a heavy breath, stroking my hair and cupping my face in his hands.

"Baby, why are you crying?" He asked me, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. I inhaled slowly, trying to ease the aching lump in my throat. His hands were warm on my face and his breath was minty to my senses, but I couldn't say anything. I knew that if I started to, I would just start crying harder.

"You're not letting what Drake said get to you, are you?" I inhaled slowly again, nodding once. Adam sighed, pulling me to my feet and wrapping his arms around me tightly. I clenched my jaw, squeezing my eyes shut as I buried my face into his chest, shaking all over. Adam's hands were soothing, gentle, warm and safe, but that didn't stop me from crying. I couldn't believe I was acting so… weak. Insecure.

"Shh, baby, it's okay. No matter what he said, I love you." He said softly, kissing the top of my head. I trembled in his arms, wanting so badly to let those three words wash over me and make me feel better. But Drake's hateful words were still haunting…

"I just… I don't want to lose you… Especially to someone like Drake." I muttered into his chest. He shifted, running his fingers through my hair and lifting my head up. His eyes were full of sadness and affection. He smiled warmly at me, stroking my cheek again.

"You're not gonna lose me, Glitterbaby. I love you," he whispered, leaning close and pressing his lips to mine. I moaned softly, my hands first sliding along his arms and wrapping around his neck. My fingers twirled the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling gently on it. Adam shivered, pulling me closer to him, pressing me into the wall, his tongue gliding along my lower lip. I opened my mouth enough for his tongue to slip between my teeth. I pulled on his hair gently, moaning, my heart pounding in my chest against his.

His hands cupped my face as our mouths worked with one another. My skin felt hot and my tears were dried; all I cared about was Adam's lips on mine and the feeling that was pooling in me from him. He pulled away, pecking my lips gently, his thumb stroking circles into my cheek as he rested his forehead against mine. "Don't let what Drake said bother you, Tommy. Because he was just lying to get you riled up." I nodded once, kissing him again.

"I love you. So much." I whispered.

"What the—" my eyes widened, and mine and Adam's heads snapped to the side, and we saw Monte standing there, a startled expression on his face. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit!

"We were just—" Adam began to say, but he stopped. He didn't know what else to say. I didn't either. Monte just shook his head, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He crossed his arms over his chest before speaking.

"I knew something was up, so I'm not entirely surprised by this… Just don't make a habit of running out of rehearsal because you feel the need for lip action." Monte said, before turning away and walking back down the hall towards the stage again. My heart hammered in my chest and I leaned against Adam again. He sighed in relief as well, rubbing my back.

"You realize he's gonna be poking fun at us for the next few months." Adam said into my hair, and I laughed, snuggling up into his arms.

"Yeah. But I don't care." I replied, leaning up and kissing him again. Adam smiled, running his fingers through my hair.

"Do you feel better, love?"

"Yeah, thanks to you." I smiled wide, and he laughed a little.

"Good. I don't want my little Knight in Shining Armour to be sad." He kissed me again after I rolled my eyes. What a sap.


	28. Help Me Sing It, or Scream It Rather

**Chapter 28: Help Me Sing It, Or Scream It Rather****  
****Adam's POV**

Our Gridlock show arrived quicker than I'd ever expected. I never even noticed we'd wasted a month already. Things with Tommy were just too amazing to notice something as meaningless as time.

At least things were that amazing until Drake had to show up and interfere with out one-month anniversary date. God damn, why did he have to ruin such a perfect day? And now Tommy was doubting my love for him… Part of me couldn't help but wonder if Tommy was starting to believe that I actually was a whore. Sure, I've dating a lot and had sex with… a few… but I'd always loved them. Never had I loved anyone like I loved Tommy. It wasn't just the honeymoon phase. I'd experienced that. This was so much more intense than that.

"Are you ready to go, Glitterbaby?" I asked, smudging the eyeliner under my eyes. I was worried Tommy was going to mess up on stage. Drake seemed to worm his way into Tommy's brain, like his words were controlling everything about Tommy's thinking. I finished with my eyeliner just as Tommy came out of the bathroom in dark skinny jeans, his creepers (God why did he love those shoes so much?), a green tank top, and a black button up shirt. How did he make simple look so good?

"Yep, I'm ready," he said, looking a bit carefree. Good, maybe he'd relaxed since that fateful rehearsal. I took his hand and lead him out of our hotel room. Monte, Longineu, and Lisa were all waiting in the hall for us.

"Finally. Quickie before we head out?" Monte asked us with a smirk. God, we were never _ever_ going to live this down.

Tommy had a smart ass comment before I could even start to think of one. "If you're jealous and want some for yourself, all you have to do is ask," he said, smiling at Monte. I loved Monte as a friend, but putting myself in a bed with him? Ugh, that's just… not right.

"Speak for yourself Tommy. I'm not tapping that," I said, turning away from the others and down towards the elevator. Tommy chuckled and followed after me.

"Please, you wish you could get all this in your bed, Adam," Monte said, gesturing to his body. Longineu made a gagging sound.

"Dude, trust me, Tommy is way hotter than you are and you don't stand a chance," Longineu teased as we made our way out to our rented stretch limo. Monte looked a little peeved. Why was he so upset? He was married. That thought just made me laugh.

Monte glared at me from across the limo. Tommy sat next to me (more like on top of me) but enough to the right to look like he was sitting 'next' to me. "What are you laughing at?" Monte hissed.

I only laughed harder. "Dude, calm down. It's just a joke. You're always telling me to relax and take it easy but you don't even know how to take a little bit of teasing," I said, wrapping an arm around Tommy's shoulders. His head fell down onto my shoulder. "You feeling alright, baby?" I whispered to him, pushing his bangs out of his face. If the rest of the band knew, I would take full advantage of being as close as I could to Tommy whenever I could.

"I'm fine…" he said quietly, burying his face into the side of my neck.

"How stupid do you think I am? I know that's not true," I whispered back to him. He sighed and looked up at me.

"I'm worried about messing up in front of everyone today," he muttered, his lips brushing against my skin. I let out a shaky sigh in attempts to not moan at the sensations. My neck was extremely sensitive and Tommy only made it more sensitive with his biting and nipping… And I should probably stop thinking about that before I get horny.

I turned my head to kiss his forehead. "You'll do find Glitterbaby," I said quietly into his hair and he smiled some. "Just remember what I told you and not what Drake had said. You know none of it's true." He looked up at me with his chocolate eyes and smiled some, pressing his lips to mine. I gladly kissed him back, loving every minute of it.

At least I was loving every minute of it until Monte cleared his throat and said, "Come on guys. We know you're happy and in love and everything but you don't have to kiss in front of us every three minutes," he said.

"Sounds like someone's jealous again," I said, pulling my lips from Tommy's and smirking over at Monte who rolled his eyes and turned away from me. Teasing has two sides of the street, bro.

The rest of the short ride was spent in silence, with me cuddling Tommy and the others more or less staring at us. They weren't quite use to the idea that Tommy and I didn't hate each other and instead were in love with each other. The limo pulled up to our destination and the driver opened the door for us. One by one we climbed out, Tommy going before me and me going last. We were instantly greeted by fans of all shapes, sizes, and sexes. There were even some people that I couldn't tell their sex. Wow, I really do have a rainbow of fans.

The air was filled with "Adam I love you!" "Adam, suck Tommy's face off again!" "Adam, do you love Tommy?" Yes, yes I do, and I'd gladly suck his face off again but I'm not allowed. All kissing Tommy did was bring his true feelings for me to the surface, get interviews and appearances cancelled, and ultimately give me more fans. Too bad it didn't work for Brittney Spears when she kissed a girl. She just wasn't as fun to watch as Tommy and I, I suppose.

We all had to sign a few autographs before we finally got to the safety of back stage. "Mr. Lambert. Someone sent you flowers for good luck," one of the crew members said to me. The flowers were two dozen roses of all colors. Reds, blues, greens, yellows, whites… Every color naturally possible. They were beautiful, and when I read the note attached to them, I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Drake sent these alone with a note that read _'Dear Adam, I know I hurt you and I'll never forgive myself for what I did, but I still love you. I need you and I know you love me too… Please, just forget about Tommy. He can't give you what I can give you. -Love Drake._

Damn it, why can't Drake just leave me alone? I didn't love him anymore! I didn't want to be with him. Sure, I did still care about Drake, but I loved Tommy. I loved Tommy more than anyone else I could remember (even with my man whore statue). I quickly shoved the note into my pocket before anyone could see it, and when Tommy came over he looked curiously at the flowers. "Who sent you those?" he asked.

I blinked at him. "You mean you didn't? I don't know then… There wasn't a card…" I said, frowning some. I _hated_ lying to Tommy but I couldn't tell him Drake had just sent me two dozen beautiful roses in a glass blown vase with a note asking me to leave Tommy and take him back. Tommy would mess up on stage for sure and not only would he be embarrassed, we all would be. That would also upset Tommy for days or maybe even weeks after this…

"No… I didn't sent them, although I wish I did." He smiled some and kissed my cheek. I was glad his mind didn't go right to Drake.

"Must have been my mom or something then. She's a sap for stuff like that, you know," I said, kissing my baby gently before we were called on stage. We got through the first and second verse with no problem. My voice seemed to make everyone watching swoon and Tommy (as well as everyone else, but I wasn't worried about them) played flawlessly.

Then Tommy hit the wrong cord. More like cords. His hand just slammed across all of the strings on his bass. My eyes snapped onto him but he was staring past me. The music cut off and I turned my head towards where Tommy was looking. Drake, as if turned into some sort of sex god, was standing five feet away from me on stage, holding a box of my absolute favorite chocolates, and a ring he'd once given me (that I adored) but I'd given it back to him when he dumped me. Actually I chucked it at his head.

He walked over with a brilliant smile on his face. I'd always liked that smile… "Adam, I'm sorry, but I thought we could give these people more of a love show," he said, taking my hand once he was standing next to me. To my surprise, nobody in the audience said anything. They all stared at me, as if in a trance. They probably all wanted to know what I was going to do. Whether I punched Drake in the face or kissed him till he couldn't breathe, both would probably be cheered for.

"Drake! You've got to stop this. I… I don't want you anymo-" My words were silenced by his tongue, much like when he interrupted mine and Tommy's date. I can't believe he was willing to shove his tongue down my through right in the middle of our Gridlock performance! What the fuck? This time I didn't hesitate. I put my hands on his shoulders and shoved him away from me. "Drake! You… You're ruining my show!" I hissed. God I wanted to just punch him right now. How dare he come up on my stage while I'm performing with MY band. This was MY lime light and Drake no longer had the right to be in it!

I wanted to hit him, but Tommy beat me to it. He was in between us now and he shoved Drake hard. "Why can't you take a hint? He doesn't want to be with you anymore!" Oh God, Tommy stop! You're going to tell the whole world that we're in love if you don't!

"I can take a hint. Adam hasn't give me _that hint_ yet," Drake said, smiling some at Tommy. He wasn't here for a fight. He was here to win my love over again, and it was clear that he wasn't going to give up, not if he thought I still loved him. Which, by the way, I don't!

"Drake, get off my stage!" I hissed at him. "You don't have a right to be up here!" Drake, although I'd just yelled at him, smiled at me. "Drake!"

"You use to scream my name like that in bed," he said quietly. Only me and Tommy would be able to hear it. "And you will again," he whispered and kissed my cheek. He left the stage before security came and I looked back out at the audience. My will to sing and entertain them was gone. At that moment I felt like I never wanted to sing again. Of course I'd get over that… but right now I just wanted to die.

Even though I didn't continue with the song, everyone in the place started cheering. They'd probably just witnessed a real life drama that was better than just listening to me show off my velvety vocal cords. I stared out at them for a long time before I turned and practically ran off stage, my eyes tearing up. I hated Drake.

_I hated him!_

He'd ruined my performance. He'd ruined Tommy's trust in me. He was bringing back memories I'd stored away because I didn't want to think about them! He was _making me cry, damn it!_

Tears pooled in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. I'm sure I looked like I had miniature waterfalls running down my cheeks. "Adam!" Lisa called, then Tommy and the rest of the band but I didn't turn to look at them. I didn't want to see anyone. Right now, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget about this life. Forget about fame and fortune and the drama that the entire world knows! The world knows things that I never wanted to get out and now there's nothing I can do to change that…

I ran into one of the dressing rooms, slamming it behind me and I sank to my knees, sobbing into my hands. I probably seemed like a drama queen, but I didn't care! I was upset and embarrassed and I HATED Drake enough to stab him in the heart like he'd done to me during Idol!


	29. I Hate Everything About You

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: I hate everything about you**

**(Tommy's POV)**

For the most part, I was left speechless and dumbfounded by the events that had occurred on the stage. And when I did take part, it just made everything worse. I had, to a degree, been able to shake Drake's hateful words. And we had been performing flawlessly for the show. In fact, I was getting comfortable, getting into a groove. I knew that Adam was having a good time, for he was able to get over the worry that I wouldn't do well. Hell, I was getting over my own worry!

That is, until I saw Drake standing just off the ends of the stage, not far from Adam. And then, of course, I fucked up.

The events on the stage blurred past and I only remember a lot of yelling, tears, and applause. The audience didn't care that Drake had just shattered a perfect evening. They were all for the drama. And I watched with a burning hatred and a crushed heart as Adam ran off stage with tears in his eyes. If the fucker wanted Adam so badly, why was he hurting him? My baby, my Babyboy…

I was shaking with rage towards Drake and trembling with sadness. Why…? Why did he have to keep coming between me and Adam. Why did he have to… I bit down on my bottom lip, setting my bass down and running after Adam. Lisa and Monte were calling after us, but I didn't listen to them. I stormed back stage, shoving the doors open and glancing up and down the back halls. Adam could be anywhere. I doubted that he would be in his own dressing room. He'd probably be in a spare. But there were so many spares all over the place. It would take me forever to find him!

But I had to start looking. I couldn't leave without him. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and hold him. While Drake's words were eating at my rationality, I _needed_ to find my Babyboy. I _needed _to tell him that he would be okay, that we could go home and just… just forget about this. Maybe we wouldn't be able to redo the performance or anything, but I didn't care about the show. Right now, I needed my baby. And I knew that he needed me.

I ran down to the right side of the hall, checking empty rooms, calling his name as I went. My heart pounded in my chest as sweat began to pool in my hairline as I looked. Every door that I checked was empty, every hope was beginning to fade. I'd checked maybe six or seven different rooms before checking the left side of the hall. Still no Adam, and I was fifteen rooms into my search. I started back down the hall again, making a sharp turn, down an adjoining hall, checking the doors that weren't locked or marked.

"C'mon, Adam." I said, making another turn and heading down another hall. Fuck this place was huge. I opened a door, taking a peek inside. Costumes, but no Adam. I stepped out, closing the door and taking a step down the hall when a voice stopped me.

"It's useless trying to find him right now. Adam's always been good at hide-and-seek." My shoulders tensed and my hands clenched at my sides. My heart was hammering as I turned slowly, glaring at Drake. He wore a shit-eating smirk on his face, his eyes gleaming with pre-determined victory. He hadn't won my Babyboy over yet. And he never would.

"What makes you so sure of that, you prick?" I hissed angrily, willing everything in myself not to lunge at him and punch him in the face. His brown eyes were more smug than his face, and I wanted so, so badly to just send him to the floor with a boot to his fucking head.

Drake slipped his hands into his pockets, taking a few slow steps towards me, dipping his head down before he spoke again. "Well, let's see, I've dated Adam before, I've known him longer, loved him better, and thus I know his habits, his talents, and his faults more and better than you do. It's better to give up." He said, grinning ear to ear. I dug my nails into the palms of my hands, taking a deep breath. I wouldn't get violent. Not right now. Not when I needed to find Adam.

I took a step away from him, heading farther down the hall. "Then you're a fucking liar, because you don't know him at all." I hissed angrily, wanting to be _done_ with him.

"How would you know? You're just his little sex kitten. After all, you heard how he was screaming for me on stage out there." I froze again, my throat swelling and my face growing hot. I wasn't his sex kitten, I wasn't his sex kitten. Adam loved me. I loved him. Simple as that.

"For the record, I'm his lover. And he was screaming at you to get you the fuck off of his stage. Didn't his shoving you give you a fucking clue?" I shouted at him, turning on my heel to face him. Drake's expression didn't falter. If anything, his sinister Cheshire smile grew wider, his eyes gleaming with a little more fire in them than before. I was feeding the flame of his ego, and there was nothing I could do about that. Everything about him made me angry and hateful. That was what he wanted. Shit!

"Are you really?" He asked, pulling his hands out of his pockets and crossing his arms over his chest. He leaned against the wall of the hallway, turning his head to face me. "Did he show you those lovely flowers I got him?" I frowned.

"He didn't say they were from you—" I said, but he cut me off.

"I left him a note too. But he was probably too overwhelmed with happiness over my gift that he didn't show you." Drake chuckled. "I can still remember what I wrote, too." He said, grinning wide at me. I shook my head. I didn't want to hear anymore from him. I needed to find Adam and just _go the fuck home_.

"'I need you and I know you love me too. Just forget about Tommy. He can't give you what I can give you'." He said, reciting the note. Or maybe he was just making it up on the spot. Whatever it was, it was eating at me, and I wanted him to stop. I growled, swinging at him, but he ducked easily and my fist collided with the wall. I howled, cradling my hand as he shoved me into the wall, back flat as he hissed at me. I felt so small compared to him, his breath rancid on my face and his eyes angry.

"Stay away from Adam. You don't deserve him, and you'll never have him again." Drake said, lifting his leg and kneeing me in the gut. I coughed, the air expelling from my lungs as he reared back and punched me in the mouth. I tasted blood, and I could only assume I bit my lip as I crashed to the ground, the arm with an injured hand curling over my stomach as I held myself on my knees and one good hand. Footsteps vanished, and Drake left me, wheezing.

Tears sprung in my eyes and my whole body shook. I couldn't really hear Monte talking to me as he lifted me to my feet. His expression was worried; he was talking fast. His hands were comforting on my shoulders, but they weren't Adam's hands, and I wondered blindly where my baby could be. Tears rolled down my face as we ended up outside. Monte ushered me into the limo, where I curled into a corner, my head against the window. Camera's were flashing, people were talking, but I didn't want to listen or see any of them. I just wanted Adam.

Voices were distant murmurs and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. The limo pulled up somewhere, and I felt someone pulling me out of the back. My feet hit a sidewalk, and I blinked tiredly, staring up at the condo. Oh. We were here already. I glanced back, seeing the door shut. Adam wasn't with me…? '_He might still be back at the theatre._' I frowned, crossing towards the condo before letting myself inside. I made my way to the bedroom, opening the door and stepping into the minty surroundings. I hadn't paid attention before, but the color scheme definitely reminded me of Andes mints. Fitting.

I stripped out of my clothes and my boots, leaving myself in my boxers. I stumbled, half-awake and half-caring to the bed, slipping under the covers. They smelled like Adam, and I buried my face into the pillows, inhaling deeply. My heart twisted painfully, and I felt tears pooling behind my eyelids. Fucking Drake. He had to ruin all of this. All of the beauty and the happiness. He had to play bonfire and destroy it.

Well, that was a bit extreme. It wasn't destroyed. I still loved Adam. I knew he still loved me, despite everything that Drake had put us through. Well… I had to believe that Adam still… No. Of course he did. I buried my face deeper into the pillow, the tears slipping into the case. My body shook with light sobs as I clenched the sheets in my hands, curling into a tight ball. This wasn't fair. This just… It just wasn't fucking fair! Everything was perfect before Drake decided to come back!

Which brought me to a question; why? Why did he come back? Why was now so important? Was it because Adam was taken? Did he expect Adam to wait for forever for him? Was he really that fucking cruel and conceited? Of course he was. I personally didn't know what Adam could have possibly seen in him. But the way Drake was acting now was not the way to win someone's broken affections. Especially when they were dating someone else.

I stayed still for a while, eventually tossing and turning. Midnight came and I had no real resolution for the new year. Fuck, it was 2010 already? Weird. It would have been better if I was with Adam, rocking out on the stage and getting drunk. But no…

Fucking Drake.

One AM rolled around and I heard the condo door opening and closing. Shuffling of feet, sniffling, and I kept still as the bedroom door opened quietly. "Glitterbaby?" Adam's voice was a wreck; probably from crying. I turned my head towards him, the sound of motion telling him I was awake. He stripped in the darkness before crawling under the sheets beside me. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him. He was warm to the touch and every now and then he would shake. From what, I didn't know. I turned in his arms, burying my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. It relaxed me, made me feel better.

He held me there in silence, pressing kisses into my hair. I kept drinking in his scent, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and forget about this night. I wanted to wake up to tomorrow and spend the first day of the new year with Adam and the band, having a good time and not worrying about Drake. Maybe we could. If we could just keep to ourselves, not go anywhere extravagant, we could get that peaceful, undisturbed day.

But I knew that the media would be pressing into our faces about tonight. Fuck them.

"Baby?" Adam's voice was barely above a whisper. I hummed in response, wrapping my arms tighter around him. I wasn't going to let go of him.

"Please… Don't let what he said get to you." I bit down on my bottom lip.

_Sex kitten…_

_Don't deserve him…_

"…He was just trying to upset you. He wants to hurt you. Please, Tommy… Remember above all that I love you." Tears rolled and they clung to his skin. I knew he felt them, because he began to tremble with his own tears.

"I love you too." The nagging feeling of doubt and pain was still sitting just below my heart, waiting to pounce and devour it. But Adam's arms warmed me, his words calmed me, and knowing that I was here with him and Drake wasn't was all I needed to fall asleep.


	30. Ghost of Loving

So, these next few chapters are gonna be pretty... intense. And you're probably gonna hate us. But... here goes nothing. (Btw: HieitheFallen from deviantart has a fanfiction, it's the same username, :P)

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Chapter 30: Ghost of Loving's Past Present and Lack of Future**

**Adam's POV**

The last three days since Gridlock were stressful. The band was stressed. I was still upset about Drake. Paparazzi doesn't let up on questions about Drake and they can't take the answer "no comment" because they love to ruin people's lives with drama. But the worst thing about these last three days was that things between me and Tommy were tense.

We cuddled, we kissed, but we couldn't actually talk! Every time we did take, something went wrong. I can't stand this and it was all because Drake had to push all of those lies into his head. Tommy had asked me about the flowers too… That just caused more problems since I lied to him about them in the first place. I wonder how he got the idea that the flowers were sent by Drake…

Tonight, I'm determined to fix our relationship.

I love Tommy too much to let this happen because Drake is an asshole. What happened to the Drake that I _did_ love? Because that man certainly wasn't alive anymore. "Tommy?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up from the magazine in his lap. He was in a simple pair of pajama pants (meaning they had no pattern) and a tank. His eyes fixated on me and I knew why. Unlike Tommy, I wore the tightest pair of skinny jeans I could fit into and they didn't hide anything. A tight corset type shirt clung to my upper body and my make-up was a little overboard, but obviously it was worth it because Tommy couldn't stop staring a me. "What… what's up, Adam?" His voice was even shaking a little.

I walked over to him and straddled his hips. "Baby, I want to fix things. I don't like what's been going on the last few days. Things are too tense and I hate it so much," I muttered, burying my face into the side of his neck. My lips were covered in red gloss that left marks down Tommy's neck, almost like I was a vampire sucking his blood.

Tommy gasped, his fingers threading through my hair and he pulled roughly. A moan slipped out of my lips. "Adam…" he muttered, pulling on my hair again.

"You've got to know that if I loved Drake, I'd be with him and not you," I muttered against his skin. "I'd wouldn't be trying to fix us."

A whimper escaped the boy's lips. "Adam… I'm sorry. I don't like this anymore than you do…" he said, pulling my face up out of his neck by my hair. I kind of felt like a horse being guided by the mane but I couldn't say it bothered me much. "I'm sorry," he muttered and pulled me into a rough, sexual kiss. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, fucking my mouth relentlessly.

My fingers twisted into his hair and somehow (with magical powers for all I knew) Tommy repositioned us so I was underneath him, my back pressed into the couch and he was straddling my hips. His fingers were desperately trying to get my top off, although he was having a hard time figuring out how it worked. I didn't mean to, but a chuckle escaped my lips and I put my hands over Tommy's, guiding his way to unbutton the top.

His face went scarlet. "Thanks…" he said quietly, pushing the fabric away.

A purr rumbled in my chest and up through my throat. "You're welcome," I mumbled while pulling Tommy's tank up his slim frame. Like a trained puppy, he lifted his arms up so I could pull the fabric off of his body and it soon joined my corset on the floor. I put my hands back on Tommy's chest, flicking a finger across his nipple ring. To my delight, he moaned and arched into my touch.

"Hang on there, Adam. I do believe I'm on top," he said, grabbing my hands.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, lacing my fingers with him and pulling him down to meet my face.

He smirked at me and pressed his lips to mine teasingly. "Well, I think that means I should be sexually torturing you," he muttered and pulled his hands free so he could play with my nipples. He buried his face into my neck and sank his teeth into the spot where my neck and shoulder met. Damn you, Tommy! He knows how much that drives me crazy and he _loves_ to bite that section. Ever since I started dating him, that spot had grown even more sensitive. I couldn't even put a scarf on without shivering at the contact!

"Erm… I don't think that's really fair and not really how it works, Glitterbaby," I said, pulling on one of the piercing again.

"Fuck!" Tommy gasped and swatted my hand away. "Sorry, Babyboy. But that's how it works tonight," he said with an taunting grin on his face; a grin that sent chills through my spine…

"But Tommy I-" His tongue was between my teeth again. Why did people love to shove their tongues into my throat while I was trying to talk? Tommy. That drunk ho. Drake…

He pulled my bottom lip into his teeth, sucking a biting it. Fuck, I don't think Tommy's ever abused my lip so badly before. I didn't dwell on that too long. I was too busy moaning and trying to ignore the pain that was now throbbing between my legs. Tommy nudged my legs apart with his knee and ran a hand down one thigh and up the other, finishing with my throbbing problem. He chuckled darkly. "My, someone's already excited," he muttered against my lips, finally letting the bottom one go. "And you aren't even naked yet." I was still in my jeans and now I was kind of regretting wearing something so tight. What the hell was I thinking? That's right, I wasn't thinking with the right brain… I'm a man, sue me for thinking with my penis.

"Well if you would hurry the fuck up, I would be naked," I whined, yes whined. I wasn't too proud to bed if it was just Tommy and me.

He smirked down at me and then climbed off of me completely. "Tommy!"

"Get up and get down to the bedroom," he said, taking my hand and pulling me up. "I'll meet you in there. If you want to be naked so badly, get rid of the jeans before I get down there." And with a slap on the ass, he pushed me towards the bedroom. Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?

I walked into the bedroom and slowly unbuttoned my jeans. They were tight and kind of hard to get off, but I managed it before Tommy got back. I wasn't wearing underwear, that would have just gotten in the way for something like this. But freeing my erection didn't really help much. It still hurt and I ran my hand down over it, trying to ease some of the pain. Nothing extreme enough to come or anything, just to dull the aching… "Don't touch yourself," Tommy said from the doorway. He was holding a bottle of lube but I didn't see a condom anywhere. My heart slammed against my ribs. Hot damn, Tommy!

"Then you touch me," I muttered as he walked over to me. His chocolate eyes gleaming with the same desires I'm sure my own eyes were reflecting.

He bent over, pressing his lips to mine for a second. "Don't worry, I will," he said, smirking at me. "But not before you get on that bed and onto all fours."

That left me a bit dumbfounded. Tommy never demanded things from me like this and I had to admit… it was pretty fucking sexy. A total turn on. "Tommy…" I whimpered and he only smiled, pointing at the bed. I climbed into it, keeping myself up on my hands and knees. Surely Tommy had a great view of my ass.

"You're so pretty, Adam," he said and I could hear him uncapping the lube.. He must have coated his fingers in it because soon he was fingering me. It wasn't gentle or nervous like the first time we'd had sex. Now he didn't hesitate to shove two fingers in at once. His other hand ran down my spine and stopped on the left cheek. It was a soothing, soft touch until he slapped my ass, forcing a yelp from me. It left my cheek stinging but it was _so hot!_

"A-Ah! Tommy!" I gasped, his fingers curling inside of me while spanking me again. God, when did Tommy get so kinky? I don't ever remember him acting like this and I'd like to know what's gotten into him. Maybe he was trying to prove to me that he was better than Drake, but I already knew that. The only thing Tommy was missing were a pair of handcuffs.

His fingers pushed against _that spot_ and I couldn't help but scream in ecstasy. His lips pressed into my lower back. "Just keep screaming for me, baby," he said into my skin, his lips like feathers. Another shiver ran down my spine and I was sure Tommy could feel it. He smirked into my back. "You want more of my fingers, don't you?" he asked.

"God yes," I whimpered, my fingers twisting into the sheets. I had to hold on to something at the sheets were the only things available to me.

He smiled into my skin again and soon there were two more fingers pushing into me, joining the first to. Normally that would have been hard to handle, but (without beating around the bust) Tommy's penis was huge, so I'd gotten used to taking such bulk. I pushed back against him, needing the contact. I'd fuck myself on Tommy's fingers if I had to. "Oh Adam, you're so beautiful, so sweet, so…" He stopped. Everything he was doing paused, like we were in a porno and the pervert watching paused the video to jerk off in silence.

"So what?" I asked after a moment of silence and no movement. His fingers disappeared along with his lips. The bed moved as he climbed off and I immediately pushed myself up, looking over at Tommy, who no longer looked turned on. His face contorted in a mixture of pain. "Tommy? Baby, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned. I could feel my own sexual desires fading just at the sight of my baby hurting. I got up and moved towards him but he stepped back. "Tommy?"

"Sex kitten… That's… that's all this is. That's all I am, isn't it?" he asked me with wide, scared eyes. I didn't even know what he was talking about. Sex kitten? Where the hell had he gotten an idea like that-

DRAKE! That bastard! God, I hope the maggots of hell eat him!

"Tommy, what on Earth are you talking about? Baby, I love you. You're not… you're not a _sex kitten_" I practically spat the last two words out. When did Drake tell Tommy he was a sex kitten? Did he see Drake when I was in the dressing room crying?

"Then why are we making up with sex, Adam? That's all we ever do! Sex," he said, putting a hand over his face. He was crying or as close to crying without actually crying as possible.

This must have been why things were so horrible the last few days. Drake had talked to Tommy alone after Gridlock and filled his head with even more lies that, for some reason, Tommy couldn't let go of. "Baby, we don't just have sex. We go on dates, we have fun just watching stupid movies together. We have fun with the band. We have fun doing almost everything together. Tommy, just because we make love doesn't mean that's all we have together," I said with kindness and loving in my tone. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. "Tommy, I love you. I wouldn't be in bed with you if I didn't, alright? I was just trying to make things better… I didn't… I didn't mean to upset you…" I whispered into his ear.

Tears ran down my baby's cheeks and it made my heart ache. This was all Drake's fault and I just wanted to… to cut his tongue out or something so he could never use his hateful words to hurt me, my baby, or anyone else again. What did I ever see in him?


	31. When Happiness Doesn't Work

**Chapter Thirty-One: When happiness doesn't work**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I felt ashamed. I felt like a wreck. Adam and I… We were about to have the time of our lives like we normally do. But… Of course, I had to be weak. I had to be a fucking drama queen and just break down. Son of a bitch. And Adam… Adam was just too sweet. He held me so tightly, so carefully, said the things to make me feel better. And all I did was sob in his chest like some soap opera cast off. Fucking awesome.

I sat on the couch in the condo, feeling exhausted and irritated. A thin, light green sweater hung off my shoulders, a simple pair of jeans clung to my hips. In my hands was a pint of vanilla ice cream, half gone. I was watching something on TV, but I couldn't get into it to remember the name or the plot. I stabbed the ice cream with the spoon, pulling out a chunk and sliding it into my mouth. Yeah, I was miserable. Miserable with myself and the way I'd been acting, for the fact that Drake was getting to me in the worst ways possible. What really fucking sucked was the fact that I was letting him get to me, and I wasn't doing anything about it. I had to trust Adam. That was all. I had to trust that he loved me.

But every time Adam and I go remotely intimate, such as last night, some of things that Drake had told me would slap me across the face. I mean, Adam and I were _getting it on_ last night, and then I remembered two little words. Words that stopped me and made me break down because for a moment I believed them more than when Adam tells me he loves me.

_Sex kitten_.

I stabbed the ice cream again, taking an aggressive bite. It was cold, yeah, and it was probably really bad for me to eat a pint of fucking ice cream (by myself), but I didn't care. Adam was out doing some kind of interview. I could have gone with him if I wanted to. But I didn't. I didn't want to chance that Drake would pop out of nowhere and taunt me again. I couldn't handle it. As it was, my hand was still hurting from punching the fucking wall. But I didn't tell Adam about that. I kept ice on it when he wasn't around (my ice cream was serving nicely for that right now), and I tried not to use it. So far… decently successful.

I sighed, licking the spoon clean before sticking it back into the container. On the coffee table, my phone buzzed once. Leaning forward, and I grabbed it, seeing that I had a text from Adam. My heart skipped once and I opened the message, spooning out another bite and eating it slowly as I read.

_Hey Glitterbaby. 1 more stop n I'll b home. Luv u. 3_

I smiled softly, hitting REPLY. _K. Luv u 2._

Nothing much, and after hitting SEND I felt bad. It felt like it wasn't enough. He was going to know that I wasn't doing well. He was going to know that I was still dwelling on what Drake said and what had happened last night. Fuck my life! Argh!

Buzz. _U ok baby?_ REPLY. _Yeah. :) _

What a liar. I sighed, setting my phone down on my lap as I took another bite of the ice cream. Vanilla never gets old for me. I sighed softly, grabbing the remote off of the coffee table and changing the channel. Sappy show, sappy show, comedy flick, adventure, hor— horror! Fuck yes! Something that I liked! Something that I could deal with; take my mind off of this… whatever this was!

For once, I was engaged in the movie. I couldn't tell you now what I had watched, but I remember being into it. So into it that I hadn't even noticed my ice cream was gone until I put an empty spoon between my lips. So into it I hadn't even noticed when Adam came home. I heard noises behind me, but that didn't pull me. For once, I was thinking about things other than Drake and my recent fuck ups.

Adam plopped down beside me, wrapping his arm over my shoulder. On instinct, I leaned into him, resting my head under his chin. I smiled, keeping my hands in my lap as he pressed a kiss into my hair. I closed my eyes for a moment, before opening them again and returning to my movie of blood, guts, gore, and bone-crushing mayhem. For a moment, I forgot that Adam didn't really favor horror movies. And… looking back, if I had remembered from the start… Fuck.

Adam leaned over and grabbed the remote, changing the channel to… Oh, my God, America's Next Top Model? I turned towards him, frowning. "I was watching that." I said, my voice acquiring a bit of a whine. Oh, shit. I was whining about the TV, now? Fuck.

"Well, I don't like horror films. You know that, baby." He said, pressing a kiss into my cheek. I chewed on the inside of my lip, knowing that I should keep my comments to myself. But sometimes… I've got a big mouth. And suddenly, it felt like a month and a half ago all over again.

"Well, I don't like watching divas complaining that their hair isn't right." I snatched the remote back, changing it to my movie. I hadn't missed much, and I'd seen it before. But I really didn't want to watch skinny white girls with the occasional black chick squeezing themselves into fucked up outfits and posing in front of a camera. That wasn't my thing. And I couldn't believe that Adam was into it.

Adam shook his head and looked at me, clearly a little upset. "What's gotten into you, Tommy?" He asked me, running his fingers through my hair. I licked my lips, before unfolding myself from his arms and grabbing my empty ice cream container.

"Tommy?" Adam said again, turning towards me as I headed to the kitchen. I sighed, but I kept walking.

"Nothing. I just… I don't want to watch a show about models." I said, loud enough that my voice could carry to him as I tossed the container and dropped the spoon into the sink. I opened the fridge, reaching in and pulling out a can of beer. I'd bought a pack about a week ago, and I drank maybe one every few days. I cracked it open, taking a drink before heading back into the living room. Adam was staring blankly at the TV, not very interested. I hadn't even sat down yet when he spoke again.

"I think there's something else bothering you." He said softly, and I set the beer down on the table, sighing before sitting down again.

"Well, you're wrong. I'm fine." I said, though I tried to hide the bitterness in my voice. It didn't work, because Adam heard it as if it was right in his ear. He turned to face me, his eyes shadowed.

"If you're so fine, why are you arguing?" I bit the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to last out. Adam was just asking a question. He was just concerned. I couldn't get mad at him… but fuck…

"Because you keep prying to figure out what's wrong, and there's nothing." I said angrily, grabbing my beer and walking around the couch, heading for the dining room of the condo to set my beer down, then to the bedroom. I needed some peace and quiet. My head was beginning to hurt and I just wanted this to be a nice day, but obviously it wasn't going to be that way. Not with Adam breathing down my neck about shit he had no business in.

'_Why are you arguing with him? Don't you love him?_'

"Tommy!" I heard him get off the couch. "This is about Drake, again, isn't it?" I stopped by the kitchen table, biting on my lower lip before setting the can down on the smooth surface.

"No, it's not." I said softly, turning to head to the bedroom. But Adam's larger frame stood in my way, blocking me. His eyes were confused and upset, and his hands latched to my shoulders. I shivered, uncomfortable at how tight his hands were on my arms. I swallowed the lump in my throat before looking up at him again.

"Don't lie to me, Tommy. Why are you letting him get to you like this?" His eyes shifted back and forth, looking between both of mine. Such beautiful blue eyes— so confused and hurt. It hurt to see him like that, but I bit down on my lip again, shrugging out of his grasp and shoving past him, heading down the hall and shaking my head. I didn't want to talk to him right now. Especially not about this.

'_Talking might actually help, though, Tommy. Just… talk to him. He's worried about you, can't you see that?_' Shut up, shoulder angel. Just shut. Up.

"Tommy!" I spun on my heel, trying to fight the tears in my eyes.

"What if everything Drake's said is right!" I said, perhaps a little too loudly for this time of day, but I didn't care. I inhaled slowly, looking away from Adam before I continued. "What— what if _this_ doesn't matter?" By "this", I meant "us", but I didn't want to say that. I wanted so badly to believe that everything I'd heard come out of that vile creature's mouth was a lie. But… What if it was true? What if this meant nothing to him… to Adam? What if he was just using me to get over Drake?

I bit down on my lip again, turning away. Adam stormed to me grabbing onto my and wrapping his arms around me, my back pressed firmly into his chest. His mouth rested by my left shoulder, his breath warm to my skin through the sweater. "Of course it matters, Tommy. Drake's wrong, he's a liar. You have to trust me, Tommy. And believe me when I say I love you, because I mean it."

_You don't deserve him…_

_He can't give you what I can give you…_ I pulled myself out of his arms again. I needed to be alone.

"How can I?" I said. Adam reached out and grabbed me by the shoulders, spinning me around so that I was looking at him. His eyes were frantic, upset, and hurt.

"Tommy, do you love me?" He asked. Of course I did. And that's what was eating me alive. I loved him too much to let him go. I loved him too much to understand that Drake was nothing more than a liar. I was so worried about losing him I was letting deception get in the way. I know this now. I didn't then.

"Yes." I said, tears beginning to roll down my face as I stared at him. He smiled slightly, his hands cupping my face gently as he pulled me closer. His breath was minty as ever against my face. Part of me wanted to lean up and kiss him. Part of me wanted to push him away and lock myself in our bedroom. I was such a fucking drama queen, it wasn't even funny. This was like a really, really, bad soap opera.

Fuck life.

"When I tell you, over and over, that I love you so much… do you believe me?" I stared at him for a long time, my heart hammering in my chest as his thumbs wiped away the tears from my eyes. I lowered my gaze, barely hearing him. "Do you, Glitterbaby?" I inhaled slowly, pulling out of his hold and staring at the floor, before looking back up again.

"I don't know." I whispered, watching his hope shatter in his eyes as I brushed passed him. I grabbed my Converse, shoving my feet into them before crossing to the front door of the condo, pulling it open and stepping out. I needed to get a breath of fresh air. I needed out. I'd just told the one person I cared for the most that I wasn't sure if I believed in their love. All because of their stupid ex.

What the fuck had I just done?


	32. When It Rains, I Pour

**Chapter 32: When It Rains, I Pour (a couple more rounds till the hurting and the heartache start to drown)****  
****Adam's POV**

I wasn't sure how long I stood in that condo, staring after Tommy with tears falling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe that I'd just asked him if he believed me when I said "I love you" and all he said was "I don't know". I felt my heart re-breaking from when Drake threw my heart under a semi's tires. How could Tommy not believe me and instead believe Drake?

"Damn it, Tommy!" I cried, roughly wiping the tears off my face. I would not cry. Not anymore. There were better ways to handle this kind of heartbreak.

Did I believe our relationship was over? No, of course I didn't, but I did believe that is was severely damaged at this point and needed to be fixed. Too upset to try to find Tommy or fix anything, I went to my car, unlocked it and climbed in. If I seriously needed to, I'd call a cab or have Monte come pick me up later, but I needed to get away from this condo. I needed something intense to drink. Something that would totally make me forget what happened tonight and every night, if only for a little while…

I drove swiftly through the streets of the city. I should really get the bumper sticker that says "I drive like a Cullen" on the back of my car. Eventually I pulled into a small parking lot just off the side of a small but promising-looking bar/club. Climbing out, I locked the car up tight (you can't trust anyone in a city like this) and walked into the bar. It was getting late, the sun was setting, so people were starting to file in, but not too many people were there yet. Perfect. I'll get smashed before a lot of people even show up.

"I need the best you've got," I said to the tender, who, if I was in the mood for flirting, would have made a fine specimen.

The blond smiled at me, a really pretty smile for someone who worked at a bar. "You just might happen to be in luck, if you've got the money to pay for it."

"Money's not an issue," I said. It never was anymore. I wondered if this man even recognized me. Maybe he didn't and maybe it would be nice to be treated like just another person for once. No drunk bitches shoving their tongues down my throat. No ex-boyfriend drama made public on stage. No Tommy breaking my heart all over again…

"Well then, I'll fix you up," he said. Holy fuck, why did that sound so sexual? Or like a "that's what she said" joke? He turned away, pulling a large glass from one of the shelves and filling it with a shining liquid, almost between a gold and a silver. Frankly, I didn't care what it was as long as it didn't take long to get drunk off of it.

I swallowed one in a matter of seconds and the tender refilled my glass. It only took about ten minutes to finish off four, and that was all I needed. I actually thought I was soaring through the clouds in a fucking tea cup. Looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't been stupid enough to get drunk at a bar I'd never been to before, but I was in the moment, and I was heartbroken… again.

"Adam?" I had a soft voice call to me, but I didn't know who it was. For all I knew, it was God talking to me from the clouds I was soaring through.

A little smile played at my lips. "Y-yes?" I couldn't even speak right. Everything I said was slurred or stuttered.

"Are you drunk?" I still had no idea who the fuck was talking to me.

" 'Cours'not," I muttered, looking at the man talking to me, although I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out who it was. I couldn't remember anyone or anything. It almost seemed like everything that was stored inside my mind had been dumped out and I could no longer retrieve it.

Hands slid onto my shoulders and lips pressed into my hair. "Let's get you off the floor (I was on the floor? When did this happen)," said the man with a gentle, almost sweet tone. ? I knew who this was but I just couldn't pull the information from my head. Two plus two equals a math question.

The man pulled me to my feet and helped me walk, more like stumble, (extremely slowly) to what I could only assume to be an empty room. There wasn't any sound anymore, and I thought it was really noisy were I was… "Sit down, Adam," he said, pushing me down onto something light and feathery. "You're running from him, aren't you?" Running from who? What was this man talking about? And who was he anyway?

"Erm… N-no? Y-y-es…?" I wasn't even sure what I was talking about. I didn't know what was happening but I knew, for sure, that I knew this man!

Lips pressed to mine roughly and I tasted spearmint in my mouth. I don't remember having gum or a mint… This man kissed me hard and dirty for what seemed like forever and when he finally pulled back, I was gasping for air. I heard him chuckle and it sounded almost evil. "I knew you'd come back Adam," he said quietly, pushing my back against the wall that must have been behind whatever I was sitting on. "He's just not good enough for you. I'm glad you see that now." Where did I come back from? And what was I seeing now? Besides stars that is? I couldn't even put a name to the man talking to me and he was acting like I was completely fine; like I was actually having a conversation with him and completely sober.

Cold air hit my chest and I couldn't really understand how my shirt had gotten torn off. Moisture covered my nipple, raising it into a hard pebble and a moan that almost sounded like a growl escaped my lips. Maybe whoever this was, was my lover? What's his name… Toby, Terry, Jack? I don't even know. Maybe I don't even have a lover. Maybe this is all just a dream.

"I'll take good care of you, Adam," he muttered against my skin, licking at the pale skin afterward.

"Is there… s-something wr-rong w-with m-me?" I asked. Why did whoever this was need to take such good care of me? Was I sick or dying? Oh God… maybe that's why I can't remember anything!

He chuckled again. "Something was, but I'm fixing it," he said, his hands running down my sides and to the hips. His fingers snaked under my waistline and he started pulling my jeans down my legs slowly. A shiver rolled up my spine but I wasn't entirely sure why. Now I know what was happening, but then I was so drunk, I was putting two and two together too late.

"W-what are you f-fixing?" I muttered, soft moans rolling off my lips and his hands ran up my thighs. They were cold and goose bumps raised on my skin.

His lips pressed to mine for a minute. When did they leave my chest? "Just that cock roach you called a lover," he muttered, never letting his lips break from mine.

"Wha…? Who… … are y-you?" I muttered, suddenly trying to pull my lips back. This was sort of giving me the chills and I felt, for some reason, that I shouldn't be here with whoever this man was. I should be somewhere else… If only I knew where I was supposed to be and why I was here instead.

"I'm the love of you life," he said and he smiled in contentment. A shudder ran through me like I'd just been struck by lighting. I opened my mouth again but he covered it with his hand. "Drake of course," he added and pushed two of the fingers of his free hand into my entrance without warning. I yelped, feeling the need to pull away from him but I was against a wall. I had nowhere else to go and even if I did, I wouldn't know where to actually go!

A whimper left my lips and my eyes were a little wide. "It's alright, Baby. You'll be okay. You love this," he said to me, but I had a feeling that I didn't love whatever he wanted to do with me. His fingers started moving inside of me, curling and scissoring. It wasn't until he hit _that spot_ that I realized the aching I was feeling between my legs. I was turned on but I knew I didn't want this.

_This was wrong…_

I could feel how wrong it was…

Drake… Drake? Drake. _Drake!_

Things finally started to piece together but a lot was still really fuzzy. "D-drake… s-s-stop…" I muttered, putting my hands on his shoulders, but he didn't stop. He pushed his fingers deeper into me.

"You don't want me to stop," he said, fucking as hard as he could with his fingers (which were surprisingly long for someone of his size). "You know you want this." His fingers finally disappeared.

"No…" My voice sounded a little stronger. At least I didn't stutter that time. I gave him a shove that I thought was hard enough to push him away. I was wrong. His hissed at me and grabbed my sides, holding onto them tightly. "Dr… Drake… s-stop…" I muttered again, praying he would. This was so wrong. This shouldn't have been happening and I didn't want to be there. I couldn't really understand why this was wrong or why I didn't want to be there, I just knew it…

"You don't mean that," he muttered and soon something a lot bigger took the place of his fingers. He wasn't gentle. He wasn't kind. He didn't listen to any of my pleas. He just shoved himself all the way into me. It hurt so badly, tears stung my eyes. The alcohol was still there, but the pain was bringing me back to realization (kind of).

He pulled all the way out just to shove his bulk back into me and I cried out in pain. Tears spilling over the sides of my cheeks. He wiped them away as he slammed back into me and I was sure he was causing some sort of physical harm. It was just too painful to not leave any damage. "Drake! Drake, stop!" The pain was clearing my mind enough to be able to speak, but I didn't believe for a minute that I could physically make Drake stop. In this state I was truly a victim with no chance of fighting back.

Drake didn't reply with words, but he slapped me hard across the face and I cried out again. "Shut up you whore. You don't bitch about Tommy fucking you," he hissed. Tommy? Tommy… that's why I was hear and that's why I _wasn't supposed to be here!_ "A slut like you should be happy that I'm willing to take you back!"

I didn't have anything else to say. My begging only made the pain worse. It only made him angrier and I was sure I was already bleeding and bruising from his relentless thrusts into me.

A low creaking noise came from the side of the room. The door had just opened and in the frame stood a somewhat short, blond boy with beautiful chocolate eyes. It took me a moment to realize who that boy was. The alcohol was still fucking with my judgment and perception of things, you know? After a few moments I realized, to my horror, that Tommy was standing there. Watching Drake fuck my brains out.

For a second I believed he was going to help me, save me from Drake's sexual beating, but he looked hurt. Why was he hurt? I was the one being abused! But then I realized that Tommy thought I was willingly having sex with him. Drake didn't even acknowledge he was there, and before I could even get a word out, a tear rolled down my Glitterbaby's cheek and the door slammed with him disappearing behind it.

My heart finally shattered. It lay in pieces on the floor as Drake shoved into me one more time. I felt warm liquid rush into my body, but I didn't care anymore. Nothing else mattered anymore.

My life had just ended, so it didn't matter that Drake had gotten dressed and left me naked in a room, still drunk. It didn't matter that I was bleeding from Drake's carelessness. It didn't matter Drake's seed was filling me and, at the same time, running out of me along with my own blood. It didn't matter that I'd become famous or that I'd been born at all because my life had just hit the end of the road.


	33. I Need You Now

**Chapter Thirty-Three: I need you now**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I'm not going to lie, I felt bad. Horrible, actually. I'd told Adam that I wasn't sure (completely) if I believed him when he said he loved him. Upon walking, I realized that I really shouldn't have said it, but there wasn't anything I could do at that point, considering I'd left the apartment and didn't have any intention really to go back anytime soon. The reason behind that being that I just… I couldn't stand to see Adam cry. I couldn't handle the condo itself, either, being cooped up in it all the time (though that was my own fault) and then remembering every argument that Adam and I had been in since we got together.

My hands were shoved in my pockets, deep as they could go, as I walked. Fortunately I wasn't stopped for photographs or autographs. That would have just made my mood worse. I was already trying to get the fight off of my mind, and to deal with screaming fans saying how much they loved me and Adam… No. I couldn't deal with that.

I kept my head low. I had no real idea for a destination, I was just walking. Clearing my head, not that it was doing me any good. Every time I tried to think about something it always went to Adam. I hurt him, and it was beginning to eat at me worse than anything. I thought about the things Drake had said to me, the way he made me doubt and think irrationally. And walking down the streets of Los Angeles, I wanted to punch a wall (or a mirror, since I seem to have a fascination for those too). Seeing Adam's face, his tears…

I felt like a fool. More than a fool. I was an idiot. A complete and utter idiot because… Shit. Why did I have to reflect on all of this when I should have just listened to Adam in the first place. He was right all along. About Drake. About us. I should have trusted him. I should have believed him. I should have believed in his love for me. But I didn't. I believed Drake and his stupid, filthy lies. And now it'd torn me and Adam apart.

Fucking hell.

But what to do? I couldn't go back to the condo. I wouldn't be able to face him if he was there, still… No. I needed to set this right. I needed to apologize to Adam (quite profusely too). I needed to tell him that I was wrong. I needed to prove to him that I loved him. Because I was finding out very quickly that without him, without the way things used to be, I felt very… Okay, this is going to make me sound completely and utter emo and totally dramatic, but I felt lifeless. I felt like I had no purpose. Sure, I could play bass better than most and I was pretty damn good looking (according to fans!) But… Adam had given me something that I hadn't felt in a long time. He'd given me a kind of love that no woman (or drunk man) could have ever…

I needed him.

I needed him because I loved him. And I'd been so stupid to believe otherwise.

I spun on my heel, stopping for a moment before taking a deep breath. I needed to make this right, and the first plan of action in doing so was going back to the condo. I had to make sure that Adam was still there. If he wasn't? Oh, shit. What if he wasn't there? Shit. Think, Tommy. If your boyfriend just told you that they weren't sure of love, what would you do?

… Go to a bar. Get smashed. Try to forget. And I had a strong feeling that (while he wasn't much of a drinker) that was what Adam would do. Lovely.

But first, to check the condo. That was the safest bet, because I wouldn't want to check the bar first, get tempted and do something bad. Not when I was beginning to feel fucking clear headed (weird, inorite?). Though the walk back to the condo seemed to take a hell of a lot longer than the walk away, but I wasn't too concerned. I was trying to act casual and not sprint the remaining half of a mile, but suddenly there was a fire burning in my system. I must've been suffering PMS or something. Maybe bipolar. Or simply crazy-syndrome. I didn't know.

My feet slapped the concrete of the sidewalk with every step, and eventually the condo came back into view (halle-fucking-lujah). I ran the last one hundred feet or whatever, climbing the stairs and shoving the door open, only to see nothing in the living room. The television was still on, but no Adam. I checked every room, the bathrooms, even the balcony, and nothing. My heart pounded in my chest and I raced out of the condo and down to the small adjoining cover. I should have noticed first that Adam's car was gone. Damnit. I sighed softly, rushing to my car and unlocking it, pulling the door open and slipping inside.

The problem with Los Angeles was that there were at least a dozen bars per three blocks, which means about four a block, if you do the math (see, still smart). What would entice a man willing to forget a day or two? But not just any place, a place where he wouldn't really have to be worried about getting recognized? My eyes scanned over potential places, but they all seemed to hot shot rod for— there. And in the side-parking lot I could see Adam's car. Score. But I was driving past it.

Time to be illegal.

I pulled a fast u-turn, scaring the shit out of several cars since technically I was now driving against traffic. Awesome. Horns were honked and people screeched to stops as I pulled into the parking lot of the bar, killing the engine after doing a horrendous parking job. I pulled myself out of the car, slamming the door shut and locking it up tight. My heart was pounding in my chest and I rushed forward to the bar. I needed to find Adam. I needed to apologize. I… I had to. I had to make this right otherwise it could never be fixed. And I would lose him.

No. Not gonna happen.

'_Way to go completely from shutting him out to wanting him again. Tommy, you need help._' Fuck you. But at least my thoughts made more sense than anything else. I just wish I'd been smarter about this before.

'_But had you been smart, then this wouldn't have happened. This realization, this need. Things would have been perfect, too perfect, between you and Adam. You have to admit, despite all of this drama and how it's killing you, it's giving you that taste of drama._' But I didn't want drama. I just… I wanted things to be better. And I was going to make them better.

I pulled open the door of the bar, slipping inside. It wasn't too terrible crowded, but there was definitely a large number of people for this time of day (okay, so it was only evening, but still, the sun had _just fucking set_). Fucking wasters. Not like I was much better. Before joining Adam, when I was with the Turning of the Screw (a fucking hardcore heavy metal band, mind you), I was way too damn heavy into the drinking, and on several occasions I spent my mornings and even afternoons in the bathroom puking my damn lungs out. Not pleasant experiences.

I tried my damndest to peer over the heads of anybody and everybody, but I wasn't finding Adam anywhere. I bit down on my bottom lip, exhaling heavily before crossing to the bar counter. The man working there was a good-looking guy with blond hair, but I wasn't interested in seeing just how bent my sexuality was. I _needed _to find Adam. I stopped at the counter, leaning against it as the man turned to me. His eyes raked up and down for a moment before he smiled warmly at me.

"What can I get you?" A curve of the lip as a returned smile to him. At least he was nice.

"I'm looking for a friend of mine. He's tall, bout six feet, blue eyes, black hair, pale, freckled, probably has ruined makeup on his face. Have you seen him?" I asked, and the bartender frowned for a moment, thinking.

"Yeah, actually. He was here about five minutes ago. Completely shitfaced. Some scrawny guy with stubble and brown eyes came and took him to one of the backrooms." He said. My heart dropped. Drake. Shit. How the hell would Drake know what bar Adam went to (and when), unless he…

He probably followed him. Fucker!

"Thank you." I said softly, turning and glancing, before I saw a few doors on the other side of the bar. The building was beginning to fill up and there was music beginning to play as I made my way through the crowds. I had to push (gently) a few people out of my way, but eventually I made it. There were three options. All the doors closed. I inhaled slowly, turning the knob of the first door and taking a peek inside. Empty. Thank fuck. Second door, I opened it and received someone screaming at me and throwing an empty bottle of beer at the wall near the door. I slammed it shut, my heart pounding. Okay, that was gross.

Third door. I bit down on my bottom lip. Please, God, tell me it's not what I think. What I fear. I turned the knob and stepped inside, staring for a moment, before feeling my heart falling through the floor and down into hell. Drake was on top of Adam, driving in hard as if he was made to do it. Adam looked over at me, his eyes distant before they cleared. He didn't say anything. Drake didn't even acknowledge me. I stood there, silent for a moment, my hand shaking on the knob. No… Adam…

A tear rolled down my cheek and I turned away, slamming the door shut behind me. I should have figured. I broke his heart. And he'd known better than any of us that for the past few days (week and a half or whatever) that Drake had been waiting in the wings. Waiting for him. I inhaled shakily, shoving past people, uncaring of the rude calls and insults as I even knocked some people down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the bartender looking worried towards me. But I didn't pay him a second glance. I stormed out of the bar and back to my car, unlocking it and slipping inside. I didn't start the engine right away. My hands gripped the steering wheel and I rested my head on my hands, tears streaming down my face.

I should have figured. I shouldn't have gotten so hopeful. I tried to shake the image of the two of them. Part of me wanted to believe that the redness of his eyes and the moisture on his face was tears, because Drake looked awfully forceful… No. He was drunk, that much I could tell immediately. I wiped my tears away, starting the car and pulling out of the parking spot. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, flipping through my contacts. I needed to talk to som— the cursor thing landed on Lisa's number.

I pressed a button on my phone, holding it to my ear as I drove back down the streets, heading home. I didn't know nor did I care when Adam would be coming back around. I didn't know if he even would. Streams of tears and I inhaled slowly as the phone dialed a third time before I heard Lisa's soft "hello" on the other end of the line.

"It's me." I said, my voice cracking as I tried to stop crying (seriously, men don't cry in front of women).

"Tommy? My God, what's wrong?" I inhaled slowly.

"I found Adam with Drake." I whispered into the phone, blinking slowly as I stopped at a red light. She sighed heavily.

"Shit, you're kidding me, right? What happened? Why?" I bit down on my bottom lip, rolling forward again.

"We got into a fight and I stormed out. I went out looking for him, saw his car at a bar parking lot, went inside and asked the guy behind the counter if he'd seen him. He told me that he'd gone into a room with some other guy with Drake's description. Went in and I found him under Drake." Lisa was silent for a moment, as if contemplating. She sighed again.

"Fuck, Tommy, I'm sorry… Do you want me to come over?" I spun the wheel, pulling back under the cover by the condo. "I'll even hunt Adam down for you…" I smiled softly.

"That won't be necessary, but thank you." I told her, killing the engine again and leaning against my seat. The cool metal felt hot, and the car atmosphere itself felt stuffy. Ugh.

"I'm still coming over. You need a Momma right now." I chuckled, though it was flat and weak.

"Thanks, Lisa." I said.

"Of course, Tommy. I'll be there soon."


	34. End in 2012

**Chapter 34: Wasn't the World Supposed to End in 2012?****  
****Adam's POV**

Minute turned into hours. Hours I laid on that bed, cot thing trying to clear my head. Drake had just… Drake just _raped_ me and Tommy thought I cheated. Would Tommy even believe me if I told him Drake forced me? _Of course he won't. He saw Drake fucking you and that broke his heart a hundred times harder than any time you've had your heart broken._

"Oh, so now I have a voice of reason? Where the fuck were you when I decided to come to this filthy bar in the first place?" I hissed at my conscious. Great, I was talking to myself now. Might as well lock me up and start force feeding me now!

Finally, I pushed myself (slowly because I was in a lot of pain) and got myself drunk. I'd laid there long enough to sober up to the point where I felt safe enough to drive home by myself. I was more concerned about my emotions causing an accident than the alcohol causing one. So many different emotions were pounding through my head right now… Loneliness, betrayal, disgust, heart-break, regret, and everything else that wasn't a happy emotion. Three things I could easily pick out from all the others: One, burning hatred towards Drake for using me as his own sex toy and causing me and my Glitterbaby to probably break up. Two, pure heartache for seeing Tommy so hurt and for knowing that I was probably going to lose him. And three, the feeling of pure disgust for being raped. I was embarrassed and now I felt like it was my fault… If only I hadn't gotten drunk… If only I'd fought a little harder… Drake wouldn't have done this to me.

_Nobody asks or deserves to be raped. You said no. This is Drake's fault, not yours._

Sure, Conscious, whatever you say…

My abdomen hurt from all of Drake's forceful thrusts. I thought when you got drunk you weren't supposed to remember what happened to you while drunk, but I remembered every detail…

I wonder if I'm still bleeding… God I hope not. I put a hand over my aching stomach and refused to look at the bed I'd been laying on for fear of what mess might still linger there. Leaving the room, I noticed that most of the people had cleared out. God, what time was it? The cute bartender looked over at me and he knew instantly that something was wrong just by the way I was walking and holding my stomach. "Oh my God, are you alright?" he asked, leaving the bar and coming over to me. He tried to touch me but I shrank away, not wanting to be touched by anyone, not even Tommy.

"Fine… just can't hold my liquor is all… Got sick, you know?" I asked. Wow, what a horrible lie. I can't even fucking lie to begin with and a complete stranger knew I was lying. I could tell by the look on his face.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?" he asked, looking worried. He didn't by my story for one minute and I was sure he suspected something, but I wasn't going to tell him that while he was serving drinks to a bunch of people that probably shouldn't be drinking anyway, I was getting raped in one of the back rooms by my stupid slut of an ex-boyfriend.

"Called one already," I lied. "I'll be fine. Thank you for your concern." I didn't even give him time to respond. I wanted to get away from this man and away from everyone in general. All I wanted to do was go back to the condo, shower to get rid of some of this disgusting feeling, and curl into a tight ball where nobody could hurt me anymore. I didn't want to deal with anyone ever again, not even the band or… Tommy… (I never actually thought that Tommy would have gone back to the condo after walking in on Drake fucking me.)

I unlocked my car and climbed in, pulling out onto the deserted street easily. The drive home seemed terribly long just because I wanted to be there so badly. But when I pulled into my parking space near the condo, I suddenly didn't want to be there because Tommy was there. I knew he was there because his car was sitting right next to where mine now was. "I should just leave…" I muttered to myself.

_No, you have to face your demons, Adam._ It's not normal to have an actual conversation with your conscious is it? Should I get help?_Probably_

Despite my possibly insanity, I knew that voice in my head was right, so I finally got out of my car, locked it, and headed to the condo, which wasn't even locked. I stood at the door for a moment with my hand over my stomach (still in pain, it didn't just go away) but some force that was beyond me finally pushed me through the door. I could hear sobbing and a soothing voice. "Tommy, I know what you saw is difficult to digest. I know how upset you are but you need to confront Adam. You've got to talk to him," Lisa said to my once-Glitterbaby.

"I know I've got to talk to him, but I don't know if I can, Lisa… I saw him having sex with Drake!" Tommy managed to say through his sobbing. How long had he been crying? His sobs made my own tears come back. I thought I'd cried as much as I could for one night but I was wrong. Tommy's pain as well as my own, still growing pain filled these tears. It hurt so much to know that Tommy thought I willingly had sex with that monster when I was really raped by him…

I finally came out of the entry hall. Lisa and Tommy were sitting at the dinning room table and they both looked up at me with wide eyes. "Adam…" Lisa said quietly, sounding slightly worried and slightly disappointed.

Suddenly anger flared up in me. Why was everyone so judgmental of me all the time? Why was Lisa disappointed in me? All I did was get drunk! I didn't rape someone like Drake just had! "What, Lisa? What exactly?" I said, trying to stay calm but there was a nip to my tone.

"Tommy told me what he saw… and I think you should sit down. We all need to talk," she whispered, her eyes round in shock and worry.

My eyes turned cold and they moved from Lisa's face to Tommy's tear-stained one. I felt like half of this was Tommy's fault because he had to go and believe my fucking ex-boyfriend (someone he didn't even know) over believing in our love. If he hadn't said "I don't know" then I wouldn't have even left the fucking condo! I wouldn't have gotten drunk and I wouldn't have been taken raped by the man I once loved! "What if I don't want to talk? I just want to shower and go to sleep," I said, allowing my voice to slip into a monotone instead of lashing out at Lisa or Tommy.

Tommy's eyes finally met mine. "Adam, you can't just wash away what you… what you did with Drake. I… saw you having sex with him…" Tommy said quietly, practically whimpering as another tear rolled down his cheek.

I gripped my stomach again, feeling the need to swallow a bottle of aspirin. The tears in my eyes threatened to fall but I didn't want to cry anymore tonight. I was sure I wouldn't be able to talk in the morning because of how much my throat hurt from crying. "God Tommy, I didn't have sex with Drake!" I wailed. Okay, that probably wasn't going to help my throat or my voice either…

"Oh? Then what do you call both of you being naked while one shoves his penis into the other?" Tommy asked but his tone wasn't rude or sarcastic or even mean. It was hurt and broken. Because of me…

_No! Because of DRAKE_

I stared at him for a long time as if I expected him to know what was going on in my brain. As if I expected him to know what had gone on in that filthy back bar room! "I call it rape, Tommy! I was drunk! I didn't even know who I was let alone what was going on around me. When I was thinking clear enough to tell him to stop, he wouldn't!" Tears started to roll down my cheeks again (god damn it all, I don't want to cry anymore!) "He left me in that room alone after he was done using me for his selfish desires. I can't believe you would think I'd do something like that!"

Tommy's eyes went wide with shock. I don't know if he believed me or not but my claim was enough to make him shake. "Adam…"

"No, Tommy don't! You couldn't have just believed in us… We had something so special and then you let that monster control everything you believed in! You believe someone you didn't even know over someone who loves you!" I said, holding my stomach tightly and notice, I didn't say 'loved' I said 'loves' as in present tense. I couldn't take the pain anymore and I leaned against the wall of the dining room to keep from falling over.

Another perfect tear rolled down Tommy's perfect cheek. A picture worthy shot… "You're blaming this on me?" he asked quietly. I could visibly see him shaking, from what exactly I wasn't sure. I could count a number of things that could be causing the shakes right now.

"No, I'm not blaming you. But why couldn't you just believe me when I said I love you, Tommy? Why would you ever think I'd lie to you about something so serious when I've been through so much pain because of those words in my life?" I asked him desperately. Lisa came over to me and helped me into a chair. She must have seen how much pain I was in.

Tommy bit his bottom lip. "Because someone like you shouldn't love someone like me… I'm not… good enough…" he muttered.

"Is that more bull shit Drake fed to you? So what, you aren't good enough but Drake's perfect? How the hell does that make sense when he did _this_ to me?" It felt like a thousand tears were rolling down my cheeks. How could someone cry THIS MUCH? It didn't even seem physically possibly. Surely I was dehydrated.

"Did Drake really rape you, Adam?" Lisa asked, the first time she'd said anything since I came in.

I stared at her through blurry, tear-filled eyes. "So what, I'm lying about that too? I lie about loving Tommy and now I'm lying about being raped so you all think I'm still perfect?" I shouted at her. "How sick do you really think I am? If I cheated, and especially is Tommy SAW me cheating, I would come out and say it. I'm not a liar, and I'm certainly NOT a cheater!" I stood up from my chair, knocking it over. "But if you think I'm lying, then fine. Don't believe me."

"Adam… I didn't say you were lying, I just can't believe something like this really happened… It doesn't seem real," she said quietly.

"Well it is real," I hissed, backing away from them.

Tommy looked at me with large, desperate and still beautifully chocolate eyes. "Adam…"

"Please, Tommy, just don't. Just… stop, please," I said, seeming to remember something extremely similar coming out of my mouth a few hours ago with Drake… Maybe because this was almost as horrible as actually being raped.

Lisa's eyes darted from me to Tommy and then back to me. "Maybe you two need to take a break from each other…" she whispered, almost like she was afraid to suggest such a thing.

Both Tommy and I stared at her for a long moment of silence and then our heads turned so we could look at each other. "Maybe we do need some time away from each other," I said, wiping the tears off my face with my sleeve. The words were basically a nice way of saying 'we should break up for now'. I turned, not wanting to see Tommy cry anymore and went straight to the bathroom so I could wash away Drake's presence and hopefully clean up the blood he'd caused… I really hoped I wasn't still bleeding because if I was, I'd have to go to the hospital soon.

As I turned the shower on and stripped out of my clothes, I heard the front door slam and I could only assume Tommy and left, probably with Lisa…

What did I just do?


	35. I Feel So Lost and Lonely

**Chapter Thirty-Five: I feel so lost and lonely**

**(Tommy's POV)**

November was a memory, December like a perfect evening with a nightmare in the end. And the two weeks into January were the worst I'd ever felt.

I sat on the bed of my room, my knees drawn to my chest and my back pressed into the headboard; Lisa had been kind enough to let me stay with her in the guest bedroom on the end of her house. I'd moved out of my apartment to stay with Adam, and to be honest, I didn't want to deal with the hassle of going back to get it. Even though I doubted things would change any time soon, I still held the hope that everything would go back to the way it'd been…

But I wasn't sure that it would. I rested my head on my arms, sighing heavily. I'd been so stupid, and now Adam I were both paying for it. He was right. I'd let someone I didn't know get the better of me and make me doubt everything that I held dear. God, I sounded fucking pathetic. At least I wasn't into the whole self-infliction-cutting bullshit or whatever that kids seem to do these days. That was just… That was a whole level of pathetic that I didn't want to get into.

I lifted my head, looking up at the television that rested on top of the dresser. Yeah, the spare room had a TV. It was kind of nice. It provided a kind of background noise, something that I needed other than music. Music just… Made this worse. Okay, not all music, but it seemed as if every time I turned my iPod on, and I'd scroll through my music and I'd always stop on Adam's album. I'd stop and I'd stare at it for God only knows how long, before I'd turn the device off entirely and (though, not always) chuck it across the room.

There was a knock at the door, before it opened slowly, and Lisa stood in the doorway. Her eyes were concerned and sad, her blonde hair framing her face gently. I looked away from her, chipping the polish on my nails. She sighed softly, crossing to the bed and sitting down on it beside me. She didn't say anything for the longest time, and neither did I, but eventually she pressed her hand over mine as she looked at me.

"You can't stay in here forever, Tommy. One, it's not healthy, and two, we have rehearsals today." I swallowed the lump that was lodged in my throat, and I blinked once. Rehearsal meant seeing Adam. Seeing Adam meant a lot of things could happen. It'd be awkward. It'd be tense. But fuck, I missed him.

"I know." I said softly, licking my lips before exhaling. I tried not to think of much that had happened the night Adam and I… broke up. I mentally cringed; it wasn't right, but all the same… It was probably for the best… Goddamn.

"Come on, honey. Get dressed. We'll go get coffee and something to eat before we head to rehearsals, okay?" I nodded once, smiling at Lisa. She was such a mom sometimes. Not that I minded, really. I couldn't remember the last time I spoke to my own parents. I wasn't sure they really would have wanted me to with the AMA kiss and then any rumors (even if some of them were true) they might've heard. My parents weren't exactly… _down_ with people like Adam.

'_And people like you._' Shut up.

Lisa smiled warmly at me before standing up and leaving my room so I could get dressed. I was, after all, still in the same pajama pants and t-shirt that I'd been in two days ago. Yeah, okay, so I didn't get out much for the past two weeks. You wouldn't either if you had no reason to. Not to say that I had reason for staying in, either, but… Oh fuck it.

I unfolded myself, groaning softly as I stretched out across the mattress. Joints popped and I'm sure I heard tendons pulling slowly. I sighed, slipping off the bed and crossing to the dresser. I pulled it open, glancing inside for a moment before grabbing a pair of skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. Simple. Modest. Boring, for the kind of music I played, for the people I surrounded myself with. But whatever. This was just rehearsal.

I stripped out of my pajamas, tossing them onto my bed before unfolding my pants and slipping into them. Sinfully skin tight, just the way I liked them. No underwear, again. What? It would've made my pants uncomfortable. I pulled my shirt on over my head, sighing softly and snatching two random socks off of the floor. I didn't have time to go looking for clean ones. Besides, my feet would be strapped into my creepers for the next several hours. No need to worry.

I slipped my feet into my socks before stumbling out of the room, walking down the hall towards the front room of the house. Lisa was waiting, dressed and ready to go as I strapped my creepers on. I sighed, following her out the door and down the path to her car, parked in the driveway. Mine was on the street.

"I'll follow you there, 'kay?" I said, and she nodded once.

The drive itself wasn't that long, but my thoughts were meshing together and tumbling over. I was wondering what might happen, being around Adam again. I hadn't seen him in about two weeks. The last time I did, he'd been… My hands tightened around the wheel and I tried to take deep breaths. I needed to keep myself calm while driving. But still… To think that I'd been so wrong about what I'd seen… I remember when Adam told me… I was shaking out of rage, but it was split. I was enraged with Drake for hurting Adam, and I was enraged with myself for believing that it was consensual.

'_Stop, Tommy. Stop thinking about it. Otherwise you're gonna wreck._' I sighed. True.

I pulled into a stop in the back lot beside Lisa. Everyone else was already here… Except for Adam. I frowned, killing the engine and getting out, locking my car up tight and following Lisa into the building. I could hear Monte and Longineu talking, along with Lane. Bit of a planner we had and somewhat of a supervisor. I wasn't really sure. She would drop in on occasion, and today was one of those days where she graced a visit.

I stepped in from back stage, grabbing my bass and slinging it over my shoulder. I plucked a few chords, tuning it up and playing randomly. It felt good to be back and doing what I do best. I closed my eyes, inhaling slowly as I played. I mixed things up; I played mashes of Manson, Alice in Chains and even some old songs from Screw. Anything and everything to clear my head. My fingers plucked faster and I breathed deeply, lost.

"Tommy." I stopped, opening my eyes and looking over. Lisa's hand was on my shoulder, and I could see Adam looking over at me from across the stage. His hair was a bit of a mess around his face, but still decent. He wore his Queen t-shirt and black skinnies. His skin looked pale, but the worst was his eyes. His were so tired looking. I bit down on my bottom lip, returning my attention to Lisa, nodding once.

Rehearsal started like any other rehearsal. We went over the songs we were going to perform in California (turned out we were gonna be playing at some hotel or some-such. Show was Fantasy Springs. I didn't pay much mind). Once all the discussion was done, we got into actually performing, going over how we were going to do things. Monte and Adam mostly discussed how to start each song, the beat, the way to end, when to bring in solos for Longineu (if any at all, no offense to LP). We played, we discussed, we argued, we played some more.

All the while I kept sneaking glances at Adam. He sang as beautifully as ever. Chills were shooting down my arms, but it was dead. True, he sounded fantastic, but it was empty. There wasn't anything to it. He was singing without a soul, and it just sounded wrong. I bit down on my lip, keeping my focus on my playing as we went over song after song. I was losing track of the ones we played because of Adam's voice. It wasn't until Monte said something that I was able to look up again.

"Alright, break time. Adam, I need to talk to you—" Monte set his guitar down as Adam set his mic back into the stand. The guitarist pulled him off stage, and I bit down on my lip. I wanted so badly to go over and see if Adam was okay, but Lisa stopped me, pulling me in the other direction.

"Leave them, for now. Now isn't the time to swoop in and check on Adam. You two need to keep your distance." She said. I sighed softly, staring down at my shoes for a moment.

"But, Lisa… He's out of it. You had to've heard him, he sounds dead to the world." I whispered to her, walking with her back stage to get some water. She nodded once, taking a deep breath and running her fingers through her hair.

"I know, Tommy. But right now, I think it's best if you two just…" I knew she wanted what was best, but Adam was a zombie. He always sang with heart and soul, even if it was just rehearsal. Even if it was a depressing song. Hell, he barely moved around on stage, he just stayed in one particular area. And that wasn't like Adam. He usually walked around, danced a little, interacted. Here, he was lifeless.

"Lisa, he needs me right now." Maybe. I knew I needed him. I started to turn away to go talk to him when her fingers curled around my wrist, pulling me back.

"No, Tommy. You can't." I bit down on my bottom lip again, my mind flashing the several times we would kiss, and he damn near bruised my lip. My heart pounded in my chest, and I looked over my shoulder towards the stage again. I missed those nights. I missed sleeping in his arms and waking up to him every morning. I missed him like crazy and it was beginning to kill me inside.

"Fine." I hissed, pulling my wrist out of her grasp and walking back on stage. I wouldn't confront him about it now. I sighed, strapping my bass back over my shoulder and plucking a few strings. Adam and Monte came back out, and Adam looked just as tired. I frowned, playing off the cool dude as best I could.

"You okay, Adam?" I asked. He looked over at me, his eyes distant. He nodded, but I didn't believe him. I wasn't sure if he'd told Monte about… what had happened, but judging by the fact that Monte's expression hadn't changed and he was acting as if his short conversation with Adam hadn't been much more (if anything) than a simple check up or planning idea. Or maybe Monte had an incredible poker face. But I doubted it.

"From _Sleepwalker_." Monte said, and my blood froze. Aww, fucking great. Adam swallowed as the intro started, and Adam's voice was hauntingly cool, pained, and soulful. _I saw a picture of you hanging in an empty hallway. I heard a voice that I knew and I couldn't walk away. It took me back to the end of everything. I taste it all, I taste it all, the tears, again._

Holy fucking balls. My hands were shaking on my bass and I swallowed the aching lump in my throat, trying so damned hard to keep my cool. I couldn't break now, I couldn't. We still had God knows how many more hours of this… _Outside the rain's fallin' down, there's not a drop that hits me. Scream at the sky but no sound is leavin' my lips. It's like I can't even feel after the way you touched me. I'm not asleep but I'm not awake after the way you loved me._

Shit, shit, shit. I plucked the strings, gnawing hard on my lip. Keep cool. _I can't turn this around, I keep running into walls that I can't break down. I said I just wander around with my eyes wide shut because of you. I'm a sleepwalker walker walker. I'm a sleepwalker walker walker. Let me out of this dream__._

A tear slipped down my cheek and I turned, continuing to play but I walked around a little, closer to my bass, with a shoulder just slightly turned away. They couldn't see me cry. They couldn't. They just— I swallowed, another tear slipping and hitting the stage floor. Head down, hair over the face. I tried to keep my shoulders as still as possible, to hide the fact that I was crying.

_You're everything that I want but you don't want me._

I broke down.


	36. Feelings I Had

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Please Give Me Some of it Back, the Feelings I Had.****  
****Adam's POV**

Music didn't matter anymore. Two weeks ago, music was my passion. Music, besides Tommy, was the only thing that got me up in the morning. Singing was what I loved to do and what I looked forward to doing every day. I believed I could change the world by my voice, but I couldn't do that now. My soul wasn't in my music anymore. And my heart? My heart was almost non-existent now.

I've been through bad break ups before but this one left me beyond repair. After Tommy, I didn't feel like I would ever be able to love again. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, but I wasn't entirely sure they'd ever get back to what me and Tommy had before Drake ruined that first date.

_Sleepwalker's_ lyrics fit my feelings well. It was the only song that actually made me feel anything at all.

We were half way through the song when the music stopped. My head turned to the bass player who was no longer standing, but broken on the stage's floor. "Tommy…" I felt the bits that were left of my heart swell and (without thinking) I ran to the other side of the stage. I hadn't move so fast in ages. "Tommy," I repeated, and even though we were trying to make space between us, I wrapped my arms around his small frame, pulling him up right.

Tears were spill down Tommy's cheeks. I'd never seen him cry to much and it hurt so damn bad. I welcomed the pain though, the heartache. I'm not a masochist, but the last two weeks had been full of no emotion. No feelings at all because I'd been turning myself off from the outside world. This hurt was a relief, in a way, because it meant that I still had the ability to feel.

"Adam…" he said quietly, gripping the fabric of my shirt tightly in his strong, finely toned fingers (from playing bass you perverts).

"Shh," I said softly, pulling him back stage. I wanted to get him away from the rest of the band. I didn't want Monte and Longineu and all these vultures watching Tommy break down because of song lyrics. Once we were off stage, I took Tommy to my dressing room. Eyeliner was left uncapped on the vanity along with opened eye shadow, uncapped hair gel, and other miscellaneous scattered make-up produces. Sad thing was, I hadn't used any of these products, so why were they all opened?

Kicking the door shut I turned back to Tommy. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I was still in love with the blond. I was never ever going to be able to love someone else. Not after Tommy. He made me feel complete. He made me feel like… I was never going to be sad or upset again. Then Drake showed up. Drake had _never_ made me feel like Tommy had. No one I'd ever dated made me feel so right…

This was awkward, but I had to comfort him somehow. He was a miserable lump of crying. His tears just didn't stop and slowly, awkwardly, I wrapped my arms around the boy (well man, he was older than me) and pulled him against my larger frame. Tommy was shaking and his fisted at my tee-shirt. If only fixing what had happened two weeks ago was a easy as hugging the person who loved most.

_Well that wasn't exactly easy for you either, Adam._ Even my conscious is talking to me again? I haven't heard him in the last two weeks. That delighted me… I didn't even tell him to shut up.

No words were exchanged between us. Only physical comfort. I kept Tommy in that hug until my arms started to ache from not moving and still I refused to let go of him. No, we weren't dating again, but I looked at this as one step to fixing and rebuilding what we once had. If we loved each other enough (and his love seemed to be obvious since he just broke down in the middle of rehearsal) we would get through this.

"Hey? You guys alright?" Monte asked, opening the door. "We're all kind of freaking out here. What's going on?" he asked. I'd never told him about the rape. I was too ashamed to tell anyone other than the two who already knew. The band's worries for me had been growing but I still wouldn't tell them what was wrong. I was even causing myself physical harm. No, I wasn't cutting my arms or sticking leeches on my skin, but I wasn't eating. I hadn't eaten anything since the day Drake raped me and the day Tommy and I broke up…

I looked over at him. "We're fine. Go back out," I said, unwilling to let go of Tommy right now.

~~~~~

Our situation hadn't changed much even though we shared such a close huge. Tommy and I weren't so afraid to be close now, but things were still awkward. It was still hard to get up every day without him in my arms but having to see him later in the day. I was grateful for the fact that things seemed to be a little better between us, but I still wanted things to just go back to normal.

_Wishful thinking has never been good to you, Adam_

So not true. Wishful thinking got me on American Idol to begin with and now look at where I'm at. Fucking famous and envied by the world. Although none of that matter without… you know, love. Hence the reason for writing _If I Had You_.

"Can't believe we're finally at Fantasy Springs!" Monte cheered, clearly more happy about it than I was. I would force my soul into the music tonight. I couldn't disappoint my fans, thought I doubted they would ever be able to tell the difference.

"We aren't there yet, Monte," I said. Right now we were all out to lunch before the big show. Got to build up the strength, you know? You do? Well obviously you know better than I do, because I still wasn't eating. My stomach just couldn't handle food and I'd gone down a pant size the last few weeks. My skinny jeans weren't so skinny at the moment. They were actually kind of loose and I knew that the rest of the band (especially Tommy) noticed it. I've been avoiding skinny jeans as much as possible lately for that very reason.

Monte gave his best gay man pout, which wasn't very good at all. "Why you gots to be such a downer?" he asked.

"I'm not a downer," I protest, which lately was pretty much a lie, but if you were raped and then broke up with the love of your life, you'd be a downer too. "I'm just down to earth."

"Right the gay glitter god is down to Earth? Not possible," Monte teased and then his eyes fell on my still full plate. "So, you ganna eat anything Glitter God?" he asked.

"Huh? I did!" I said in a rush. Way to keep it cool Lambert…

"Dude, your plate is full," Longineu commented, looking somewhat worried.

I sighed, taking a sip of the water on the table. Water and tea were really the only things I could actually stomach anymore. "I forgot we were coming out to eat… and I ate before I left home. Sorry," I lied. Both of them glanced at each other with raised eyebrows, but to my relief, they didn't push the issue. The rest of the meal went by more or less in silence. At least, silence for me. I didn't say anything more until it was time to leave for the big show. "We should get going guys. Show starts in less than two hours and you know we've got to be early or we're ganna get yelled at, which might put a damper on performing," I said and laid money down for the bill plus a nice tip.

The band and I stood up and went to the limo, which had been rented for us kindly by the hotel we were playing at. "You sure you're feeling up to this?" Lisa whispered to me once we were in the limo. I sat next to the window. She was next to me, with Tommy at the other end of the seat. Monte and Longineu were already goofing off on the other side of the limo.

I looked at her with my blue eyes, which weren't nearly as bright as they used to be. "What choice do I have? We can't just call them up and be like 'hey I don't feel like playing for you tonight so I'm not coming in'," I said quietly. I wondered if Tommy was listening but I wasn't even worried about the others. They were too busy being retarded.

Lisa frowned at that. "But Adam, if you aren't feeling like you should do this… you could, I don't know, never mind," she said quietly.

The rest of the limo ride was quiet, awkward, and it didn't get me any more pumped for the show. I was hoping to get excited so I might be able to have more fun with it. _Just take a shot before you go out there. Not enough to get drunk, just enough to… have fun._ No. No alcohol. No alcohol ever again. _You really think you're going to get through the rest of your life with no alcohol?_ Yes! Well, maybe not… wine, champagne, maybe even a shot or two was going to be thrown under my nose, especially in a life of fame.

Alright, maybe one shot wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would give me the life I needed to make this an awesome show and not to completely blow it like I knew Lisa thought I would.

_If you want to make this an awesome show, you have to interact with Tommy again. You've got to flirt, grab his bass. Sing to him, maybe._ Oh my God, fuck! I glanced over at Tommy (yes, I realize there is a person between us but I'm taller than Lisa so I can see over her), who was staring at his lap. _The fans won't be happy if you don't do something with Tommy and they might even realize something's up. Stop lying, you're dying to touch him again._ That was true… Ever since that hug at rehearsal when Tommy broke down crying. Instead of nightmares or no dreams, I've been dreaming about Tommy. Nothing sexual or naughty, just Tommy. His face, his hug, and everything that made up the sweet side of my Glitterbaby.

_Glitterbaby…_

I nearly choked on sobs at that word. The cutest nickname I ever could have given a lover and I gave it to Tommy. Are you still my Glitterbaby, Tommy?

The limo stopped in front of the hotel and we climbed out, one by one. Of course I was the last one to leave and I was greeted by thousands of screams. Some women, some men, some transsexuals… They were all screaming my name or 'I love you'. I was pretty sure one person even asked me to marry him? That was really weird.

Monte snickered. "Awww, you could run off to Vegas after the show and get married Adam!" he exclaimed. I punched him in the shoulder and walked into the hotel and into the air conditioning.

We met with our producers and we had to go over the show with the hotel. The hotel provided a crew to set up the stage that we got to make sure it was up to Gay Glitter God standards. "Perfect," I said, patting the leader of the stage crew on the shoulder. "You really did a great job." See, I wasn't hard to please! "Now, I'm going to go get some water before the show." I went back stage and over to the refreshments which, to my surprise, did have alcohol on the table. I poured a shot of vodka into a cup of water and swallowed it.

"You ready, Adam?" a soft voiced asked. I blinked and turned, shocked to see Tommy, with his bass strapped over his shoulder, standing next to me. He even had a small smile on his perfect lips. _Oh Adam, you're so love sick, it's not even funny._

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, throwing my cup away. "You?" Tommy nodded, still smiling a little. Then my name was announced and we had to move out onto the stage. Seriously? You couldn't have just given me like three more minutes so I could have a decent conversation with Tommy for the first time in almost three weeks? Seriously? Blah, fuck you all.

My band went out on stage and started the music of the first song and then I emerged from back stage, singing the first verse of _For Your Entertainment_ which wasn't as sexual as the AMAs. It didn't even sound as sexual, probably because recently sex had been used as a weapon against me. Needless to say I was extremely happen when I sang the last _"I'm here for your entertainment!"_ and the song ended. Now parts of that song almost sounded like invitations for people like Drake… Ugh.

The next song wasn't a whole lot easier, but I became more fluid, moving around the stage and mostly to Tommy. _"So I got my boots on, got the right 'mount of leather, and I'm doing me up with a black color liner. And I'm workin' my strut but I know it don't matter. All we need in this world is some love,"_ I said, and I could actually feel my heart in these words. God damn. I knew why this song was bringing feelings out! Because I was in love and right now I didn't have that love. Love I needed…

I moved over to Tommy, who looked up at me. His eyes had been locked on his bass but not anymore. _"But if I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need, yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete. If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy! Yeah, if I had you, you-y-y-y-y-you, you-y-y-y-y-you, you-y-y-y-y-you. If I Had You."_ My eyes betrayed my emotions as I sang to my bassist. I couldn't hide these feelings from him or myself or anyone else. They were just too strong. And for a moment, I believe my eyes were shining like they used to.

The next verse went by in a blur. I don't remember much of anything besides the fact that I was dancing around the stage again, like I had before Drake raped me. My dancing lead me right back to Tommy so I could sing the next chorus to him and this time he leaned against me, doing that cat thing he does. I never really understood it, but I loved it so I didn't complain.

Strut came next, which I was actually lively for. I danced and put as much feeling as I could manage into it but it wasn't anything special. Sure Fire Winners was more or less the same as Strut. Soaked was kind of hard to sing. I almost started crying during that song, but I kept myself composed (to my surprise, since I'm such a diva). Whatdya Want From Me was full of feeling. I was really proud considering I'd been a zombie for nearly a month now. Mad World, Broken Open, and Whole Lotta Love were pretty much just there.

Music Again was I song I mainly sang to Tommy (which got the crowd cheering again). They loved us, just like I loved us… Sleepwalker was after Music Again and I'd really like to know who made up this set cause the song order sucks! It's like happy, sad, happy! Sad and go cry in a corner emo kid! Sleepwalker was a hard song to get through for both Tommy and myself, but we got through it with no tears, although I thought I could see Tommy shaking.

Fever and Down the Rabbit Hole stole the show though. Both songs were spent with Tommy on stage. I even took off that stupid boa and draped it over him. At one point, Tommy started to walk away from me and I grabbed his hair, pulling him backwards, forcing him to bend over. The crowd loved that one and honestly, so did I. I wasn't too sure how Tommy felt about it, but it made for a great show.

The reason I'm skipping through every song but If I Had You, is because those songs didn't really matter. If I Had You was the only one I _really_ cared about. Sure, other songs were fun and close to Tommy, but they were silly or sexy. They didn't mean what that song meant, and part of me desperately hoped Tommy understood my feelings.

"Thank you! You've been a great audience and goodnight!" I said into the mic and sort of ran off the stage. I hadn't felt this alive in a long time, but I had this dreadful feeling that I was going to slip back into my zombie-fide state.

Please God, please give me some of it back, the feelings I had.


	37. Everything in Me Wants You Back

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Everything in me wants you back in my life**

**(Tommy's POV)**

Stripped out of our show clothes, we rode towards some restaurant for dinner. My blond bangs (I bleached them out a few days ago) hung in front of my face, still a little damp from the sweat of the show. Liner was smudged around my eyes, and the weight of Adam's necklace hung around my neck. I'd asked him if I could wear it before the show. I'd told him it was for fashion purposes, but to be honest, I wanted a part of him close to me. This show was going to be difficult on the both of us. I knew that we'd make it through though.

And, naturally, Adam blew me away. His voice had the soulful edge. Sure, _For Your Entertainment_ was a little on the difficult side, especially for him (fucking Drake, punk ass, bitchy bastard), but we pulled through. No mess-ups, no mishaps, it was smooth sailing. At least, until _If I Had You _came around. There weren't any mistakes, but the atmosphere on the stage was pulsing with such strong emotion, and when I looked up over at Adam, I found him staring intently at me, singing to me. To _me_. He hadn't sung to me in a long time…

_If I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need_… My heart pounded in my chest, and I was thankful that I didn't really have to look back down for the chords. I knew them well enough from rehearsals and my own practicing at home. His necklace was heavy around my neck and I stared into his eyes, seeing the desire, the affection, the hurt… the love. I bit down on my bottom lip, feeling my face heat up and tears stinging my eyes. Love.

_Yeah, if I had you, then money, fame and fortune never could compete_… I remembered back to the moment we had together in his dressing room at the studio, right after I'd broken down during _Sleepwalker_. He'd picked me up and held me together, just like it used to be. Before Drake, before the arguments, before everything. It'd felt right to be in his arms, and now to hear him singing at me, it just made everything feel better. Everything felt right again.

_If I had you, life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy…_ Yeah, that was for sure. I'm not going to lie, apart from missing Adam's love and his company, his heart and soul and beauty, I missed his body. Seriously, if you'd slept with him, you'd miss his bod too. I missed the way we wrapped around me, I missed the way his hands would roam every inch of my skin, familiar with what I liked and what I fucking loved. I missed the way he would kiss me and bite my neck, the way he would pull my hair and tell me he loved me like I was the last person on Earth.

To think that, for a time, I didn't believe him. I still felt ashamed and stupid for that.

The second verse went by quickly, and Adam pranced back to me when we hit the second time through of the chorus. I pressed my back into his chest, resting my head against his shoulder. It felt so familiar and amazing. He kept singing, his hand touching my arm and giving me a gentle squeeze. I shivered, missing him even more as he danced away from me. I strummed my chords for the bridge, breathing deeply as his voice filled the room and my soul.

_The flashing of the lights, it might feel so good, but I got you stuck on my mind, yeah! _It was the truth, most definitely, for me. And maybe Adam too. In fact I was positive of it. He turned and smiled at me from the opposite end of the stage. My heart fluttered wildly in my chest and I moved around on the stage, flipping my blond locks out of my face, enjoying the weight of his necklace pressed into my skin.

_The fashion and the stage, it might get me high, but it don't mean a thing to me! That would be the only thing I'd ever need. Yeah if I had you, then money, fame, and fortune never could compete…_ The music swelled and we all slammed down, exploding into a frenzy of passion and lights, Adam's voice pulsing in the air as my heart went flying through the heavens. _If I had you! Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy!_ I looked over at Adam, seeing a bright smile on his face as he finished up the song, my heart beating with the music.

'_God, I love you…_' I thought to myself with a smile, wishing dearly that I could say it out loud. _Strut _and _Sure Fire_ went by, and the energy seemed to die just a little with Adam. I didn't blame him; yeah, they were good songs, but they weren't the same kind of hope and happiness as _If I Had You_.

And then _Soaked_. Fuck _Soaked_. Then again, _Whataya Want From Me?_, _Mad World_ and _Broken Open _weren't exactly that much better, either. Adam continued to have soul, and there was such truth in all of them. I still don't understand why such sad songs were played, only to be followed by something like _Whole Lotta Love_. Whoever decided the arrangement was an idiot.

Then _Music Again_. Adam sang to me with that crystal voice and those bright eyes. The world seemed to disappear and for the first time in three weeks it felt perfect again. For three and a half minutes I felt alive. And then _Sleepwalker_. Seriously. The arrangement wasn't decided by an idiot. It was a fucking moron. Who would put something like _Sleepwalker_ after _Music Again_?

Oh… Wait… Wasn't it Monte's idea?

Figured.

By the end of _Sleepwalker_, I was shaking, fighting tears. Even though things were a little better between myself and Adam, it was still awkward and hard for us. We were still distant from each other. And that… Was more tolerable than it had been before, that was for certain. But that didn't mean it was easy.

To end the show, _Fever _and _Down The Rabbit Hole_ had people cheering and dancing like fireflies (wow that was so gay of me). Adam draped his feather boa around me, which made me shiver. But ho damn, when he pulled my hair, I almost lost it. I almost dropped my bass and tackled him to the stage floor. That pull, that surge of feeling, the trembles of ecstasy that rolled down my spine like a waking memory. Oh, I wanted so badly to _kiss_ and _fuck_ Adam on that stage because I _missed_ him…

But it was over just as soon as it began. Adam thanked the fans and we were gone, backstage, changing, cleaning up and heading into the limo after a quick meet-and-greet. We were all exhausted, wanting food and sleep, but my head was spinning with the events of the show. The energy was beginning to fade and I was getting tired, but I was still, all the same, wired and ready to go. Weird.

Monte and Longineu were sitting across from myself, Lisa and Adam. I was by the window, Adam between me and Lisa. I could tell that when we were rolling forward, Lisa wasn't too keen on the arrangement, but she didn't really fuss about it. I stared mostly out the window, smiling to myself for the success of the show. It was the first time we managed to get through it right without fucking something up. I sighed softly, shifting my gaze and staring at my lap. My hands were folded neatly on my thighs. Part of me wanted to reach out and take Adam's hand, but I didn't. I kept still.

The limo rolled into the parking lot of the restaurant, and we all climbed out. I was last, and the other three were already near the door when I managed to shut the limo door and rush forward, walking beside Adam. My fingers brushed against the palm of his hand, slipping in and giving his hand a squeeze. He squeezed mine back, before our hands pulled away again. "You did great tonight," he told me, and I felt my face heat up a little bit. I missed this.

"You too, Babyboy." I said, looking up at him. His eyes glistened with the familiar light that I hadn't seen, and he followed me into the restaurant. Monte, Longineu and Lisa were already heading towards the table, and Adam and I had to run to keep up with them. We were seated in a booth in the back corner. One of those curved booths. Longineu sat at one end, Monte beside him. Adam was by Monte (which would have been a bad idea little more than a month ago), I was by Adam, and Lisa on the end by me. Adam in center; seemed fitting even if coincidental.

"Alright, children, we're going to play nice, yes?" Lisa said with a smile. "No rude jokes," she glanced at Monte. "No violence," Adam. "Just a nice, friendly dinner," me. I was certain she even put emphasis on "friendly". Longineu was a lucky bastard, escaping her motherly eye. But we just laughed. She meant no harm in it. At least I didn't think she did. Whatever.

The waiter came by, asked us how we were doing, freaked out when he realized just _who_ was sitting at the table, composed himself, got an autographed napkin from Adam (which he tucked into his apron for safe keeping), ranted about how he loved Adam on Idol and the AMA performance, said it was the hottest thing ever. Thankfully he didn't mention Gridlock. I think I would have punched him if he did. But finally he was able to take our order for drinks and said he would be back with our beverages in a moment.

"Hey, Lisa, Tommy, I need you guys to move." Adam said softly. We slid out of the booth, and Adam stood, softly apologizing. He probably had to go to the bathroom or something. But as I turned to slip back in, his fingers brushed the back of my wrist. I glanced back, and he cocked his head slightly, to follow him. I was surprised no one saw it. Or maybe they did and they were just acting as if they hadn't.

"I'll be right back." I muttered after Adam was already a good twenty feet ahead of me. Lisa eyed us, but she shrugged and sat back down, and I followed Adam across the restaurant towards the bathroom. It was down a small, narrow hallway, the first door on the left, across from the ladies restroom. Adam opened the door slowly, and I followed him. Single bathroom; private. Very nice. He reached over me and locked the door swiftly, before glancing at me.

There wasn't hesitation. There wasn't pause. My hands slid up and around his neck, pulling him to me as his lips crashed against mine. A soft moan sounded from my chest as his tongue slid between my teeth, making me shiver. His hands cupped my face gently as he pressed me into the locked bathroom door. This was what I needed. This was what I missed. His kiss, his touch, his being.

He pulled away, leaving a hot trail down my throat before pushing part of the fabric of my shirt away from my collar bone, sinking his teeth into the skin and sucking. Spots danced into my vision and I moaned, my fingers winding into his hair. But, as much as I fucking loved the biting, I just wanted to taste him again. I'd almost forgotten it. The familiar mint. It was so fresh, so strong. Just as delicious as always.

He tilted his head up, kissing me again. Our mouths worked with and against each other, our tongues dancing with wet clicks filling the air followed by pops. I panted against him as he rested his forehead on mine, his hand cupping my cheek, the thumb tracing circles into my skin. Every inch that he touched burned, and I wanted to feel that burn on the rest of me again. But for now, this was more than I could have ever wanted. True, the bathroom wasn't exactly the ideal place for such, but we had to work with what we were given.

"I've missed you." He whispered to me. I leaned up, kissing him again.

"I've missed you, too, Babyboy." I said softly, fisting his shirt in my hands and bringing him closer to me, pressing my mouth on his. He smiled into my lips, pulling away again. I was getting irritated with the fact that he kept doing this; pulling away.

"I know there've been some issues… But… Will you be my Glitterbaby again?" He looked at me, his eyes wide and shining with the emotion that, for so long, had been vacant. "Will you be mine?" My heart swelled, the cracks from being away beginning to close and heal. I smiled.

"I've always been yours. And no amount of lies or doubt will ever make me forget that again." He exhaled a breath of relief and joy, kissing me hard and passionately for, what, the fifth time? I didn't care about keeping track though. My heart was pounding in my chest and my arms wrapped around his neck, bringing him closer so that our chests were squished together. I swear, I could feel his heart beating against mine, where it belonged.

The need for air was stronger than the need to kiss, and we broke apart, panting almost, leaning on one another. But after a moment, Adam stood straight, running his fingers through the fringe of my hair, smiling. "I like the blond. It suits you." He said with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I figured it was time for a change. Not to mention it balances out your black hair." I said, and he stuck his tongue out at me for a moment, giggling before pecking my mouth with his. He looked at me for a moment, before glancing down, seeing his necklace around my neck still. He smiled softly, his eyes distant with joy.

"This looks better on you." He said, his fingers brushing over it. My face heated, and I buried myself into the crook of his neck. He laughed, stroking my hair. "C'mon, Glitterbaby," I smiled. "Let's go back."

"Dun wanna." My voice was muffled, but he understood.

"I know. But we have to." I huffed, before kissing his cheek.

"Fine." I smiled at him, unlocking the door and pulling him out by the hand.


	38. So Happy I Could Die and It's Alright

So, Hiei's going on vacation today, and will be gone for two weeks. Which means CTY is going to be _slower_ in progress. That doesn't mean we're putting it on a halt all together, we're just not going to be working as often as we normally do. I know, it pains me too.

However, this'll give the chance to let the suspension simmer (hehehehehe), and for us (mainly myself) to work on other fictions (if given the time). Till later, glambabies~

~uv

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Eight: So Happy I Could Die and It's Alright****  
****Adam's POV**

Tommy lead (more like pulled) me back out to our table. Our fingers were still intertwined and I didn't care. I didn't care if everyone in the back, as well as the restaurant, knew that we were a couple again. Lisa eyes us wearily. "Must have been some bathroom break," she commented as she stood up to let us back into the circular booth. Damn I hated those things, just saying.

"So you guys are dating again? Awesome," Monte said, looking from his menu over to us. "Why'd you guys even break it off in the first place? Drake?"

I sighed deeply. "Yes… Drake cause a lot of… issues but we both decided our love for each other is greater than the problems he cause," I said, opening up my own menu. For once in almost a month I felt like eating again. "But I don't want to talk about that bastard anymore. He's not even worth words." It was true, so I had to wonder why I was even wasting my breath on him.

Monte actually smiled. He wasn't teasing or making fun of us, he was just plain old happy to see us back together and happy. I'm sure he (like everyone else) noticed my absence of feeling. He just never mentioned it. Good thing too, because that would have caused a whole new world of problems. "Well, I'm glad to see the tension is over, the glitter is back in your eyes where it belongs, and that you two are happy again. Not to mention, Tommy won't break down during rehearsals anymore," he said, letting out a chuckle at the end.

"Didn't I tell you, no rude jokes?" Lisa hissed from across the table and Monte shot her an innocent face. "So anyways, now that you two are back together… Does that mean you're going to be moving back in with Adam?" she asked, looking over at Tommy, who in turn looked at me with questioning eyes. I knew he wanted to come home. I could tell by the glistened longing in his eyes and to be honest, I wanted him there. Badly. I needed my Glitterbaby back home where I could hold him or cuddle him whenever I pleased.

My eyes glistened over with the same love I'd had in the bathroom (yeah, romantic right? Well, I'm Adam Fucking Lambert, okay? I can make a bathroom romantic). "Of course he's going to move back in with me," I said, kissing my baby's cheek, which went slightly scarlet. _God, you're so damned adorable._ I wanted to tell him that, but I would in public. Even I'm not that cruel.

Lisa's eyes turned back to Tommy. "So when will you be leaving me? As soon as possible?" she asked with a slight pout.

"Don't say it like that… I just miss Adam, that's all. Maybe, if possible, tonight?" he asked, glancing at me for a second. He sounded hopeful and the idea of having my baby home tonight made my heart swell.

"If Lisa doesn't mind. I'll help you get your stuff together when we get back," I said. Lisa nodded but the waiter came back over to the table. I prayed that he wouldn't start obsessing again. I'd already given him an autograph…

"Do you all know what you want?" he asked, still sounding a little giddy. I suppose I can't really blame him. Before Idol, I would have flipped out over meeting someone famous too. Hell, I'd flip out now if the person was big enough and I loved him/her enough.

"I think we're good," I said and we went around in a circle. Lisa ordered some sort of chicken salad. Always one for the good heath. Monte and Longineu both ordered burgers with enough grease on them to kill a large horse. Tommy ordered a philly steak sandwich, and I ordered the same.

Monte snickered. "Love birds ordering the same food," he said with a mocking smile. Obviously he wasn't taking Lisa's threat seriously.

"Well, then you and Longineu are going to have a nice night in bed then?" I asked, smirking at him. Hey, I could be rude and sarcastic too!

"Boys…" Lisa said with warning in her tone.

I glanced over at her. "Hey, he totally started it, just like he does every single time." Wow, we sounded like eight year olds explaining to their mother why they were fighting in the back yard and accidentally ruined the flower bed. I would know what that's like too. I use to fight with my little brother in the back yard and ruin it all the time. Ah, good times.

"Well I'm finishing it. Now, can we all just have a nice dinner together like _adults_?" Geez Lisa, ouch. That was really uncalled for. We're adults. Sort of…

The rest of dinner did go by rather nicely. I actually ate most of my sandwich but since I'd stopped eating for a month or so, my stomach had shrunk and I just couldn't stand to finish it, or any of my fries. Although, sitting next to Monte and listening to him scarf down his grease burger was really sickening in and of itself… He even ate all of my fries and the rest of my sandwich. "God, what are you? A human garbage disposal? No, wait. Maybe an alien from a planet that actually have garbage disposal for stomachs?" I asked, looked at his polished plate and then mine. He'd literally licked them clean, probably for the taste of the left over grease. Ew. That's just disgusting. The plates didn't even look dirty after he cleaned them of every last morsel. Wow, Monte, wow… There's a word for people like him but I can't remember what it is because all I can thing is EW, GROSS!

"You're just weak, my friend," he said, patting me on the shoulder. I turned my head to see if there were grease stains left on my shirt. "Maybe because you're gay, you weren't gifted with a man's stomach."

"Or maybe because I'm normal and don't eat a week's worth of food in one night," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. Wow, I felt like an eight year old more than I did when I was actually eight. Maybe the happiness of having Tommy back was just making me giddy and slap happy. Both were very dangerous for me…

He rolled his eyes and I laid down money for the check plus a nice tip. I always left at least twenty-five percent, even if the person serving me was a crazed fan. I never left anything less than that, unless the service was completely dreadful, in which case I will personally give them a tip of one penny. Yes, I do actually do that. "We'll catch you guys at the next rehersal or whatever we've got scheduled next," Monte said as he and Longineu stood up.

"Hey, dude. Next show, do NOT put _Sleepwalker_ right after _Music Again._ It's hard to go from peppy and happy to slashing my wrists emo in the ten seconds we've got between songs," I said, standing with my hand now in Tommy's again.

"Yeah sure, alright," Monte said and left with Longineu. Lisa, Tommy and I left together. "I guess the three of us can take the limo back to my place. We'll get Tommy ready to go and you both can drive back in Tommy's car," Lisa said with a soft smile. At least she was happy to see us happy again. I didn't really blame her or any of them for being happy about this because being around a zombie-Adam is worse than being around an Adam with a bad temper, and I've got to stop thinking like this. Honestly.

The limo dropped off Monte and then Longineu. After a little while in the limo (which wasn't awkward and silent anymore. We were actually talking), we got dropped off at Lisa's place. I'd never actually been there and it was a really cute place. "Aw, Lisa, it's adorable. Fits you perfectly," I said, smiling.

"Thanks," she said with a little chuckle. "I suppose if the gay rock start thing doesn't work out for you. You can be like David Bromstad. The whole gay, interior-designer thing could work for you," she said, unlocking the front door and leading us into her place. I had a feeling she watched a lot of HGTV. I watch it once in a while because I like David Bromstad… He's cute and, no matter what he says, he's totally gay.

"Er, thanks but I would only decorate places how I liked them, and most people would probably hate that and I'd never get paid or anything and end up living in a card board box," I stated like it was a fact.

"Way to be over dramatic about it, Adam," she said and took us to the spare bedroom Tommy had been using. It didn't seem like he'd ever unpacked. He must have been living out of his suitcases for the past three, four weeks.

I scanned the room and then looked back at Lisa. "I'm a very dramatic person most of the time. Even you know that," I said and moved to start packing away the things that weren't actually in my baby's suitcases.

"We all know how dramatic you can get, Adam." She was teasing me, but I didn't care because she wasn't ever mean about her teasing. "You might want to check under the bed. Tommy seems to have a problem with shoving things under bigger things," she chuckled.

"Yeah I know. I keep finding his socks under my bed at home," I said, getting down on my hands and knees to look under the bed. There were a bunch of socks under there. "Ew, and no offense baby, but I'm not touching your dirty socks," I said, pushing myself back up to my feet.

Tommy huffed. "They aren't all dirty and my feet are clean most of the time," he said as he got on all fours and took my place next to the bed. He pulled them out, shoving them into the closet bag of his while I started to look around the room to make sure we weren't forgetting anything. I didn't see anything until a glisten caught my eye. I walked over to it, picking up the device off the floor. It was Tommy's iPod (it glistened because of the mirror on the back). The screen was cracked all the way down the front.

"Oh no, Tommy, what did you do to your iPod?" I asked, going back over to him. "It's all broken and crushed."

He sat up after pulling the last of the socks out from under the bed. "I threw it the other day…" he muttered, taking the device from me. He tried to turn it on, but even that didn't work. Either it was dead or it was just a piece of shit. It looked like a rather old model too, so I was leaning towards the side of it being a piece of shit. "Damn…"

"Don't worry, Baby. We'll go out to the store and get you a knew one tomorrow," I said, putting my hands on his shoulders. "Easily fixed. Then we'll upload your library again, okay?" I asked and he nodded some, seeming almost reluctant. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just don't want you to spend that kind of money…" he said quietly and I couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Baby, we're famous. Money isn't an issue anymore," I said and picked up two of his bags. He picked up the other two as well as his bass and we left the small room. "We'll see you late, Lisa! Enjoy having the house to yourself again," I said and we walked out to Tommy's car, shoving all of his crap into the back of it. I climbed into the passenger's seat and he climbed into the driver's seat, starting the engine. "So, you remember how to get back to my condo?" I teased, leaning over the seat and pressing my lips into his cheek, then down his neck.

I felt the shiver shoot up through his spine and he let out a soft moan, probably because I'd just surprised him and because he just liked my kisses that much, apparently. "Oh, I remember how to get there alright, but if you keep kissing me like that on the way home, we aren't going to get there anytime soon," he said, smiling over at me.

"Then I'll keep my lips to myself because your car isn't big enough to do anything but sit in," I said, sitting up straight again. He rolled his eyes and soon we were driving through LA, back to my, I mean our, condo. He parked next to my car, which hasn't gotten much use lately. I haven't filled the gas tank once since the night Drake, you know… and Tommy and I … you know. I only ever used it for getting to rehearsal now, cause I never left the house.

We climbed out and Tommy locked his car up. It's LA. You can't just leave your car unlocked, no matter where you are or if you're only going to take a minute doing whatever it is you need to do. I took Tommy's hand, holding it tightly in mine and took him inside the condo after unlocking it.

Tommy and I didn't even get past the entry hall before our lips smashed together and our arms wound around the other. We held each other desperately and kissed like this was our last day on earth. Part of me wanted to just drag Tommy into the bedroom but the presence of Drake still lingered in _that area_. I wasn't sure how much I'd be willing to do before actually stopping. I knew, for sure, that I would need Tommy to help me get over what Drake had done to me, and now that he was home, hopefully it wouldn't take long. Maybe all I needed was for Tommy and I to make love again.

That actually sounded really _really_ nice.

We didn't even bother getting his things out of the car, I realized. Eh, we could always get them in the morning. Right now, this kiss, and his embrace was all that mattered. Like the rest of the world didn't even exist.

The constant (and annoying) need for air broke us apart. "Not in the hall, Glitterbaby," I said quietly, pushing him out of the entry hall. He chuckled but allowed me to push him. "Do you want to get your stuff out of the car?"

"No, that can wait till tomorrow," he said.

"Even your bass?" I asked in awe.

"Nobody will take it. The car's locked up and everything," he muttered, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bedroom. I wasn't sure if he just wanted to keep kissing like this and cuddle or if he had other things in mind. Whatever. I'd deal with whatever happened, when it happened. For now, it just mattered that I was with Tommy and not someone else.


	39. I Just Can't Pull Myself Away

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: I just can't pull myself away (under his spell, I can't break)**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I pulled him in, pressing my lips against his as we entered the ever familiar scene; his bedroom. _Our_ bedroom. The home of our passion. We turned, and I managed to close the door just before he pushed me up into it. His tongue slid between my teeth, making me shiver. And it wasn't anything like our hot make-out session in the bathroom. This was heated in ways a bathroom could never grasp. The bathroom had been nice, but this… this is what I had been missing for almost a month. This is what I had been needing.

His lips attacked the side of my neck, and I moaned. Loudly. I had been deprived of these feelings for so long that everything was heightened; intensified to the extreme. Hell, just his breath on my neck was making me hard. My fingers threaded up into his hair, pulling on it as I tugged him closer to myself. His hands were fumbling with a sort of hesitation at the hem of my shirt. I moaned again, unlacing my hands from his hair, and dropping them down onto his.

They were warm and soft as ever, and I managed to guide him into pulling my shirt up over my head. The necklace flopped against my bare chest, feeling heavy and cool. I shivered as his fingers trailed lightly across my skin, the tips brushing my nipple rings. My back arched and I gasped, my eyes half open. There was a look of lust on his face, the look of desire and need. But in that need, that glaze, there was still hesitation. I wanted to shake him and ask what he was so afraid of. But I didn't need to. I knew the answer to my question. And, fortunately, I had an idea as an overall solution.

"Tommy?" His breath was warm against my shoulder, his voice soft. I closed my eyes, leaning against the door as he pressed a kiss into my collar bone, his hands at my waist, gripping gently. His thumbs made circles just above the band of my pants, which were becoming incredibly tight. "Tommy— are you sure?" Was I sure? I… Oh, Adam… I had never been more sure. I had never wanted someone so badly. My body was shaking with the need to feel him again, the way I had before Drake came along and fucked everything up for us. I _needed_ him like before. With me. Against me. Covering me. Holding me.

_In me_.

I needed to feel him in me. Even for the first time.

I moaned, pulling him against me again, one hand on his hip, the other on the back of his neck as I kissed him hard. My hand slipped away, before palming over one of his. I guided his hand up my stomach, over to the left side of my chest, where I pressed his palm against my pounding heart. He moaned softly into my lips, his fingers pressing into my skin as I pulled away from his kiss, my eyes half closed. The hand on the back of his neck shifted, and I cupped his face in my palm, before looking up into those beautiful, beautiful blue eyes.

"Do you feel this, Adam? Do you feel how fast it's beating?" I asked him, and he nodded once. I smiled slightly, circling my thumb against the back of his hand.

"It's beating because of you. _For you_. Because it belongs to you." Yeah, I know. I'ma fucking sap. Big whoop. But the look on Adam's face made it skip a beat. Like he was a kid on Christmas getting that shiny new bike he's been wanting. Or the lover on Valentine's Day being given a box of candy hearts and a cheesy love note. I could go on, but essentially— it was beautiful.

Such a sap, I am. Hah.

I helped him out of his shirt, tossing it to the floor as his fingers toyed with the button and zipper of my jeans, his hands gripping the fabric. I breathed heavily, my hands winding deep into his hair as he shoved my jeans to the floor, his breath hitting my thighs as he knelt down. I tilted my head back, leaning heavy against the door as his fingers trailed against the insides of my legs, his breath fanning over me. I shivered, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as he massaged my legs.

"You're so beautiful, Glitterbaby…" Another shiver rolled down my spine. I'd missed him, and this, so much. I smiled, humming happily to myself as his breath got warmer and closer to me. My knees nearly failed me as his tongue slid from base to tip of my aching hard on, and I moaned loudly, threading my fingers deeper into his hair. I clenched my teeth, groaning when he repeated the process. I pulled hard on his hair, shaking visibly.

"So… beautiful…" He said again, and another shiver shot down my back, making me arching into him, his lips warm against the side of my shaft. I inhaled sharply, moaning and whimpering as he left butterfly kisses against the ache. My eyes were squeezed shut and my jaw was beginning to hurt from how tightly I was clenching it. Adam chuckled against me, before his lips disappeared, only to reappear against my own. He kissed me softly as my hands fell to his shoulders, his fingers brushing against my cheek.

He grabbed my hands, pulling me towards the massive, minty-green bed and out of my jeans; left to be discarded on the floor in front of the door. He turned so that my hips were pressed against the edge of the bed, before he pushed me back, hovering over me. My leg lifted, my knee pressing into his own massive erection through his jeans. Adam gasped into my lips, moaning softly as his fingers trailed over a ring. I bucked, shaking, my hands pulling at his pants.

"I'm naked and you're still dressed. This isn't fair. Get'em off now." I hissed, moaning again as he bit the side of my neck, sucking sweetly. My hands tugged at his pants. I tried so hard to get them undone, but he stopped me, kissing the fresh mark he'd left upon my skin.

"Nothing's fair, Glitterbaby." He said with a smirk in the darkness. I glared at him and he kissed me gently. "I'll take them off when I'm ready. And you should be thankful that I'm ready right now." He finished, guiding my hands and pulling off his jeans, kicking them to the floor. I glanced down at his hard-on, shivering furiously. I could never get over the beautiful sight of him. Large and yet elegant, curved like a bow. Jesus, I'm so gay. Haha, that's funny. Okay, maybe not.

He smiled at me. Nothing sexual, teasing or suggestive. A smile. A warm, comforting and beautiful smile. He stroked my hair, pushing it out of my face and trailing his finger tips over my cheek. I shivered again, moaning softly as he pressed his lips to mine, his tongue splitting the seam of my mouth. Cool, minty— just as he always had been. My hands gripped his shoulders as he rolled his hips into mine, our cocks rubbing into one another. I moaned again, digging my nails into his skin as he rocked against me, over and over. I pulled away from his lips, one of my hands threading deep into his hair.

"Aaah… Mm, Adam…" I moaned, my breath fanning over his neck and shoulders as he rocked over me once more. Aching and burning with a need, I pulled on his hair. And none too gently, either. No, I pulled _hard_. "Adam… Nngh, fuck me, Adam. Please…"

He stopped, suddenly. His hands rested on my hips and he looked down at me, his eyes serious with that touch of familiar need. He was breathing hard, matching my own breaths, his fingers shaking against my skin. "Glitterbaby…? Are you… Do you really— I…" He was speechless. Every time we've made love before, I've always been the one to top him. _Every. Time._ And here I was, asking him to take me the way I've always done to him. I was asking for him to be the one inside me. For him to be filling me.

"Yes." I whispered. He blinked once, perhaps unbelieving, before leaning down and kissing me softly. He helped me slide across the bed so that my head rested on the pillows, and he reached over, fumbling into the side drawer. I heard him shuffle, grabbing the lube. I heard the crinkle of a wrapper, and I pressed my hand into his chest. He looked down at me, confused for a moment. I shook my head, and his eyes widened, his breath catching.

"I want you… All of you. Nothing between us…" I said. He was shaking slightly above me. This was intense. Not only did I want him inside of me, but I didn't want him to use a condom. Sure, it'd happened before. But that was because we'd been a little too drunk and forgot. This was with rationality. This was now; sober.

I was shaking too.

"Alright…" He said, pressing a kiss to the side of my neck. "Okay, baby…" He kissed me hard, uncapping the lube and smearing some on his fingers. I knew what to expect. He'd fingered me before. Even rimmed me when we were drunk one night— which, by the way, was a fuck load of fun. But this was more intimate, heightened and intensified. Even though I knew what to expect, and I knew to relax, my body wasn't letting me. My heart was racing in my chest and I was breathing hard as a single fingertip began to nudge its way into me. I gasped as the first knuckle slipped in, moaning when his entire finger curled inside. My back arched deeply and I exhaled loudly.

"Haahn… ah…" My hands clenched and unclenched, fisting the blankets that were soon going to be littered to the floor. My eyes were squeezed shut, tight as could be as he moved that single finger in and out slowly, teasing and taunting. It was generous and beautiful when the second slipped in, and almost more than I could handle when the third came along. But Adam was taking his time, opening me for something I'd never experienced before. He was being courteous, when, in truth, I just wanted him to tear me apart.

But I was liking this too much to say anything.

"So beautiful, Tommy… fuck…" Adam whispered, pulling out the three fingers. I was a panting, bothered mess, desperate and open. He handed me the lube, and I looked at him for a moment, confused. But something told me that I knew what he wanted me to do. Instinctively, I uncapped it, squeezing some out onto my fingers before sitting up, and leaning back on my left elbow. I reached forward, my fingers brushing along his cock, slicking him slowly. He jerked forward into my hand, and my fingers curled around him, pumping once and trailing circles, covering every inch. He shivered in my grasp, moaning. His eyes were glazed with fierce dominance. Sexy.

He leaned down, kissing along my jaw and down my neck, over my collarbones before flicking the left nipple ring with his tongue. I arched, moaning, pressing my hard-on into his stomach as a bit of a friendly reminder (also because I couldn't help it). He smiled, flicked the ring again before easing my legs apart a little further. He reached over, grabbing a pillow and slipping it under my hips. His hands hooked under the backs of my knees, and he pushed my legs up so my thighs were closer to my chest. My heart was pounding furiously, and I stared up at him in the dark, itching to just pull him deep into me.

"It's going to hurt— but it'll pass." He told me, one hand leaving my leg to hold himself firm, the head of his shaft pressing gently into my entrance. I shivered, dropping my head back against the pillow. Breathe… I needed to breathe. "Are you ready?" He asked. I moaned in response.

He was right. It was hurting. Excruciatingly so. And it seemed like every time I thought there couldn't possibly be any more of him to be shoved inside, he kept going. Deeper and deeper until he was pressing that delicious spot practically up into my lungs, it felt like. Because every time I breathed, shivers of ecstasy rolled down my spine. He paused for a moment, readjusting my legs so that they wrapped around his waist. Aaah, much more comfortable. He leaned down, pressing his lips into mine for a moment, breathing into me. The burning pit in my stomach began to grow stronger, hotter, and it spread into my legs and my arms, soaring up into my face and down my spine.

He pulled out slowly, only to rock back in again. A small thrust, but the stretching that I suffered was enough to make me cry out. His face was contorted into pleasure and worry. He didn't want to hurt me. He paused again; _should I stop?_ I moaned, gripping his shoulders and pulling him forward, bringing him deeper into me; _don't you dare_. He shivered on top of me, rocking in and out again, slow to start. Eventually, I got used to it. I began to crave more. So the thrusts became longer, stronger, harder. But it was slow. Steady. Passionate. _Love_.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear hateful words with a voice I hadn't heard in weeks. But despite the memory of these words, and the way they made me feel— to have Adam with me, connected with me in this fashion— beyond the art of sex, itself— it shattered those words. It wrote them down, tore the papers to pieces and burned them into dust. Suddenly, the things I'd been called the doubt that I'd feared and suffered vanished from my mind and my heart. And in their place was the truth that I hadn't seen. The truth that had gotten my Babyboy hurt.

The truth that was now making us whole again.

The thrusts became erratic. Faster, harder. Skin slapping skin with that defined _smack_ with sweat. At some point, Adam's hand wrapped around my erection, pumping in time with his thrusts. I was shaking, digging my nails into him and moaning like no other. I'd never felt this way before. Truth be told, I'd always wondered what it would be like for a girl. What it would feel like to have something inside you. True, this wasn't _quite_ the same as a regular relationship between a man and a woman. But… I could kind of understand. And… I was loving it.

"Aah… Oh, fuck… Fuck, Adam!" I screamed, digging my nails deeper into his shoulder. My head was thrown back and I was arching. He was leaving bites, licks, flicks of my nipple rings, all while pumping hard on my cock and slamming into me. He was good. No, good was an understatement. He was a _God_.

"Mm… Tommy… So… Nngh— fuck, _yes_…" My head was spinning in circles, and I kissed him hard and dirty.

"Aan— Adam… f-fuck… me… hah— _harder_!" And, God, he did. I didn't think he could go harder, but he proved me wrong. So wrong. I was seeing stars and flashes of white, and I knew I was going to come. And very, very soon.

"Tommy…" Adam's voice was strained. He was almost there too. My legs tightened around his waist, pushing him in deeper. That spot, that fucking spot… My vision was dark even with my eyes wide open. I couldn't see Adam moving, but I could feel him, and that was all I needed.

"A-Adam, I'm… I'm… go'n… fuck, fuck, _fuck!_" I screamed, arching. "_Adam!_"

"Shit— _Tommy—_"

My body convulsed, and I felt a gooey warmth surge into me. My head spun and I relaxed into the mess of sheets, limbs, and pillows. I'd never been so… So relaxed. At peace. In the back of my mind I was wondering where the music was at. I could hear it— some sort of soft, melodic Depeche or maybe even Prince. Hell, it could have been Bowie, I wouldn't have given a damn. But it was silent with the exception of mine and Adam's breathing, the pounding of our hearts. He was still buried inside of me, but that didn't last long. He pulled out slowly, causing me to cry out before moaning, relaxing again.

A sheet was thrown over us and Adam's arms wound around me, warm and comforting. I missed these arms. I missed this man. Sweat slid off of my face and down my neck, but I didn't care. Adam's body heat was too much for me, but I didn't care. I was happy. More than happy, actually. I blinked a few times, looking up at him and smiling slightly. He leaned down, kissing me gently. His tongue slid along my lower lip, dashing in and out of my mouth for teasing tastes. I moaned, pulling him closer to me, wanting to taste more of him. I rolled, shifting and gasping against his lips as pain shot from my hips and my ass.

"Ooh, sorry, Glitterbaby… You're gonna be sore for a couple of days." He told me, smiling apologetically. I chuckled, kissing his cheek.

"It's fine. I'll live." I replied, pecking his mouth with mine again. But once wasn't enough. I kissed him again and again.

"You… You were amazing, Tommy…" He whispered into my ear, brushing my hair out of my face. My face flushed and I looked up at him, smiling slightly. His eyes glistened in the darkness— they were pretty much the only thing I could see other than the outline of his perfect body and the mess of his black hair.

"I can't even describe you." I whispered back. It was true. I… I couldn't fathom words. I just couldn't. Nothing would be good enough to describe the way Adam felt in me, the way he made me feel now. He chuckled softly, running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm glad you're home." He said, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Me too, Babyboy." I leaned up, kissing him again. "I love you." I whispered into his mouth, and his arms tightened around me.

"I love you too, Glitterbaby. So, so much." Those words meant the world to me. Sure, it was almost four in the morning and I was dead tired from the most epic passion play ever, but those words sent a charge into my very soul that made me alive. They made me energized and ready to kick some ass and do the whole make love, not war. Unless it came to ex's. Then I'd have no problem making war.

"Get some sleep, baby." I said softly, burying my face into his neck, my leg slipping between his. He smiled.

"You too, love." I shivered softly, curling up into his arms and falling asleep.


	40. If This Feeling Is Wrong

**Chapter 40: If This Feeling is Wrong, Then I Don't Want to Be Right****  
****Adam's POV**

The memories of last night are still buzzing through my head. I had been afraid of having sex with Tommy because, naturally, I assumed he would top like he always had. But last night was full of surprises and first times. For a while, I never thought Tommy would take the bottom position, but last night Tommy begged for it. And God, I'd never felt more right inside of anyone. Not Drake, not Brad, not Cassidy. Wow, I really am a whore. Why did I just realize this now?

No, I was a whore. Now, I know who I'm supposed to be with.

Tommy, _my Glitterbaby._

I showered before Tommy even woke up. I was sure he'd sleep through most of the morning, if not into the afternoon. I had been the same way the first time someone took me, and honestly, that man was more gentle than I was with Tommy. I didn't mean to be so rough. I was trying to be gentle, but with Tommy's cries and pleas for more, I lost all sense of my self control. And the best part was that I didn't have to be afraid of the contact because it was nothing like what Drake had done to me. There was nothing to scare me short of the fact that I might hurt Tommy.

Though, he didn't seem to mind the pain too much… He took it extremely well, actually. I didn't. Not my first time. I thought I was going to die from being ripped in half and I cried. Shut up.

"Adam?" I was in the kitchen, attempting to cook brunch (too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, you know?) when Tommy walked in. His hair was a mess, much like mine had been before showering. "What are you doing?"

"Ah, well, I was trying to cook but this is a little too complicated for my pouring serial abilities," I said, chuckling some. I turned the stove off, figuring it didn't matter much because the food I was attempting to cook no longer resembled food. "I can't cook, so I don't know why I even bother…"

Tommy chuckled and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. "Neither of us can cook, so I guess we'll be living on take out."

"Suppose so," I mumbled, turning around in the man's arms. "How are you feeling?" I asked, amazed that he was even able to get out of bed. The first time I'd been fucked (my boyfriend wasn't even really that big) I didn't get out of bed until late in the afternoon the next day. The clock only read 11:09.

"A little sore, but I'll live," he said, smiling at me. I was sure he was more than a little sore, but he wasn't a baby like I was, apparently.

"So today is more or less just lounging around the house?" I asked and he smiled again. He was doing a lot more of than then I remember. And he has such an adorable smile for someone who never does… Fuck you and your cute smiles, Tommy. Oh wait, I did fuck you.

He chuckled and pulled away from me. "Actually, I was thinking, after I shower that is, that maybe would could go out today." My jaw fell open in awe, and I was so glad he turned away so he didn't see me looking stupid. "Like maybe grab some lunch, go shopping, see a movie or something? You know, cheesy romantic date type thing?"

"Are you serious? You just had your brains fucked out last night, for the first time, I might add, and you want to spend the whole day out?" I asked. "Are you made of steal? Like… a mini Super Man or something?" Tommy scoffed at that. "Oh come now, you are no where near as big as Super Man, Tommy." I walked over to him and put my hands on his cheeks. "I just don't want you to strain yourself after last night. I don't want the pain to be any worse for you, considering I caused the pain and all." A look of compassion and worry crossed my face but Tommy didn't seem concerned at all.

"I'll be fine, Babyboy," he said and before I could protest, he pecked me on the lips. "Let me shower and get dressed, then we can go," he said and turned towards the bathroom. I didn't argue though, because I knew this was a fight I was not going to win. So, I changed out of the sweats I was wearing, because I would never be caught dead in public wearing something like that, and went to the living room, waiting for Tommy.

"Adam, how do you always taste like mint if you use cinnamon tooth paste?" he asked, fixing his bangs as he walked into the living room. He wore he ever famous black skinny jeans, similar to the ones I was wearing, only mine were more charcoal than black, and a tank top with my bright blue, plaid shirt buttoned up half way over it. Even though the shirt was too big, it looked adorable on him. And he was still wearing my necklace too.

A smile touched my lips and I almost forgot to answer his question, which now that I thought about it, confused me. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Every time we kiss, I'm always reminded of mint. That's how you always taste, every single time we kiss but you use cinnamon tooth paste. So how do you do it? Gum or something?" he asked, finally deciding his bangs were just the right amount of messy.

"Um, no. I don't chew gum. It messes with my voice," I said and he gave him a strange look. "Don't look at me like that. It's true. If I chew gum, my voice gets a little 'sticky'. As a singer, I can't afford that."

Tommy frowned. "Then how do you always taste like mint, Adam?" he asked, now demanding an answer.

"Well, I have no idea. I'm allergic to mint. Peppermint, spearmint, any kind of mint really. It makes my tongue swell up and I can't talk and then my face breaks out in hives," I said. I really had no idea why Tommy would think I tasted like mint. I haven't eaten a mint or anything mint flavored in almost seven years. I liked mint, I just wasn't allowed to have it (sad face).

I felt mean for thinking that the look that crossed Tommy's face was adorable because I could tell just how embarrassed he was. "You're allergic to mint? Seriously?" he asked, sounding like he felt stupid. I knew because I used the same tone in those situations. "You're not just fucking with me?"

"As much fun as fucking with you is, Tommy," I snickered and his face flushed red, "I'm telling you the truth. I'd prove it to you, but I don't want to break out in hives. It'll take forever to go away and there isn't enough make-up in the world to cover them up." I took his hand in mine and smiled at him, kissing his lips gently. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah…" he said, still feeling like a moron. My poor baby. He pulled me out of the condo and towards out cars. He reached for the handle of his driver's side door but I pulled him back.

"We're taking my car, Baby," I said and opened the passenger's door for him. "No arguing, or I'll take you right back inside and into the bedroom."

A smirk crossed his features. "Some punishment, Adam," he snickered and ran his hands up my chest.

"Oh baby, trust me. Fucking you now would not be pleasurable to you," I said and gave him a gently push into the car. After a moment he must have decided I was right and he climbed in. I walked around the other side and started the car up. "Where to, Glitterbaby?"

"Lunch? Food?" he asked, looking over at me.

"Yes, but what kind of food? And if you say editable food, you're getting a veggie burger," I said and he made a disgusted face. Obviously Tommy was not one for healthy food.

"Fine, how about Chinese?" I chuckled but agreed and went to a small, but extremely awesome Chinese buffet. I still wasn't able to eat all that much, but I was glad Tommy didn't comment on it. I was also glad he didn't ask me if I'd lost weight last night. That might have completely killed the mood last night…And my lack of eating was just not something I wanted to discuss, like ever. I was sure I would have to sooner or later though.

I did manage to get one plate completely down and part of another, but after the fifth bite into my second plate, I felt like I was going to either throw up or explode, so I pushed the plate towards Tommy. "Way too much food," I said, but he didn't seem to think so. He dug right into my unfinished food and I was pretty sure he'd already eaten two plates of his own. I must have take a lot out of him, I realized. He needed to build up his strength again.

"So, shopping or a movie?" he asked me after swallowing a Monte-sized bite of food. Personally, and almost everyone in the world would know this, I would have liked to go shopping. We needed to get Tommy an iPod anyway, but we did have all day so why not both?

"We could go to a movie after lunch, then go shopping and have dinner before we go home," I said as he swallowed another bite of food. Was he even chewing it or was he just gulping and swallowing like a snake? Oh, lovely image of my Glitterbaby.

"What movie?" he asked and I shrugged. We ended up just picking a movie from moviefone by the title. We had no idea what the movie was about or how long it was, but once lunch was paid for, we headed to the theater and bought our tickets to said movie. We got a large popcorn and a large Cherry Coke, although after Chinese I wasn't sure how we were going to eat all the popcorn in the bucket.

The movie was pretty sappy. It was about two people who weren't allowed to be together due to social class differences. The girl was rich but the man was at the bottom of the lower class. The girl's parents arranged for her to marry an older (and when I say older, I mean Ke$hs's song _Dinosaur_ fit perfectly for him) man who was extremely wealthy, but also known for abusing his wives. Her parents didn't seem to care much for her safety though. They just wanted her to be married to someone higher up, the assholes. I was actually kind of getting into the movie, because I was just a sucker for a sad love story, but Tommy was clearly bored with it.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," he whispered and stood up, leaving me to watch the movie alone. While he was gone, the movie skipped to the night before the girl was supposed to marry the old big-shot. She was at her friends house and walking home late at night. She'd been drinking because she was depressed. If I was forced to marry someone like that creep, I'd be depressed too. But on her way home, she ran into her fiancé, who accused her of being with another man because she was out so late.

_"I was only with a friend, that's all I swear," she said, pulling out of his grip.___

_"Liar! Pretty ones like you can never really be trusted," he hissed and her and grabbed each side of her by the arms, shoving her into a building's outer wall. She cried in pain and suddenly the man's pants were around his ankles and he was shoving the girl's skirt up and just like that, he was raping her and she cried out, trying to push him away but she was small, under the influence of alcohol, and she was weak against him.___

_Once he finished, he just left her in the ally, used and abused…_ Did we really have to end up seeing this movie? Ugh.

Just after that scene, Tommy came back and sat down. He looked uninterested in the movie so didn't even ask what he'd missed (to my relief).

The movie ended with the girl leaving her family and her high class to be with the poor man she loved. Really, was there any other way to end it? No, not really. It was a really happy ending but I could not shake the scene of the man using her the way Drake had used me… Sure, they didn't really show much of what was happening but it was haunting enough and as soon as the movie was over, I was on my feet and out of the theater.

"You alright, Adam?" Tommy asked, catching up to me once he was able to get around the crowd flooding out of the theater. "You rushed out of there really fast."

I didn't really want him to know that I was thinking about Drake and the rape. We were supposed to be having a good time and I didn't want to ruin that because of _him_. So I wasn't going to let it. "Oh sorry. I thought you were behind me…" I said and took his hand, lacing our fingers together. "Ready to go shopping?"

A bit of a worried look crossed his face. "This is going to kill me, isn't it?" he asked, teasing me. "I'm going to drown in all the clothes you're going to try on, aren't I?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," I said and we went out to the car. We went to the mall which was rather large and the first store we went into was Best Buy. It was strange that there was actually one in the mall, but whatever. I picked up a 32 GB iPod touch and a case for it. Tommy had wandered off to look at movies, probably some horror shit that I would have to suffer through watching. Ugh. But at least he wasn't with me to protest me buying him an iPod. I paid for the iPod, the case, and a protection plan for it with my debit card. Like I said, money wasn't an issue anymore. The cashier bagged everything for me and then Tommy came over with a few movies in his hand.

He set them down on the counter. "What did you buy?" he asked, seeming to forget my promise to buy him a new iPod.

"You'll see," I said. I didn't want the chance of him telling me to return it while we were in the store. He shrugged and paid for his movies and then we left the store to venture the mall, which of course included stopping to get coffee from Starbuck. Venti Mocha Frap, you are magically delicious. Tommy also suffered through me looking at and trying on about a billion different outfits, which ended up with me taking about four shopping bags full of clothes home with us. "You are my brave little trooper huh? Nobody else has ever dealt so well with one of my mini shopping sprees," I said, kissing his cheek and he smiled just a little.

"Where do you have room for so many clothes?" he asked, giving me a look that pretty much told me I was the strangest person on Earth, but then… I already knew that.

"In my walk in closet… which is actually overflowing…" I admitted as I threw my shopping bags into the back seat of my car. All except for the Best Buy bag. Once Tommy and I were both in the car, I handed the bag to him. "No protesting, cause you're not going to win," I said as he opened the bag, pulling out the iPod. A look of happiness mixed with the natural need to argue crossed his face. "Seriously, no arguing. You're whole entire life is on your iPod. Sometime, I think you're in love with it," I said, giggling.

"Thanks Adam… Now I actually have a reason to love it so much. It came from you," he said.

I smiled, kissing his cheek. "You might be my finest piece of art ever, Tommy. I've molded you into such a sap," I chuckled and pulled out of the mall to find somewhere to eat for dinner.


	41. There's A Wrong You Wanna Right

**Chapter Forty-One: There's a wrong you wanna right**

**(Tommy's POV)**

I was concerned. Adam had run out of the theatre like it was about to burn down or something. And that normally wasn't like him. I didn't want to ask him about it, but that didn't stop the worry from sitting in my stomach like bad food. But the shopping was, surprisingly, decent. True, Adam must've gone through the _entire_ store finding outfits and figuring out what would look better together; these shoes with these pants or these boots with this shirt? I was so lost half the time, but I was able to keep up as well. I know my colors and when boots look better with skinnies or under flared jeans. Wow, I'm gay.

But we packed up the car and he handed me a bag from Best Buy. He told me not to argue or anything when I pulled out the thirty-two gig iTouch. My heart dropped through to my shoes for a moment because he just spent a crap-ton of money on this for me… But I was itching to have my iPod back… He pulled out of the parking spot and began driving as I sat, admiring it. Thick, black, beautiful and sleek. It reminded me of his hair, actually. Haha. In the bag there was also a case, a glittery dark blue. I loved it.

We drove for a little while longer. I ended up putting the iTouch and the case back into the bag as Adam pulled into a parking spot in front of what looked to be a steak house or something. I wasn't sure. But I unbuckled and slid out of the car, shutting the door before Adam locked everything up. I walked around the car, taking his hand in mine and shoving my other hand into my pocket. I smiled at him as we slipped inside the restaurant. It was dimly lit, and there was some sort of music playing but I couldn't really hear it. There was a hostess behind a podium, and she smiled as we walked up.

"Table for two, please." Adam said softly, his voice like honey. I swear, I saw her shiver a little in excitement and awe as she looked between the two of us. I didn't blame her, though. It was who we were; not so much anything we were wearing or how we looked. Cause, you know, Adam was in a deep-vee grey shirt and charcoal skinny jeans. I was in black skinny jeans, a tank top and his black and blue plaid shirt over it. Along with his necklace. I hadn't taken it off since the show. I loved it too much to take it off.

"Right this way, gentlemen." She said, grabbing two menus and leading us towards the back of the restaurant, which I was quite thankful of. She sat us in a bit of a corner, Adam across the table from me, shadowed a little from the rest of the crowd. Privacy. I knew instantly I'd be pitching in with tip just for this. She placed the menus on the table before saying something about our waitress being with us shortly.

"So, what's sounds good tonight, Glitterbaby?" He asked me after unfolding his menu. I smirked. There were a million things I could say, and a good half of them were innuendo. But this was a quite dinner, just the two of us. I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere, so to speak.

I took a glance through the menu, trying to decide— and a thought occurred to me. Sure, it'd be cheesy as fuck, but the idea was also cute. I smiled, looking up at him, before turning my menu around to show him, and I pointed to the platter that I had in mind. He glanced down at it before a smirk began to tug at his lips, and he broke out into an ear-to-ear grin. It was one of the most beautiful smiles I'd ever seen spread across his face, and I, too, smiled at him.

"It's perfect. Sappy, but perfect." He chuckled, reaching up and brushing his fingers against my cheeks. I blushed, leaning into his touch for a moment before he dropped his hand onto the table. I took his in mine, lacing our fingers together and leaving them clasped on the surface. "You really are my knight in shining armor, aren't you?" He said softly, his eyes gleaming. I blushed again.

"Of course I am. I survived your shopping spree, didn't I?" I smirked, and he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on! It wasn't _that_ bad." He argued with a wide smile. I chuckled.

"Adam, you filled four of the store's largest bags. _Four of them_." He raised an eyebrow, and I felt a tremor rolling down my spine. It was one of _those _looks. One of the ones that made me shiver and gnaw on my bottom lip, blushing and looking away. But I didn't this time. I fought the urge to bite my lip and look away. I stared back at him, returning the smirk.

"Could've been worse," he said, looking down at our hands, before peering up at me again through the veil of his bangs.

"How so?" I asked. He smirked again, leaning close to me.

"Could've been four, large bags of _toys_…" He whispered, closing the distance and kissing me, sucking on my bottom lip. I moaned gently, squeezing his hand in mine even after he pulled away. I inhaled shakily, staring over at him and wishing that we were back at the condo. The things I would let him do to me… '_He just fucked you hardcore last night. It's not a good idea to have him do it again so soon._' Fuck. Unfortunately it was true.

"Damn you…" I moaned under my breath, which made Adam laugh softly. I shook my head a little, blushing and leaning back as our waitress came around. She had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes, pale in the skin but she was really pretty. She smiled, said her name was Shelly and asked how we were. Doing great, thanks for asking, Shelly. We ordered our drinks and our food; we were sharing. She took down our order, got an autograph from both Adam and myself, before she went off to the kitchen.

Hardly any time at all, Shelly came back around with a large, steaming plate of spaghetti and meatballs. Yeah, I'd gone total Lady and the Tramp with the dinner, but I didn't care. It sounded like a damn good idea, and I was right. The food was delicious. And Adam and I even managed to share the same spaghetti strand in a kiss. I could feel the stares from a couple of people, but fortunately no one came up to us and no one made a scene. It was easy to pretend that they simply weren't there at all.

Food eaten and bill paid, I followed Adam through the restaurant, heading towards the front door. There was chit-chat and whispers of us. People guessed and assumed who we were, some even squealed and made a fuss. But we managed to slip out the front door before anyone could tackle us, of which I was incredibly thankful for. The last thing we needed was a mob of fans deciding to chase us down the street.

We slipped into the car, and Adam started the engine. The spaghetti sat peacefully in my stomach, and with the recent events I wanted nothing more than to go home and get some sleep. I reclined in my seat a little, listening to the soft Bowie tunes coming from Adam's stereo. His hand was holding mine between the seats and I dozed lightly, letting myself sway back and forth at every turn. Adam hummed and I fell deeper into sleep…

"Tommy?" My eyes fluttered open. The car was off, the stereo silent, and Adam was leaning over me, my door open. "Let's get inside, Glitterbaby. I've already taken everything in." His voice was soft, gentle. I nodded once, unbuckling my seatbelt and sliding out of the car. He wrapped his arm around my waist, helping me up to the door.

"Come on, baby." He said, pulling me along to the bedroom. Sure enough, my bags, my bass, and his clothes were piled on the couch. But he kept taking me towards the bedroom. He pushed the door open and guided me inside, helping me strip out of my clothes. But, as with the night before, the necklace stayed in place around my neck. I smiled, kissing Adam gently before crawling under the covers. It was a moment before he joined me, slipping his arms around my waist.

"Get some sleep…" He whispered, but I was already slipping.

I don't know exactly what I dreamed. I don't even know _if_ I dreamed at all. Because I woke up to movement. Thrashing. I opened my eyes, and I heard murmuring, whimpering, someone begging… I shifted, slipping off the bed and crossing to the door, flicking the light switch. I glanced back to the bed, my heart dropping a few miles down towards hell.

Adam was tossing and turning, tangled with his face contorted into pain. He was having a nightmare. His hands clenched and unclenched and he'd arch and sink away again from some invisible thing… "S-stop… Please—" I swallowed the lump in my throat, rushing over and climbing back onto the bed. My heart pounded and I cupped Adam's face, trying to keep him calm.

"Adam, Adam, baby…" I whispered. He cried out, whimpering.

"Drake, stop!" Oh God… He was… Adam screamed. _Loudly_. And unfortunately it wasn't exactly… sexual related. Well, it was, but not in a good way. I placed my hands on my baby's face again, trying to get him to quiet down. "Drake, please— no!" I wanted to cry for the dream he was suffering.

"Adam! Adam, Babyboy, wake up." I pushed his hair out of his face, shaking him awake. He mumbled and trembled head to toe. I shook him again. "Adam!" His eyes opened quickly, and he blinked several times. He looked at me, breathing hard and closing his eyes again. He gnawed on his bottom lip for a moment, relaxing as I continued to brush his hair away.

"Glitterbaby…" He whispered, opening his eyes and looking at me again.

"I'm right here, baby… I'm right here. It was just a bad dream…" I kissed his forehead before kissing his lips over and over. His hands slithered around my waist, and he held me close to him, pressing me against him. He buried his face into my neck, shivering and whimpering.

"It was just a bad dream, Adam." I told him again. But that didn't cease his sobs. He had dreamt of the rape. Possibly the worst night of his life. The worst night for both of our lives. I held him close, whispering in his ear and telling him that he would be okay. He was shaking so badly I wanted to cry. But in the pain I felt for my baby, I wanted so badly to get up and hunt the motherfucker down. I wanted to make Drake suffer for doing this to Adam.

I sighed softly, stroking his hair and leaving kisses over his skin. He was calming down more and more. I was thankful. I wasn't really into religion, but I was thanking God that he was beginning to feel better. "It's alright, Babyboy." I told him again. He inhaled slowly and shakily. I kissed his forehead again.

"Thank you…" He said. I pressed my lips to his.

"Of course, Adam." He tightened his arms around me.

"I… I don't know what I would do… If…" I shushed him, stroking his hair again. He was still trembling a little bit.

"I'm never gonna leave you again. I promise." I whispered in his ear. His fingers touched my face before he kissed me. Chaste, simple and sweet. He still tasted of mint, but that was a mystery I would never really know the answer to. Not that it mattered to me, really.

"Such a sap." He said against my mouth. I laughed, pecking him once more.

"You love me."


	42. Knight in the Darkness of Night

**Chapter 42: Knight in the Darkness of Night  
Adam's POV**

_The room was dark and spinning around me. Whimpers left my lips and I could hear moans and screaming from other rooms but it didn't take a genius to figure out that the people in other rooms were having sex and probably drunk at the same. Not the best combination of events._

Although, my head was pounding like a motherfucker and I couldn't seem to figure out why. Was I drinking too?

I tried to sit up and lean hands slammed into my shoulders, pushing me roughly into the cot I seemed to be laying on. I couldn't figure out where I was or why I was wherever I was. The only ting I knew was that I was with Drake and I wasn't supposed to be. Where was Tommy and why wasn't I with him like I was supposed to be? My body hurt physically from the alcohol but my mind was crisp and sharp, and that scared me.

"Don't look so scared, Baby. We're supposed to be having a good time," he whispered, hovering over me and licking the side of my neck. My body reacted the way that was expected: Sexual contact meant a good feeling, but I instantly wanted to shove the brunette away from me. When I lifted my arms to do so, he pinned me down, and the alcohol, or whatever was making my body feel so flimsy, wouldn't let me fight against him.

"I'm not supposed to be having any time with you, Drake," I hissed, fighting against his hold, but I didn't move too much. When the hell did Drake get so god damn strong? He was so scrawny, so he shouldn't be able to hold someone of my size down (not that I'm saying I'm fat or anything… just tall). "Drake, let me up!"

"You've got no where else to be," he said. "Tommy doesn't care for you like I do. He doesn't love you. I just want you to see that and that I love you so much more than he could ever pretend to." His fingers trailed over my bare chest as he spoke. Where the hell had my shirt gone? I was sure that I had it on a second ago…

"Drake, stop!" I thrashed against his hold on me, but he seemed like Super Man now. Drake didn't stop though. His tongue ran over my nipple and my body reacted in a way I didn't want it to. I arched into Drake when in reality all I wanted to do was break away from him. This was so awful. It was happening again and I couldn't do anything about it! Just like the first time…. A whimper fell from my lips and Drake's hand slapped me hard across the face. Tears pooled in my eyes and he growled at me. "Why can't you just accept that we love each other, Adam? Stop running!" One hand still held my wrists down, now above my head, while the other started fiddling with my belt.

"Because I don't love you… and you just love this sex. You don't love me…" I said in a monotone.

He dug his nails, which weren't sharp but hurt nevertheless, into my wrists. "Shut up. You have no idea what you're talking about. I do love you, Adam." His voice was soft and warm like it use to be when we were dating, but his actions weren't so sweet and loving. His nails, I was sure, were drawing blood and he was shoving his hand down the front of my pants. To my disgust, my hips pushed up into the warmth of his hand. A wicked smirk crossed his face. "See, you do love me and you love this," he said, wrapping his fingers tightly around my length. I wasn't hard but it seemed to be a problem that I was going to have to deal with soon.

I hated the fact that, not only did I not have control of what was happening to me, but I had absolutely no control over my own god damn body. I felt helpless and I was going to be raped all over again. "S-stop… Please-" I whimpered, trying to turn away from him, but he was sitting on my thighs now and he seemed to be made of lead. He was stroking me roughly and tears cascaded down my cheeks. I couldn't handle this. Not again. I was finally happy with my Glitterbaby and Drake had to do this to me again?

None of this made sense. I couldn't remember how I got here or why I had been drinking. I was thinking too logically to be drunk anyway, so what was going on with my body and how did Drake magically appear out of no where. "Feels like you're getting excited, Adam," he purred to me and I tried to bend away from his touch, but I had absolutely nowhere to go. I shook my head but he didn't seem to notice. He let go of me and stood up. I tried to take the window to get up, but my body spasmed in pain and I clasped back onto the cot after only getting about half way up. He laughed and grabbed the hem of my jeans and pulled them down, smiling as he revealed my half-hard on (which I wish was not even there).

"Drake, stop!" I begged, once my pants were gone. I knew he was going to rape me again. I just couldn't do anything to stop him. My body was not cooperating with me and all I could do was cry.

"I'm not," I protested quietly as he forced my thighs apart, kneeling down in front of me. "Drake…" He smiled, pushing my thighs up to my chest. He didn't prep me and he didn't warn me, but I knew what was coming. When I felt the head of his length pressed against my entrance, I flinched away. "Drake, please- no!" I screamed as he shoved himself into me, forcing all of his bulk in. I screamed again, it hurt so badly. He seemed bigger than I remember, but without being prepped, the smallest amount of unwanted bulk would hurt.

I screamed again, pushing against Drake, but it didn't stop him from tearing me apart from the inside out… He just didn't care because he was getting what he wanted… "Adam! Adam, Babyboy, wake up!" Drake's voice faded out as Tommy's filled my ears. I shook, fighting against Drake for a minute more before I finally opened my eyes, for real, and saw Tommy's worried face staring down at me, his hands soothing against my cheeks.

"Glitterbaby…" I said, relief swelling through me. I was still shaking terribly but I was so happy to know that everything Drake had done to me for the second time was only a bad dream. Well, a nightmare really, but it wasn't real and that was the biggest relief ever because it felt real. The second rape felt _so_ real! It was so awful, but I was with Tommy now, and Drake wasn't there.

"I'm right here, baby… I'm right here. It was just a bad dream…" he whispered among other things to calm me down. I must have been shaking more than I realized. Whimpers kept rolling of my tongue, no matter how much I didn't want them to. I tried to hold them back, but I couldn't. The dream was just too real and I couldn't shake what Drake had been doing to me. It was just too awful… "It was just a bad dream, Adam," Tommy whispered to me. His hands were stroking me cheeks, wiping away tears I didn't even realize where rushing from my eyes like a mini Niagara Falls.

Tommy was kissing me and stroking my skin so gently. I was haunted by the nightmare, but it was hard to stay anxious with Tommy's soft and light kisses. My shakes calmed and the tears lessened, although it took a while for them to actually stop. "It's alright, Babyboy," he repeated for what seemed like the twelfth time, but I didn't care. His voice was soothing and calming me down, which I obviously needed.

"Thank you…" I muttered once I was feeling well enough to speak and I pressed my lips to his..

"Of course, Adam," he muttered against my lips and I kissed him for a few minutes before pulling away. I needed to tell him this.

"I… I don't know what I'd do… If…" but he silenced me, stroking my hair gently again. I was still shaking but not nearly as bad as I was when I first woke up. Then I looked like I was having a seizure.

He kissed me. "I'm never ganna leave you again. I promise," he said and I smiled, kissing him again, muttering against his lips that he was a sap. I really had done well with him. He was still Tommy but he was also a huge sap now, which I absolutely loved. It made him cute and romantic.

He pecked me once and said, "You love me." I gave him a look that said I was pondering if I really did or not, but of course it was only teasing. I kissed him tenderly and held him close.

"You're right. I do love my Glitterbaby," I mumbled, keeping my lips on his. I didn't want to sleep, mostly because I didn't want to risk another nightmare like that one, but also because I wanted to stay up with Tommy and keep these cute, fun kisses going. Though, I knew Tommy was probably tired and he was needing sleep to recover from last night. It was just something you had to deal with the first time you were fucked. "But you should go back to sleep, Baby. You need it," I said with a little remorse. I didn't want him to sleep, but I knew he needed to.

"I don't want to go back to sleep, Babyboy. I want to stay up with you," he said, probably knowing I wasn't going to be able to sleep much more tonight. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, although I had come to realize that Tommy was a lot smarter than most people gave him credit for. I respected him as an intelligent individual ever since we'd started dating (for the first time).

"Baby, you need sleep. You're body needs to recover. The longer it takes you to heal, the longer we can't have any sort of sexual contact," I said, although I was talking about me being on top. I still wasn't sure if I'd be able to take the submissive position any time soon, especially after having this night terror. I hoped to get over that fear soon. Maybe if Tommy showed me that sort of contact could feel right and amazing again, I wouldn't have these nightmares and I wouldn't be so afraid…

But now I was afraid.

"Adam, you recovering from what Drake did to you is more important than me recovering from the sex I begged you for," he said, frowning at me. "I want to stay up with you, Babyboy."

"No, I'm going to try to go back to sleep… if I can't then I'll let you stay up with me, okay?" I asked. He didn't look too happy about it, but he agreed and we curled up together on the large bed.

I managed to fall back into slumber, and this time it was much more comforting. I was revisiting the night Tommy and I had sex for the first time. That night had been amazing and it was comforting to remember that having someone inside of you was not always a bad thing. I sighed happy into Tommy's hair as I slept, glad that the night terror didn't return. Tommy was enough to chase the fears away, obviously. He really was my knight in shinning amour. He always would be, I realized, because he was the only person who made me feel so well after something so awful.


	43. In the Name of Love

D: There's only two more chapters, guys! NUUUUUU! Don't worry though. :P Hiei and I have a sequel planned, called "Defying Gravity".

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**Chapter Forty-Three: In the name of love**

**(Tommy's POV)**

Adam was getting dressed, and it was quarter after one in the afternoon. He had some kind of meeting with Monte today in regards of the international promo work he had to do. Unfortunately, for the first month, I wasn't going to be there. He could only take two other band members with him, and since Monte and Longineu were the given, I couldn't take it personally. A band can play without a bassist. They can't play without a lead guitar or drums. However, that still left a bit of a hole in my chest. I wouldn't be seeing him for a month. And that… The pre-loneliness was eating at me.

But I couldn't think about it. Adam's birthday was in three days, and then he was leaving in mid February. Only a few more weeks before one hell of an absence. I gnawed on my bottom lip, glancing down the hallway before grabbing his phone and sitting down on the couch. My phone was in my right hand, his in my left. I quickly scrolled through his contacts, saving a few different numbers into my phone. I needed these people for the things I had planned. I managed to save the last number into my phone and set his phone down back to the main screen before he came shuffling out into the living room. I closed my phone and turned my head, looking up at my baby.

His hair was gelled up a little, spiked and his bangs hung over his face a bit. His eyes were smudged with liner, medium shade of grey making them smoky. He was dressed in a black, loose fitting sweater with the sleeves pulled up around his elbows, charcoal skinnies and his snake-skin boots. Around his neck was a familiar article of clothing, and I smirked. The grey and black skull covered scarf that I had worn on the bus before, to hide hickeys. It was only fair though. I was still wearing his necklace.

"Hey, love." He whispered to me, leaning down and kissing me gently. I moaned, my eyes slipping shut. I would have liked it to last longer, but he pulled away, leaving me with nothing more than the burning sensation left on my lips and a whine pulling itself from my throat. He chuckled, stroking my hair before bending down and grabbing his phone off of the table. I smiled slightly to myself, before looking up at him again.

"How long do you think you'll be?" I asked, sliding my phone into the pocket of my jeans and standing up. I headed towards the kitchen for a cup of coffee, and Adam followed to grab his jacket off of the back of one of the dining room chairs. I was dressed in black skinny jeans, a black tank top and his blue and black plaid shirt. What? It's fucking comfortable, sue me. Adam folded his jacket over his arm, grabbing his keys off of the dining room table.

"Maybe two or three hours. I won't be long, I promise." He said, crossing over to me and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me against him. I sighed happily, snuggling in close to him. I would have preferred to have him stay home with me, but he had things to do and so did I, actually. But he wasn't aware of my plans. And he wouldn't know of any of it until his birthday. He reached over and gripped my chin, tilting my head up and kissing me once, his tongue slipping inside my mouth for a brief moment before he pulled away again. He still tasted minty, which was still strange since he'd told me he was allergic to mints. Whatever.

I moaned, kissing him again, my hands cupping his face. I wanted to sink my fingers into his hair and pull on it, but that would mean him having to go back to the bathroom to fix it before he left. And that would make him late. Maybe he was already late. I wasn't sure. My tongue split the seam of his lips and I danced with him, battling and almost winning, but he surprised me and took victory. Normally, I would have fought back for another round, but he pulled away, smiling.

"Tommy, I've gotta go." I moaned, burying my face into his chest. Maybe I was going overboard with wanting to be with him. I wasn't sure. But after everything with Drake and the occasional nightmares that he has, I didn't want to take any chances. I didn't… I couldn't afford to lose him again.

"Fine. Go. Leave me for Monte, why don't you." He made a repulsed face.

"I'd leave you for Lisa before that ever happened." He commented, and I laughed, kissing him again.

"Go." I said against his lips. He pecked me twice before turning and heading to the door. He pulled it open and turned back to face me.

"Love you, Glitterbaby." I blushed.

"I love you, too, Babyboy." He smiled again, stepping through the doorway and closing it behind him. I watched him through the window as he went to his car, pulled out from under the cover and drove off. Immediately, I pulled my phone from my pocket, flipping through the contacts and selecting the first one that came across. I pressed the CALL button, and held it to my ear. It rung three times before a soft voice cooed on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

"Cassidy?"

"Who's this?"

"I'm Tommy Joe Ratliff, Adam's bassist." I heard a soft laugh. He had a pretty laugh.

"Hey, Tommy. What can I do for you?" I inhaled slowly.

"I'm planning a birthday party for Adam at his condo here. And I was wondering if you'd be able to help me out? I was gonna call up Brad and a few of his other friends and ask if they could…"

"Sure thing. Don't worry with calling Brad, he's right here next to me, I'll just drag him along." I heard a muffled voice on the other end and could only assume that it was Brad. His voice was high pitched, almost girly. Definition of gay. From the stories I'd heard from Adam, it was definitely Brad.

"Okay, thank you so much, Cassidy." I said, feeling relieved. I had a lot of ideas and things I needed, and I knew that with Cassidy and Brad's help (though the gayness was going to make my brain explode a little), that everything would go smoothly. Nothing against them as people, it's just… I'm in love with Adam, but not guys in general. Adam was different…

"Oh, honey, call me Cass." I blushed. Dear, God…

"Alright." I said with a laugh.

"We'll be around to pick you up soon." I frowned.

"Pick me up?" I heard Cassidy laugh.

"Yeah. We need to buy everything. And you need to get him a gift." I smiled, turning on my heel and heading towards the bedroom to grab my wallet and my shoes.

"I already know what I'm getting him." I said softly, as if Adam was still in the house.

"Oh? And what are you getting him?" My face flushed a little as I slipped into the bedroom, snatching my wallet off the side table and crossing towards the closet. My creepers were against the wall beside the door. I thought about my gift, and I couldn't suppress my smile widening.

"Something special." I said, sitting down on the bed and strapping my creepers onto my feet. I held the phone between my shoulder and my ear. I stood from the bed, shoving my wallet into my back pocket before leaving the bedroom and heading down the hallway towards the living room.

"Not gonna tell me?" I could almost hear the pout. I rolled my eyes. I was beginning to like Cassidy. He seemed like a pretty fucking awesome person.

"I'll show you when I get it."

"Is it something kinky?" I choked and laughed.

"No. Far from it." The conversation faded out after that and within ten minutes, Cassidy and Brad were at my door. Both of them were… pretty gorgeous, actually. Cassidy was wearing a pair of low cut skinny jeans and a striped tank top and black boots. His hair was short, choppy, hanging a little in his eyes. His features were sharp and defined. He looked like he was chiseled out of perfection. Brad just… Brad was fucking gorgeous. He was about half a head shorter than Cassidy, with shorter hair and bright brown eyes. He wore a dark red tank top and black skinny jeans, dark grey Converse on his feet and black wrists bands on both arms.

"Well, hey there, beautiful." Brad said, eyeing me from top to bottom and leaning against the doorframe. I blushed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Cheeks, play nice. He's Adam's." Cassidy said, motioning me to follow. I nodded, closing the door behind me and locking it up tight.

"I know that, Cass. I'm just saying he's a _fine_ boy." Brad looked at me from over his shoulder and smiled. I laughed, scratching the back of my neck and keeping my head down. Brad laughed out loud, slipping into the back of Cassidy's car. "Look at 'im, Cass, he's flustered!" I slid into the passenger seat.

"Please excuse Brad, he gets real… Sugary on Adam's boys. Well, with the exception of Drake." My heart stopped at the mention of _his_ name, and for five seconds I wanted to punch an infant.

"I wouldn't go near that spitfuck asswipe." He said with a sneer. I frowned, looking over at Cassidy as he drove down the streets of Los Angeles.

"What happened?" Not that I didn't blame either of them. I wasn't _exactly _Drake's number one fan (thoughts of beating his face in and ripping his balls off constantly flood my mind), but I wanted to know other reasons that other people didn't favor him. I could add them to my generous collection of "Reasons To Hate Drake LaBry".

"Just—" Cassidy began.

"Got bad vibes—" Brad intervened.

"— didn't like him." Cassidy finished. Understandable.

"He was fucking creepy. Staring at Adam one moment like he was something to eat and then five minutes later, you'd see him flirting up a douche-y storm with some other little twink. It was totally uncool and it really hurt Adam. We tried to tell him that Drake wasn't good for him, but you know how Adam is. Once he falls, he falls hard." Brad said in a hurry, and I could see through the rearview mirror of the car that, by the expression on his face, he hated Drake almost as much as I did. New best friends? I think so.

But he was right, about Adam. Adam fell hard for me. And I for him. And… We made mistakes. Well, _I _made mistakes. Many of them. I wasn't sure if they knew about that, but I didn't really want to bring it up. Today was a day about Adam, even though he wasn't here. We needed to get the best things for his party to make it memorable. Well, not quite. His most memorable year would have to be his twenty-ninth birthday, the "Golden Year", you know? But that wasn't gonna happen for a while.

"Ugh, my stomach's hurting just from _thinking _about that douchebag fuck." Brad sighed. Suddenly, I felt his hands on my shoulders and I turned my head to the left, seeing his face there with a bright smile. "And don't worry. We know what happened, and we're glad everything's okay between you and Adam now. I'd hate to have to cut your dick off." The blood drained from my face as he kissed my cheek and smiled. Cassidy looked over at me and rolled his eyes.

"He wouldn't. He's just… Protective of Adam, you know?" I looked over my shoulder at Brad.

"You dated him." I said. Not as a question. As a matter of fact. His eyes got distant and he smiled softly, as if remembering.

"Yeah. Those were some good days. But he's got you now, and he's happy and in love, just as he should be." His eyes cleared up and he grinned at me. I turned back in my seat, staring forward. Funny, how just… what, twenty minutes ago, these two people were pretty much complete strangers to me, and now…? Fuck.

We ended up at the mall, shopping through various stores and finding the best lights to set up, streamers, cheesy balloons and a _shit ton _of glitter. We custom ordered the cake at the bakery, asked for it to be picked up mid afternoon on the twenty-ninth. Cassidy and Brad were perusing through a music store, trying to think of artists to make a good, birthday mix when I came up beside them.

"Hey, guys? I've got something I need to do real fast. I'll meet you in Hot Topic in… ten minutes?" I said. Brad and Cassidy looked at each other, quizzically, for a moment, before nodding to me. I smiled at them and turned, leaving the store. I hurried down to the jeweler's store, thankful that no one had really noticed me. The last thing I needed was a mob of fans to follow me around for autographs and pictures. I know I got the occasional double-take or whisper-and-point-excitedly, but nothing more.

I slipped into the store, catching the eye of the woman behind the counter. Her face flushed a little; I guess she recognized me. She smiled, brushing her hair out of her face. She was gorgeous. Thick black hair and deep blue eyes… She reminded me of Adam. I smiled at her, walking up to the counter.

"What can I do for you, sir?" She asked, her voice soft.

"I called in for a special order the other day. I was wondering if I could make a small addition to it?" She nodded once.

"Last name, sir?"

"Ratliff." I said. Her smile widened.

"Thomas?"

"Tommy Joe, please." I corrected.

"Yes, we can still make an addition. What would you like done?" She asked. I smiled slightly.

"I want to have it engraved, please." I told her, she nodded once, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen. She slid them across the counter to me, and I took the pen in my grasp. I scrawled the message I wanted on the top line, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. I handed her the pad of paper and pen back, and she looked down at it, her eyes widening a little.

"Are you two—" she asked. I knew what she was referring to.

"Yeah. His birthday's in a few days. This is my gift to him." I said. She grinned, ear to ear.

"Alright, Tommy Joe. I'll call in the addition, but— one more thing before you leave?" I nodded once.

"Can I have your autograph?" I chuckled.

"Sure thing."


	44. Not So Sure Why People Hate Surprises?

Guys... This is Hiei's last Chained To You chapter. It's fucking scary... Baby's growing up...

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Chapter 44: Not So Sure Why People Hate Surprises?  
Adam's POV**

I woke up, feeling like just another day. I actually didn't even remember it was my birthday, because honestly, I didn't feel any older than I did yesterday. Yesterday I was still twenty-seven and one day passes and tells me I'm twenty-eight? Alrighty then. Today wasn't anything but another day, so I got up and went into the kitchen for some serial. I was still in my pajamas, which were a pair of sweats rolled up to my knees and a tee-shirt. I wouldn't let most people ever see me like this, but Tommy's seen everything there is to see about me, so what did I care? "Morning Baby," I yawned. Tommy was already in the kitchen, making us breakfast? Uh-oh, not good. We both agreed that since we couldn't cook, we wouldn't, but there Tommy was, standing at the stove.

"Morning Adam," he said, dumping the scrambled eggs he was making onto a plate. He brought to plates to the table after turning the stove off. One was loaded with eggs and the other was loaded up with bacon. "Happy birthday," he said, setting the plates down and pressing a kiss into my untidy hair.

A smile pulled at the corners of my lips. I wasn't really looking forward to my birthday because it just meant that I was getting old, but Tommy managed to make it happy. I was touched that he would try to cook a nice breakfast even though he can't cook at all. "Thanks Glitterbaby," I said, turning my head to catch his lips on mine. Our kiss heated and I let my tongue dart into his mouth and back out several times. That earned a whine from the blond, which (of course) only made me want to do it more. Our tongues battled for dominance, and I managed to win round one but he fought hard in round two, claiming victory.

He pulled away from the kiss, which forced a whine from my throat. Lately Tommy was the one whining but I suppose it was my turn. "Let's eat. I've been cooking for an hour trying to get this right," he said, sitting down across from me at the little breakfast nook in the kitchen.

"You didn't have to do all this, Baby. I would have been happy with serial," I said, scooping some eggs onto an empty plate.

Tommy was piling bacon onto his plate. "Not on your birthday you're not," he said, looking from his food to me. "Today's special and you shouldn't settle for third rate food. You'll just have to settle for second rate this morning," he added, chuckling at his own joke.

I was a bit nervous to try to food, since Tommy really couldn't cook, but the eggs were divine (yes, I did just use that word). "Considering I can't even make scrambled eggs, this is fantastic. Definitely not second rate, Baby," I mused, smiling at him.

A light blush graced my baby's pale cheeks. "Well, I'm glad you're enjoying the food, cause you're probably not ever going to get my cooking again. Well… until your next birthday," he chuckled and so did I. "But after breakfast, we're going out and having a good time," he added. I wondered what exactly Tommy had planned but I had this feeling that we were going to do more than just 'have a good time'. What are you planning in that bleached head of yours, Tommy?

"And what's on the agenda for today?" I asked, scooping more eggs into my spoon.

"Whatever you want to do, Baby. It's your day," he said.

"Tommy, you aren't really going to make me choose everything we're going to do today?" I asked, pouting a pout that always got me my way. "Can't you just surprise me or something?" I asked, noting the smile that touched Tommy's lips.

"Whatever you want, Adam," he said, finishing his food. Where did it all go? I was suddenly having Fantasy Springs flashbacks when Monte ate ten pounds of food. Ew… Need to get that image out of my head. I took a few more bites and then got up, walking over to Tommy and kissing his forehead.

"Let me go get dressed and we can go," I said, since Tommy was already dressed. He smiled and nodded as I went back into the bedroom. Today's attire consisted of my shiny black skinny jeans that were oh so shimmer-y in the right light. A black tank with an abstract design in red on it and a black sports jacket that was lined in red. Red leather boots under the jeans pulled the outfit together. These were all things I bought when Tommy and I went to the mall, and not to toot my own horn or anything, but I looked pretty damned awesome too.

Tommy was already out in my car, so I locked the door to the condo and climbed into the passenger's side of the car. "You aren't going to total my car, are you?" I teased, leaning over to kiss my baby.

A smirk crossed his features. "'Course not," he said, backing out from under the cover and we ventured into through LA. We ended up seeing two movies. One turned out to be a horror movie. We didn't know what it was really, but I almost threw up into the popcorn bucket. It was just the disgusting. And of course, everyone was dead by the end of the movie, so it really had no point at all. I don't know why I sat through the whole thing. The second movie was a comedy that was actually really funny, but after seeing someone get their jaw ripped off and another getting his heart cut out, it wasn't very cute or anything… Once the movie was over we went back to the car, throwing away a half eaten bucket of popcorn. I ate maybe three pieces before the horror movie started. "Sorry about that Babyboy. The title was misleading…" he said. At least he didn't do it on purpose. That would have been so mean!

"It's alright baby. Not your fault," I said, taking his hand until we got to the car and then I climbed into the passenger's seat again, allowing him to drive my car. He seemed to be taking a real liking to it and we hadn't even had sex in it yet.

He flashed me an apologetic smile. "Do you wanna grab some food now or wait a little while?" he asked.

"Unless you want me to puke on your shoes, and mine too," I said, chuckling. "Let's just go home and spend the rest of the night together, okay?" I know I had something in mind for what I wanted to do for the rest of the night. Little did I know, Tommy's plans had something in between now and the endless hours of love making that I wanted. To be completely truthful, that's all I really wanted for my birthday.

"Whatever you want," he said for about the twentieth time today. He smiled at me, taking one of my hands as he drove back to our condo. He pulled in under the cover about ten minutes later. Shutting the car off, we both started to climb out, but I nearly fell the rest of the way when Tommy hit the horn. I caught myself on his car and my head spun around almost one-hundred eighty degrees, my eyes wide. "Sorry! I slipped!" he stuttered, looking embarrassed. Why the fuck are you so god damn cute? I could have just fucked him right there against the car.

"S'alright," I said, taking his hand in mine and walking towards the condo. He unlocked the door with my keys and we stepped into blackness. Next thing I know, he's by the light switch (with no idea how he got there), turning the light on. Glitter poured down around me and all over me, not that I minded, and dozens of people jumped out from behind walls, the TV and the sofa singing a chorus of 'Happy Birthday, Adam.'

I was startled into silence for a few minutes. Everyone was there. Everyone I'd want to see anyway. Monte, Lisa, Longineu, Tommy of course, Brad, Cassidy… A big smile touched my lips as I was glomped by people. The first being Cassidy, who hugged me and pressed his lips into my cheek. "Happy birthday Baby," he said, smiling into my cheek. Brad, on the other hand, came up to me and practically fucked me through my clothes (figuratively speaking) and left a kiss mark on my other cheek. "Cheeks, don't get so clingy," Cassidy said, pulling the shorter boy away from me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Thanks," I said to them both, hugging each in one arm. Gifts were piled up on the dining room table right next to snacks, punch and soda. Glitter, banners, and balloons covered the walls, floor and ceiling, and Tommy stood patiently against the wall, letting all of the guests greet me. He watched me with glistening eyes and walked over to me once Cassidy and Brad let go of me.

"Surprise, Baby," he said, wrapping his arms around me.

My eyes glazed over in happiness. "You planned all of this for me?" I asked, even more touched then I was when Tommy cooked breakfast for me and didn't give me food poisoning.

"Yup. I wanted your birthday to be something special because you really didn't seem happy about it before. I thought I'd get all your friends together and get to know some of the ones I haven't met yet. I really like Cassidy and Brad, even if Brad did just clothes-fuck you," he said, chuckling at the end. I slipped my arms around Tommy's waist and pulled him against myself. I assaulted Tommy's lips with my own, forcing my tongue into his mouth and he moaned into me. His fingers caught hold of my hair and messed it up, although it was already a little messy to begin with. That styled messy look that got so many heads turning, not the ugly- just rolled out of bed messy. That's just lazy.

I moaned into his lips as he pulled on my hair, our tongues now locked in an epic, wet battle of dominance. Usually one of us could overpower the other, but now we seemed to be locked in a stalemate. Tommy pulled away after a while though, and I whined, not understanding at all why he pulled away… But then I got it… I looked around only to see everyone staring at us. Brad looked like he might have an orgasm and Cassidy didn't look like he was too far behind. They must not have had sex lately… cause they sure seem desperate for it now.

Everyone else was watching us too. Some in awe, some looking like they might have to excuse themselves to the bathroom for a problem fix, and some looking just shocked.

But then their eyes were averted to the condo door. It creaked open and then slammed shut. "I'm so sorry I'm late," I heard a voice I never wanted to hear again. My heart sank through my stomach and I could feel it beat in places I really shouldn't feel a heartbeat.

I turned on my heels to see Drake standing right in the middle of my condo.

"What are y-you doing h-here?" I stuttered, memories of the rape and pain flooding back to me. My eyes were sure to be distant and hazy with the memory of a nightmare.

"I couldn't miss your birthday, baby. What kind of person do you think I am?" he asked, approaching me, but I only backed away from him. Brad, Cassidy and Tommy all moved into a sort of defensive semi circle.

"Drake, I don't know what kind of person you are, if you ever are a person, but I'd like for you to leave my condo right now!" I exclaimed, trying to hide my fear. I would not allow my voice to falter. Not now. Not when I knew I could defend myself and I had others there with me.

"Come on Baby, don't be like that," Drake cooed, taking a few more steps towards me but Tommy got in between us. Cassidy and Brad looked like they would pounce at any second, but they would let Tommy claim first dips on Drake… Oh God. The doors of Hell, I know realized, were located right in the middle of my fucking condo and they were just smashed open.


	45. It's Bringing Me to My Knees

Guys... this is it. This is the last chapter...

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Chapter Forty-Five: It's bringing me to my knees like I wanna be (I've got to be chained to you)**

**(Tommy's POV)**

Everything was going perfectly. Everything was magical. The breakfast actually turned out nice, and while the movies weren't exactly the best, the whole "getting out of the house" was what made it enjoyable. And, bonus, I didn't total Adam's car at any point. When we got back to the condo, he got out first and was heading up when I hit the horn. More importantly, it was to signal everyone inside that we were back and that they needed to get into place. But I didn't tell Adam that. I told him I slipped. That it was an accident. I hated lying to him, but I was really, really glad that he bought it.

Slipped into the condo, in total darkness, and I flicked the light switch. I knew exactly where it was. Cassidy, Brad and I had everything planned out. And it was so perfect. The glitter came down on Adam, the lights came up and everyone popped out, singing to him. He looked… Euphoric. Happier than I'd ever seen him before. It made my heart leap up into my throat and I couldn't breathe for a second at just how beautifully happy he was…

Cassidy hugged him and kissed his cheek, followed by Brad. If it was anyone else, I would have throttled them for practically fucking Adam through his clothes, but it was _Brad_. I couldn't complain and I couldn't get mad because that was how he was. And he was as protective of Adam as I was, if not more. If there was anyone I would confide in about anything involving Adam, it'd be Brad. And Cassidy, but that's for different reasons all together.

"Surprise, baby." I said with a smile, wrapping my arms around him and giving him a warm, firm hug.

"You planned all of this for me?" He asked, his voice soft, touched. I nodded once.

"Yup. I wanted your birthday to be something special because you really didn't seem happy about it before. I thought I'd get all your friends together and get to know some of the ones I haven't met yet. I really like Cassidy and Brad, even if Brad did just clothes-fuck you." I admitted with a laugh. His arms wound around my waist and he kissed me, hard and passionate. Our tongues battled and battled. A continuous struggle. We both gave it our all, and it seemed to be balanced out. My hands were fisted into his hair, moans slipping between our mouths. When our lips weren't glued together, we were taking quick, light breaths before kissing again. Wet clicks and gentle moans, and finally I pulled away. Adam whined a little, and I smiled slightly at him.

We both looked over at the rest of the group. Cassidy and Brad looked about ready to jizz in their pants. Everyone else looked either incredibly shocked or a little pleased (coughLisacough). I blushed and looked over back at Adam, before giggling. I noticed, out of the corner of my eye everyone turning towards the door. Why were they turning to the door? No one else was really invited. Well, Adam's parents and his brother were gonna be coming over later, for the after party (before mine and Adam's… _personal_ after party, if you know what I mean). But there shouldn't have been anyone—

"I'm so sorry I'm late." Chills ran down my spine. Chills of anger, rage, and disgust. I turned my head to see him standing there, in the middle of the room as if he fucking owned the place. He was wearing a pair of tight black jeans, a white, button up shirt and thin liner smudged around his eyes. I wanted so badly to just punch him dead in the face. If he said another word, I knew that I would.

"What are y-you doing h-here?" Adam's voice was soft as he stuttered. I glanced over at him, seeing the memories of pain and anguish in his eyes. The rape. The constant harassment. He was the reason for all of the problems between me and Adam (and my own stupidity, but I still blamed that on Drake). But of all days and all times that he had to come back and interfere, he chose now? Fucker!

"I couldn't miss your birthday, baby. What kind of person do you think I am?" YOU'RE NOT A PERSON, YOU'RE A DISEASE. Oh, wait, no sorry. You're just a fucking devil spawn scum bag who decided to grace the world with your presence because Hell wouldn't fucking take you. Sorry, Drake, you're not worth Daughtry lyrics.

He stepped closer to Adam, and Cassidy, Brad and I closed in around Babyboy. I wasn't going to let Drake hurt him anymore, and I knew that Cass and Brad wouldn't let him get near Adam either. They were as fed up and angered by the brunette spitfuck as I was. I clenched my jaw, staying close to Adam, my hand against the small of his back as if to say 'I'm right here'. Adam inhaled slowly before speaking.

"Drake, I don't know what kind of person you are, if you ever are a person, but I'd like for you to leave my condo right now!" Adam was on the verge of shouting, or maybe he was shouting. I couldn't tell the difference. But I could tell that he was trying to be strong. I'd seen what Drake had done to him, and it wasn't a pretty sight. He was trying to show that he was completely healed, even though I knew he wasn't.

Drake smiled, taking a few steps forward. "Come on, baby, don't be like that…" He cooed. Cassidy and Brad held their places on either side of Adam as I stepped in front of him, facing Drake. The brunette stopped, glaring at me with cold eyes for a long moment. "Move, bitch." I raised an eyebrow.

"Why should I? You're the one making advances on _my_ boyfriend." I hissed at him. He clenched his jaw and straightened his back a little bit. There was a kind of disgust in his eyes, but that didn't bother me. Adam placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Baby—" he began to say, but I shrugged him off.

"Didn't I make it clear to you? You're nothing to him; Adam loves me—" that's when I hit him. And I hit him hard. Harder than anyone I've ever hit before. I reared back and slammed my fist straight into his noise. The force was so strong, actually, that he flew backwards and landing flat on the floor of the condo. The room was stone silent for the longest while. Drake had his hands over his face, and he was curled into a ball, groaning.

"You fucking bitch!" He hissed at me behind his hands. I snorted, walking over to him and grabbing him by the collar of his bloodied shirt, punching him two more times. I didn't even feel the impact in my hands at all. I just felt the surge of adrenaline from _punching this fucker in the face_. I held tight onto his shirt, slamming the back of his head into the floor of the room. He groaned. He didn't even fight. He was pathetic.

Three more punches to the face and his blood was staining the spaces between my knuckles. Not that I cared, to be honest. This fucker had put me and Adam through so much and he'd almost ruined… everything. Almost. If it wasn't for the shows and the music and the fact that I loved Adam so damn much (and he loved me _so damn much_), then we'd be lost. Ruined and destroyed. Okay, maybe that was pushing the limit, but basically Drake had really fucked things up for us and I was making him pay. And for once, I was really fucking glad that no one was trying to stop me from doing it.

Well…

"Tommy, you're gonna kill him if you keep it up." Adam said softly, and I glanced over my shoulder at him, before sighing. "Drake, please, just… leave. And don't come back. Don't bother me again. Don't come near me again." I looked down at Drake, raising an eyebrow at him. He nodded once. I stood straight, inhaling slowly and holding my hand out to him to help him up. He eyed me warily, before taking it. I pulled him to his feet, patting his shoulder once. His eyes were confused and concerned. For good reason. I brought my knee up, hard and fast, right into his balls. His eyes bugged out of his head and he keeled over in front of me, collapsing to the floor. He coughed and wheezed, and Cassidy and Brad took pleasure in guiding him out of the condo and down to the street. What they did with him after that, I had no idea.

"I'm sorry about that, Babyboy." I said softly to Adam as Brad and Cassidy returned from disposing of the douchebag. Adam just smiled, breaking into laughter.

"It's alright, love. That was the best birthday present ever." He said, cupping my face and kissing me once, wet and warm. There were a couple of catcalls and whistles, and Adam and I broke away, giggling and laughing.

The party went on for several hours. Dancing, talking, laughing, playing games and just… Being friends, being a family. Some of us got a little too drunk (coughBradandCasscough), we all got a little stoned (). Eventually people filed out, one by one from the condo as the evening turned into night turned into early morning. Brad and Cassidy were the last ones to leave, and with nibbles and kisses from them both on mine and Adam's lips, we watched them leave before closing the door. Adam turned to me with an exhausted smile on his face.

"So, all alone." He said softly, pulling me close to him.

"At last." I finished, breathing hard as he came closer, our lips were brushing lightly as he spoke.

"Shall we take this some place with a bed?" I chuckled, kissing him once.

"Absolutely. But…" I trailed off, and he pulled away. His eyes were quizzical and curious, and I smiled at him. I reached into my pocket, my fingers curling around the velvety box. I smiled up at him again, before pulling it out and handing it to him. He stared down at the box for a long moment, his eyes lost before he at me. They were distant and pure. His fingers curled around the lid and he lifted it, his breath catching in his throat.

"Baby, is this—?" I shook my head.

"It's a promise ring." I whispered to him. His hands were shaking, so I took the box from his grasp and plucked the ring from it, sliding it onto his ring finger of his left hand. The band was silver, three gems gracing the two. In the center was a large, squre opal with a silver fleur de lis plated on top. Two, smaller triangular diamonds were on either side, glimmering in the light. Engraved on the outside of the band said the words—

"Adam… I love you." I said. "And… I promise… From here on out that I will never, ever listen to anything other than my heart. I won't, you know, listen to creepy and douche-y ex's because they tell me lies." Adam laughed, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me. My arms wound around his neck, and his hands fell, latching around my waist and he lifted me into the air. I giggled, kissing him again and again as I wrapped my legs around his waist (with his help, mind you). He spun me around in circles, his lips never leaving mine as we stumbled to the bedroom.

I knew, though, that I didn't need a ring to make my promise. But I wanted to give him something special. Something that he could and would see every day and know that I would never break that promise and that I would love him eternally. Considering gay marriage also wasn't legal (and I wasn't sure I was ready for that, and neither was he… shut up, I'm drunk), this was the closest we could get to commitment.

But none of these thoughts were going through my head. What was going through my head was that fucking I loved Adam and how beautiful he was and how _good _he felt… I couldn't think much beyond that because the kisses were like fire and his fingers were so skilled as they dug into my skin, making me feel alive. This was his night, so he was doing anything and everything he'd ever wanted to do to me. And to be honest, I was wondering why I hadn't let him do it sooner. Everything felt amazing and powerful and passionate. It was like our first time all over again, only more experienced. There was the raw emotion and the intensity.

I was trembling under him, a shaking, burning mess. Shivering and moaning with ecstasy. The only thing I could say (other than moans) was "I love you". I love you, I love you, I love you… Adam.

I love you, Adam.


End file.
